Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

My Neighbor's Boob Job

I was trying to get out of my apartment. I had to move out of the crazy building due to my landlord putting the complex on the market. Or maybe I was really moving because the landlord had an obsession for me that was being played out by telling me my boyfriend was going to need a background check to stay with me for more than three days. Either way, it was time to leave Cardiff.

As I was cleaning frantically- in order to get my deposit money back, I heard something coming from next door, “Beauty is not made, it is found.” It sounded like a self-help tape and a woman repeating back what had just been said, “Beauty is not made, it is found.” Dear God, is that my neighbor? I stepped outside to find her sitting on the joining balcony with ice packs on her boobs. She was clearly drugged up on pain killers. She says to me, “Hey Jane, would you mind going over to Scripps to get me a special bra that I need? I can’t drive right now. I think it’s like twenty bucks. Could you spot me? I need the bra real bad and I just spent a crap load of money on my surgery. I’m broke girl.” Was this woman that I barely knew talking to me? I could only respond with my first reaction to the absurd question, “No.”
“Please Jane, I’m desperate here.” “No.”

I went back to cleaning and packing up my stuff. The tape continued to reel, “You will find your beauty within. Your heart is pure and beautiful. Your body is just an illusion.” Then I heard my neighbor’s voice drowning sleepily to say the same thing again. Was she for real? Was this really happening or was I in some messed up reality T.V. show?

My boyfriend arrived just in time to help me with the heavy stuff. He was stunned by the scene before him. My neighbor with the new boob job had the nerve to sit there in her bikini top stuffed with ice packs and flirt with my man!

As my boyfriend and I were hiding inside trying to ignore the scene on the porch, I heard my name being slurred from outside, “Jaaane…Jaane! What day is it?”
“It’s Wednesday.” I replied reluctantly. “Wednesday? Oh no! It’s Wednesday! I forgot I have a birthday party to go to.” Confused as to how this inebriated woman was going to get anywhere on this particular day, I decided to shout out the window, “Well, it looks like you’re going to have to cancel.”

The next thing I know my neighbor’s friend had arrived with the “special” bra she was begging for. They proceeded to ask me if they could use my bathroom to try it on for size and comfort. I was thinking, “Wait don’t you have your own bathroom?”

I must have had a temporary lapse in judgment because the next thing I know I was leading them to my bathroom and closing the door behind them. I stood there listening intently at what was being said behind the door. I remained there, tripping for a good fifteen minutes wondering what in the heck was going on in there. When they finally did emerge I pushed them out the front door and returned to the bathroom to do a last minute scouring before leaving my apartment for good. And what did I find there in the middle sparkling clean floor? To my dismay it appeared to be a Lee Press-On Nail. Cringing, I took a tissue and put it in my last plastic trash bag. I tossed it in the garbage at the bottom of the stairs and left that bogus Cardiff apartment like a bat out of hell.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Poway’s schools, faced with money squeeze, fined for voter mailing

$105 million bond required payback of nearly 10 times that amount
Next Article

Escondido planners nix office building switch to apartments

Not enough open space, not enough closets for Hickory Street plans

I was trying to get out of my apartment. I had to move out of the crazy building due to my landlord putting the complex on the market. Or maybe I was really moving because the landlord had an obsession for me that was being played out by telling me my boyfriend was going to need a background check to stay with me for more than three days. Either way, it was time to leave Cardiff.

As I was cleaning frantically- in order to get my deposit money back, I heard something coming from next door, “Beauty is not made, it is found.” It sounded like a self-help tape and a woman repeating back what had just been said, “Beauty is not made, it is found.” Dear God, is that my neighbor? I stepped outside to find her sitting on the joining balcony with ice packs on her boobs. She was clearly drugged up on pain killers. She says to me, “Hey Jane, would you mind going over to Scripps to get me a special bra that I need? I can’t drive right now. I think it’s like twenty bucks. Could you spot me? I need the bra real bad and I just spent a crap load of money on my surgery. I’m broke girl.” Was this woman that I barely knew talking to me? I could only respond with my first reaction to the absurd question, “No.”
“Please Jane, I’m desperate here.” “No.”

I went back to cleaning and packing up my stuff. The tape continued to reel, “You will find your beauty within. Your heart is pure and beautiful. Your body is just an illusion.” Then I heard my neighbor’s voice drowning sleepily to say the same thing again. Was she for real? Was this really happening or was I in some messed up reality T.V. show?

My boyfriend arrived just in time to help me with the heavy stuff. He was stunned by the scene before him. My neighbor with the new boob job had the nerve to sit there in her bikini top stuffed with ice packs and flirt with my man!

As my boyfriend and I were hiding inside trying to ignore the scene on the porch, I heard my name being slurred from outside, “Jaaane…Jaane! What day is it?”
“It’s Wednesday.” I replied reluctantly. “Wednesday? Oh no! It’s Wednesday! I forgot I have a birthday party to go to.” Confused as to how this inebriated woman was going to get anywhere on this particular day, I decided to shout out the window, “Well, it looks like you’re going to have to cancel.”

The next thing I know my neighbor’s friend had arrived with the “special” bra she was begging for. They proceeded to ask me if they could use my bathroom to try it on for size and comfort. I was thinking, “Wait don’t you have your own bathroom?”

I must have had a temporary lapse in judgment because the next thing I know I was leading them to my bathroom and closing the door behind them. I stood there listening intently at what was being said behind the door. I remained there, tripping for a good fifteen minutes wondering what in the heck was going on in there. When they finally did emerge I pushed them out the front door and returned to the bathroom to do a last minute scouring before leaving my apartment for good. And what did I find there in the middle sparkling clean floor? To my dismay it appeared to be a Lee Press-On Nail. Cringing, I took a tissue and put it in my last plastic trash bag. I tossed it in the garbage at the bottom of the stairs and left that bogus Cardiff apartment like a bat out of hell.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Team Edward

Next Article

My Missed Fortune

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader