Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Rest Easy

Local Scientists Nearly Publish Study Linking Boner Pills with Increased Cancer Risk and Early Mortality

"Fortunately, we were able to pin the trouble on sleeping pills. I mean, people can live without sleep."

SIGHING WITH RELIEF, LA JOLLA SCRIPPS CLINIC - "For a minute there, I was questioning my whole life's purpose," says Scripps Researcher Lorenzo DiVinetti. "I mean, we've been tracking this group of men aged 45-65 for two years, and initially, it really looked like our research was pointing to Viagra as a cause of premature death. Did I really want to publish that kind of information? Did I want to be the man who killed America's erection? No, I did not. But if I didn't, what kind of scientist would I be?"

Lorenzo pauses and shudders at the memory. "Thank God for Siemens, who spotted the sleeping pill thing. It turns out, every single one of our early-mortality cases was also taking sleep aids along with their Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, or what have you. All we had to do was find one survivor who was not taking sleeping pills and who was taking pills to treat erectile dysfunction, and we were in the clear. Needless to say, we found our man - me. Unorthodox, I know, but sometimes, a scientist needs to put himself under the microscope for the good of mankind."

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Escondido planners nix office building switch to apartments

Not enough open space, not enough closets for Hickory Street plans
Next Article

Ramona musicians seek solution for outdoor playing at wineries

Ambient artists aren’t trying to put AC/DC in anyone’s backyard

Local Scientists Nearly Publish Study Linking Boner Pills with Increased Cancer Risk and Early Mortality

"Fortunately, we were able to pin the trouble on sleeping pills. I mean, people can live without sleep."

SIGHING WITH RELIEF, LA JOLLA SCRIPPS CLINIC - "For a minute there, I was questioning my whole life's purpose," says Scripps Researcher Lorenzo DiVinetti. "I mean, we've been tracking this group of men aged 45-65 for two years, and initially, it really looked like our research was pointing to Viagra as a cause of premature death. Did I really want to publish that kind of information? Did I want to be the man who killed America's erection? No, I did not. But if I didn't, what kind of scientist would I be?"

Lorenzo pauses and shudders at the memory. "Thank God for Siemens, who spotted the sleeping pill thing. It turns out, every single one of our early-mortality cases was also taking sleep aids along with their Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, or what have you. All we had to do was find one survivor who was not taking sleeping pills and who was taking pills to treat erectile dysfunction, and we were in the clear. Needless to say, we found our man - me. Unorthodox, I know, but sometimes, a scientist needs to put himself under the microscope for the good of mankind."

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Ironick?

Next Article

Reader Writer Inspires Local Biotech Firm to Create Man-Pig Chimera

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader