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Every music fan in San Diego is all too familiar with the traditional skipping of America’s Finest City by some of America’s laziest bands. We all know the pattern: Play Phoenix or San Francisco, hit LA and then COMPLETELY SKIP SAN DIEGO!!! Is the nearly year-round abundant sunshine and coinciding pleasant weather patterns that repulsive to the rock and roll elite? Is it really that scary to be within a half-hour of the Mexican border? Are the United States most delicious burritos that much of a turn-off to professional musicians? One can only make an educated guess, which is exactly what we shall do here! Here is a rundown of artists and bands hitting the LA vicinity, but skipping San Diego this month. We shall give their potential reasons for bypassing our local paradise and reveal how we shall deal with their absence.
Sufjan Stevens: The Fonda Theatre 12/4/12
Reason For Skipping SD: All those losers in San Diego have yet to perfect the art of looking aloof in an album cover photo.
San Diego’s Reaction: Just when you thought one disc full of Sufjan Stevens Christmas songs was bad enough, he goes and releases a box set with five of ‘em.
Aerosmith: Staples Center 12/3/12
Reason For Skipping SD: We will walk this way if this way does not lead to San Diego.
San Diego’s Reaction: Dude looks like a “lady” that would be working at Lips and that dude in this scenario would go by the name of Steven Tyler.
Cheap Trick: Staples Center 12/3/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Mommy’s alright, daddy’s alright, but San Diego’s a little weird.
San Diego’s Reaction: We will be expecting another intimate Belly Up show in 2013 for being stood-up this time around.
Bruce Springsteen: Honda Center Anaheim 12/4/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Hanging out with my new BFF, New Jersey governor Chris Christie.
San Diego’s Reaction: You’d figure The Boss would know it’s dangerous to trust anyone with two first names. Plus how “Born In The USA” is it to play the Honda Center?
ZZ Top: House of Blues 12/4/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Beard maintenance.
San Diego’s Reaction: Frank Beard maintenance?
Justin Bieber: Nokia Theatre 12/3/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Mom, I told ya I wanna go to the mall!!!
San Diego’s Reaction: T-minus four years to the Lindsay Lohan-esque Justin Bieber E! True Hollywood Story.
The Polyphonic Spree: The Fonda Theatre 12/6/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Not enough bathrooms at the Casbah to handle 54 band members with diarrhea.
San Diego’s Reaction: As far as cults go, San Diego is strictly a Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam city.
Bob Weir: The Wiltern 12/812
Reason For Skipping SD: Utilizing all my extra time in December to convert old jeans into jean shorts.
San Diego’s Reaction: Duuuude, it’s all good man. We’ve got a fourth generation bootleg cassette copy of The Dead at Red Rocks 1981 to soothe our pain. It’s a soundboard recording of the second set and it features a 27 minute-long “Drums in Space” followed by a two-hour long version of “Truckin’.” We’ll be just fine pard’ner!
The Lumineers: Gibson Amphitheatre 12/8/12
Reason For Skipping SD: We only had time on our schedule to play this show in LA with Slightly Stoopid and Linkin Park. Wait a second, us, Linkin Park and Slightly Stoopid? We may have to fire our booking agent.
San Diego’s Reaction: This sounds like a dream gig for that one person who does not exist that is super-into The Lumineers and Linkin Park.
Dum Dum Girls: Hollywood Palladium 12/7/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Found a time machine to transport us back to the rip-off Bond film that someone stole us out of in 1963.
San Diego’s Reaction: We watched the Dum Dum Girls Onion AV Club Undercover performance of Big Star’s “September Gurls” and thought it was a pretty amusing Portlandia sketch. Than we found out it was a not a Portlandia sketch and we were all like “Ohhhhhhhhh…”
Tenacious D: Catalina Jazz Club 12/10/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Too busy working on a new song. It’s called “Rocket Sauce.” It goes “Rocket, rocket, all my rocket sauce. All my (expletive deleted) rocket sauce, all my rocket sauce.”
San Diego’s Reaction: Dude, that’s the ice-cream truck song.
Puddle of Mudd: Whiskey A Go-Go 12/10/12
Reason For Skipping SD: San Diego seems to dig authentic Grunge bands a la Pearl Jam and Soundgarden. They also appreciate second generation Grunge-Lite clone bands such as Stone Temple Pilots and Bush, but they don’t really seem to dig third-generation clones of Grunge-Lite bands like Puddle Of Mudd.
San Diego’s Reaction: A wise man once said the prior statement.
Tom Morello: The Troubadour 12/5/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Was going to play a protest show with Occupy San Diego, but I just found out San Diego has not been occupied for quite some time now.
San Diego’s Reaction: We will set up the tents downtown and start pooping behind bushes again if ya agree to play a free show for us Tom!
Taylor Swift: Nokia Theatre 12/1/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Too many ex-boyfriends in that city.
San Diego’s Reaction: T-minus five years to the Lindsay Lohan-esque Taylor Swift E! True Hollywood Story.
Redd Kross: The Alexandria 12/31/12
Reason For Skipping SD: We put out a reunion album this year that is soooo good it has rendered us incapable of driving down from our home-base of Los Angeles to San Diego.
San Diego’s Reaction: LA getting the double-bill with Redd Kross and The Melvins on New Years Eve makes us very sad. LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!!!
Dramarama: House Of Blues Anaheim 12/31/12
Reason For Skipping SD: The band members have a collective fear of large piers and we have heard that the pier in Ocean Beach is the longest concrete pier on the West Coast, measuring in at a terrifying 1,971 feet. The only thing we are afraid of more is fellow 80’s college-rock favorites, The Psychedelic Furs.
San Diego’s Reaction: The only 80’s band we will ever go see on New Year’s Eve is, obviously, LOVERBOY!!!
The Psychedelic Furs: House Of Blues Anaheim 12/31/12
Reason For Skipping SD: We love San Diego, especially the large 1,971 foot long pier in the Ocean Beach neighborhood, but we are playing a show with Dramarama on the only free night we have on the west coast.
San Diego’s Reaction: Does Dramarama know about this?
Santa Claus: General Los Angeles Vicinity Chimneys 12/25/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Not enough chimneys. Too much snow. Kids were not good.
San Diego’s Reaction: Too much snow???? C’mon Santa. That one doesn’t even make sense. You are just making up excuses not to see us like, say, Bruce Springsteen. You have changed Santa, you have changed.
Every music fan in San Diego is all too familiar with the traditional skipping of America’s Finest City by some of America’s laziest bands. We all know the pattern: Play Phoenix or San Francisco, hit LA and then COMPLETELY SKIP SAN DIEGO!!! Is the nearly year-round abundant sunshine and coinciding pleasant weather patterns that repulsive to the rock and roll elite? Is it really that scary to be within a half-hour of the Mexican border? Are the United States most delicious burritos that much of a turn-off to professional musicians? One can only make an educated guess, which is exactly what we shall do here! Here is a rundown of artists and bands hitting the LA vicinity, but skipping San Diego this month. We shall give their potential reasons for bypassing our local paradise and reveal how we shall deal with their absence.
Sufjan Stevens: The Fonda Theatre 12/4/12
Reason For Skipping SD: All those losers in San Diego have yet to perfect the art of looking aloof in an album cover photo.
San Diego’s Reaction: Just when you thought one disc full of Sufjan Stevens Christmas songs was bad enough, he goes and releases a box set with five of ‘em.
Aerosmith: Staples Center 12/3/12
Reason For Skipping SD: We will walk this way if this way does not lead to San Diego.
San Diego’s Reaction: Dude looks like a “lady” that would be working at Lips and that dude in this scenario would go by the name of Steven Tyler.
Cheap Trick: Staples Center 12/3/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Mommy’s alright, daddy’s alright, but San Diego’s a little weird.
San Diego’s Reaction: We will be expecting another intimate Belly Up show in 2013 for being stood-up this time around.
Bruce Springsteen: Honda Center Anaheim 12/4/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Hanging out with my new BFF, New Jersey governor Chris Christie.
San Diego’s Reaction: You’d figure The Boss would know it’s dangerous to trust anyone with two first names. Plus how “Born In The USA” is it to play the Honda Center?
ZZ Top: House of Blues 12/4/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Beard maintenance.
San Diego’s Reaction: Frank Beard maintenance?
Justin Bieber: Nokia Theatre 12/3/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Mom, I told ya I wanna go to the mall!!!
San Diego’s Reaction: T-minus four years to the Lindsay Lohan-esque Justin Bieber E! True Hollywood Story.
The Polyphonic Spree: The Fonda Theatre 12/6/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Not enough bathrooms at the Casbah to handle 54 band members with diarrhea.
San Diego’s Reaction: As far as cults go, San Diego is strictly a Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam city.
Bob Weir: The Wiltern 12/812
Reason For Skipping SD: Utilizing all my extra time in December to convert old jeans into jean shorts.
San Diego’s Reaction: Duuuude, it’s all good man. We’ve got a fourth generation bootleg cassette copy of The Dead at Red Rocks 1981 to soothe our pain. It’s a soundboard recording of the second set and it features a 27 minute-long “Drums in Space” followed by a two-hour long version of “Truckin’.” We’ll be just fine pard’ner!
The Lumineers: Gibson Amphitheatre 12/8/12
Reason For Skipping SD: We only had time on our schedule to play this show in LA with Slightly Stoopid and Linkin Park. Wait a second, us, Linkin Park and Slightly Stoopid? We may have to fire our booking agent.
San Diego’s Reaction: This sounds like a dream gig for that one person who does not exist that is super-into The Lumineers and Linkin Park.
Dum Dum Girls: Hollywood Palladium 12/7/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Found a time machine to transport us back to the rip-off Bond film that someone stole us out of in 1963.
San Diego’s Reaction: We watched the Dum Dum Girls Onion AV Club Undercover performance of Big Star’s “September Gurls” and thought it was a pretty amusing Portlandia sketch. Than we found out it was a not a Portlandia sketch and we were all like “Ohhhhhhhhh…”
Tenacious D: Catalina Jazz Club 12/10/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Too busy working on a new song. It’s called “Rocket Sauce.” It goes “Rocket, rocket, all my rocket sauce. All my (expletive deleted) rocket sauce, all my rocket sauce.”
San Diego’s Reaction: Dude, that’s the ice-cream truck song.
Puddle of Mudd: Whiskey A Go-Go 12/10/12
Reason For Skipping SD: San Diego seems to dig authentic Grunge bands a la Pearl Jam and Soundgarden. They also appreciate second generation Grunge-Lite clone bands such as Stone Temple Pilots and Bush, but they don’t really seem to dig third-generation clones of Grunge-Lite bands like Puddle Of Mudd.
San Diego’s Reaction: A wise man once said the prior statement.
Tom Morello: The Troubadour 12/5/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Was going to play a protest show with Occupy San Diego, but I just found out San Diego has not been occupied for quite some time now.
San Diego’s Reaction: We will set up the tents downtown and start pooping behind bushes again if ya agree to play a free show for us Tom!
Taylor Swift: Nokia Theatre 12/1/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Too many ex-boyfriends in that city.
San Diego’s Reaction: T-minus five years to the Lindsay Lohan-esque Taylor Swift E! True Hollywood Story.
Redd Kross: The Alexandria 12/31/12
Reason For Skipping SD: We put out a reunion album this year that is soooo good it has rendered us incapable of driving down from our home-base of Los Angeles to San Diego.
San Diego’s Reaction: LA getting the double-bill with Redd Kross and The Melvins on New Years Eve makes us very sad. LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!!!
Dramarama: House Of Blues Anaheim 12/31/12
Reason For Skipping SD: The band members have a collective fear of large piers and we have heard that the pier in Ocean Beach is the longest concrete pier on the West Coast, measuring in at a terrifying 1,971 feet. The only thing we are afraid of more is fellow 80’s college-rock favorites, The Psychedelic Furs.
San Diego’s Reaction: The only 80’s band we will ever go see on New Year’s Eve is, obviously, LOVERBOY!!!
The Psychedelic Furs: House Of Blues Anaheim 12/31/12
Reason For Skipping SD: We love San Diego, especially the large 1,971 foot long pier in the Ocean Beach neighborhood, but we are playing a show with Dramarama on the only free night we have on the west coast.
San Diego’s Reaction: Does Dramarama know about this?
Santa Claus: General Los Angeles Vicinity Chimneys 12/25/12
Reason For Skipping SD: Not enough chimneys. Too much snow. Kids were not good.
San Diego’s Reaction: Too much snow???? C’mon Santa. That one doesn’t even make sense. You are just making up excuses not to see us like, say, Bruce Springsteen. You have changed Santa, you have changed.