Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

What kind of an agent are you?

Everyone thought he was a real estate agent. As far back as I can recall I’ve seen his name and a headshot on those signs that are embedded in people’s yards announcing their availability for looting by lookie loos, and for trying to make the seller cry by underbidding. Mitchell Z was a former resident of the community; back in the days when the HOA board majority consisted of the wicked witch of the west and the two old guys who paid themselves to do all the common area maintenance.

But they’re all gone now, dead, moved, or maybe even laying in the back bedroom of one of those vacant houses. No one is buying right now, the signs are beginning to list to starboard, and the little foam core rectangles with his dignified portrait have been blowing in the wind, and often down the street.
When I’m feeling generous, I’ve reattached them

A miniature printed version of the sign serves as his business card, stapled or attached to postcards, or an “at-a-glance” annual calendar hung on my front gate, along with seasonal e-cards- are the only sign that he is still with us. He is an expert on the homes in our community, and has been in almost every single one over the years. This is all heresy of course, HOA myth probably.

I wonder if anyone has actually checked to see if he is licensed, now or ever. We all know him, but has he ever sold a house? I’ve never heard anyone discuss this, and I’ve lived here over a decade.

My neighbor Robert stopped me on my way out today, said the guy died suddenly, said he had been living in his car- and showering at 24 hour fitness, or the Grand Pacific Resort above the flower fields. All of us old timers knew, he said, everyone knew that he’d lost it all years ago when his wife drowned in the community pool- an accident. Everyone felt sorry for him so they let him hang his signs in their yards for a couple of months, knowing he wouldn’t, or couldn’t actually sell it, but just to make him smile, to have a reason to hang around what to most of us seemed like the gravesite of his late spouse.

The signs are always present, the same photo, although the agencies he seemed to represent did seem to change every once in a while. They are always in different yards- but you’ll see several of them artfully arranged at one time, on one side, on the same street. I wonder if he only has a certain number of them. I’ve always thought to myself- since I’m a marketing type- what a very creative way to keep his name out there.

Turns out he wasn’t a real estate agent at all, never had been. Rumor had it he was an electrician who’d experienced one too many shocks - and his life was like a scratch on a vinyl record album- he kept going round and round, but never moved on.

Mitchell Z the signs said. A handsome man in his 50s with tinges of grey around the ears, starched shirts with cufflinks and a sports coat. Simple, distinguished, elegant.

Wow, I said to Robert. I never got close enough to his car to see the sleeping bag, the damp towels – the evidence of habitation. He was always so fastidious, his words sparse, and measured, but cultured, intelligent.

As I turned to walk away, I realized that my impression of Mitchell was a visual one more than anything else. When I saw the signs, it was almost like we’d run into each other somewhere, when I actually hadn’t seen him for years.

Why didn’t anyone say anything to me? I asked, when I thought I’d hired him to put my house on the market, when I spent how many hours keeping it immaculate just in case he bought a buyer through.

I’m going to have to pull out all those papers he had me sign and actually read them. I could’ve lost everything if he was just a con man. What an idiot I’ve been. Robert shook his head and rolled his eyes at me, and went back into the house.

I stood there, a sunny day, and gazed up the street. Today there were six of Mitchell’s signs waving at me. End of an era.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Now what can they do with Encinitas unstable cliffs?

Make the cliffs fall, put up more warnings, fine beachgoers?

Everyone thought he was a real estate agent. As far back as I can recall I’ve seen his name and a headshot on those signs that are embedded in people’s yards announcing their availability for looting by lookie loos, and for trying to make the seller cry by underbidding. Mitchell Z was a former resident of the community; back in the days when the HOA board majority consisted of the wicked witch of the west and the two old guys who paid themselves to do all the common area maintenance.

But they’re all gone now, dead, moved, or maybe even laying in the back bedroom of one of those vacant houses. No one is buying right now, the signs are beginning to list to starboard, and the little foam core rectangles with his dignified portrait have been blowing in the wind, and often down the street.
When I’m feeling generous, I’ve reattached them

A miniature printed version of the sign serves as his business card, stapled or attached to postcards, or an “at-a-glance” annual calendar hung on my front gate, along with seasonal e-cards- are the only sign that he is still with us. He is an expert on the homes in our community, and has been in almost every single one over the years. This is all heresy of course, HOA myth probably.

I wonder if anyone has actually checked to see if he is licensed, now or ever. We all know him, but has he ever sold a house? I’ve never heard anyone discuss this, and I’ve lived here over a decade.

My neighbor Robert stopped me on my way out today, said the guy died suddenly, said he had been living in his car- and showering at 24 hour fitness, or the Grand Pacific Resort above the flower fields. All of us old timers knew, he said, everyone knew that he’d lost it all years ago when his wife drowned in the community pool- an accident. Everyone felt sorry for him so they let him hang his signs in their yards for a couple of months, knowing he wouldn’t, or couldn’t actually sell it, but just to make him smile, to have a reason to hang around what to most of us seemed like the gravesite of his late spouse.

The signs are always present, the same photo, although the agencies he seemed to represent did seem to change every once in a while. They are always in different yards- but you’ll see several of them artfully arranged at one time, on one side, on the same street. I wonder if he only has a certain number of them. I’ve always thought to myself- since I’m a marketing type- what a very creative way to keep his name out there.

Turns out he wasn’t a real estate agent at all, never had been. Rumor had it he was an electrician who’d experienced one too many shocks - and his life was like a scratch on a vinyl record album- he kept going round and round, but never moved on.

Mitchell Z the signs said. A handsome man in his 50s with tinges of grey around the ears, starched shirts with cufflinks and a sports coat. Simple, distinguished, elegant.

Wow, I said to Robert. I never got close enough to his car to see the sleeping bag, the damp towels – the evidence of habitation. He was always so fastidious, his words sparse, and measured, but cultured, intelligent.

As I turned to walk away, I realized that my impression of Mitchell was a visual one more than anything else. When I saw the signs, it was almost like we’d run into each other somewhere, when I actually hadn’t seen him for years.

Why didn’t anyone say anything to me? I asked, when I thought I’d hired him to put my house on the market, when I spent how many hours keeping it immaculate just in case he bought a buyer through.

I’m going to have to pull out all those papers he had me sign and actually read them. I could’ve lost everything if he was just a con man. What an idiot I’ve been. Robert shook his head and rolled his eyes at me, and went back into the house.

I stood there, a sunny day, and gazed up the street. Today there were six of Mitchell’s signs waving at me. End of an era.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

P.S.FBI...

Next Article

Mojito Wednesday

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader