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Your Week — Daily event picks
Two Celebrities, Two Sad Incidents
And to think this guy has gotten intimate with Jolie and Halle Berry. There is no God!— April 12, 2009 9:53 p.m.
Pirates
Maybe Sea World would rent the seals?— April 12, 2009 9:50 p.m.
Comedians Stealing Material
Do you like fishsticks?— April 12, 2009 9:47 p.m.
At the Movies
The trick is to not squeeze so hard. Hold it lightly.— April 5, 2009 2:16 p.m.
More Police, More Problems
I feel bad for that cop. I feel bad for the people in the car too. But the cop was in a no-win situation and now it's cost him his career. I hope he gets another chance somewhere.— April 4, 2009 1:51 p.m.
Teenage Tagger Tagged
Everytime I walk into a bathroom somewhere and see that some f-ing loser went to the trouble to tag it up I just shake my head. Really? This is how you want people to think of you? You want to claim this bathroom? Hit yourself in the head, try to get a couple neurons firing. When I see it on someone's wall, or public property, then I get pissed. Why don't you f-ing losers get a real job where you have to work your ass off to have anything nice, then watch as some loser like you comes along and destroys it for some 21st century version of "kilroy was here". Nobody gives a f#@k if you were here! Nobody cares if this is your neighborhood, except the losers like you from the next neighborhood over. Why don't you all just kill yourselves and leave the rest of us out of it.— April 4, 2009 12:03 a.m.
Show Me the Money
Gotta remember this line next time I'm trying to pick someone up: "Hey baby, wanna' be a partner in my consortium?" It'll make 'em melt.— April 2, 2009 2:42 a.m.
A Real Life Spiderman
I guess the termites on the ark went on a 40 day fast. As XTC said: Dear god, Hope you got the letter, And I pray you can make it better down here. I dont mean a big reduction in the price of beer, But all the people that you made in your image, See them starving on their feet, cause they dont get enough to eat From god, I cant believe in you. Dear god, Sorry to disturb you, But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear. We all need a big reduction in amount of tears, And all the people that you made in your image, See them fighting in the street, cause they cant make opinions meet, About god, I cant believe in you. Did you make disease, and the diamond blue? Did you make mankind after we made you? And the devil too! Dear god, Dont know if you noticed, But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book. Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look, And all the people that you made in your image, Still believing that junk is true. Well I know it aint and so do you, Dear god, I cant believe in, I dont believe in, I wont believe in heaven and hell. No saints, no sinners, No devil as well. No pearly gates, no thorny crown. Youre always letting us humans down. The wars you bring, the babes you drown. Those lost at sea and never found, And its the same the whole world round. The hurt I see helps to compound, That the father, son and holy ghost, Is just somebodys unholy hoax, And if youre up there youll perceive, That my hearts here upon my sleeve. If theres one thing I dont believe in... Its you, Dear god.— April 2, 2009 2:35 a.m.
Life in Tijuana under drug cartel violence
The solution to all this violence that is tearing Mexico apart, and the solution to America's budget problems too, is to stop beating our heads against the wall, admit that prohibition doesn't work, and legalize (and tax) weed.— April 2, 2009 2:23 a.m.
Have you ever been on TV?
Does that monitor in the bank when you're standing in line count?— April 2, 2009 2:01 a.m.