B-Words
Fox 5 Sports Anchor Protests Suspension Over Danica Patrick Comment "Danica is Bodacious, Bootylicious, and Boobiful. What's the problem?" "Why does the media keep describing me as sexy?" [Pictured: first results of Google Image search for Danica Patrick.] ORDERING A …
Rest Easy
Local Scientists Nearly Publish Study Linking Boner Pills with Increased Cancer Risk and Early Mortality "Fortunately, we were able to pin the trouble on sleeping pills. I mean, people can live without sleep." SIGHING WITH RELIEF, LA JOLLA SCRIPPS CLINIC …
Strong Mayor: Strong Mayor vs. His Ungrateful Media
Strong Mayor responds to Voice of San Diego's charge that he broke the law by hiring stadium consultants without contracts. "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to rule a thankless town. Strong Mayor must needs get Shakespearean on …
BREAKING! "Iran" Revealed to be Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Exxon Corp.
"Troubled" "Country" Created to Explain Fluctuation in Gas Prices to American Public "Thank God we also own CNN - 'Middle East in Crisis' is pretty much their default headline." UNITED STATES DEPT. OF RECORDS, SAN DIEGO BRANCH - "It began …
Thousands Gather in Gaslamp to Welcome Penitential Season of Lent
Zealous Roman Catholics Throng Neighborhood to Proclaim Fleeting Nature of Life, Extended Nature of Afterlife Streets echo with repeated cry of "Memento mori - remember death!" Mardi Gras celebrants engaged in frenzied worship of Jesus Christ; many of them will …
Moby-Sick
Microscopic Terror Haunts Captain and Crew of New San Diego Opera Production Opera Physician: "I see in this bug outrageous strength, with an inscrutable malice sinewing it. That inscrutable thing is chiefly what I hate; and be the virus agent, …
Reactions Mixed Over School Taser Incident
POINT LOMA -- A San Diego police officer’s use of a Taser against a 6-year-old boy Wednesday has fueled a debate over whether such force is appropriate on school campuses. The incident at Coriolanus Elementary School in Point Loma Hollow …
Newt Finds Black Support in San Diego
Presidential Candidate Tours San Diego Zoo, Meets Namesake and Friend "Politics makes strange bedfellows, but this is unprecedented." Gingrich and Methuselah, so happy together. SNIGGERING BY THE REPTILE CAGES, SAN DIEGO ZOO - Given his rather curious name, it is …
Report: Tony Gwynn "Looks Better Than Ever" After Surgery
Complicated nerve-graft surgery successfully incorporates new cyborg exoskeleton onto beloved San Diegan following tumor removal. Surgeon: "Not only did we get all the cancer, we expect to see him back in a Padres uniform come spring." Gentlemen, we have the …
V-Day: Vagina Monologues to Be Performed at Local Strip Club
Supporters of Landmark Play Seek "Maximum Exposure" for Its Vital Message of Vagina Empowerment "The vaginas are already there. We're just bringing the monologues." "The biggest danger for really provocative art is for it to be pigeonholed," says Rebecca Exley, …
Gay District: Hillcrest Proposes Huge Rainbow Flag, Rainbow Arm Patches, Rainbow Gates for Neighborhood
Measure to Clarify Neighborhood's Brand Receives Support from Across Political Spectrum "It's a mark of distinction. We want people to know who we are." WONDERING WHY THERE ARE SO MANY SONGS ABOUT RAINBOWS, CORNER OF NORMAL AND UNIVERSITY - “In …
Sorry, Wrong Conference
CIA Researcher Accidentally Reports on Government Plan to Destroy Black Community at National Black HIV/AIDS Day Conference in Lincoln Park "What crack cocaine did for us in the '80s, AIDS can do for us today." TUBMAN-CHAVEZ MULTICULTURAL CENTER, SAN DIEGO …
Giffords Shooter Doc: Giffords Shooter Making Heroic Progress Toward Full Recovery
San Diego-Based Federal Judge Postpones Giffords Shooter Trial, Expresses Admiration for How Far Giffords Shooter Has Come Already "Our prayers are with you, and we look forward to the day when you can resume your place among us." LAST CALL …
Judges Say Gay Stay Still in Play in CA for Today
The 9th Circuit Court of Federal Appeals today issued a decision rejecting Proposition 8's Constitutional ban on gay marriage in California. However, it also left in place a stay on gay marriage put in place by a lower court, pending …
Local Pro-Life Group Piggybacks on PETA Whale Slavery Case
After Animal-Rights Group Sues on Behalf of San Diego Sea World's Orcas, Pro-Lifers Jump into Nonperson Lawsuit Scrum BBB Head Matthews: "If someone can sue on behalf of a whale, then we can sue on behalf of a fetus." TAKING …
Strong Mayor: Snapdragon's Secret Weapon!
Even the mightiest mayor may have a sweet tooth... Related.
Eat Local!
Chef Jeff Jackson of The Lodge at Torrey Pines' A.R. Valentein restaurant announces special addition to seafood menu. Jackson: "A.R. Valentein's award-winning farm-to-table program puts us in a unique position to take advantage of special, limited-time opportunities arising from particular …
San Onofre Spokesman: "Radiation Still Within Acceptable Levels."
Nuclear Regulatory Officer Frank Drebbin: "There's nothing to see here." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NNOrp_83RU