Scott Weiland didn’t show up for a Velvet Revolver gig at the Sundance Film Fest, just as the press quoted him saying a reunion of his old band Stone Temple Pilots is imminent. Hmmmmmm…hey, VR, I hear Sammy Hagar is looking for a job…
“Raise the battle-axe unto the skulls, In the bliss of spilling blood on enemy soil. Towards the synagogue, with thirst for Semite blood, From a trail of churches burning. Under the Haunting Moon, with sword in hand I ride and I exalt the horns of battle towards the sky. I slay the souls of the Jesuit creed, and bathe in their curdled blood.”
Lyrics from “Raise The Horns Of Battle,” by Crimson Moon
Crimson Moon is a recording unit only, comprised of two members and a drum machine. Bassist/vocalist/lyricist Scorpios and his bandmate Nocturnal Overlord (guitars, keyboards, drum programming) wear King Diamond/Kiss style Kabuki makeup – whiteface with black patches curling and dripping around their eyes and mouths to present a patina of WWF level ferocity.
They first surfaced in San Diego in 1994 with a self titled demo release, followed by 1995’s “Into the Nocturnal Forest” demo collection, earning both praise and notoriety for their straightforward and straight-faced obsession with all things occult.
Scorpios is a well-read and fascinating character who writes lengthy, learned manifestos on lucid dreaming, medieval theology and astral projection which he posts on websites (www.geocities.com/kthuluproductions) and emails to fans by request.
In songs like “The Stormbringer,” Scorpios seems to be reading incantation spells direct from some arcane text, summoning “creatures of darkness and hatred” and intoning “For I have consumed the blood that lives forever more, the blood of the Draconis, I drink the blood, the hate of Kingu rages on, the furious tempest unleashes black storms and the chaos crawls beyond the stars, to unleash fury amongst the blackened earth.”
The end passage of “Raise The Horns Of Battle,” after praising the destruction of churches and synagogues and the murder of Jews and Jesuits, includes conjurations to the unholy trinity of Lucifer, Beelzebuth and Astaroth, each ending with a cheeky “Amen.”
Crimson Moon’s 1996 debut CD “To Embrace The Vampyric Blood” (Abyss Productions) contained nine tracks and was recorded on a 4-track machine, as was a 1997 rehearsal performed with a third player on synthesizers, Khaija Ausar, which was later circulated as an “unofficial release” called “Under The Serpentine Spell.” With no new material and no stage performances over the ensuing years, it seemed the group had disbanded, but Nocturnal Overlord says Crimson Moon has recorded an album archiving all the music they have done to date, including re-recordings of their demos plus three unreleased songs.
“My lyrics in Crimson Moon are occult based and not from a horror movie or fiction book,” according to Scorpios. “It is not an image. It is what we do and we will not change this because it is getting too trendy or too hated, etc. We do this for ourselves.” He says he rarely reads fiction and especially hates “vampire novels,” but admits his lyrics are often inspired from arcane mythology. “I have studied the myths, magick and lore of not only Sumerian but Babylonian mythology as well. When I say study, I mean going further than just reading and practicing rituals from the Necronomicon. I have another ritual/acoustic project totally devoted to the Dieties of Sumeria/Babylonia called ‘Akrabu.’”
He seems so sincere, it’s simply buzzkill to point out that the “Necronomicon” is a fictional invention of 20th century gothic writer HP Lovecraft and texts purporting to have originated in this tome are of recent construct or from other sources entirely.
Discussing his views about Christianity versus Satanism on the San Diego Metal website (www.geocities.com/s_b_resistor/local.html), Scorpios said “They are actually very similar in many ways and they both need each other to exist! Satanism is not what I am into. I have studied much about it but it is basically a Judeo-Christian mutation of a religion. I prefer to go back much further in history to seek information.”
Scorpios is familiar with The Satanic Bible, written by Anton Szandor LaVey (who formed the Church of Satan in 1966), but doesn’t align himself with the philosophies set forth in this notorious book which has sold more than 600,000 copies since it was first published by Avon Books in 1969.
“If you read Ragnar Redbeard’s book ‘Might is Right,’ which came out much before LaVey was around, it is interesting to see how many of the same ideas LaVey had! I don’t consider his form of Satanism to be…true Satanism. To me, true Satanism is a form of devil worship, not psychology. The Church of Satan is not much different than any other church, perhaps a bit more honest. They still feed off their followers’ money.”
Scorpios wraps up his commentary with an unctuous grab for the wallets of his own followers – “May chaos reign…and contact Nocturnal Overlord for merchandise (shirts, long sleeves, cds stickers, new promo tape, etc.).”
After all, ancient scrolls, eyes of newt and faux Necronomicons don’t come cheap!
Crimson Moon never performed live until 2006. Core members Scorpios (bass, vocals, lyrics) and Nocturnal Overlord (guitars, keyboards, drum programming) have split and are now battling over the bandname, especially after Overlord announced an impending new CM album (sans Scorpios), with rehearsals already posted online.
“[This] material was recorded between 1997-2000 solely by Overlord on a portable four-track and with an old drum machine,” reads a post on Overlord’s MySpace page.
“Overlord was kicked out [of Crimson Moon] in September of 2006,” according to Scorpios. “This [new CM album] is another one of Overlord's desperate attempts to cause confusion…just because Overlord played in Crimson Moon in the past and decided to steal the logo, name, artwork and concepts that are beyond his limits of understanding, bought out a bunch of domain names and made a MySpace page, doesn't change the fact that he was and will forever remain, kicked out of the band.”
Scorpios has grouped with three others (including a synthesizer player from previous CM recordings) for his own version of CM, with its own new album in progress. “Overlord was not even a member of Crimson Moon when it started in 1994 and released the debut self-titled demo,” he says.
Replies Overlord, “In actuality, Scorpios was released from Crimson Moon in 2006, and has gone around making a fuss, and started childish internet drama ever since. He has even gone as far as to steal artwork, image files, HTML coding, avatars, sound files…[it’s] simply pathetic, and there is no need to explain why he was kicked out. I won’t waste any more time on this.”
Dueling MySpace pages are titled “crimsonmoon666” (Nocturnal Overlord) and “crimsonmoonofficial” (Scorpios).
ONLINE BOOTY CALLS??
Onlinebootycall.com, a local-based dating service (“finding the pieces without the puzzle”), has produced a music video with local Ho-lo-gram Records, performed by hip-hop artist Rio.
Available on YouTube and MySpace, “OK OK” features scantily clad ladies showing up at Rio’s door to shake their butts at the camera as he raps “Hit her on the web, tell her holler at ya, dog” “If you already got a man, hit me on the low” and the surefire charmer “She’s like a Sidekick, one flick of the finger and the top comes off.”
“When I first started OBC, I was the only member,” according to Bootycall founder Moses Brown. He says within three months, he had 5,000 members. “I went to chat rooms and told people about it, posted links on message boards and added banners to user groups. I also created webpages on sites like MySpace, Friendster and Blackplanet and posted banners there.” He claims the site currently has over a million members, 200,000 of them women.
“A lot girls on OBC do want bootycalls, they just don't know it yet or don't want to admit it,” he says. “However, that doesn't mean you should come out the gate with a line like ‘Hey girl, I need some ass ASAP,’ That just makes you sound like a jackass…Instead, you should be patient and use a little game, you know?”
Moses authored the “Bootycall Ten Commandments” posted on the website, including “Thou shalt get out before the sun rises,” “Thou shalt kiss anything except my mouth,” and “There shall be no cuddling. Ever!”
COLLECTING LOCAL MUSIC: W/THE BRAIN POLICE
The Brain Police were an early psychedelic garage band who, in the late sixties, opened for many national acts, including the Who, the Byrds, Cream, Jefferson Airplane, Strawberry Alarm Clock, Steppenwolf, and Buffalo Springfield.
They essentially spun off from the group the Man-Dells, with guitarists Rick Randle and Larry Grant and bassist Norman Lombardo, who were all still in junior high when that group released its first single in 1965, "Bonnie" (with "Oh No" on the flipside). The trio had also played with the Other Four. They became the Brain Police in 1968, with Rick's younger brother David Randle joining on guitar, and earned a large local following.
Local concert promoter Carey Driscoll recalls "The Brain Police were one of my favorite local bands of the late-'60s. Dave Randle is still around town...his brother David was in the news a lot for getting kicked out of school because of his hair length. He argued that it was necessary for his profession."
"The Brain Police had two lineups," says Driscoll. "Their core was a five to six piece rock band, and for some shows they were supplemented by a black, mixed gender group of singers - and maybe horns, I don't recall for sure - called the Soul Patrol, with whom the repertoire expanded to include a lot of great soul and R&B stuff."
Original Brain Police drummer Tony Johnson later played with Hoyt Axton, Mary Wells, Commander Cody, Maria Muldaur, and others. Later drummer Sid Smith - who had also played with the Roosters - left the Brain Police after their first single, to tour with Roy Head. Rick Randle went on to join Framework, as well as backing up Rita Coolidge with Brain Police bandmate Norman Lombardo. Randle also went on to play with Bighorn, Child, and the Seattle band Randle-Rosberg, which later changed its name to Striker and put out one album, in 1978.
A self-titled album recorded by the Brain Police in La Mesa in 1968 sat on a shelf for over thirty years, until it was released by the U.S. reissue label Rockadelic.
Local music historian Clark Faville can be credited with rediscovering the Brain Police and getting their music in print. His interest in local music essentially began when he found a copy of the unreleased demo album. "It’s ungodly," he says. "Ten songs ranging from Beatlesque pop to the heaviness of Blue Cheer. That’s the sound I seek out from that era - guitar based heavy rock, blues, pop and psychedelic. Stuff from 1965 to 1973 or so.”
Faville's collection now includes rare 45s, albums and live tapes from local groups like Sandi And the Accents (“They were huge from ‘63 to ‘66”), the Five Pound Grin (“They became Pale Fire and I have both their 45s”), and the Misfits (who opened for the Stones at Balboa Bowl in 1965), among others. He’s also helped gather material for a number of reissue recording projects. “The labels don’t pay very much, just a few records and a small fee. But I love turning up rare stuff like this.”
Among those reissues is the Brain Police album, reissued by Texas-based Rockadelic Records. “I found their guitar player and he thought it was a great idea,” Faville says before playing me the BP’s “Election For Mayor.” It reminds me of The Lemon Pipers (“Green Tambourine”) with distinctly Byrdsy guitars. Lyric sample:
“I’ll do the most in town (election for mayor),
I’ll drill the hippies down.”
My own favorite BP lyric is from "Train Of Love": “You don’t know where to run, you don’t know where to hide, why don’t you ride my train of love."
"The song is about as goofy as it gets," says Faville. Rockadelic has also released music by late sixties San Diego rockers Framework. Faville tracked down band members, obtaining unissued 45s and other material. “I ran ads looking for the bass player for three years before he finally called me. He’d been kind of a transient, moving around a lot. He only had one tape, but it was an hour long reel to reel concert recording. I couldn’t believe it. Perfect sound quality.”
Faville says he rarely sells anything outright. “I did trade a Brain Police record I got in San Diego, to someone in France. But I’m primarily a collector.” Among his favorite memorabilia is an 8X10 photo of locals the Orfuns playing onstage in the sixties, at Ozzy’s Battle of the Bands. “That was a big deal in San Diego then. It was a guitar shop and they’d have, like, twenty bands in an afternoon. What a scene that must have been, huh?”
Other labels with Brain Police records now include Shadoks Music (Germany) and the Italian label Akarma, which reissued the original demo album in 2000.
CRAIGSLIST FUNNIES
Some excerpts from ads placed in the San Diego Music section of www.craigslist.
“Heroine addicts need not apply.” (So no Supergirl collectors)
“Need female dancers…no flukes or groupiers please.” (We’re allergic to fish)
“Must be god centered and ready and willing to spread only positive massages.” (Yeah, negative massages never have a happy ending)
“CD artwork…can provide samples on speculum.” (Said the freelance gynecologist?)
“Every day that goes by without a gig, [I] get closer to killing everyone in my neighborhood.” (Another reason to avoid living next door to a drummer)
“Looking for female dancer who sings…vocal talent not necessary. Must weigh 9 or 10 on hottie scale.” (Pounds?)
“We are revalutionery street poets none for our acapollo freestile raps.” (Turn off Showtime At The Acapollo and go buy a dictionary)
“Heavy singer looking for heavy band to make heavy music.” (What, is Meat Loaf outta work again?)
“Bing Crosby needs Bob Hope. Singing comic or funny singer needed to put together variety act…don’t be stuck up.” (Unless you're El Vez)
“Tired of playing with yourself? Let me help.” (Groupies-R-Us?)
“Metal guitarist looking to form or join group…not into Cookie Monster sounding vocals.” (So forget about me playing that Dr. Teeth reunion)
“Funeral vocalist. Fill your loved one’s farewell with heavenly music....Classical, popular, traditional. Military burials (National Anthem). At chapel, funeral home, graveside, in-home.” (Can I get that to-go?)
Scott Weiland didn’t show up for a Velvet Revolver gig at the Sundance Film Fest, just as the press quoted him saying a reunion of his old band Stone Temple Pilots is imminent. Hmmmmmm…hey, VR, I hear Sammy Hagar is looking for a job…
“Raise the battle-axe unto the skulls, In the bliss of spilling blood on enemy soil. Towards the synagogue, with thirst for Semite blood, From a trail of churches burning. Under the Haunting Moon, with sword in hand I ride and I exalt the horns of battle towards the sky. I slay the souls of the Jesuit creed, and bathe in their curdled blood.”
Lyrics from “Raise The Horns Of Battle,” by Crimson Moon
Crimson Moon is a recording unit only, comprised of two members and a drum machine. Bassist/vocalist/lyricist Scorpios and his bandmate Nocturnal Overlord (guitars, keyboards, drum programming) wear King Diamond/Kiss style Kabuki makeup – whiteface with black patches curling and dripping around their eyes and mouths to present a patina of WWF level ferocity.
They first surfaced in San Diego in 1994 with a self titled demo release, followed by 1995’s “Into the Nocturnal Forest” demo collection, earning both praise and notoriety for their straightforward and straight-faced obsession with all things occult.
Scorpios is a well-read and fascinating character who writes lengthy, learned manifestos on lucid dreaming, medieval theology and astral projection which he posts on websites (www.geocities.com/kthuluproductions) and emails to fans by request.
In songs like “The Stormbringer,” Scorpios seems to be reading incantation spells direct from some arcane text, summoning “creatures of darkness and hatred” and intoning “For I have consumed the blood that lives forever more, the blood of the Draconis, I drink the blood, the hate of Kingu rages on, the furious tempest unleashes black storms and the chaos crawls beyond the stars, to unleash fury amongst the blackened earth.”
The end passage of “Raise The Horns Of Battle,” after praising the destruction of churches and synagogues and the murder of Jews and Jesuits, includes conjurations to the unholy trinity of Lucifer, Beelzebuth and Astaroth, each ending with a cheeky “Amen.”
Crimson Moon’s 1996 debut CD “To Embrace The Vampyric Blood” (Abyss Productions) contained nine tracks and was recorded on a 4-track machine, as was a 1997 rehearsal performed with a third player on synthesizers, Khaija Ausar, which was later circulated as an “unofficial release” called “Under The Serpentine Spell.” With no new material and no stage performances over the ensuing years, it seemed the group had disbanded, but Nocturnal Overlord says Crimson Moon has recorded an album archiving all the music they have done to date, including re-recordings of their demos plus three unreleased songs.
“My lyrics in Crimson Moon are occult based and not from a horror movie or fiction book,” according to Scorpios. “It is not an image. It is what we do and we will not change this because it is getting too trendy or too hated, etc. We do this for ourselves.” He says he rarely reads fiction and especially hates “vampire novels,” but admits his lyrics are often inspired from arcane mythology. “I have studied the myths, magick and lore of not only Sumerian but Babylonian mythology as well. When I say study, I mean going further than just reading and practicing rituals from the Necronomicon. I have another ritual/acoustic project totally devoted to the Dieties of Sumeria/Babylonia called ‘Akrabu.’”
He seems so sincere, it’s simply buzzkill to point out that the “Necronomicon” is a fictional invention of 20th century gothic writer HP Lovecraft and texts purporting to have originated in this tome are of recent construct or from other sources entirely.
Discussing his views about Christianity versus Satanism on the San Diego Metal website (www.geocities.com/s_b_resistor/local.html), Scorpios said “They are actually very similar in many ways and they both need each other to exist! Satanism is not what I am into. I have studied much about it but it is basically a Judeo-Christian mutation of a religion. I prefer to go back much further in history to seek information.”
Scorpios is familiar with The Satanic Bible, written by Anton Szandor LaVey (who formed the Church of Satan in 1966), but doesn’t align himself with the philosophies set forth in this notorious book which has sold more than 600,000 copies since it was first published by Avon Books in 1969.
“If you read Ragnar Redbeard’s book ‘Might is Right,’ which came out much before LaVey was around, it is interesting to see how many of the same ideas LaVey had! I don’t consider his form of Satanism to be…true Satanism. To me, true Satanism is a form of devil worship, not psychology. The Church of Satan is not much different than any other church, perhaps a bit more honest. They still feed off their followers’ money.”
Scorpios wraps up his commentary with an unctuous grab for the wallets of his own followers – “May chaos reign…and contact Nocturnal Overlord for merchandise (shirts, long sleeves, cds stickers, new promo tape, etc.).”
After all, ancient scrolls, eyes of newt and faux Necronomicons don’t come cheap!
Crimson Moon never performed live until 2006. Core members Scorpios (bass, vocals, lyrics) and Nocturnal Overlord (guitars, keyboards, drum programming) have split and are now battling over the bandname, especially after Overlord announced an impending new CM album (sans Scorpios), with rehearsals already posted online.
“[This] material was recorded between 1997-2000 solely by Overlord on a portable four-track and with an old drum machine,” reads a post on Overlord’s MySpace page.
“Overlord was kicked out [of Crimson Moon] in September of 2006,” according to Scorpios. “This [new CM album] is another one of Overlord's desperate attempts to cause confusion…just because Overlord played in Crimson Moon in the past and decided to steal the logo, name, artwork and concepts that are beyond his limits of understanding, bought out a bunch of domain names and made a MySpace page, doesn't change the fact that he was and will forever remain, kicked out of the band.”
Scorpios has grouped with three others (including a synthesizer player from previous CM recordings) for his own version of CM, with its own new album in progress. “Overlord was not even a member of Crimson Moon when it started in 1994 and released the debut self-titled demo,” he says.
Replies Overlord, “In actuality, Scorpios was released from Crimson Moon in 2006, and has gone around making a fuss, and started childish internet drama ever since. He has even gone as far as to steal artwork, image files, HTML coding, avatars, sound files…[it’s] simply pathetic, and there is no need to explain why he was kicked out. I won’t waste any more time on this.”
Dueling MySpace pages are titled “crimsonmoon666” (Nocturnal Overlord) and “crimsonmoonofficial” (Scorpios).
ONLINE BOOTY CALLS??
Onlinebootycall.com, a local-based dating service (“finding the pieces without the puzzle”), has produced a music video with local Ho-lo-gram Records, performed by hip-hop artist Rio.
Available on YouTube and MySpace, “OK OK” features scantily clad ladies showing up at Rio’s door to shake their butts at the camera as he raps “Hit her on the web, tell her holler at ya, dog” “If you already got a man, hit me on the low” and the surefire charmer “She’s like a Sidekick, one flick of the finger and the top comes off.”
“When I first started OBC, I was the only member,” according to Bootycall founder Moses Brown. He says within three months, he had 5,000 members. “I went to chat rooms and told people about it, posted links on message boards and added banners to user groups. I also created webpages on sites like MySpace, Friendster and Blackplanet and posted banners there.” He claims the site currently has over a million members, 200,000 of them women.
“A lot girls on OBC do want bootycalls, they just don't know it yet or don't want to admit it,” he says. “However, that doesn't mean you should come out the gate with a line like ‘Hey girl, I need some ass ASAP,’ That just makes you sound like a jackass…Instead, you should be patient and use a little game, you know?”
Moses authored the “Bootycall Ten Commandments” posted on the website, including “Thou shalt get out before the sun rises,” “Thou shalt kiss anything except my mouth,” and “There shall be no cuddling. Ever!”
COLLECTING LOCAL MUSIC: W/THE BRAIN POLICE
The Brain Police were an early psychedelic garage band who, in the late sixties, opened for many national acts, including the Who, the Byrds, Cream, Jefferson Airplane, Strawberry Alarm Clock, Steppenwolf, and Buffalo Springfield.
They essentially spun off from the group the Man-Dells, with guitarists Rick Randle and Larry Grant and bassist Norman Lombardo, who were all still in junior high when that group released its first single in 1965, "Bonnie" (with "Oh No" on the flipside). The trio had also played with the Other Four. They became the Brain Police in 1968, with Rick's younger brother David Randle joining on guitar, and earned a large local following.
Local concert promoter Carey Driscoll recalls "The Brain Police were one of my favorite local bands of the late-'60s. Dave Randle is still around town...his brother David was in the news a lot for getting kicked out of school because of his hair length. He argued that it was necessary for his profession."
"The Brain Police had two lineups," says Driscoll. "Their core was a five to six piece rock band, and for some shows they were supplemented by a black, mixed gender group of singers - and maybe horns, I don't recall for sure - called the Soul Patrol, with whom the repertoire expanded to include a lot of great soul and R&B stuff."
Original Brain Police drummer Tony Johnson later played with Hoyt Axton, Mary Wells, Commander Cody, Maria Muldaur, and others. Later drummer Sid Smith - who had also played with the Roosters - left the Brain Police after their first single, to tour with Roy Head. Rick Randle went on to join Framework, as well as backing up Rita Coolidge with Brain Police bandmate Norman Lombardo. Randle also went on to play with Bighorn, Child, and the Seattle band Randle-Rosberg, which later changed its name to Striker and put out one album, in 1978.
A self-titled album recorded by the Brain Police in La Mesa in 1968 sat on a shelf for over thirty years, until it was released by the U.S. reissue label Rockadelic.
Local music historian Clark Faville can be credited with rediscovering the Brain Police and getting their music in print. His interest in local music essentially began when he found a copy of the unreleased demo album. "It’s ungodly," he says. "Ten songs ranging from Beatlesque pop to the heaviness of Blue Cheer. That’s the sound I seek out from that era - guitar based heavy rock, blues, pop and psychedelic. Stuff from 1965 to 1973 or so.”
Faville's collection now includes rare 45s, albums and live tapes from local groups like Sandi And the Accents (“They were huge from ‘63 to ‘66”), the Five Pound Grin (“They became Pale Fire and I have both their 45s”), and the Misfits (who opened for the Stones at Balboa Bowl in 1965), among others. He’s also helped gather material for a number of reissue recording projects. “The labels don’t pay very much, just a few records and a small fee. But I love turning up rare stuff like this.”
Among those reissues is the Brain Police album, reissued by Texas-based Rockadelic Records. “I found their guitar player and he thought it was a great idea,” Faville says before playing me the BP’s “Election For Mayor.” It reminds me of The Lemon Pipers (“Green Tambourine”) with distinctly Byrdsy guitars. Lyric sample:
“I’ll do the most in town (election for mayor),
I’ll drill the hippies down.”
My own favorite BP lyric is from "Train Of Love": “You don’t know where to run, you don’t know where to hide, why don’t you ride my train of love."
"The song is about as goofy as it gets," says Faville. Rockadelic has also released music by late sixties San Diego rockers Framework. Faville tracked down band members, obtaining unissued 45s and other material. “I ran ads looking for the bass player for three years before he finally called me. He’d been kind of a transient, moving around a lot. He only had one tape, but it was an hour long reel to reel concert recording. I couldn’t believe it. Perfect sound quality.”
Faville says he rarely sells anything outright. “I did trade a Brain Police record I got in San Diego, to someone in France. But I’m primarily a collector.” Among his favorite memorabilia is an 8X10 photo of locals the Orfuns playing onstage in the sixties, at Ozzy’s Battle of the Bands. “That was a big deal in San Diego then. It was a guitar shop and they’d have, like, twenty bands in an afternoon. What a scene that must have been, huh?”
Other labels with Brain Police records now include Shadoks Music (Germany) and the Italian label Akarma, which reissued the original demo album in 2000.
CRAIGSLIST FUNNIES
Some excerpts from ads placed in the San Diego Music section of www.craigslist.
“Heroine addicts need not apply.” (So no Supergirl collectors)
“Need female dancers…no flukes or groupiers please.” (We’re allergic to fish)
“Must be god centered and ready and willing to spread only positive massages.” (Yeah, negative massages never have a happy ending)
“CD artwork…can provide samples on speculum.” (Said the freelance gynecologist?)
“Every day that goes by without a gig, [I] get closer to killing everyone in my neighborhood.” (Another reason to avoid living next door to a drummer)
“Looking for female dancer who sings…vocal talent not necessary. Must weigh 9 or 10 on hottie scale.” (Pounds?)
“We are revalutionery street poets none for our acapollo freestile raps.” (Turn off Showtime At The Acapollo and go buy a dictionary)
“Heavy singer looking for heavy band to make heavy music.” (What, is Meat Loaf outta work again?)
“Bing Crosby needs Bob Hope. Singing comic or funny singer needed to put together variety act…don’t be stuck up.” (Unless you're El Vez)
“Tired of playing with yourself? Let me help.” (Groupies-R-Us?)
“Metal guitarist looking to form or join group…not into Cookie Monster sounding vocals.” (So forget about me playing that Dr. Teeth reunion)
“Funeral vocalist. Fill your loved one’s farewell with heavenly music....Classical, popular, traditional. Military burials (National Anthem). At chapel, funeral home, graveside, in-home.” (Can I get that to-go?)