Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Valentines

9:37am Sunday February 15

I wake up with my tongue stuck to the pillow. Need moisture. The dog is licking my palm. aaawwwwww! What a great dog.

10:14am Sunday February 15

The dog is still licking my palm. Strange, because I trained him not to be affectionate. My eyes scan my palm. Blood!! My brain processes this information, and then, feels pain.

1:17pm Saturday February 14

After the dog and I do a lap in Golden Hill park, the dog stops in front of Luigi’s. Stubborn dog, but he has a good idea. I order two cheese and a stone ipa. We are wolves blares on a boom box. A cheerful couple enters, and I pull down my baseball cap over my eyes. My name is shouted, and I jerk. It is not my pizza, but Laura Grey. A crazy chick from college. Questions slap me in the face. I jig and jag, but I am doing dinner tonight. I damn my slow my brain, then I feed the dog pizza crust. He is happy and I am frustrated.

7:13pm Saturday February 14

I am walking to Laura’s, who lives on 22nd and Broadway. It is one of those nights where the fog is soooo thick you only can see 2 feet in front of you. As I cross 25th, a beamer hits me. It was driving so slow that it was a tap. I cry wolf, and my buddy Jack springs from the driver’s side.

“You f@ckin slow hippie..watch where you are goin!” Jack screams.

“You motherf@cker” I grin.

“Where are you going? I will give you a ride”

I hop in his stiff leather passenger seat. Jack gently caresses my head while he places a bong on my lap.

“Really?...... A bong in the car? Is that necessary?

“Do you want it or not?”

As I suck it down hard, Jack punches me in the shoulder and blurts, “ Easy on the opium”

“Thanks for the heads up, Jerky”

I ooze out of the car into Laura’s Crate and Barrel showroom. I meet Laura's friends and husband. They are as exciting as the furniture. I ask for a beer, but I am told there is no alcohol. My heart skips a beat. While we eat dry chicken, Laura plays Alanis Morrisette. I contemplate Hell. During our after dinner coffee, Laura declares to her giddy caffeinated friends that we are going to play truth or dare. I let out a moan, which is noticed. I breathe that if we are going to play a kid's game let's play hide and go seek. I count.....1....2...I slip one shoe on....3.. the second shoe....4....out the door....

As I am scurrying down Broadway, my ears hear a familiar voice. I eye Jack on a balcony .

“That guy is full of sh@t” I scream.

Abruptly, I am shoulder to shoulder with Jack, beers, women, and smoke. It is Katrin's apartment. Jack slaps my back hard and insists he must drive the women 2 blocks to his apt. I squeeze next to Katrin and a random in the back seat. Katrin pukes on herself, and everyone nods silently in compassion. The women pass out, and Jack and I continue with tequila and mountain dew in his kitchen. Nobody is thrilled about the drink combo. I break a glass, and Jack punches me in the face. Time stops.

“Did you just hit me in the face?”

Jack apologizes and he affectionally puts his hand on my shoulder.

Jack forces me to the my knees.

Jack orders me to clean the floor.

I grab a piece of glass in my fist.

I leap to my feet and punch Jack in one drunken motion.

Jack yelps.

We bleed.

I flee....

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Second largest yellowfin tuna caught by rod and reel

Excel does it again
Next Article

Ramona musicians seek solution for outdoor playing at wineries

Ambient artists aren’t trying to put AC/DC in anyone’s backyard

9:37am Sunday February 15

I wake up with my tongue stuck to the pillow. Need moisture. The dog is licking my palm. aaawwwwww! What a great dog.

10:14am Sunday February 15

The dog is still licking my palm. Strange, because I trained him not to be affectionate. My eyes scan my palm. Blood!! My brain processes this information, and then, feels pain.

1:17pm Saturday February 14

After the dog and I do a lap in Golden Hill park, the dog stops in front of Luigi’s. Stubborn dog, but he has a good idea. I order two cheese and a stone ipa. We are wolves blares on a boom box. A cheerful couple enters, and I pull down my baseball cap over my eyes. My name is shouted, and I jerk. It is not my pizza, but Laura Grey. A crazy chick from college. Questions slap me in the face. I jig and jag, but I am doing dinner tonight. I damn my slow my brain, then I feed the dog pizza crust. He is happy and I am frustrated.

7:13pm Saturday February 14

I am walking to Laura’s, who lives on 22nd and Broadway. It is one of those nights where the fog is soooo thick you only can see 2 feet in front of you. As I cross 25th, a beamer hits me. It was driving so slow that it was a tap. I cry wolf, and my buddy Jack springs from the driver’s side.

“You f@ckin slow hippie..watch where you are goin!” Jack screams.

“You motherf@cker” I grin.

“Where are you going? I will give you a ride”

I hop in his stiff leather passenger seat. Jack gently caresses my head while he places a bong on my lap.

“Really?...... A bong in the car? Is that necessary?

“Do you want it or not?”

As I suck it down hard, Jack punches me in the shoulder and blurts, “ Easy on the opium”

“Thanks for the heads up, Jerky”

I ooze out of the car into Laura’s Crate and Barrel showroom. I meet Laura's friends and husband. They are as exciting as the furniture. I ask for a beer, but I am told there is no alcohol. My heart skips a beat. While we eat dry chicken, Laura plays Alanis Morrisette. I contemplate Hell. During our after dinner coffee, Laura declares to her giddy caffeinated friends that we are going to play truth or dare. I let out a moan, which is noticed. I breathe that if we are going to play a kid's game let's play hide and go seek. I count.....1....2...I slip one shoe on....3.. the second shoe....4....out the door....

As I am scurrying down Broadway, my ears hear a familiar voice. I eye Jack on a balcony .

“That guy is full of sh@t” I scream.

Abruptly, I am shoulder to shoulder with Jack, beers, women, and smoke. It is Katrin's apartment. Jack slaps my back hard and insists he must drive the women 2 blocks to his apt. I squeeze next to Katrin and a random in the back seat. Katrin pukes on herself, and everyone nods silently in compassion. The women pass out, and Jack and I continue with tequila and mountain dew in his kitchen. Nobody is thrilled about the drink combo. I break a glass, and Jack punches me in the face. Time stops.

“Did you just hit me in the face?”

Jack apologizes and he affectionally puts his hand on my shoulder.

Jack forces me to the my knees.

Jack orders me to clean the floor.

I grab a piece of glass in my fist.

I leap to my feet and punch Jack in one drunken motion.

Jack yelps.

We bleed.

I flee....

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

pizza binge causes conjunctivitis and respiratory failure in dogs

Next Article

Whose Walk Anyway?

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader