"I GOTTA GO SEE ANGIE TODAY," Isaac said. "For what?" "Because, she's gonna give me something." "What?" "What do you think?" "Oh. Well, we better get this truck back together. Hand me the half-inch socket." …
February 17, 2005
Remote Control King
The Reader's Eye on Television
The Reader's Eye on Television
"Well, you're right on time," I said to the back of a hooded red rainjacket. "Oh, my God," the coat squealed, then spun around. "I thought I'd lost you," Cassandra shouted into my shoulder as …
February 10, 2005
The Reader's Eye on Television
I couldn't sit there for half an hour watching my garments whirl in circles. So I bought some spare time with a handful of quarters, walked out of the "Launder-O-Mat" into the drizzling rain, and …
February 3, 2005
The Reader's Eye on Television
The counselor at my first drunk-driving school said the word "sometimes" with a space between the two words: "some...times." His shaved pate showed the marks of a raucous youth. The length of his salt-and-pepper beard …
January 27, 2005
The Reader's Eye on Television
Isaac Leedom pissed on my VCR. Isaac wasn't technically my friend, he was my brother's, so I hold no responsibility for the incident. My dad contends to this day he's never had a VCR that …
January 20, 2005
The Reader's Eye on Television
My first script "Hello, a lot of folks with diabetes are having a tough time eating right. Well, now there's -- goddamnit!" Wilford Brimley is interrupted by a series of loud bangs. "It's bad enough …
January 13, 2005
The Reader's Eye on Television
"What is this?" I asked through a silver microphone bolted into the glass. "That's a check. The jail takes the cash in your pocket and issues you a check," a voice, oddly disembodied and electronic, …
December 30, 2004
The Reader's Eye on Television
(Santa arrives. Santa and I greet.) Ollie: So, Santa, you don't mind if I ask you a question to verify you are the real Santa, do you? Santa: No, Anthony, not at all. O: Where's …
December 23, 2004
The Reader's Eye on Television
"You know, I had my doubts that this sign would be assembled, given the short deadline, but I think the team can pull together and make it happen," I say to the cameras. "We had …
December 16, 2004
American Chopper
“Hey, I’m going to come get you. You can help me move our new TV,” my cousin Joe informed me over a crackling cell phone connection. “What?” I asked through static, “What kind of TV …
December 9, 2004