San Ysidro’s PedWest border crossing is reopening this week after more than two years of closure in the wake of covid-19, and to celebrate, President Biden outlined a plan by which 30,000 people per month …
January 13, 2023
Almost Factual News
Biden Administration unveils new slogan to celebrate reopening of border gate: “You’ll be fine, just stay in line!”
Buttigieg visits site of Great Southwest SNAFU, offers deepest condolences
Southwest Airlines left over a million passengers stranded over the Christmas holiday, thanks to a combination of terrible weather, even more terrible management and systems updates, and a government so hands off it might as …
January 13, 2023
Pair of male gorillas set up safe space at San Diego Safari Park
“We see this all the time in the wild,” says San Diego Zoo gorilla therapist Elaine Silverback. “Monroe and Frank had been living in a troop led by 50-year-old Winston, but when they reached sexual …
January 13, 2023
God and the San Diego Padres
[Disclaimer: None of this really happened. Well, some of it did.] My forebear H.L. was no great fan of religion. He famously said that “faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the …
December 28, 2022
Touched by an Angel
Yesterday, God Almighty called a press conference to announce that he was responsible for the shoulder injury suffered by Padres superstar Fernando Tatis, Jr., who tore his labrum at the end of a mighty swing …
December 28, 2022
Un-Kemped
“For a long time,” says Padres executionary chairman Rod Fouler, “the word around Major League Baseball was that the San Diego Padres couldn’t pay to get someone to take Matt Kemp off their hands. Giant …
December 28, 2022
Padres vs. Il Padre
Following the Padres’ heartbreaking playoff loss to the Dodgers, the team’s Swinging Friar fell to his knees, lifted his eyes to the heavens, and cried in a loud voice, “Eloi, eloi, lama sabachthani? My God, …
December 28, 2022
Diver$ity & Inclu$ion at UCSD
In a TikTok video that recently went viral after being featured on the LibsOfTikTok social media channel, former UCSD instructor Dr. Chandler Purrity, announced that, in an effort to “decolonize” her classroom, she gave automatic …
December 16, 2022
Resonance Consultancy ranking for San Diego leaves out key demographic
Earlier this month, Resonance Consultancy released its highly regarded list of the 100 World’s Best Cities in which to live. It’s no surprise that San Diego made the list, but it was a surprise to …
December 16, 2022
Stats confirm wisdom of Xander Bogaerts acquisition
“Yeah, we’ve already got Ha-Seong Kim at short,” acknowledges Padres game-analysis guru Sam Statz when asked about the Padres’ offseason spending spree. “And yeah, when [Fernando] Tatis gets back from suspension, we’ll have two shortstops. …
December 16, 2022
Heroic fictional soccer coach bumps up against real-world football villainy
A few years ago, Jason Sudeikis scored a surprise hit for Apple TV with his show Ted Lasso, the story of an American football coach possessed of a relentlessly cheerful disposition and an abiding sense …
December 2, 2022