Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Tips on how to survive a kiddie matinee

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2012/oct/04/32873/

Studios want critics to see children's films with an audience, generally at 10am on a Saturday morning at Edwards Mira Mesa. It's a strange custom, as if the sound of children's laughter will somehow add an additional star to a review.

Of late, the critical masses have been getting restless, what with all the crying, talking, and seat back-kicking going on at screenings. Let's begin by stating the obvious: these are word-of-mouth screenings specifically designed for parents and their children to hopefully tout the picture to their friends and classmates. You would have to be stark raving mad not to expect some type of minor disturbances from the toddlers.

The crowd generally seems to settle in after the credits roll. In extreme cases where a parent refuses to remove the offending tyke, a studio rep will immediately usher them into the lobby and gently read them the code of conduct. It will do no good to give the parent a 15 second pep talk on movie theatre etiquette. If mom and/or dad haven't already prepared their tot for the theatre-going experience, they have no business inflicting them on those there to enjoy the show in peace.

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2012/oct/04/32874/

If all else fails, here are a few pointers for my colleagues on how to survive the next Dreamworks Animation atrocity.

1.) There are generally 3 to 6 rows taped off for the press. See to it that you arrive early and take refuge in the first row of reserved seats. Unless it's Lickona, chances are the critic parked behind you is not a jabbering seat-kicker.

2.) Most critics bunker down in the stadium seats. On the multiplex battlefield, I'd rather have a quiet German division in front of me, than a whiny French one behind. That is why you will always find me seated fourth-row-center on the main floor. There is an aisle in the Mira Mesa auditorium where most of the kidpics screen. It separates the main floor from the raked seats. Unless you have a mule seated behind you, it is virtually impossible for anyone to kick the back of your seat.

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2012/oct/04/32876/

3.) Get to know your neighbors. Before the show, talk to the potentially offending families seated around you. Turn to little Bobby or Betty and ask, "You're not a Mr. Bungle who talks during movies, are you?" Explain to them how privileged they are to be among the first in San Diego to see the wonderful picture that's about to unfold before their eyes. Remember: If they're nobody, threat them like somebody and if they're somebody, threat them like nobody.

A mother sat between me and her adorable daughter a few months back. During the movie, the babe let out what I like to think was a test squeal. Leaning forward, my mock-angry scowl caught her eye. She smiled, pressed a finger up to her lips as if to say "Shhh," and didn't utter a peep for the rest of the show.

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2012/oct/04/32867/

If all else fails, I had my neighbor kid make me one of these. It's a little honey, isn't it? May I recommend Sunoco 260, the cinephiles fuel of choice for keeping them little buggers quiet.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Gonzo Report: Three nights of Mission Bayfest bring bliss

“This is a top-notch production.”

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2012/oct/04/32873/

Studios want critics to see children's films with an audience, generally at 10am on a Saturday morning at Edwards Mira Mesa. It's a strange custom, as if the sound of children's laughter will somehow add an additional star to a review.

Of late, the critical masses have been getting restless, what with all the crying, talking, and seat back-kicking going on at screenings. Let's begin by stating the obvious: these are word-of-mouth screenings specifically designed for parents and their children to hopefully tout the picture to their friends and classmates. You would have to be stark raving mad not to expect some type of minor disturbances from the toddlers.

The crowd generally seems to settle in after the credits roll. In extreme cases where a parent refuses to remove the offending tyke, a studio rep will immediately usher them into the lobby and gently read them the code of conduct. It will do no good to give the parent a 15 second pep talk on movie theatre etiquette. If mom and/or dad haven't already prepared their tot for the theatre-going experience, they have no business inflicting them on those there to enjoy the show in peace.

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2012/oct/04/32874/

If all else fails, here are a few pointers for my colleagues on how to survive the next Dreamworks Animation atrocity.

1.) There are generally 3 to 6 rows taped off for the press. See to it that you arrive early and take refuge in the first row of reserved seats. Unless it's Lickona, chances are the critic parked behind you is not a jabbering seat-kicker.

2.) Most critics bunker down in the stadium seats. On the multiplex battlefield, I'd rather have a quiet German division in front of me, than a whiny French one behind. That is why you will always find me seated fourth-row-center on the main floor. There is an aisle in the Mira Mesa auditorium where most of the kidpics screen. It separates the main floor from the raked seats. Unless you have a mule seated behind you, it is virtually impossible for anyone to kick the back of your seat.

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2012/oct/04/32876/

3.) Get to know your neighbors. Before the show, talk to the potentially offending families seated around you. Turn to little Bobby or Betty and ask, "You're not a Mr. Bungle who talks during movies, are you?" Explain to them how privileged they are to be among the first in San Diego to see the wonderful picture that's about to unfold before their eyes. Remember: If they're nobody, threat them like somebody and if they're somebody, threat them like nobody.

A mother sat between me and her adorable daughter a few months back. During the movie, the babe let out what I like to think was a test squeal. Leaning forward, my mock-angry scowl caught her eye. She smiled, pressed a finger up to her lips as if to say "Shhh," and didn't utter a peep for the rest of the show.

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2012/oct/04/32867/

If all else fails, I had my neighbor kid make me one of these. It's a little honey, isn't it? May I recommend Sunoco 260, the cinephiles fuel of choice for keeping them little buggers quiet.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

A Closer Look at the Poster for What to Expect When You're Expecting

Next Article

Special Titanic 3-D Sneak Preview Screening!

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader