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Response to: Kissing Cousins (errr, mothers) and Interracial Dating
Thank you Refried for your always gentlemanly and enlightened point of view. SDaniels, yes...ethnic studies and it's various theorists and literatures was my specialty in undergrad and grad. I do not, however, take comfort in its confinement within the walls of dusty libraries or echoey academic halls. I am more interested in the way the majority seems to continue to code race in bianaristic, simplistic terms without thought. I am also interested in how happy everyone is with that. I fight to change it in small ways like bringing up issues in normative settings with rational and capable people. At least we will get to collectively question and discuss the status quo and what it represents for various groups. Mostly, I'm just trying to speak up and provide the opinion of another in a mostly reasonable way : ) But back to AntiG for a moment....I forgot to say I disagreed with your Freudian interpretation of attraction to those who raised us. That would mean that my type is brown and as I said I have no type other than nice arms. I ahve been attracted to amny different kinds of men and I mean that in way that includes characteristics beyond race. I believe everyone is capable of learning and growing beyond their upbringing. I would be a very different woman if I had been unable to do this.— September 22, 2009 7:15 p.m.
Response to: Kissing Cousins (errr, mothers) and Interracial Dating
Anti- I hear what you're saying. Like I said, I respect a no apologies, say it like it is approach. It seems more responsible. Fish-sorry for the incorrect reference. I was generally using Abby just to signify the advice column idea. I should have been more clear. And...some troglodytes are funny, smart and scintilating which might upgrade them to attractive...I mean if they're not impossible to look at : )— September 22, 2009 2:19 p.m.
Hell to the No
Refried....I am speechless and simultaneously not surprised. What a psycho! Thanks for sharing that it was fantastic.— September 16, 2009 4:25 p.m.
A Hot Tub, A Stripper, and An Escort
I think it was weed they were smoking, but the ticking came from the drugs they did before joining the hot tub. And yes, I do think that bad skin is a consequence of frequent drug use. I am not a doctor, but when I was in college this was a consistent characteristic among heavy druggies.— September 8, 2009 5:52 p.m.
Hell to the No
Thanks SD and AntiG, You ladies are fantastically awesome....and not just because you read my s***.— September 7, 2009 12:35 a.m.
Hell to the No
Oh Refried, your description of a "man who can look you in the eyes, smile, and simply tell you that he would like to spend time with you," seems like a distant dream that makes me weak in the knees just thinking about it. P.S. I wholeheartedly agree with your interpretation of the article. P.P.S to all, I think its interesting that this is the second piece I have written where observation and experience are interpreted or coded using the word "bitter." I think that is a difficult label to shake as you get older and remain single. Perhaps many bitter women have ruined it for the rest of us, but I think we should be allowed to have discretion and learn from our past experiences without this tired word being applied to our intellect. I am just no longer willing to settle and I like that about my adult self.— September 6, 2009 8:04 p.m.
Leaving O.B.
I used to live over the hill by Stumps. You are so right. That area really feels like a no man's land (perhaps the Valley of the Ashes). It's something you pass by with a slight shudder. Many of the apartments have faces that are nice enough, but underneath they are in constant decay. Stumps always carries the faint odor of this rot. Boo. Well...at least your garbage disposal works...and you are very close...and the library is close by...and you get to have a new perspective. Just move back when you get the chance.— September 4, 2009 7:38 a.m.
Kissing Cousins (errr, mothers) and Interracial Dating
I think many aspects of this conversation are cultural and specific to us in the United States. It is always dubious/dangerous to use words like weird because it is too closely related to abnormal. Many other cultures are naturally more openly affectionate that those of us in the U.S. In fact many non-Americans find it weird that we don't touch more. They find it cold that we don't feel comfortable snuggling up with the people who brought us into this world. I think a broader solution for judging things as "weird" and thus, "not for us" would be to question/evaluate the reason for our feelings that this behavior or situation is one that is abnormal for our lives. If we did this, we might in fact find the prejudices that we all have inside ourselves (no matter how liberal we think we are). Once we identify them, we can challenge them for their validity. It's too easy, dare I say, and a cop out, to say "it's just not my thing," particularly about matters of race. Race is not a hair color, nor a height difference, nor any external only characteristic. It is a subject that is rife with history, complexity, and relevence. The rest of us can say what we like and weigh in on this distant situation, but how would this African-American man feel if he knew she said "I'm not racist or anything, that's just not my thing?" Would the mutual friends tell him the truth? Why or why not?— August 31, 2009 9:30 p.m.
Hell to the No
Antig-no doubt with the Twittering madness. I contemplated gettin on, just to see what was going on. I don't really get that whole thing. SDan-I'm sorry you are dating your job. That is awful. I recently realized I have an abusive relationship with the ocean. He doesn't text me, but he gives me a sound beating one day then lulls me apologetically the next. I can't stop going back for more (I think my surfboard is an enabler). Rick-Ha,ha. Luckily for me, it has been at least 3 weeks since I have recieved a text message ask-out.— August 31, 2009 6:53 a.m.
Bijan Learns to Surf
This was fantastic. It reminded me about my early days of being a beginner when every small mushy wave felt like a triumph. Where did Bijan take lessons? I love that they had him on the Indo board to practice. Perhaps I need a refresher course since my level of beginning has become a battle with frustration. It was great to be reminded of the very beginning and the fun of it all.— August 30, 2009 3:37 p.m.