SD on the QT. By Walter Mencken. Subscribe to this blog.
Entries
San Diego Reader Announces Name Change
In response to U-T San Diego's new, shortened IHOP/KFC-style moniker, San Diego Reader Announces New Company Brand Name "Now, it's just 'R.' Or maybe 'R: SD.' We're still deciding. But yeah. Something short. And hip. Edgy, even."
OOPS
Leaked Report Reveals Real Reason for Bin Laden's Burial at Sea; Body was Dropped from USS Carl Vinson by Naval Officer on Spice High Sailor now known as "Watchoo Bin Smokin" Lately, the United States military has undertaken a sustained …
Former San Diego Superintendent Promoted to Dark Knight
Onetime Education Secretary and Border Czar Tasked With Saving Humanity from Itself. "It seemed the next logical step." Pictured: Bersin, solving the immigration problem: "You know what the real Bane is? Undocumented labor!" Earlier today, President Obama, after accepting Alan …
San Diego: The Downward Spiral
Lackluster DUI Performance During New Year's Weekend Threatens One of Metropolis's Last Remaining Distinctions As America's Bleariest City "I mean, what's next? Bloomington, Indiana taking the title for America's best weather?" ROOTING THROUGH GASLAMP TRASHCANS FOR EMPTIES AT DAWN - …
San Diego: Land of the Lotus-Eaters?
Local Pharmaceutical Company Plans Release of Super Painkiller, Hopes to Ease Suffering Brought On By Collapse of American Economy "Zohydro - Because why would you want to feel what's coming?" "The [men] started at once, and went about among the …
Is Councilman Gloria Dropping Support for the Fight Against Prop 8?
Openly Gay Councilman's Recent Comments on Redevelopment Ruling May Indicate Shift in Political Philosophy "What about the will of the voters?" In 2008, California voters approved Proposition 8, which amended the the California State Constitution to prohibit same-sex marriage. But …
Dept. of Justice: Award to Family in Military Jet Crash Case Creates "Dangerous Precedent"
U.S. Government Ordered to Pay $17.8 Million in Damages After Jet Crashes into University City Home and Kills Inhabitants; Officials Worry that 'Now, the Family of Every Tom, Dick, and Harry Who Gets Tagged by an Errant Drone or a …
Minority Report: Manuel vs. Manny
Hispanic Teacher Runs Afoul of Gay-Rights Group Over Proposed Film Aimed at Keeping Kids Out of Prison No good deed? Manuel Arturo first noticed the problem when he lost five students over the course of a single semester from the …
Atheists Propose Alternative to Camp Pendleton Cross
Anti-Faith Group Claims Middle Finger Statue Would Express "Marines' Attitude Toward the Enemy, Toward Death, and Arguably, Toward Any Deity That Would Make a World Screwed Up Enough to Necessitate the Existence of the Marines." "A fitting salute, and a …
Music Time: Looking Ahead to 2012
Which San Diego Bands Will Get Big Enough to Leave San Diego Next Year? Stay tuned for our music blogger symposium, hosted by Jewel!* *No, not really.
Food Time: Chef Brian Malarkey Announces New Venture
Keeping with Fabric Theme, Santee Restaurant Will Be Dubbed 'Spandex,' Menu Set to Feature Deep Fried Everything "Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag was taken." SITE OF A FORMER KRISPY KREME, SANTEE - Local celebrity chef Brian Malarkey is a busy man. …
Manchester Buys San Diego CityBeat
Editor: the president of CityBeat's owner, Southland Publishing, has made the following request for changes with regard to this story: (1) Add the word "(satire)" to the headline as follows: "Manchester Buys San Diego CityBeat (satire)"(2) Please add the following …
Location, Location, Location
La Jolla's Super-Luxury "Razor House" Sells For One-Third its Asking Price, Local Wags Point to Unavoidable Views of Black's Beach as Possible Culprit "Awesome floor-to-ceiling windows, looking out on...ewww." View from The Razor, as depicted by Calvin Klein advertising: View …
Distasteful
Campbell's Chunky-Brand Soup Discontinues Planned Tagline Following Leak of Grisly Confession from Mexican Body-Disposal Expert "In hindsight, as soon as we found out that 'El Pozolero' translated as 'The Stewmaker,' we should have axed the idea." FEELING A BIT QUEASY …
"Groceries for Guns" Yields Bumper Crop for Local Gang
East Side National City Ojos Host Successful Gun Exchange, Distribute More Than 1,000 Firearms in Exchange for Food and Supermarket Gift Cards A PARKING LOT SOMEWHERE IN NATIONAL CITY THAT YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT - Kathy Livingston …
COMMUNISM ON THE RISE
Local Reds Employ Hammer and Sickle in Violent Effort to Redistribute Wealth by Robbing Sprint Store in Kearny Mesa Well, okay, it was a machete, but close enough. Is Occupy movement to blame? Do you even have to ask? Damn …
Arizona's "Sheriff Joe" Announces Retirement, Decision to Move to Escondido
Embattled Sheriff Looking Forward to "Peace and Quiet and the Company of Fellow American Citizens." "Finally, a place where justice is not subject to lawyerly meddling." Just one day after the United States Justice Department issued a scathing 22-page critique …
El Cajon Faces Voting Rights Lawsuit
Civil Rights Group Demands Living-Room Style Elections, Claims Poll-Based Voting Discriminates Against the Chronically Lazy and/or Chemically Impaired El Cajon Mayor Marc Louis: "You want change? Put down the meth pipe, get up off the couch, and vote, people. I …
Camp Pendleton Commander: Stop the Madness
Marine Expeditionary Force Leader Begs Obama to Stop Troop Pullout from Iraq, Citing "Grave Economic Risk" to America "Those boys have a job to do over there, a paying job. Here? Not so much." "Look, wars are expensive," says Major …
Manchester Gets Literal at the U-T
Newspaper's Website Runs Delightful Gallery of Nubile Young Ladies Associated with Local Professional Sports Franchise, Thereby Arousing Support for Same "I said that a local newspaper should be a cheerleader when it comes to promoting a new stadium. What part …