Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Review: The Family

I’d issue a SPOILER ALERT!, but how does one go about curdling something as putrescent as The Family?

By now we have all grown accustomed to THE GREATEST ACTOR OF HIS GENERATION using the eeny-meeny-miney-moe method of script selection. With the exception of his cameo in Machete, Robert DeNiro hasn’t given audiences anything to look at since Jackie Brown. That was 1997. We’ve been ‘focked’ over enough times to know that the statute of limitations has long run out, Bobby, and your latest release, The Family, is as dysfunctional they get.

This time, DeNiro once again felt compelled to bring Marty down with him by adding His name to the credits as executive producer. If you remember, it was Bob who convinced Scorsese to bed down with Amblin during the production of Cape Fear, the film that along with The Departed shares the dubious distinction of lining the bottom of the Scorsese birdcage. What the fuck was Marty thinking? The script, adapted by director Luc Besson and Michael Caleo from a novel by Tonino Benacquista is an even more flagrant suck-up job than William Monaghan’s screenplay for The Departed.

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/sep/13/53108/

The Family picks up where Goodfellas left off. Instead of punishing Henry Hill with a home in the suburbs where he can sin no more, a wiseguy rat, Fred Blake (DeNiro) and his psychotic family are relocated to Belgium and placed in the care of the Witness, or in this case Witless Protection Program. Tommy Lee Jones plays the CIA agent in charge of the case. The weight of the leaden script coupled with DP Thierry Arbogast‘s unforgiving lighting, magically transform the bags under Jones’ eyes into Moe Howard-sized steamer trunks.

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/sep/13/53105/

While puttering about the ramshackle chateau, DeNiro unearths a manual Brother typewriter and begins pecking away at an autobiography (aka a cheap ruse to give the film much-needed structural support). As the unstable mob informant sits quietly typing in the garden, his ticking time bomb of a family makes their presence known.

Mrs. Goombah (Michelle Pfeiffer) torches a grocery store run by American-haters. Teenage son Warren (John D'Leo, giving the film its sole character of interest) quickly finds ways of overthrowing the high school from within while older sister Belle (Dianna Agron, made up to resemble Britney Spears in her Baby One More Time days) uses a tennis racket to go all Kick Ass on a slimy male classmate who put the moves on her. Dad eventually takes a break from his memoirs long enough to whack the plumber for being disrespectful.

The way Besson stacks the deck makes it difficult for audiences to connect with anything on-screen. It’s kinda’ hard to root for a band of volatile, self-entitled sadists.

The film’s only running gag positions the French characters as Anglophobes and the Americans as just cause for their contempt. Besson decides to punish us dumb foreigners by delivering the same type of insipid action comedy -- captured in center-frame ‘Scope close-ups that will play just as well on TV with the sides cut off -- he thinks will go over big Stateside.

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/sep/13/53106/

DeNiro regurgitating Travis Bickle’s “You talkin’ to me” catchphrase in The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle is one thing. That was a kidflick; call it DeNiro’s attempt to give the adults in the audience a chance to chuckle. At one point, Fred is asked to give a talk to a local film group following a screening of Goodfellas. The crowd that I saw it with didn’t share my disdain for the conspicuous in-joke. They squealed and gasped like the audience on The Price is Right when a frost-free Amana upright is wheeled out.

Martin Scorsese taught us all the art of smuggling. Marty is one of the few directors alive that’s capable of stealing from others and making it His own. Why must He continually fall prey to such obvious forms of homage? Put your money to better use, Marty, by restoring a few Bunuel films!

If Scorsese is a better director than He is a producer, the exact opposite can be said of Luc Besson whose post Léon: The Professional live-action work leaves much to be desired. Conversely, District B13, District 13: Ultimatum, Unleashed and Taken all have a welcome slots on my video shelf.

Two laughs, one of which is so in as to render it out. In what could be the performance of the year, Mike Bocchetti, hapless regular on The Artie Lange Show pops up as an orthodox Jew light bulb peddler. Chalk one up for the casting agent.

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/sep/13/53103/

Warren provides the film with it’s one true bit of satire when he observes DeNiro’s uncanny ability to express an entire range of emotion simply by saying ‘fuck.” You don’t want to know how many times I uttered a variation of the word on the ride home.

Click for Showtimes. I dare you!

Reader Rating: Zero Stars

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

The vicious cycle of Escondido's abandoned buildings

City staff blames owners for raising rents

I’d issue a SPOILER ALERT!, but how does one go about curdling something as putrescent as The Family?

By now we have all grown accustomed to THE GREATEST ACTOR OF HIS GENERATION using the eeny-meeny-miney-moe method of script selection. With the exception of his cameo in Machete, Robert DeNiro hasn’t given audiences anything to look at since Jackie Brown. That was 1997. We’ve been ‘focked’ over enough times to know that the statute of limitations has long run out, Bobby, and your latest release, The Family, is as dysfunctional they get.

This time, DeNiro once again felt compelled to bring Marty down with him by adding His name to the credits as executive producer. If you remember, it was Bob who convinced Scorsese to bed down with Amblin during the production of Cape Fear, the film that along with The Departed shares the dubious distinction of lining the bottom of the Scorsese birdcage. What the fuck was Marty thinking? The script, adapted by director Luc Besson and Michael Caleo from a novel by Tonino Benacquista is an even more flagrant suck-up job than William Monaghan’s screenplay for The Departed.

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/sep/13/53108/

The Family picks up where Goodfellas left off. Instead of punishing Henry Hill with a home in the suburbs where he can sin no more, a wiseguy rat, Fred Blake (DeNiro) and his psychotic family are relocated to Belgium and placed in the care of the Witness, or in this case Witless Protection Program. Tommy Lee Jones plays the CIA agent in charge of the case. The weight of the leaden script coupled with DP Thierry Arbogast‘s unforgiving lighting, magically transform the bags under Jones’ eyes into Moe Howard-sized steamer trunks.

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/sep/13/53105/

While puttering about the ramshackle chateau, DeNiro unearths a manual Brother typewriter and begins pecking away at an autobiography (aka a cheap ruse to give the film much-needed structural support). As the unstable mob informant sits quietly typing in the garden, his ticking time bomb of a family makes their presence known.

Mrs. Goombah (Michelle Pfeiffer) torches a grocery store run by American-haters. Teenage son Warren (John D'Leo, giving the film its sole character of interest) quickly finds ways of overthrowing the high school from within while older sister Belle (Dianna Agron, made up to resemble Britney Spears in her Baby One More Time days) uses a tennis racket to go all Kick Ass on a slimy male classmate who put the moves on her. Dad eventually takes a break from his memoirs long enough to whack the plumber for being disrespectful.

The way Besson stacks the deck makes it difficult for audiences to connect with anything on-screen. It’s kinda’ hard to root for a band of volatile, self-entitled sadists.

The film’s only running gag positions the French characters as Anglophobes and the Americans as just cause for their contempt. Besson decides to punish us dumb foreigners by delivering the same type of insipid action comedy -- captured in center-frame ‘Scope close-ups that will play just as well on TV with the sides cut off -- he thinks will go over big Stateside.

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/sep/13/53106/

DeNiro regurgitating Travis Bickle’s “You talkin’ to me” catchphrase in The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle is one thing. That was a kidflick; call it DeNiro’s attempt to give the adults in the audience a chance to chuckle. At one point, Fred is asked to give a talk to a local film group following a screening of Goodfellas. The crowd that I saw it with didn’t share my disdain for the conspicuous in-joke. They squealed and gasped like the audience on The Price is Right when a frost-free Amana upright is wheeled out.

Martin Scorsese taught us all the art of smuggling. Marty is one of the few directors alive that’s capable of stealing from others and making it His own. Why must He continually fall prey to such obvious forms of homage? Put your money to better use, Marty, by restoring a few Bunuel films!

If Scorsese is a better director than He is a producer, the exact opposite can be said of Luc Besson whose post Léon: The Professional live-action work leaves much to be desired. Conversely, District B13, District 13: Ultimatum, Unleashed and Taken all have a welcome slots on my video shelf.

Two laughs, one of which is so in as to render it out. In what could be the performance of the year, Mike Bocchetti, hapless regular on The Artie Lange Show pops up as an orthodox Jew light bulb peddler. Chalk one up for the casting agent.

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/sep/13/53103/

Warren provides the film with it’s one true bit of satire when he observes DeNiro’s uncanny ability to express an entire range of emotion simply by saying ‘fuck.” You don’t want to know how many times I uttered a variation of the word on the ride home.

Click for Showtimes. I dare you!

Reader Rating: Zero Stars

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Goodfellas Scorsese and Liotta go back to school in Campus Life

Next Article

Trailer Park: Rocky Stallone vs. Jake DeNiro in Grudge Match

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader