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Gobs of Globes

Hollywood Foreign Press announce this year's-z-z-z-z-z-z

Best Picture Drama? Isn't Django Unchained a comedy?

Thanks to the knuckleheads at the Hollywood Foreign Press, the recruitment film Act of Valor will forever be referred to as "an award-nominated film."

Those are just two of the head-scratching curiosities you'll find on this year's list of films up for an award at the 2013 Golden Globes.

Man, oh Manischewitz is this a lackluster cluster. Helen Mirren as Alma Hitchcock?! Bill Murray as F.D.R.? Driving Monsieur Daisy for Best Foreign Language Film?! Meryl Streep for showing up?

Are these the Globes or the AARP Awards? Will someone please tell the voters their Depends are showing. Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Quartet, and Hyde Park on Hudson function best as pro-euthanasia infomercials, not achievements worthy of merit.

The group did manage to get one right: Rachel Weisz's performance as the guilt-ridden romantic in Terrence Davies breathtaking, The Deep Blue Sea. On a positive note, this list acts as a sort of personal vindication: three of the films on my ten worst list -- including my least favorite picture of the year -- are up for awards consideration.

The Globes telecast will be broadcast live on January 13. Small screen cutups Amy Poehler and Tina Fey will share hosting duties. Why not spend the evening at the movies instead?

Best Picture, Drama:

  • Argo
  • Django Unchained
  • Life of Pi
  • Lincoln
  • Zero Dark Thirty

Best Picture, Musical or Comedy:

  • The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
  • Les Misérables
  • Moonrise Kingdom
  • Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
  • Silver Linings Playbook

Best Director:

  • Ben Affleck, Argo
  • Kathryn Bigelow, Zero Dark Thirty
  • Ang Lee, Life of Pi
  • Steven Spielberg, Lincoln
  • Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained

Best Actress, Drama:

  • Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty
  • Marion Cotillard, Rust and Bone
  • Helen Mirren, Hitchcock
  • Naomi Watts, The Impossible
  • Rachel Weisz, The Deep Blue Sea

Best Actor, Drama:

  • Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
  • Richard Gere, Arbitrage
  • John Hawkes, The Sessions
  • Joaquin Phoenix, The Master
  • Denzel Washington, Flight

Best Actor, Musical or Comedy:

  • Jack Black, Bernie
  • Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook
  • Hugh Jackman, Les Misérables
  • Ewan MCGregor, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
  • Bill Murray, Hyde Park on Hudson

Best Actress, Musical or Comedy:

  • Emily Blunt, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
  • Judi Dench, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
  • Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
  • Maggie Smith, Quartet
  • Meryl Streep, Hope Springs

Best Supporting Actress:

  • Amy Adams, The Master
  • Sally Field, Lincoln
  • Anne Hathaway, Les Misérables
  • Helen Hunt, The Sessions
  • Nicole Kidman, The Paperboy

Best Supporting Actor:

  • Alan Arkin, Argo
  • Leonardo DiCaprio, Django Unchained
  • Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Master
  • Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln
  • Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained

Best Screenplay:

  • Mark Boal, Zero Dark Thirty
  • Tony Kushner, Lincoln
  • David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook
  • Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained
  • Chris Terrio, Argo

Best Original Score:

  • Dario Marianelli, Anna Karenina
  • Alexandre Desplat, Argo
  • Tom Tykwer, Johnny Klimet & Reinhold Heil, Cloud Atlas
  • Michael Danna, Life of Pi
  • John Williams, Lincoln

Best Original Song:

  • For You from Act of Valor
  • Not Running Anymore from Stand Up Guys
  • Safe and Sound from The Hunger Games
  • Suddenly from Les Misérables
  • Skyfall from Skyfall

Best Foreign Language Film:

  • Amour
  • A Royal Affair
  • The Intouchables
  • Kon-Tiki
  • Rust and Bone

Best Animated Feature

  • Rise of the Guardians
  • Brave
  • Frankenweenie
  • Hotel Transylvania
  • Wreck-It Ralph

The rest of the nominations are for TV shows. They give awards to that derivative crap?

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Best Picture Drama? Isn't Django Unchained a comedy?

Thanks to the knuckleheads at the Hollywood Foreign Press, the recruitment film Act of Valor will forever be referred to as "an award-nominated film."

Those are just two of the head-scratching curiosities you'll find on this year's list of films up for an award at the 2013 Golden Globes.

Man, oh Manischewitz is this a lackluster cluster. Helen Mirren as Alma Hitchcock?! Bill Murray as F.D.R.? Driving Monsieur Daisy for Best Foreign Language Film?! Meryl Streep for showing up?

Are these the Globes or the AARP Awards? Will someone please tell the voters their Depends are showing. Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Quartet, and Hyde Park on Hudson function best as pro-euthanasia infomercials, not achievements worthy of merit.

The group did manage to get one right: Rachel Weisz's performance as the guilt-ridden romantic in Terrence Davies breathtaking, The Deep Blue Sea. On a positive note, this list acts as a sort of personal vindication: three of the films on my ten worst list -- including my least favorite picture of the year -- are up for awards consideration.

The Globes telecast will be broadcast live on January 13. Small screen cutups Amy Poehler and Tina Fey will share hosting duties. Why not spend the evening at the movies instead?

Best Picture, Drama:

  • Argo
  • Django Unchained
  • Life of Pi
  • Lincoln
  • Zero Dark Thirty

Best Picture, Musical or Comedy:

  • The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
  • Les Misérables
  • Moonrise Kingdom
  • Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
  • Silver Linings Playbook

Best Director:

  • Ben Affleck, Argo
  • Kathryn Bigelow, Zero Dark Thirty
  • Ang Lee, Life of Pi
  • Steven Spielberg, Lincoln
  • Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained

Best Actress, Drama:

  • Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty
  • Marion Cotillard, Rust and Bone
  • Helen Mirren, Hitchcock
  • Naomi Watts, The Impossible
  • Rachel Weisz, The Deep Blue Sea

Best Actor, Drama:

  • Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
  • Richard Gere, Arbitrage
  • John Hawkes, The Sessions
  • Joaquin Phoenix, The Master
  • Denzel Washington, Flight

Best Actor, Musical or Comedy:

  • Jack Black, Bernie
  • Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook
  • Hugh Jackman, Les Misérables
  • Ewan MCGregor, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
  • Bill Murray, Hyde Park on Hudson

Best Actress, Musical or Comedy:

  • Emily Blunt, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
  • Judi Dench, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
  • Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
  • Maggie Smith, Quartet
  • Meryl Streep, Hope Springs

Best Supporting Actress:

  • Amy Adams, The Master
  • Sally Field, Lincoln
  • Anne Hathaway, Les Misérables
  • Helen Hunt, The Sessions
  • Nicole Kidman, The Paperboy

Best Supporting Actor:

  • Alan Arkin, Argo
  • Leonardo DiCaprio, Django Unchained
  • Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Master
  • Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln
  • Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained

Best Screenplay:

  • Mark Boal, Zero Dark Thirty
  • Tony Kushner, Lincoln
  • David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook
  • Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained
  • Chris Terrio, Argo

Best Original Score:

  • Dario Marianelli, Anna Karenina
  • Alexandre Desplat, Argo
  • Tom Tykwer, Johnny Klimet & Reinhold Heil, Cloud Atlas
  • Michael Danna, Life of Pi
  • John Williams, Lincoln

Best Original Song:

  • For You from Act of Valor
  • Not Running Anymore from Stand Up Guys
  • Safe and Sound from The Hunger Games
  • Suddenly from Les Misérables
  • Skyfall from Skyfall

Best Foreign Language Film:

  • Amour
  • A Royal Affair
  • The Intouchables
  • Kon-Tiki
  • Rust and Bone

Best Animated Feature

  • Rise of the Guardians
  • Brave
  • Frankenweenie
  • Hotel Transylvania
  • Wreck-It Ralph

The rest of the nominations are for TV shows. They give awards to that derivative crap?

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