Here's something you might be interested in.
I was at the dog park today, and overheard two women talking about an upcoming wedding. I didn't hear all the details, but one was upset that she wasn't invited to a wedding that some of her co-workers were.
And this reminded me of a question I saw in the LA Times, in their "Ask Amy" column. A woman was upset that her friend got engaged and she assumed she'd be the maid of honor. The bride chose her cousin and another friend, to be joint maids of honor. I guess that hurt her twice as much -- the fact that she had two shots at it, and didn't make the cut.
Her question ended up being whether or not she should tell the bride she's hurt.
I remember thinking the answer was decent, but can't remember it now.
When I hear women complaining about wedding things, I can't give that usual guy answer "who cares?" Because I remember being in my early 20s and being invited to a friends bachelor party. I was a bit hurt that I wasn't invited to the wedding.
In my 20s, I was in a lot of weddings. Even friends that I knew wouldn't be my groomsmen.
The first few times, you feel honored. The next five times, you get frustrated. It means renting a tux, and being involved in other ways that guys just don't care to be involved in.
But I've always said, the best thing a couple could do when they plan on getting married, is decide how to deal with hurt feelings. That could range from parents that want to run the show, to people that aren't invited.
For example, if you are invited some co-workers and not others, you don't just hope the other employees don't find out. They will. And it's awkward for everyone. Just think back to grade school. If invitations to a birthday party were passed out, there were hurt feelings. But if mom brought cupcakes for everyone, no messy arguments or crying on the monkey bars at recess (not sure if bringing a wedding cake to the break room is the answer, so maybe that analogy sucked).
You don't have an obligation to invite co-workers simply so they won't have hurt feelings. But I think they at least deserve a polite explanation, before a single invitation is sent out.
Pull those people aside that were on the cusp of being invited. Explain to them that each of you can only invite 40 people, and that includes relatives, neighbors, etc. And don't be scared. Tell them, "I invited Jack in human resources, because we're really good friends. We play racquetball every Tuesday and Thursday. I invited our boss because, well, aside from liking him...I kind feel like it's the right thing to do. And as much as I love talking sports with you here at work...we don't really hang out much away from the office." (Obviously, for women, the conversation might vary. You could insert "Desperate Housewives" for "sports")
I dunno. It could be worded better, but you get the point.
It's strange, because when I wasn't invited to that wedding, I was a hurt. Yet every time I was asked to be in someones wedding, I dreaded it. Heck, even going to weddings I'd sometimes dread. You have to wear a tie. Sometimes you're sitting in the sun. And you have to buy a wedding gift.
You're going to make conversation with some aunt you get stuck sitting near. The list of complaints are endless. Yet, the one time you're not invited, you wish you were going.
When it comes to choosing the wedding party, again, men probably don't care.
With women, it's a bigger deal. I have to think women realize a sister or cousin you have, might get in just based on the fact that they're family.
But I also think when you're choosing bridesmaids, it's a lot like proposing marriage. Shouldn't a man know that the woman he's about to ask is going to say yes? If he doesn't, he's pretty clueless. And that same logic applies with bridesmaids. A woman should know which of her good friends lives for that type of crap. And she also knows which of her friends will flake, or which would act thrilled you asked, but not really be into it. Again, talk to your friends if you aren't sure.
And make things easier on them. Don't force them to pay for dresses that they're only going to wear on that one day.
I won't even get into all the etiquette faux pas I see at weddings. It usually starts with invitations that have multiple cards telling me where they're registered. Look...I understand you don't want 15 toasters. But you're never supposed to tell people where you can buy them stuff. Or, as I've seen twice in invitations, to be told that they'll gladly accept money. I'm sure that most people attending a wedding probably already knew that.
I was at the dog park today, and overheard two women talking about an upcoming wedding. I didn't hear all the details, but one was upset that she wasn't invited to a wedding that some of her co-workers were.
And this reminded me of a question I saw in the LA Times, in their "Ask Amy" column. A woman was upset that her friend got engaged and she assumed she'd be the maid of honor. The bride chose her cousin and another friend, to be joint maids of honor. I guess that hurt her twice as much -- the fact that she had two shots at it, and didn't make the cut.
Her question ended up being whether or not she should tell the bride she's hurt.
I remember thinking the answer was decent, but can't remember it now.
When I hear women complaining about wedding things, I can't give that usual guy answer "who cares?" Because I remember being in my early 20s and being invited to a friends bachelor party. I was a bit hurt that I wasn't invited to the wedding.
In my 20s, I was in a lot of weddings. Even friends that I knew wouldn't be my groomsmen.
The first few times, you feel honored. The next five times, you get frustrated. It means renting a tux, and being involved in other ways that guys just don't care to be involved in.
But I've always said, the best thing a couple could do when they plan on getting married, is decide how to deal with hurt feelings. That could range from parents that want to run the show, to people that aren't invited.
For example, if you are invited some co-workers and not others, you don't just hope the other employees don't find out. They will. And it's awkward for everyone. Just think back to grade school. If invitations to a birthday party were passed out, there were hurt feelings. But if mom brought cupcakes for everyone, no messy arguments or crying on the monkey bars at recess (not sure if bringing a wedding cake to the break room is the answer, so maybe that analogy sucked).
You don't have an obligation to invite co-workers simply so they won't have hurt feelings. But I think they at least deserve a polite explanation, before a single invitation is sent out.
Pull those people aside that were on the cusp of being invited. Explain to them that each of you can only invite 40 people, and that includes relatives, neighbors, etc. And don't be scared. Tell them, "I invited Jack in human resources, because we're really good friends. We play racquetball every Tuesday and Thursday. I invited our boss because, well, aside from liking him...I kind feel like it's the right thing to do. And as much as I love talking sports with you here at work...we don't really hang out much away from the office." (Obviously, for women, the conversation might vary. You could insert "Desperate Housewives" for "sports")
I dunno. It could be worded better, but you get the point.
It's strange, because when I wasn't invited to that wedding, I was a hurt. Yet every time I was asked to be in someones wedding, I dreaded it. Heck, even going to weddings I'd sometimes dread. You have to wear a tie. Sometimes you're sitting in the sun. And you have to buy a wedding gift.
You're going to make conversation with some aunt you get stuck sitting near. The list of complaints are endless. Yet, the one time you're not invited, you wish you were going.
When it comes to choosing the wedding party, again, men probably don't care.
With women, it's a bigger deal. I have to think women realize a sister or cousin you have, might get in just based on the fact that they're family.
But I also think when you're choosing bridesmaids, it's a lot like proposing marriage. Shouldn't a man know that the woman he's about to ask is going to say yes? If he doesn't, he's pretty clueless. And that same logic applies with bridesmaids. A woman should know which of her good friends lives for that type of crap. And she also knows which of her friends will flake, or which would act thrilled you asked, but not really be into it. Again, talk to your friends if you aren't sure.
And make things easier on them. Don't force them to pay for dresses that they're only going to wear on that one day.
I won't even get into all the etiquette faux pas I see at weddings. It usually starts with invitations that have multiple cards telling me where they're registered. Look...I understand you don't want 15 toasters. But you're never supposed to tell people where you can buy them stuff. Or, as I've seen twice in invitations, to be told that they'll gladly accept money. I'm sure that most people attending a wedding probably already knew that.