THE CELEBRITY HOUSE HUNTER

“I am the Breadman, he is the Walrus, goo goo ka joob…”

Real estate broker Jeff Paiste has squired several famous musicians around San Diego in their search for decent digs to lease or rent, including Bread frontman David Gates and the late George Harrison.

“Gates is a real regular country kind of guy,” says Paiste, who once showed a north county house to the ‘70s crooner. Bread scored over a dozen top 40 hits, including “If,” “Diary,” “Everything I Own” and “Baby I’m-A Want You.” Gates still tours with a band he sometimes bills as “Bread,” and it was a local gig that inspired him to take up residence in San Diego.

“He was at 4th & B [July 12 1997] and I met him backstage. I was just there to see the show and I waited around to meet him after the show, to get him to sign one of my Bread albums. I told him I sell real estate in the area and he said ‘Cool, I was just saying that this would be a great place to own a house,’ so I gave him my business card.” He says the singer came to town to check out homes several times, eventually settling on a 7-room two story house.

Paiste also once drove the late George Harrison around San Diego, in search of another Blue Jay Way for the former Beatle to rest between Golden Slumbers.

“He was actually staying on a yacht, moored in the harbor, I think it was Eric Clapton’s [ship]. He used to come here once in awhile to meditate at Swami’s in Encinitas [aka the Self Realization Fellowship Center, a Hare Krishna concern near Swami’s Beach] and he was thinking about actually buying a house here. He said Swami’s is his favorite place to meditate outside his [UK] home and in India.”

Paiste met with Harrison at the center on K Street in 2001, before driving the former mop-top around site-seeing for houses. “He walked me through this incredible tropical garden, with koi ponds and a view of the ocean where you can look down and actually see dolphins swimming. There were a bunch of people in robes, with the ponytail on their heads, sitting on benches with their eyes closed. They looked dead but they were only meditating.”

“Inside the place, I saw another guy sitting really really still, and I said to George ‘Man, that must take practice, to sit so motionless.’ He told me ‘That’s a wax dummy, he’s not alive.’”

Harrison thought so highly of the Encinitas center that he sometimes lived on the grounds while visiting North County sitar mentor Ravi Shankar and he also donated a portion of proceeds from the 2002 re-release of his song “My Sweet Lord” to the organization. “He wanted a house within a few miles of Swami’s, but there was nothing available. We looked a few places in La Jolla but he didn’t like anything.”

Asked if he found Harrison to be the “regular guy” David Gates was, Paiste says “Well, not really. He didn’t say much, except to bitch about this or that, about traffic, about the houses, about the side of the road.”

The side of the road?

“Yeah, he couldn’t believe all the trash people throw out of their cars. We were on the highway and saw a couch on the curb, then a chair and then some busted up furniture. George looked really disgusted and said ‘You should drive the homeless around and pick this stuff up, furnish an apartment for them.’”

LOCAL WEBSITE REVIEW

Moshking.com calls itself "The best source on the net for information on all metal and guitar driven hard rock concerts, events, and local bands in the Southern California area."

It appears hair farmers and metalheads have so many places to bang their heads that Moshking's "Metal Concerts" page is updated constantly. Around 125 hard rock heavies from San Diego are listed on the "Local Bands" page, with self-penned profiles ["No more than 80 words"] and links to their own websites.

To earn a listing, the King Of Moshing insists "The band must be metal, not some funk/reggae/alternative/salsa/jazz fusion band with minuscule elements of metal mixed in. The band must have a website with MP3s, or other media, of their music. The band must be on active performance status [and] has to have played a show within a year and a half's time."

It's entertaining to read the words of locals describing their own musical endeavors.

"Cage has the conviction and integrity to make people once again feel the awesome power that only heavy metal music can provide."

"Out of the depths of blackest hell, Warface has risen, breeding a new genre of death metal, combining furious technical riffing and brutal pounding chunk. Disturbing the weak minded with a new brand of lyrical content. Warface is a San Diego based trio that exploded onto the scene with the intent to support and add to its brutality."

"Mixing the intensity of bands like Carcass and Discordance Axis, Cattle Decapitation redefine the 'goregrind' genre using highly disturbing and provocative subjects such as cannibalism, genocide and vegetarianism."

"Cessation Of Life...think of a train rolling down the tracks with almost an unmeasurable level of power. Then think of a bullet leaving the muzzle of a long-range rifle. Then add a cocktail of inner city stress, bumper to bumper traffic, toxic waste, tele-marketers calling you and then you realize it's only Monday!"

"Inner Adiction [sp] is five angry p*ssed-off musicians generated from a melting pot of influence...determined to drive heavy music back to the masses."

"From driving rockers to dark ballads, Krush's music pulses with intensity and conviction. Interwoven through all of their music is the message of salvation and new life in Jesus Christ. Krush's motto is 'Shout it from the mountain tops, and if they can't hear you, use a really loud PA!' "

Those who post on the site's "Message Board" wax philosophical about weighty subjects such as the thread topic "SoCal Sucks ss." Username LK opines that "Everybody is competitive, and nobody talks to each other." Hellcat replies with a possible solution - "Metal will benefit from the selfless contributions of all." No further postings take this train of thought any further so the consensus among metalheads seems to be that SoCal still sucks ss.

RE "Handicapped Discrimination at Rock and Roll Shows," Trashed says "A friend of mine can only purchase one extra seat in the handicapped section at several venues in Southern California...is it discriminatory to limit the number of seats that a handicapped person can purchase for a show, when the general public is allowed to purchase 4 or 6 tickets in the area adjacent or adjunct to where they have designated the handicapped may sit?" The thread ends here for now but it's a thought provoking topic worth following up on.

Unfortunately, the majority of message board postings are along the lines of "Please Check Out My New Tunes" by FreddyMedal. "I did get some response from Long Paul at KNAC for my song about the 2000 election," he says, adding "My song 'She's Got You (By The Balls)' kicks *ss!"

Of course, he later claims "I sing in the style of Danzig/Gene Simmons," so whether FreddyMedal's song kicks ss or sucks ss is open to interpretation.

The message board also offers hookup opportunities. Guitarchic is looking for a bassist and guitarist, but can't seem to make up her mind whether she wants her band to be popular or not. "Wanting to create material with depth. None of that mainstream over exploited packaged bull****. Although wanting to appeal to all audiences (musicians/mainstream)."

Burningthecross can't seem to make up her mind either. She's a female drummer who says "I am looking for death metal or doom metal, or a combo of both...I am also looking to work with nice people who are friendly and creative and open minded." Good luck.

Jamelle is a death metal singer dying to find a band. "I just have to sing...I gotta get it out. So if you like death metal, and like to play death metal (I.E. Morbid Angel, Obituary, Malevolent creation, etc.) give me a try." Don't expect Jamelle to kill himself for the gig, though. "Not willing to travel more than an hour."

Axeman is looking for a drummer and a singer. "Guitarist and bass player looking for musicians to form Megadeth tribute band. We have equipment/transportation, want to hook up with fun people and have a good time, play some gigs. No drugs, ego, attitude, etc." This begs the question "How can you impersonate Dave Mustaine without ego?"

Links appear and disappear. For awhile, one lead to "The Metal For Jesus Page." "On this site you will find lots of links to Christian metal bands, a comparison chart that compares Christian and mainstream metal bands...and lots of other cool features."

"The Bunghole" website is referred to as "The world's first exclusive Metal Search Engine," apparently for metalheads with the urge to search a Bunghole for kick ss music that doesn't suck ss.

LongHairedMen.com profiles “men with long hair and the women who love them," while CaliforniaLongHairs.com is "dedicated to the longhaired freaks of California." Organizers of the latter even throw parties to bring together the people who frequent or are featured on the site, perhaps so they can compare notes on how to clean hair clogs from the shower drain and whether brushes made of horsehair or fiber are better for keeping curls tight.

Concert reviews usually include fan-shot photos and setlists. The only show writeup recently uploaded to the site seems to be Slayer at Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre 8-24-07 (“The show started with a pentagram filled white curtain...”). Most other concert reviews look to be a year or more old.

Moshking.com bumper stickers are available in exchange for a self addressed stamped envelope. It appears this process is quite complicated to the average metalhead, judging from the site's detailed instructions:

"1. Take a regular 4 1/8 inch x 9 1/2 inch envelope, address it to yourself, and stamp it. 2. Take the first envelope, fold it up, put it in a second regular 4 1/8 inch x 9 1/2 inch envelope, and address the second envelope to: 2 Free Bumper Stickers Moshking.com Entertainment P.O. Box 1605 Glendora, CA 91740 3. stamp the second envelope and send it off. Again, please follow the instructions above carefully."

Um, perhaps some (many?) metalheads need someone to read the directions aloud FOR them?

IMO, here's the funniest pre-Spinal Tap metalhead spoof ever - Blotto, doing "Metal Head," from the classic USA program Night Flight.

And another pre-Tap classic - UK's Bad News, with members of the Young Ones, destroying Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Like this blog? Here are some related links:

OVERHEARD IN SAN DIEGO - Several years' worth of this comic strip, which debuted in the Reader in 1996: http://www.sandiegoreader.com/photos/galleries/overheard-san-diego/

FAMOUS FORMER NEIGHBORS - Over 100 comic strips online, with mini-bios of famous San Diegans: http://www.sandiegoreader.com/photos/galleries/famous-former-neighbors/

SAN DIEGO READER MUSIC MySpace page: http://www.myspace.com/sandiegoreadermusic

JAY ALLEN SANFORD MySpace page: http://www.myspace.com/jayallensanford