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San Diego/Albuquerque occult bass imprint Elk Beats just dropped a 4-song self-titled EP from enigmatic roster member Midivan - most likely a hijacked Soviet artificial intelligence construct housed in the attic of the Scottish Rite Center and fueled by a self-contained ball of plasmatic St. Elmo's Fire.
The Midivan EP is available for $4 at elkbeats.com in 320 MP3 or WAV format.
In order to clear the air surrounding this case of muddled identity, Elk Beats posted this statement:
The Elk Beats Offices have been FLOODED with inquiries about Midivan. “Who is Midivan?” Guess what: WE DON’T FUCKING KNOW. We did the best we could to come up with a top ten list of shit that has nothing to do with Midivan. But some of it might have something to do with him… We’re just guessing.
1. Gleaming the Cube
Although Midivan has a strong passion for justice, we don’t anticipate any other relation with this movie. In fact, we think Christian Slater skateboarding has the least to do with Midivan (Mathematically speaking). This is not a reverse Top Ten list, so you can skip the rest of it, as this is the most important part.
2. The Internet
He just doesn’t do it.
3. Vegetables
Judging by the vivid descriptions of Midivan’s breath from those lucky enough to have spoken with him, we are assuming he is exclusively carnivorous.
4. Women who (work for local magazines) and speak too loudly on the phone
There is a strong belief throughout the EDM community that Midivan will go out of his way to slap a bitch who doesn’t know how to contain her shrill, suicidal/homicidal thought inducing cackle of a voice. Although he is becoming more and more active in producing music and could use the media attention, he is said to have a special place in his heart for causing physical and mental harm to this specific breed of annoying people.
5. Trance Music
See #2
6. People who “Make the Beats”
Midivan is a humble guy for being such a badass. We can only assume that he doesn’t associate with people who feel it is necessary to slather others with highly overestimated opinions of themselves. We also make the assumption that he cares even less about what they think is cool.
7. Other labels
As far as we know, Midivan hasn’t sent his shit to any other labels. Until we actually see some Midivan on the shelves, we’re going to continue to claim exclusivity.
8. Bloody poop
As we write this article, said girl from item #4 is explaining loudly to her pet’s vet about how her dog had, “liquid poops with scattered droplets of blood.” Again, as Midivan is not here to speak for himself, we can only assume that he’d be pissed as fuck, and take action.
9. Sports
See #2
10. You
Check us out. We figured out that if you’re reading this, you’re probably one of the people searching on google and trying to learn more about our hero. We were thoughtful enough to include you in our list… Because Midivan probably doesn’t give a shit about you.
If you haven’t heard our sweet, tasty, sexual, mouth watering, mildly uncomfortable, new Elk Beats mix yet, try this:
"Elk Beats intends to maintain a pure flow of energy from the label and its supporters,” writes Elk Beater Donnie Valdez. “Without diluting this exchange with unnecessary distribution costs and hassles, Elk Beats can direct all of the proceeds from each sale towards the development of the label's main initiative: the self-distributed vinyl production of limited Elk releases."
San Diego/Albuquerque occult bass imprint Elk Beats just dropped a 4-song self-titled EP from enigmatic roster member Midivan - most likely a hijacked Soviet artificial intelligence construct housed in the attic of the Scottish Rite Center and fueled by a self-contained ball of plasmatic St. Elmo's Fire.
The Midivan EP is available for $4 at elkbeats.com in 320 MP3 or WAV format.
In order to clear the air surrounding this case of muddled identity, Elk Beats posted this statement:
The Elk Beats Offices have been FLOODED with inquiries about Midivan. “Who is Midivan?” Guess what: WE DON’T FUCKING KNOW. We did the best we could to come up with a top ten list of shit that has nothing to do with Midivan. But some of it might have something to do with him… We’re just guessing.
1. Gleaming the Cube
Although Midivan has a strong passion for justice, we don’t anticipate any other relation with this movie. In fact, we think Christian Slater skateboarding has the least to do with Midivan (Mathematically speaking). This is not a reverse Top Ten list, so you can skip the rest of it, as this is the most important part.
2. The Internet
He just doesn’t do it.
3. Vegetables
Judging by the vivid descriptions of Midivan’s breath from those lucky enough to have spoken with him, we are assuming he is exclusively carnivorous.
4. Women who (work for local magazines) and speak too loudly on the phone
There is a strong belief throughout the EDM community that Midivan will go out of his way to slap a bitch who doesn’t know how to contain her shrill, suicidal/homicidal thought inducing cackle of a voice. Although he is becoming more and more active in producing music and could use the media attention, he is said to have a special place in his heart for causing physical and mental harm to this specific breed of annoying people.
5. Trance Music
See #2
6. People who “Make the Beats”
Midivan is a humble guy for being such a badass. We can only assume that he doesn’t associate with people who feel it is necessary to slather others with highly overestimated opinions of themselves. We also make the assumption that he cares even less about what they think is cool.
7. Other labels
As far as we know, Midivan hasn’t sent his shit to any other labels. Until we actually see some Midivan on the shelves, we’re going to continue to claim exclusivity.
8. Bloody poop
As we write this article, said girl from item #4 is explaining loudly to her pet’s vet about how her dog had, “liquid poops with scattered droplets of blood.” Again, as Midivan is not here to speak for himself, we can only assume that he’d be pissed as fuck, and take action.
9. Sports
See #2
10. You
Check us out. We figured out that if you’re reading this, you’re probably one of the people searching on google and trying to learn more about our hero. We were thoughtful enough to include you in our list… Because Midivan probably doesn’t give a shit about you.
If you haven’t heard our sweet, tasty, sexual, mouth watering, mildly uncomfortable, new Elk Beats mix yet, try this:
"Elk Beats intends to maintain a pure flow of energy from the label and its supporters,” writes Elk Beater Donnie Valdez. “Without diluting this exchange with unnecessary distribution costs and hassles, Elk Beats can direct all of the proceeds from each sale towards the development of the label's main initiative: the self-distributed vinyl production of limited Elk releases."