Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

South Park Cat Tales: The Red Rover (#3)

October 20th, 2009 A.D.C.

I'm an easy-going cat, not too finicky a feline.

(Poster's Note: Ahem.)

Now, I know Two Legs will disagree but he's only human. I forgive him.

(Poster's Note: Sigh.)

But there is a very distinct difference between what I require and what I desire. In fact, the list for what I desire really depends on my mood. For example, there are times where this box just isn't big enough for Two Legs and I. I need to get out and run and smell whatever I smell outside of the window. But there are times where there is no better place than here. The list of requirements goes like this, and in no cat-ticular order:

Food and water, sleep, a clean litter box, attention, cat nip, the red thing that zips along the floor and walls and is terribly elusive.

See? That's not much.

(Poster's Note: Wait. The red thing that- oh! She means the laser pointer. She loves that thing.)

The food and water for obvious reasons, as well as the clean litter box. The sleep because you humans seem to think only a third of the day sleeping is enough but you couldn't be any more wrong. The attention because, well, I deserve it. The cat nip because right up there with purring, there is no better high. But what I want to talk about is that red dot, that sneaky little bastard.

Now, I don't know if you Uprighters-

(Poster's Note: By the way, I submitted the word "uprighter" to UrbanDictionary.com but the "editors" rejected it. Apparently cold jerky and Uncle Grubby's Special are more what they're looking for.)

-have anything that completely grabs you by the instinct and nothing, and I mean nothing, can get it to let go but that's what this is like. I have learned over the years that I can never actually catch it, as I only get a mouth-full of the carpet or wall, but the thrill is definitely not gone.

When Alo was around, the competition to catch the red bastard was fierce. He was a good bit bigger than me so I usually got out of his way but the times I didn't I regretted. Though a cat his size gets tired quicker so while he would catch his breath, Two Legs and I would keep my hunting skills intact, just him and I.

Now, I know why Two Legs only plays at certain times in the day. It's because he knows it tires me out and I won't bother him in the middle of the night. I'll be sleeping. So I'll just let him keep on believing that.

(Poster's Note: Wait. What?)

Sure, it really does tire me out and sometimes it can make me sleepy enough to sleep for a little while but I usually just take a me-nap and then I'm ready to go again. So I scream, "Hello?" in a very exaggerated tone so Two Legs knows that not only do I know he's in the other room but that I'm also not acknowledging his presence because he is not acknowledging mine by going to sleep. Over time I have learned that screaming all night gets me nothing more than a sore throat so now I just play loudly with every single toy available, those stupid fake mice included.

But really, all I want is to catch the red dot. It is very quick and agile. If it had fur and whiskers I might think it was one of me. I mean, not as fantastic as me of course but you know what I'm meowing about.

And now, a very wise quote:

"After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference." ~~Charlotte Gray

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Too $hort & DJ Symphony, Peppermint Beach Club, Holidays at the Zoo

Events December 19-December 21, 2024

October 20th, 2009 A.D.C.

I'm an easy-going cat, not too finicky a feline.

(Poster's Note: Ahem.)

Now, I know Two Legs will disagree but he's only human. I forgive him.

(Poster's Note: Sigh.)

But there is a very distinct difference between what I require and what I desire. In fact, the list for what I desire really depends on my mood. For example, there are times where this box just isn't big enough for Two Legs and I. I need to get out and run and smell whatever I smell outside of the window. But there are times where there is no better place than here. The list of requirements goes like this, and in no cat-ticular order:

Food and water, sleep, a clean litter box, attention, cat nip, the red thing that zips along the floor and walls and is terribly elusive.

See? That's not much.

(Poster's Note: Wait. The red thing that- oh! She means the laser pointer. She loves that thing.)

The food and water for obvious reasons, as well as the clean litter box. The sleep because you humans seem to think only a third of the day sleeping is enough but you couldn't be any more wrong. The attention because, well, I deserve it. The cat nip because right up there with purring, there is no better high. But what I want to talk about is that red dot, that sneaky little bastard.

Now, I don't know if you Uprighters-

(Poster's Note: By the way, I submitted the word "uprighter" to UrbanDictionary.com but the "editors" rejected it. Apparently cold jerky and Uncle Grubby's Special are more what they're looking for.)

-have anything that completely grabs you by the instinct and nothing, and I mean nothing, can get it to let go but that's what this is like. I have learned over the years that I can never actually catch it, as I only get a mouth-full of the carpet or wall, but the thrill is definitely not gone.

When Alo was around, the competition to catch the red bastard was fierce. He was a good bit bigger than me so I usually got out of his way but the times I didn't I regretted. Though a cat his size gets tired quicker so while he would catch his breath, Two Legs and I would keep my hunting skills intact, just him and I.

Now, I know why Two Legs only plays at certain times in the day. It's because he knows it tires me out and I won't bother him in the middle of the night. I'll be sleeping. So I'll just let him keep on believing that.

(Poster's Note: Wait. What?)

Sure, it really does tire me out and sometimes it can make me sleepy enough to sleep for a little while but I usually just take a me-nap and then I'm ready to go again. So I scream, "Hello?" in a very exaggerated tone so Two Legs knows that not only do I know he's in the other room but that I'm also not acknowledging his presence because he is not acknowledging mine by going to sleep. Over time I have learned that screaming all night gets me nothing more than a sore throat so now I just play loudly with every single toy available, those stupid fake mice included.

But really, all I want is to catch the red dot. It is very quick and agile. If it had fur and whiskers I might think it was one of me. I mean, not as fantastic as me of course but you know what I'm meowing about.

And now, a very wise quote:

"After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference." ~~Charlotte Gray

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

South Park Cat Tales: An Encounter With a New Friend (#4)

Next Article

Dear Mr. Fantasy

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader