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GIN and Ironic
Evan flew into a huge mound of plastic trash bags, tumbled and rolled, still hogtied. A young couple was sitting in front of it, with a sign behind them 'If we make trash, what will the young people live in? Trash.' They saw everything. The dude ran over to Evan, while the chick immediately got on her cell hpone to call 911. The Royal Marines returned on foot. One went to the young lady and said "That won't be necessary. He's a bit tipsy and fell out of the car, is all. Be a good lass and hand it over." She did. The other Royal Marine went over to Evan, and pulled him out of the plastic trash bags, cut his restraints off, pulled him up, and shoved him to the edge of the sidewalk. "Have a seat, yeah?" Evan groaned, and said "What do you want?" "Remove your boot, if you please." Evan wore custom Nevados, with back inserts that protected against Achilles heel injuries. He removed the boot where he got shot. "Have a look, man." Evan looked at his boot, and a rubber blemish showed that he'd been shot with a rubber bullet. Then Evan looked closer RM "What's that stand for, do you think, Evan?" "Royal Marines." said Evan, putting his boot back on. "There's a swell and likely fellow. Come on then, to the pub for drinks. Shall you join us?" "Yeah, why not?" "You're not a frightful fellow, are you Evan?" "You mean do I scare easily?" said Evan Will, looking the Royal Marine in his eyes. "Right-o." "Fear will take you down quicker than anything." said Evan. "Yeah, that's it. Off we go then." Andy Gibb - 'Everlasting Love' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BueDvcy5by0&featur…— August 2, 2010 2:33 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
Evan was wiggling in the backseat of the Jaguar, loosening the restraints around him, while watching the two Englishmen in the front seats. Evan, for all his faults, had never bought into the English. They propogated the notion that they were our oldest ally. No, they are our oldest enemy. France is our oldest ally. The last thing you want to do is trust an Englishman. WHAM The passenger reached back and smacked Evan Will on one of his knees, really hard with his pistol. "Be still. I'll knick your bloody knee." He said to Evan, pointing the pistol at Evan's knee. The driver said "Evan, you're going to be thrown out of this vehicle in a matter of moments. The rate of speed at which this happens, as well as your condition upon ejection will rely strictly on your answer to the following question - who is the president of the United States of America?" "Barack Obama." said Evan Will. "You'll do well to remember that. In the future I mean. On into the future. Shove off, then." The passenger opened a back door and shoved Evan out at 30 miles per hour, bound and tied. Hot Hot Heat - 'Bandages' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3N9iSBanTs— August 2, 2010 12:46 a.m.
GIN and Ironic
Evan was talking it up with Tim Versace, fairly drunk. Tony Smarts walked in, and said to the bartender "I got these reusable, environmental friendly canvas bags for sale. Can I talk to someone? Evan Will and Tim Versace were talking it up, fairly drunk. Tony Smarts was short, squat, had a mashed up nose, and wore a suit, because his body looked like the Thing. He had grown up on the mean streets of the city with the big shoulders, Chicago, Illinois. He threw beef sides onto trucks, in beef packing plants. He said "Bar keep, I got these reusable, canvas sales bags for sale, can I speak with someone?" Tony Smarts showed the bar tender his sample bag, opened it a little, and inside was an incredible amount of cash. Something under 100k. "Right over there." said the bar tender. Tony Smarts walked by Evan Will and Tim Versace, to the elder owner. They spoke in whispers. "You're the golfer?" said the owner. "Right." "I've heard of you. Keep it nice, like on a golf course, capische?" "Capiche." said Tony Smarts. He went toward Tim Versace, and growled "C'mere." Tim Versace looked over at the obvious mobster and looked over at Evan Will. Tim Versace didn't like mobsters, and certainly had no intention of dealing with one. "What's going on?" asked Evan Will, standing up. "I got this bag full of cash, and I'm ready to buy. This snake wants your money, I just want your attention." Tony Smarts showed Evan the money. "You want to buy my Fiero?" "Do I look damn skippy?" asked Tony Smarts. Evan looked at Tim Versace. No response. Ordinarily, when he saw cash money, he said 'Theres my down payment', but Tim didn't deal with mobsters. Tim shook his head. Evan had dealt with mobsters practically his whole life, and if you counted this moment, then his whole entire life. He leapt up, and said "You want to see the Fiero? I won't take less than 30k for my babe." "I do want to see her. But can I show a Jaguar for just in case?" "Where?" asked Evan. "Right outside." "Sure." replied Evan. They walked outside and there was a 2011 Jaguar. Nice. Then, two men popped out of either door, pointing pistols at Evan Will, and one said "Down you go, be a good mate." Evan turned to run, and both men shot at his feet. A round struck home, and Evan Will went down. One of the men ran to him, and wrapped his hands and feet in a rope. "There we are, Evan. Have you got a care in the world?" No response. "Then up and at 'em, eh?" The man pulled Evan up, and put him in the Jaguar. Arctic Monkeys - 'I Bet that you look good on the Dance Floor': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm69M3jtZl4&featur…— August 1, 2010 10:01 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
[Verse Three: B.G. Knocc Out] Welllllllll.. it's the Knocc Out, definition original baby gangsta Approach me like you hard, mothersucker I'ma bank ya Shank ya, with my funky shank, if I haveta Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dogg are just actors Pranksters, studio gangstas, busters But this time you're dealin with some real mothe***kers G's, nigga please, don't try to step cause if you do, then a pealed cap is all that would be left See young niggaz like me, will break ya off somthin Claimin my city, but Dre you ain't from Compton Niggaz like y'all is what I call wannabeez and ain't shit compared to real mutha***kin city G's "Yo Dre, what's up?" {*bang*} [Verse Four: Eazy-E] I never met a O.G., who never did sh!t wrong You tried to diss the Eazy-E, so now nigga it's on You and your Doggy Dogg, think that y'all hoggin sh!t Both of you bitches, can come and suck my doggy dikk Beatin up a bitch don't make you shi!, but then again some niggaz think it makes a man Damn it's a trip how a nigga could switch so quick from wearin lipstick, to smokin on chronic at pic-nics And now you think you're bigger But to me you ain't nothin but a bitch-ass nigga that ain't worth a food stamp And at Death Row, I hear you're gettin treated like boot camp Gotta follow your sargeant's directions Or get your ass pumped with a Smith & Wesson Learn a lesson from the E's Stay in your place and don't step to real compton city G's! [repeat 5X] "Yo Dre, what's up?" {*bang*} "Boy you should have known by now.." "Yo Dre, what's up?" {*bang*} "Boy you should have known by now.." "Yo Dre, what's up?" {*bang*}— August 1, 2010 6:07 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
Buzo radio, redux: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btH4e0-WQAo&featur… [Intro: loud booming voice that echoes] Comp-ton.. Comp-ton.. Comp-ton [quiet voice that whispers] Real mutha phukkin G's... Real mutha phukkin G's... Real mutha phukkin G's... [Verse One: Eazy-E] Hey yo Doctor, here's another proper track and it's phat, watch the sniper, time to pay the piper And let that real s$$t provoke So youse a wannabe 'loc, and you'll get smoked, and I hope that your fans understand when you talk about playin me The same records that you makin is payin me Screw Dre, Screw Snoop, And a screw you on Death Row Yo, and here comes my left blow Cause I'm the E-A-Z-Y-E and, this is the season to let the real compton city G's in You're like a kid you found a pup and now you're dapper But tell me where da fu() ya found a anorexic rapper? Talkin about who you gon squabble with and who you shoot You're only 60 pounds when you're wet and wearin boots (Damn E, they tried to fade you on "Dre Day") But "Dre Day" only met Eazy's pay day All of a sudden Dr. Dre is the "G Thang" But on his old album cover he was a she thang So nigga please, nigga please, don't step to deez motherfreakin real compton city G's! "Yo Dre, what's up?" {*bang*} "Boy you should have known by now.." "Yo Dre, what's up?" {*bang*} "Boy you should have known by now.." [Verse Two: Dresta] Everyday it's a new rapper, claimin to be dapper than the Dresta Softer than a bitch, but portray the role of a gangsta Ain't broke a law in your life Yet every time you rap you yap about the guns and knife Just take a good look at the, nigga and you'll capture the fact that the bastard, is simply just an actor who mastered the bang and the slang and the mental of niggaz in Compton, Watts, and South Central Never ever once have you ran with the turf But yet in every verse claim you used to do the dirt But tell me who's a witness, to your sorry work? So you never had no bi'ness, so save the drama jerk Niggaz straight kill me, knowin that they pranksters This is going out to you studio gangstas See I did dirt, put in work, and many niggaz can vouch that So since I got stripes, I got the right to rap about that! But niggaz like you, I gotta hate ya Cause I'm just tired of suburbian niggaz talkin about they come from projects Knowin, you ain't seen the parts of the streets, G Think you started tryin to bang around the time of the peace treaty? Wearin khakis and mob while you rhyme Little fag, tried to sag, but you're floodin at the same time And your set don't accept ya Scared to kick it with your homies cuz you know they don't respect ya So nigga please, CHECK NUTS before ya step to deez motherfreakin real G's— August 1, 2010 6:06 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
Mando strode over to the other bouncers and said in Spanish "Go get him, and no scenes. Because I give a chance, if it's oppoturtune. The next man in this place that tries to touch my uniform won't end up happy later." And what do the colors gold and black imply? honor or death.— August 1, 2010 5:38 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
Mando dropped a knee on the solar plexus of the stupid bouncer. The air was knocked out of him. He would be out of commission for at least a minute or two. The next time, not so much. Mando would take a man from here to there, quick. But if conditions permitted, he would give a chance. The same chance he always prayed to God that he may have. Mando never looked at himself as better than others, but he knew what he was. What does the word, become a term, 'commando' mean anyway? Well, why do you want to know? Mando would give a man the benefit of the doubt- under appropriate circumstances. It means 'A man who will accept orders and carry them out, even if it means the loss of his life.' Mando didn´t want life on tv, he preferred to commit himself, for love of nation, and it didn't matter where he found himself, in time and place. what is the meaning of the dirt thrown on the street? Prevaricators. Mando knew only one symbol, the Mexican flag: The eagle has its mouth on the snake, but it's still alive, and could bite. But Mando didn't live life in his mouth. When he looked at his flag, he felt the love of nation, just as all true warriors do. Other rogues, mercenaries and assorted miscreants could pick arms for whatever their purposes. When Mando picked up a weapon, it was for use- for the good of the pueblo. What's money going to buy you if you don't have it inside, anyway? Nothing. Scurriers, preying on society, trying to buy love? No. Trying to suborn society. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Unn_WH8oqHE— August 1, 2010 5:30 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
Buenos Aires, Argentina The kids were dancing a slow dance, to Marc Anthony. One of the bouncers in the club, a huge fool, decided the time was right to go over to Mando, dressed in a foreign military uniform. "What is this?" asked the bouncer, going to touch the green braid on Mando's right shoulder. POW Mando slapped him, pulled a pistol from his rear cinch, tripped him by putting a foot behind his legs, and blasting his chest with both hands, leaned down and aimed the pistol at the laying down stupid fool's face and said "You want to see my face?" in Spanish. Mando had it like that. One second, someone comes asking, but in the next split second, they get an answer. Marc Anthony 'Quien Es El?' ('Who is he?) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkJNCJLTzWY— August 1, 2010 3:08 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
"Evan you got two choices. You can go with a Ford Taurus SHO with eco drive, or let Joy buy you the Jaguar." "What would you do?" "I'd take the Jag." "Why are you trying to sell me a Ford?" "Because you can't afford a Jaguar." Evan laughed. "Well, don't you have a, a comparable Chevy?" "An Impala. Our 2011 Impala is a very sensible family car, and if you go with the SS, you can scoot. But, it doesn't have eco-drive, and we both know how important the environment is to your lady." "True. Can you sell my Fiero?" "Absolutely. I want two k, but I'll get you top dollar." "What are you going to do with it?" "Sell it in LA." "How good is the Taurus." "Very freaking good. Phenomenal interior, wait'll you see. I'll get you a loaner. Drive it, make sure you like it, and we'll do this, umkay?" "That's...great. Hey Tim, can I ask you a question?" "Shoot." "What was it with you and the condo?" "My ex wife was constantly on me to get into real estate, said I'm not making enough money, why am I selling cars, I can sell ice to eskimos etc. If not for her, I would have never left Detroit." "Woah. What happened?" "I divorced her. But I had it in my head that I was going to fleece a real estate salesman, when in reality, I just wanted to get even with her." "That's...heavy." "No heavier than you choosing a Taurus over a Jaguar." "You make a point."— August 1, 2010 12:20 a.m.
GIN and Ironic
The buzos dressed quickly, one as Captain America, the other as Thor. They strolled into Horton Plaza, blending in. They walked out onto Fourth Avenue, pretty as you please. The bikers missed them completely. Buzo radio: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ChADh1zt5I— August 1, 2010 12:02 a.m.