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Every music fan in San Diego is all too familiar with the traditional skipping of America’s Finest City by some of America’s laziest bands. We all know the pattern: play Phoenix or San Francisco, hit L.A., and then COMPLETELY SKIP SAN DIEGO! Is the nearly year-round abundant sunshine and coinciding pleasant weather patterns that repulsive to the rock-and-roll elite? Is it really that scary to be within a half-hour of the Mexican border? Are the United States most delicious burritos that much of a turn-off to professional musicians? One can only make an educated guess, which is exactly what we shall do here. Follows is a rundown of artists and bands hitting the L.A. vicinity but skipping San Diego this month. We shall give their potential reasons for bypassing our local paradise and suggest how we might deal with their absence.
R. Kelly: Nokia Theatre 11/3/12 Reason For Skipping SD: Not enough fans to urinate on. San Diego’s Reaction: Nobody gets pissed on better than San Diego music fans. Lost waterworks opportunity for R. Kelly here.
Counting Crows: The Wiltern 11/24/12 Reason For Skipping SD: Everyone in San Diego always confuses us with Hootie and the Blowfish. San Diego’s Reaction: I was never a huge Counting Crows fan, but I did love their songs “Hold My Hand” and “I Only Wanna Be With You” while I was in college. I always wondered how lead singer Darius Rucker could tolerate his nerdy bandmates though.
GWAR: The Observatory Santa Ana 11/3/12 Reason For Skipping SD: Massive fake blood shortage in San Diego. Nothing to drench our fans with. San Diego’s Reaction: We prefer real blood, wussies.
Bullet Boys: Key Club 11/3/12 Reason For Skipping SD: Our band has 30 former members, and, frankly, we don’t even know who is and who isn’t in the band anymore. It makes touring difficult. San Diego’s Reaction: “Hey, these guys are pretty bad-ass!” said San Diego in 1988. “I wonder how many of these guys have weird heavy-metal facelifts now?” said San Diego in 2012.
Nerf Herder: Viper Room 11/4/12 Reason For Skipping SD: There are not enough geeks in SD to realize that our name is a Star Wars in-joke. San Diego’s Reaction: We get the joke, young Jedi, it’s just that we tend to utilize the Force to prevent bad pop-punk from infiltrating city limits. On a curious side note, we have been losing this war against the Empire for some time now.
Cat Power: Hollywood Palladium 11/8/12 Reason For Skipping SD: San Diego is more of a Dog Power city. San Diego’s Reaction: One of Cat Power’s special powers is to mysteriously disappear from the stage ten minutes into a show. She harnesses magical abilities, not far removed from those of Phillip Rivers, who can mysteriously align the moons and planets to increase the scores of teams opposing the Chargers.
Barbara Streisand: Hollywood Bowl 11/9/12 Reason For Skipping SD: Not enough of a gay population to fill seats at my arena show. San Diego’s Reaction: C’mon, Babs! Haven’t you ever heard of Hillcrest? Spend an afternoon at Pecs and you will be signing on for a Sports Arena show in no time.
Mumford and Sons: Hollywood Bowl 11/10/12 Reason For Skipping SD: The horse and buggy can’t make it over the treacherous Mt. Laguna pass. San Diego’s Reaction: We have witnessed edgier old-timey music on Little House On The Prairie.
Ben Gibbard: Wilshire Ebell Theatre 11/14/12 Reason For Skipping SD: All the pretty girls in San Diego remind me of that chick from New Girl. San Diego’s Reaction: Similar to Cat Power and Phillip Rivers’s magical abilities, Ben Gibbard is a wizard when it comes to songcraft. He can formulate meticulously crafted indie-pop songs that never fail to put his listeners to sleep.
Soundgarden: The Fonda Theatre 11/27/12 Reason For Skipping SD: We are locked in our rusty cage. San Diego’s Reaction: The entire staff of 91X will cry themselves to sleep on this night as they listen to 91X playing the same Soundgarden songs they have been playing daily for the past 15 years.
The Misfits: Ventura Theatre Ventura 11/17/12 Reason For Skipping SD: We have reached the conclusion that there are so many misfits in San Diego that we will actually fit in. San Diego’s Reaction: A rack full of Misfits t-shirts at the Mission Valley Hot Topic will cry themselves to sleep on this night. And maybe so will Glen Danzig…?
Richard Marx: Annenberg Theater, Palm Springs 11/14/12 Reason For Skipping SD: I’m gonna be in Palm Springs beeotches! San Diego’s Reaction: Has Richard Marx been in Palm Springs since 1989?
Gin Blossoms: Fox Performing Arts Center, Riverside 11/3/12 Reason For Skipping SD: We always look at San Diego as being a potential new miserable experience, so if we actually play there, we can’t look at it that way anymore. San Diego’s Reaction: The ’90s called and they were wondering if I could explain to them what the Gin Blossoms sounded like because even the ’90s can’t remember what the Gin Blossoms sounded like.
No Doubt: Gibson Amphitheatre 11/24/12 Reason For Skipping SD: There are not enough Native Americans in your city to accidentally insult via a music video. San Diego’s Reaction: Smoke the metaphorical peace pipe by playing a show at the Viejas Arena for charity. Preferable charity: “The Coalition to Prevent Music Writers From Spending So Much Time Focusing on How Amazing It Is That the Members of No Doubt Are Raising Kids and Yet Still Find the Time To Be A Rock Band.” HELL-OHHHH, this is rock and roll, nobody wants to hear about daycare, dirty diapers, and urine stains. Well, maybe R. Kelly, but that is it.
America: Fox Performing Arts Center, Riverside 11/9/12 Reason For Skipping SD: We are following Texas’ lead and are seceding from North America. San Diego’s Reaction: (1) If Texas secedes from both the United States and North America, will it become it’s own tiny, awful continent? (2) If America secedes from North America, does that mean that Canada has to pay back all that money to China?
Asia: The Canyon, Agoura Hills 11/9/12 Reason For Skipping SD: We heard that America was playing nearby and we wanted to make sure to collect all our debt from them before they followed Texas’ lead and seceded. San Diego’s Reaction: Don’t give them your money America! These guys are actually a British prog-rock super group and everyone knows that prog-rock super groups (regardless of country or continental affiliation) will spend all your debt repayment money on 12-string guitars and wind chimes.
Every music fan in San Diego is all too familiar with the traditional skipping of America’s Finest City by some of America’s laziest bands. We all know the pattern: play Phoenix or San Francisco, hit L.A., and then COMPLETELY SKIP SAN DIEGO! Is the nearly year-round abundant sunshine and coinciding pleasant weather patterns that repulsive to the rock-and-roll elite? Is it really that scary to be within a half-hour of the Mexican border? Are the United States most delicious burritos that much of a turn-off to professional musicians? One can only make an educated guess, which is exactly what we shall do here. Follows is a rundown of artists and bands hitting the L.A. vicinity but skipping San Diego this month. We shall give their potential reasons for bypassing our local paradise and suggest how we might deal with their absence.
R. Kelly: Nokia Theatre 11/3/12 Reason For Skipping SD: Not enough fans to urinate on. San Diego’s Reaction: Nobody gets pissed on better than San Diego music fans. Lost waterworks opportunity for R. Kelly here.
Counting Crows: The Wiltern 11/24/12 Reason For Skipping SD: Everyone in San Diego always confuses us with Hootie and the Blowfish. San Diego’s Reaction: I was never a huge Counting Crows fan, but I did love their songs “Hold My Hand” and “I Only Wanna Be With You” while I was in college. I always wondered how lead singer Darius Rucker could tolerate his nerdy bandmates though.
GWAR: The Observatory Santa Ana 11/3/12 Reason For Skipping SD: Massive fake blood shortage in San Diego. Nothing to drench our fans with. San Diego’s Reaction: We prefer real blood, wussies.
Bullet Boys: Key Club 11/3/12 Reason For Skipping SD: Our band has 30 former members, and, frankly, we don’t even know who is and who isn’t in the band anymore. It makes touring difficult. San Diego’s Reaction: “Hey, these guys are pretty bad-ass!” said San Diego in 1988. “I wonder how many of these guys have weird heavy-metal facelifts now?” said San Diego in 2012.
Nerf Herder: Viper Room 11/4/12 Reason For Skipping SD: There are not enough geeks in SD to realize that our name is a Star Wars in-joke. San Diego’s Reaction: We get the joke, young Jedi, it’s just that we tend to utilize the Force to prevent bad pop-punk from infiltrating city limits. On a curious side note, we have been losing this war against the Empire for some time now.
Cat Power: Hollywood Palladium 11/8/12 Reason For Skipping SD: San Diego is more of a Dog Power city. San Diego’s Reaction: One of Cat Power’s special powers is to mysteriously disappear from the stage ten minutes into a show. She harnesses magical abilities, not far removed from those of Phillip Rivers, who can mysteriously align the moons and planets to increase the scores of teams opposing the Chargers.
Barbara Streisand: Hollywood Bowl 11/9/12 Reason For Skipping SD: Not enough of a gay population to fill seats at my arena show. San Diego’s Reaction: C’mon, Babs! Haven’t you ever heard of Hillcrest? Spend an afternoon at Pecs and you will be signing on for a Sports Arena show in no time.
Mumford and Sons: Hollywood Bowl 11/10/12 Reason For Skipping SD: The horse and buggy can’t make it over the treacherous Mt. Laguna pass. San Diego’s Reaction: We have witnessed edgier old-timey music on Little House On The Prairie.
Ben Gibbard: Wilshire Ebell Theatre 11/14/12 Reason For Skipping SD: All the pretty girls in San Diego remind me of that chick from New Girl. San Diego’s Reaction: Similar to Cat Power and Phillip Rivers’s magical abilities, Ben Gibbard is a wizard when it comes to songcraft. He can formulate meticulously crafted indie-pop songs that never fail to put his listeners to sleep.
Soundgarden: The Fonda Theatre 11/27/12 Reason For Skipping SD: We are locked in our rusty cage. San Diego’s Reaction: The entire staff of 91X will cry themselves to sleep on this night as they listen to 91X playing the same Soundgarden songs they have been playing daily for the past 15 years.
The Misfits: Ventura Theatre Ventura 11/17/12 Reason For Skipping SD: We have reached the conclusion that there are so many misfits in San Diego that we will actually fit in. San Diego’s Reaction: A rack full of Misfits t-shirts at the Mission Valley Hot Topic will cry themselves to sleep on this night. And maybe so will Glen Danzig…?
Richard Marx: Annenberg Theater, Palm Springs 11/14/12 Reason For Skipping SD: I’m gonna be in Palm Springs beeotches! San Diego’s Reaction: Has Richard Marx been in Palm Springs since 1989?
Gin Blossoms: Fox Performing Arts Center, Riverside 11/3/12 Reason For Skipping SD: We always look at San Diego as being a potential new miserable experience, so if we actually play there, we can’t look at it that way anymore. San Diego’s Reaction: The ’90s called and they were wondering if I could explain to them what the Gin Blossoms sounded like because even the ’90s can’t remember what the Gin Blossoms sounded like.
No Doubt: Gibson Amphitheatre 11/24/12 Reason For Skipping SD: There are not enough Native Americans in your city to accidentally insult via a music video. San Diego’s Reaction: Smoke the metaphorical peace pipe by playing a show at the Viejas Arena for charity. Preferable charity: “The Coalition to Prevent Music Writers From Spending So Much Time Focusing on How Amazing It Is That the Members of No Doubt Are Raising Kids and Yet Still Find the Time To Be A Rock Band.” HELL-OHHHH, this is rock and roll, nobody wants to hear about daycare, dirty diapers, and urine stains. Well, maybe R. Kelly, but that is it.
America: Fox Performing Arts Center, Riverside 11/9/12 Reason For Skipping SD: We are following Texas’ lead and are seceding from North America. San Diego’s Reaction: (1) If Texas secedes from both the United States and North America, will it become it’s own tiny, awful continent? (2) If America secedes from North America, does that mean that Canada has to pay back all that money to China?
Asia: The Canyon, Agoura Hills 11/9/12 Reason For Skipping SD: We heard that America was playing nearby and we wanted to make sure to collect all our debt from them before they followed Texas’ lead and seceded. San Diego’s Reaction: Don’t give them your money America! These guys are actually a British prog-rock super group and everyone knows that prog-rock super groups (regardless of country or continental affiliation) will spend all your debt repayment money on 12-string guitars and wind chimes.