Diary of a Diva
In the investigation of a neurotic style of life, we must always suspect an opponent, and note who suffers most because of the patient's condition. Usually this is a member of the family. -- Alfred …
That is your trick, your bit of filthy magic: invisibility, and the anaesthetic power to deaden my attention in your direction. -- D.H. Lawrence 'You won't believe what happened to me today," said Jenny, setting …
Oh, I know a lot of men are made uncomfortable by this monthly miracle. But not me. No, I embrace it. Embrace it the way some men embrace the weekend! Why, I anticipate it the …
You think I don't want to? It's those TV networks, Marge: they won't let me. One quality show after another, each one fresher and more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once, just …
You don't have to be a "person of influence" to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me. -- Scott Adams …
The worst thing that can happen to a man who gambles is to win. -- Charles H. Surgeon 'Why don't you gamble?" David pondered his answer for the span of two exits. I was lost …
The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. -- Hans Hofmann 'Only bring what will support your lifestyle," said the authoritative woman in red with an elegant Eastern …
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. -- Erma Bombeck I slipped in undetected. Every part of me was silently screaming, …
All charming people, I fancy, are spoiled. It is the secret of their attraction. -- Oscar Wilde 'Do you want to go see Spamalot?" I asked David. We sat at opposite ends of our living …
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it. -- Voltaire 'So , whatchya do this weekend?" She waited for my …
But they whose guilt within their bosoms lie imagine every eye beholds their blame. --William Shakespeare 'Am I a bad person for not going? She came to my party. Doesn't that mean I have to …
And now you and your guests can be among the tiny handful of Americans who will savor and serve this astonishing ham... -- David Rosengarten 'Prepare to have your life changed!" Kip read from the …
Anyone who drives slower than you is a moron. Anyone who drives faster than you is a maniac. -- My dad I have been bitchy all week -- irritable and quick to anger. People are …
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. -- Evan Esar 'I dreamt about him again last night," Jenny said during a lull in our fragmented conversation. "Yeah? What happened?" I asked, …
Laurie got offended that I used the word puke. But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like. -- Jack Handy Last week, David received a package FedExed overnight from New York. Curious about a …
Dentist, n.: A prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. -- Ambrose Bierce I was surrounded by glittering green shamrocks, some made of tinsel, others of poster-board. To my …