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Basketball Jones

Why playing pickup basketball games can be so difficult.

I graduated high school weighing 165 lbs. I was 6'1". But, without a daily three hour practice, and merely playing hoops once a week, the pounds crept up.

It got worse when in my mid-20s, I just stopped playing basketball. For so many reasons.

First, the arguments. When I was younger, you called your foul. And people respected it. Now, everyone argues calls. And, sometimes people would foul me when I was going for an easy layup, because their teammate is saying "Foul him! Don't give him an easy bucket."

Well, without refs, or someone "fouling out" like they can in organized ball (and, the luxury of you getting two free throws), before you know it, everyone is hacking everyone else.

Then, you had these younger kids, that were amazing athletes. They played on their school teams, that could do great cross-over dribbles. The problem is, half the time, they are carrying the ball. Sometimes, they'd fake a pass to their teammate, cup the ball (palming), and then start dribbling again, which is also double-dribble. But, if I'd call that, they'd comment on the "old white boy" or whatever.

I recently lost 45 pounds, and part of that was due to playing ball again. At age 38, I get schooled by younger quicker guys. But, it blows me away when I have to turn into Mr. Referee.

I've been playing with a group of guys at LA Fitness. And, it's obvious most of them have never played organized ball, but they're great athletes. Two of the guys, when they get mad (if you steal the ball, or score on them), turn into these bulldozers that just start running you over when they have the ball.

Now, in most pickup games, it's cheesy to call "charging". But, I don't want to get run over, and get knocked to the ground, or lose a tooth (hey, my parents paid good money for the braces I had).

So, I had a perfect solution. After the game, I told one of the guys "What are you supposed to do when everyone just starts charging?" He admitted to knowing it's a problem, but just smiled and said, "I suggest, staying out of the way."

Then, the next day, when HE was the one charging into me, I stopped the play. I said, "You can't just run into me like that."

He slammed the ball down, and started walking to the other end of the court. I said, "Hey, I don't want the ball. You guys can still have it. I'm just saying, watch the charges."

One Latino with a mohawk said, "Hey man, I'm on your team, and I think that's a weak call." I replied, "I didn't call anything. I just told him not to run into me."

The guy was pouting on the other end of the court, and he said "I ran into him. Give 'em the ball. Let's continue."

We didn't have any more problems the rest of the day. But, now I have a reputation with these guys, as the old guy that's going to enforce the rules.

Whatever.

I just realized, if it happens again, I'm not going to get anywhere making the call, or pointing it out. So, I'm going to have to go into plan B. That invovles me getting the ball at some point, running full speed into the defender nearest me.

When he goes sailing back about 20 feet, I'll see what he does. If he calls the foul, I'll laugh. If he asks why I did that (since it will be obvious that I did it on purpose), I'll say "That's the way you guys play. You don't get around defenders or pass the ball when you're in trouble, you just charge into people."

I know it won't do much good. The amount of times I've tried to teach people things on a basketball court, and had it work, I can count on one hand.

And I was a basketball coach for a few years.

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I graduated high school weighing 165 lbs. I was 6'1". But, without a daily three hour practice, and merely playing hoops once a week, the pounds crept up.

It got worse when in my mid-20s, I just stopped playing basketball. For so many reasons.

First, the arguments. When I was younger, you called your foul. And people respected it. Now, everyone argues calls. And, sometimes people would foul me when I was going for an easy layup, because their teammate is saying "Foul him! Don't give him an easy bucket."

Well, without refs, or someone "fouling out" like they can in organized ball (and, the luxury of you getting two free throws), before you know it, everyone is hacking everyone else.

Then, you had these younger kids, that were amazing athletes. They played on their school teams, that could do great cross-over dribbles. The problem is, half the time, they are carrying the ball. Sometimes, they'd fake a pass to their teammate, cup the ball (palming), and then start dribbling again, which is also double-dribble. But, if I'd call that, they'd comment on the "old white boy" or whatever.

I recently lost 45 pounds, and part of that was due to playing ball again. At age 38, I get schooled by younger quicker guys. But, it blows me away when I have to turn into Mr. Referee.

I've been playing with a group of guys at LA Fitness. And, it's obvious most of them have never played organized ball, but they're great athletes. Two of the guys, when they get mad (if you steal the ball, or score on them), turn into these bulldozers that just start running you over when they have the ball.

Now, in most pickup games, it's cheesy to call "charging". But, I don't want to get run over, and get knocked to the ground, or lose a tooth (hey, my parents paid good money for the braces I had).

So, I had a perfect solution. After the game, I told one of the guys "What are you supposed to do when everyone just starts charging?" He admitted to knowing it's a problem, but just smiled and said, "I suggest, staying out of the way."

Then, the next day, when HE was the one charging into me, I stopped the play. I said, "You can't just run into me like that."

He slammed the ball down, and started walking to the other end of the court. I said, "Hey, I don't want the ball. You guys can still have it. I'm just saying, watch the charges."

One Latino with a mohawk said, "Hey man, I'm on your team, and I think that's a weak call." I replied, "I didn't call anything. I just told him not to run into me."

The guy was pouting on the other end of the court, and he said "I ran into him. Give 'em the ball. Let's continue."

We didn't have any more problems the rest of the day. But, now I have a reputation with these guys, as the old guy that's going to enforce the rules.

Whatever.

I just realized, if it happens again, I'm not going to get anywhere making the call, or pointing it out. So, I'm going to have to go into plan B. That invovles me getting the ball at some point, running full speed into the defender nearest me.

When he goes sailing back about 20 feet, I'll see what he does. If he calls the foul, I'll laugh. If he asks why I did that (since it will be obvious that I did it on purpose), I'll say "That's the way you guys play. You don't get around defenders or pass the ball when you're in trouble, you just charge into people."

I know it won't do much good. The amount of times I've tried to teach people things on a basketball court, and had it work, I can count on one hand.

And I was a basketball coach for a few years.

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