Medical Marijuana Dispensaries Begin Implementing "Pop-Up" Locations
Popular Restaurant Trend Inspires Retailers to Sell Product at Temporary "Streetcorner Shops." "I don't know why we didn't think of this before." CORNER OF 30TH AND IMPERIAL, JUST AROUND MIDNIGHT - Marshall Samuelson had a problem. The Federal Government had …
La Jolla Stem Cell Laboratory Replaced with "Labattoiry"
MUTTERING SOMETHING ABOUT A BRAVE NEW WORLD, LA JOLLA - The quest to follow the German philosopher Gottfried Leibniz's dictum that we "put nature on the rack" and figure out how to twist it to our own ends will greatly …
SANDAG Releases 2050 Regional Travel Plan
Report's surprising title: 2050: The Return of the Horse Critics say Association's predictions of dystopian future in which automobiles are "forgotten relics of a bygone age" are "unnecessarily pessimistic." Others praise plan's "forward-thinking vision of a greener San Diego County." …
San Diego Pastor Calls Tim Tebow "God's Quarterback"
Megachurch Pastor Sees Almighty's Hand at Work in Chargers' Loss "Everybody thought Christ was a failure, too - right up until the Big Game on Easter Sunday." When Tim Tebow put in an appearance at the Sunday morning worship service …
Local Pro-Life Group Protests Maltreatment of Fin-Whale Fetus
San Diego Chapter of the Baby Burial Brigade Demands "Dignified Burial at Sea" for Whale Fetus Found on Beach "Just because it's a whale fetus doesn't mean it isn't a person. Well, it does mean it isn't a person, but …
Fin Whales Vow to Re-Occupy Point Loma Beach
Outraged, Enormous Mammals to Continue Protest at Point Loma Wastewater Treatment Plant Despite Eviction by Authorities Translated whalesong: "They've been dumping their crap on us for too long. The system is broken, and something has to change." REMOTE STRETCH OF …
Coach Turner Promises Miracle Turnaround for His Fantasy Football Team
Embattled Coach-Provocateur Says He Laments Injuries, Refuses to Blame Woes on Players, Expects Better Things in Near Future "I'll miss Cutler, but have you seen Tebow's numbers over the past couple of weeks? Kid is on fire!" INSIDE THE SITUATION …
Daddy Issues
Ocotillo Wells Teen Claims Paternity of Lakeside resident Mariah Yeater's Justin Beiber-Hoax Baby "She's purty. And famouser than me. And now I want to tell the story of our wild night together!" LISTENING AS THE GEARS OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION GRIND …
A Peek Behind the Curtain
Dearest SD on the QT readers: We here at SD on the QT prefer, as a rule, not to show you how the sausage is made. Journalism isn't always a pretty business, especially when you're getting the "news you won't …
Papa's Got A Brand New Rag
To Celebrate Acquisition of Union-Tribune "Papa Doug" Manchester Adopts New Familial Nickname." "No more 'Papa.' Just call me 'Big Brother'!" GATHERING UP EVERYTHING THAT ISN'T BOLTED DOWN, UNION TRIBUNE HEADQUARTERS IN MISSION VALLEY - Well, it's official: Doug "Big Pappy" …
UCSD: Best Prank Ever
Senior Class Fabricates Existence of Korean "Artist," Cons Stuart Collection into Hanging House Off Edge of Seven-Story Building Stuart Collection Curator Attempts to Save Face: "Actually, joke's on them: this prank is so genius that it ascends to the level …
Taxi Drivers to Be Heard on Decency Demands
Livery Laborers Lament Lardy Lovers' Lecherous Liasons "Yaa Raabi - put that sh*t away!" Attention, amorous San Diegans, especially those of you helping to make this the 10th most obese city in the nation: San Diego's taxi drivers want you …
Growth Market
Playboy Enterprises Inc. Gives $40 Million Grant to Local Biotech Orgonovo to Speed Production of "Organ Printer" "We believe this product has the potential to enhance the lives of millions of men, if you know what we mean." FEVERISHLY TRACKING …
Put It on a Postcard!
San Diego Selects Unfinished Central Library as City's Official "Iconic Image" "When you've got weather like this..." Much has been made over the proposal to erect a pair of 500-foot titanium rabbit ears at the end of the Midway Museum …
UCSD Responds to Cheating Report: "We Prefer to Think of It As Preparing Students for Success."
UCSD Dept. of Graduate Admissions: "If by 'cheating,' you mean 'optimizing performance,' then I'm not sure why we're having this conversation." "Anyone who has a problem with appropriating someone else's work as their own has obviously never been on the …
Vanity Fair, Vanity Fair, All Is Vanity Fair
City of Chula Vista Demands, Receives Apology from Fancy National Magazine "Who you callin' 'sputtering'? Have you even seen Eastlake?" BORED TO DEATH IN THE DULLEST CITY IN AMERICA - "Sometimes," said Chula Vista Mayor Cheryl Cox, "it feels like …
"Don't Worry, There Will Be Eggs"
Plan for 500-foot "Rabbit Ears" sculpture on Navy Pier elicits confusion, concern. "Everybody loves bunnies!" SIX ROUNDS IN AT THE WATERFRONT BAR, DOWNTOWN - "Rabbits," slurred Midway Aircraft Carrier Museum Director Anton Marshall. "San Diego and rabbits. San Diego IS …
Efforts by San Diegan Help Critically Endangered Chupacabra
FEVERISHLY DIALING THE PEOPLE AT ANIMAL PLANET - As recently as five years ago, the Chupacabra was in danger of becoming a myth. Only three were thought to remain in the wild, and an effort to house one at the …
Stopping the Brown Tide
Critics Say Plan to Rebuild U.S.-Mexico Pacific Ocean Border Fence Will Do Little to Stop Influx of Invasive Brown Kelp "A six-inch gap is more than enough room for these buggers to slip through and take up spots once held …
Senior Volunteer Police Association Endorses District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis
On Thursday afternoon, just after naptime but before the early-bird specials start at Denny's and IHOP, the California Reserve Senior Peace Officers Association announced its endorsement of District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis for mayor of San Diego. The group, made up …
Philip Rivers to Coach Turner: "Please Stop Making Me Throw All Those Interceptions"
Unsubtle, Earnest Quarterback Begs Coach-Provocateur To Be Allowed to Throw to Teammates "Frankly, I don't understand it. What kind of playbook has interception patterns?" DAWN OUTSIDE OUR LADY OF EXCELLENCE CHURCH, AFTER SPENDING ALL NIGHT IN PRAYER - In a …
Unhappy Ending?
In Snafu, SDPD Permits & Licensing Unit Reports on Massage Parlors Wind Up on Happy Ending Review Site "We meant to shut Hana Spa down. Instead, we doubled their business." TOWELING OFF AND COUNTING OUT THE $120 FOR THE TIP, …
In Bold Step Forward, Patrick Henry High School Selects Husky Lesbian Couple as Left and Right Offensive Tackle
Coaches Cite "Toughness, Rage, and a Low Center of Gravity" as Deciding Factors in Historic Gesture "These young ladies have been mocked by jocks their whole lives. Now they're sharing their pain by bringing the hurt." SORTING OUT LOCKER ROOM …
In Bold Step Forward, Patrick Henry High School Selects Pretty Lesbian Couple As Homecoming King and Queen
Fellow Students Cite Hotness As Crucial Deciding Factor in Historic Gesture "Up until now, they've all been kind of butch. At least we can imagine these two kissing." EAGERLY ANTICIPATING THE INCORPORATION OF THIS STORY INTO A PLOT POINT ON …
Three's a Trend: Will "Jack the Stripper" Strike Again?
It began with Rebecca Zahau, the 32-year-old woman found bound, naked, and hanged by her neck from the second-floor balcony of a Coronado mansion. The death was ruled a suicide, but questions persisted: why did she bind herself first? Why …