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Jay Allen Sanford

Jay Allen Sanford is a Reader contributor. See staff page for published articles.

The Brothers Gow, true bros who are going somewhere

Outtakes: IN WHAT FICTIONAL UNIVERSE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? Bastine: “Peter Pan’s Neverland sounds like a pretty sweet place.” Church: “That ‘70s Show. Just enough technology back then, but not too much.” Merrill: “I would be a hobbit in the Shire, laughing, drinking, and merry-making the days away.” Wade: “Frank Miller’s Sin City.” USELESS TRIVIA? Bastine: “Bulls are actually color-blind and do not get enraged at the color red.” Church: “I can sing every state in America in alphabetical order.” Merrill: “Every person has a unique tongue print.” Wade: “Caterpillars breathe from their feet.” Walsh-Haines: “Apparently, the average person swallows seven spiders a year in their sleep.” ANYTHING MISSING IN YOUR WORLD? Church: “A Modulus 6-string bass guitar.” Wade: “A theoretical Great Dane by the name of Odin.” SOMETHING YOU NEVER RUN OUT OF? Bastine: “Medicinal herb.” Church: “Coconut curry chicken.” Merrill: “Box of Snickers.” Wade: “Cigarettes, of course.” Walsh-Haines: “Pollo asada burritos, which is to say I late-night shop a lot.” WHAT REMAINS ON YOUR BUCKET LIST? Bastine: “Play a show at Red Rocks.” Walsh-Haines: “Sleep under the Northern Lights.” WHO DO PEOPLE SAY YOU LOOK LIKE? Bastine: “Fabio.” Merrill: “Robert Downey, Jr.” Wade: “I’ve heard Leonardo DiCaprio and Vince Vaughn, for some reason.” WORST INJURY? Church: “Broken femur in seventh grade from a bone cyst. Two surgeries and two years later, I was back to normal. If the cyst was two inches higher, it could have stunted my growth.” Merrill: “When I was in third grade, I rode down our steep driveway in my sister’s fake baby carriage, and I flew all the way into the street head first. I got a concussion, scraped up half of my face so I looked like Two-Face, and had to get a bridge to fix my teeth.” Wade: “A motorcycle accident which landed me in the hospital. Luckily, I was wearing my helmet and my riding jacket that day.” Walsh-Haines: “I got hit by a bike when I was a kid and the bone in my leg broke out of the skin.” EVER BEEN A CRIME VICTIM? Wade: “In Tucson, I was robbed at gunpoint on more than one occasion.” Walsh-Haines: “I set my room on fire in college by accident, which I suppose means I victimized myself.” DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? Bastine: “I’m more of a science man myself.” Wade: “As in God? Or divine creation? Or pulling rabbits out of hats? No. However, misdirection and illusion can be very captivating.”
— March 26, 2014 1:24 p.m.

Partied with Page

These outtakes include a 'graph from the intro mentioning the full names of the other band members, which was (oddly) edited out of the article before publication: Bassist Ronnie Hough describes their music as “Straightforward hard rock,” while singer Cary Rothman says it’s “Hard alternative rock with a bit of ‘80s, ‘90s, and now." IN WHAT FICTIONAL UNIVERSE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? Kevin: “How about the America they told us about in school?” WHAT WOULD YOU TELL THE YOUNGER YOU? Cary: “Don’t do meth.” Kevin: “I don’t know, buy Microsoft?” SOMETHING YOU NEVER RUN OUT OF? Cary: “Coffee creamer.” Peter: “Dark chocolate.” Ronnie: “Lots of food.” Kevin: “Coffee and cigarettes.” Dino: “Bottled water.” WORST INJURY? Cary: “A 90mph fastball in my lower jawbone. I thought I was dead.” Kevin: “I nearly severed my right index finger cutting tortillas at a Mexican restaurant when I was eighteen, and it’s been a little crooked ever since.” Dino: “Passing kidney stones.” WHERE DO YOU TAKE OUT-OF-TOWN GUESTS? Dino: “Crystal Pier, Poma’s Deli in Ocean Beach, and Di Leones Italian Restaurant in El Cajon.” ANY REGRETS? Cary: “Meth.” SOMETHING WE DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU? Cary: “I’m smart, sexy, and screwed up.” Peter: “I take a bath and a shower on a daily basis.” Ronnie: “I’ve never ridden on a train.” Kevin: “I once almost became a pastor.” Dino: “I’m a third degree Black Belt in Tang Soo Do.”
— February 13, 2014 11:18 a.m.

How the Breaking Bad finale lied to you (and why you were so easily fooled)

Wow, thanks for making me aware of Gilligan's response! He only mildly disproves my theory, saying he’s glad viewers have their own varying interpretations of his craft, but he goes no further than saying “It wasn’t a dream.” Well, I never said that – I theorized that everything after Mr. White tried to steal the car was a dying hallucination fashioned in his imagination. You WAKE UP from a dream, but I still believe White was rewriting his autobiography in his head in his final moments before freezing to death - it's canny of Gilligan to keep encouraging speculation as the marketing machine winds up to sell the Complete Breaking Bad DVDs and Blu-rays... Regarding your comment "That Twilight Zone Episode is what really won me over though, just, WHOA! Not Bad my friend. Your organization was really good too. I wonder the difference it would've made if you inserted that Twilight remark at the very beginning instead of saving it for last." I wrote the piece very stream-of-consciousness, just after the finale first aired - many of my best points didn't turn up until weeks later in this comments section, especially after I watched the rebroadcast and found still more evidence to back my theory. That second viewing showed I was slightly wrong about minor points like "no guards" and perhaps the final overhead shot but, even allowing for those, there's simply no way of otherwise explaining a couple of dozen other things I've noted. Worth mentioning perhaps is that I'd never SEEN Breaking Bad until shortly before the finale! I digested the entire series over a nearly sleepless BB marathon that preceded the finale broadcast - as such, the entire story was as fresh in my mind as it could possibly be when I wrote the above article.
— February 1, 2014 5:38 a.m.

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