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Furry Children
"Kato!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "You must race the barbarian!" yelled Mystery Man. Veronica got excited when Mystery Man said that. She knew that Tim Versace was a legend on the Mile of Cars for his driving prowess. She remembered the last time someone challenged him. Her mind flashed back: Early one morning, Tim Versace was reading the morning paper when he heard a throaty husk. He peered over his newspaper and saw a Dodge Challenger (probably modified) cruising by the dealership. VROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!! VROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The goofy fu#%er revved his engine, then took off in a split second. Instantly, Tim Versace crushed the styrofoam cup of coffee in his hand, and said "Chevy!- Chevy!!" ala Timmy on South Park. Veronica was all aflutter in the showroom. "Tim, don't!" she cried, because she knew that Tim Versace had racing in his blood. The Dodge Challenger whirled around, and made another fast pass by the dealership. Tim gestured to Veronica, but she was already on the phone, and said "Tim, he's from out of town, and thinks he's hot stuff." Tim Versace stood up, and strode for the Corvette keys that were on the board. He got in the car, took it to the back of the entry lane on the lot, accelerated full bore, brought it out over the sidewalk, and swung it around in a full 360 degree spin. It came to a halt perfectly positioned in the right hand lane. Tim Versace stuck it in neutral, revved the engine, popped it into gear and took off into light speed. At the next light, he braked, whipped the back end around, and made a perfect stop, backwards, at the limit line. He roared back to the dealership, kicking the back end out as he made the left turn into the lot, then slowed, and parked the Corvette.— July 26, 2009 10:37 p.m.
Furry Children
"Okay, boss" said Kato simply, as he handed the car keys to Mystery Man. "Oh, Kato! You make me happy and overjoyed!" cried Mystery Man. Both men turned expectantly toward Tim Versace, who said "Veronica, please lead these fine gentlemen to the latest spectacular offering from the new General Motors." Veronica bowed ceremoniously, and said "Right this way, gentlemen." The group stepped onto the lot, and right next to the new Camaro, was parked a 2010 Ford Mustang. Tim Versace feigned surprise, and said "Veronica, why is there a 2010 Ford Mustang parked next to the new Camaro? You know how the Mustang displeases me." "For comparison purposes, Mr. Versace." replied Veronica pleasantly. "But the rear hood seam where it transitions to the windshield. Its hard on the lower lumbar region when one is kicking back on the hood." remarked Tim Versace. Veronica giggled at that one. Tim Versace was a real class clown, and always had been. "Has the Mustang been configured in a style of my liking, beautiful Veronica?" "It has a V-6 with standard transmission." said Veronica. "Awesome. Then lets do this. Kato, I suggest we drive both cars, to make sure the Chevy is what you want." Mystery Man leapt in and jabbed a finger. "Kato will drive transformer car first!" he demanded, and handed Kato back the keys. "Okay, boss." said Kato simply.— July 21, 2009 1:22 p.m.
Furry Children
"Kato! I will drive transformer car! You do not know the path! Look at the Yin & Yang! You don't see it! It is the path a person must travel through life. On one side is good. On one side is bad. Each day, we must choose between good and bad." Kato tensed up, and Veronica asked "Kato, are you alright?" "Yin & Yang not make a face. It make a mirror of you, and who you are." said Kato. Mystery Man launched into a tirade in Chinese, stomping angrily and gesticulating wildly. He was stating his thoughts on the meaning of the Yin & Yang. Finally he stopped, took a deep breath, composed himself, and said in English: "You contradict me, Kato. Don't lie, because I just heard you contradict me. Next time you contradict me Kato, its over. Its over for good. I can drive, Kato. I don't need you. You need me. I always try to take care of you, Kato, but I can't. Because you want to fight with me. Because your skull is too thick. So I say to you, Kato, give me the keys to Transformer car, or I call the cops on you. I mean it, Kato."— July 16, 2009 7:25 p.m.
Furry Children
(Sounds tasty, SDaniels, just don't mix martial arts with too much alcohol:) Yes, I believe the ultimate purpose of martial arts is not to fight, but to learn not to fight, and instead how to live life better. When you start out, you have to protect yourself, and maybe, like young people do, you may get into a scrap. As people see that you can defend yourself, you don't necessarily have to fight, and you can begin to learn Ugokido - art of motion. I totally dig cheese, Barbarella:) No, Kato! You are incorrect once more. The yin & yang mean harmony between male and female. The color is not day and night, it is good and evil. The symbol make a human face. You see the eyes? You see, Veronica? There is a little bad in even the best person, and a little bit of good in even the most bad person. If you learn about yourself, and understand yourself, then you can become human, like the face. Kato doesn't know, because he can't read or write. I give him magazines and say 'Kato, you want to read?' He just look at the pictures of the pretty girls." Kato was munching on a donut, seemingly not paying any attention to Mystery man. Veronica took a napkin and wiped a little around Katos mouth. She liked to flirt. Kato had read whole books on the meaning of the yin & yang. Tim Versace was peering over Veronicas shoulder at his small medallion, deep in thought. He rubbed his chin for a moment and said "Hey Kato, you want to take the new Camaro for a spin? "Yes. Sweet." said Kato.— July 14, 2009 8:28 a.m.
Furry Children
Dear Barbarella, Its an internet serial. USA Today has a new Superman serial every Wednesday, so its a fairly legitimate form of blog. Heres the next installment. Tell me what you think, or if you think its inappropriate: Mystery Man rushed toward Kato and said "Theres no more donuts! I want to fight you Kato, because you broke my car! Why should I pay you?! I call the cops on you, Kato, so fast. You dont know me! I want you to respect me, Kato. So now, Kato. You give me keys to transformer car." Kato just looked at him. "Now, Kato, now!" demanded Mystery Man. Tim Versace was over looking at the dent in the rear quarterpanel. 'Its not that bad' he thought. Kato saw Tim Versace in his peripheral vision. In a veritable blur, he ran over to the dent, turned his back to it, and delivered a horse kick using the underside of his heel to the undercarriage of the stretch Benz. It raised up on its suspension as Kato ran back toward the drivers door, snatched a donut from Veronica, and jumped back in the car. When the car settled on its suspension, the dent popped out on its own, pretty as you please. 'I just cannot believe this guy' thought Tim Versace. "Kato, would you like a napkin?" said Veronica, practically swooning. Kato stepped back out of the vehicle, looking at Mystery Man. Veronica went up to Kato, smoothed his lapels, and adjusted his shirt collar. She saw a necklace chain, and pulled it out, saying "Ooooh, Kato! Whats this?" It was a small yin and yang. "It for luck." said Kato. "But what does it represent?" asked Veronica. "It mean balance. Daytime, night time. World change by itself. Daytime, go to work, body tired, but get strong. Night time body rest, not work, but still grow strong for balance. My grandfather give this to me, and say Kato, your mashal art for you to learn how life is." Veronica could not believe what she had just heard.— July 12, 2009 2:20 a.m.
Furry Children
The mystery man was beside his limo, trying to lure Kato out with a donut. "It's so soft, Kato. So soft and delicious." Veronica just had to get a look at this man. She had given Tim Versace his usual glazed twist, because otherwise he would bitch. 'Who the hell ate my glazed twist donut?!' Tim would ask, and stomp around the showroom until he thought he detected the guilty party. Otherwise, Tim Versace would know the man split for the backlot. Then it was process of elimination time. Hey, Tim Versace was not a fighter, he was a lover, but he had grown up on the mean streets of Detroit. When a bully tried to chase him, he'd run through traffic on a busy street. The bullies would pull up on the sidewalk, wave him off and say to themselves, 'we'll get that loudmouth later.' Then Tim Versace would choose a rooftop, because he knew where all the mean dudes hung out. 'Why don't you go pick on someone your own size?!' he'd yell. The first thing the bullies would do is start scanning roof tops. 'The little chumps' on one of these rooftops.' the bullies would be saying to themselves. Anyway, back to the story. Veronica sashayed on over to the limo and said "Kato, would you like a donut?" The door opened and Kato stepped out of the limousine.— July 11, 2009 11:24 a.m.
Love Is Not Enough
The mystery man waited. Protocol required that Kato come and console him, which was when the mystery man would lunge for him. However, Kato was not concerned with protocol. Instead, he tried to wend his way around to the passenger door, and get back in the car. 'There is a cop across the street, and obviously the Dilbert is upset over the damage to his limousine.' thought Kato. When the mystery man detected Kato moving away, he sprang up and after him, screaming in Chinese. Kato took off, around to the front of the limo. The mystery man gave vigorous chase, but immediately began losing distance, due to his dress shoes. Kato circled around the car, and on the second lap around the car, when the mystery man was running for the front, and Kato had turned on a burst of speed going around the front and drivers side toward the back, he clicked a remote to open the trunk, hopped in and closed it. The mystery man's back was turned. He never saw a thing. When he realized Kato was gone, he skidded to a stop, throwing his fists down in a tantrum. "KATO!!!!!!!!!! KATO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where have you gone?!" 'Aha' thought the mystery man. He's in the trunk. Jauntily, the mystery man walked back toward the trunk. "I calling the cops right now, Kato. I'm very sorry." Kato jumped out of the trunk and the mystery man sprang on him like a tiger. Missed him by that much. The foot race resumed around the Mercedes. Then Kato picked up a little speed, but not so much as to make the mystery man stop running. Once again, Kato put on a burst of speed. When he had the mystery man's back for a moment, he hopped in the sun roof, and began retracting it even as he plopped into the front passenger seat. The mystery man skidded to a stop. Kato was gone. 'Not again' he thought. Tim Versace was watching the whole thing. Then Veronica came strutting out of the showroom. She came loaded. Her chassis was finer than a Mercedes Benz. Her front to back weight distribution would never get a man twisted out of shape on a dangerous curve. Was she top heavy? Just about enough to blow you away, man. But what Tim Versace loved about her the best was her sweet disposition, and ability to collate messages. She not only knew how to take a message, she could tell Tim basically where the caller was all about. She was totally amazing, and the general manager refused to let her out of his sight.— July 7, 2009 12:56 p.m.
Boogie Nights in Tijuana
I think you made this story up. If you're Mexican you would know how to spell veinte. As someone whose resided in Tijuana for over a decade off and on, here are apparent fallacies in your 'story.' There are no twelve year olds working the street in the Zona Norte. The street you describe as lined with 'whores' is the main drag of the red light district, a one way street north of Primera and south of Coahuila. Violent crimes on this street are extremely rare, and occur only in the wee hours. Additionally, the red light district has been crawling with police presence for months. Check the Zeta cover story of red light business owners complaining over massive police presence discouraging patronage of their establishments. BTW prostitution is legal in Tijuana, as it is in Nevada. If I called you a faggot, you might well complain about the use of a derogatory term. Life is tough enough for ladies of the night without you bagging on them. More than one American girl works in TJ at the 'oldest profession.' Show some respect. Tijuana is a place where one can have fun and still stay out of trouble, but if trouble is what you're looking for, it'll find you in TJ right away. A spanish speaking tour guide that knows the lay of the land is virtually de rigeur. Lastly, as anyone who really knows TJ knows, the party is in the Rio district. The red light district is way too hot right now. I think you're lying about everything.— June 14, 2009 9:06 p.m.
Platinum's Juicy, Subsidized Deal for Delphi Runs into Snag
Delphi lost value years ago when replacement auto parts became 'commoditized'. Its overpriced parts are primarily sold in GM dealerships. Its the '$100 for a taillight lens?!' thing. Nowadays, cars are so good one doesn't need to pay top dollar for most replacement parts. What you need is a good mechanic. I like the Ford Escape. Look under the hood, and lo and behold, theres an engine compartment a novice can work on. Thats what I like about retro rides. Pop the hood and see what an internal combustion engine looks like. On to US Auto: So Sergio Mechanico finally got his down payment money together. Show us the Fiat 500 Cs, Sergio, but not in 18 months. Pronto. Chrysler needs some small cars to bring people into the showroom. GM is in the same shape as Ford. Our 2010 line ups are going move a whole lot of units. Its a question of credit availability. New cars are just too expensive these days to pay cash for. In coordination with overall economic recovery, we have to be patient and absorb some of the shaky paper thats in the financial system. Asian auto is looking pretty good. Lexus and Infiniti are bound to get squeezed due to price point pressurization from higher and lower priced models, but hopefully the airbags won't go off. I like the Nissans new look. Where did you say their design studio is located? KIA has a great entry level ride, Mazdas quality control and finish is superb, and the Subarus are there if you don't want to drive a cookie cutter car. Euro Auto: Are we going to get the new Alfa Romeo, or just go to the opera and pine away over it? This is the question. VW continues to excel, the Porsches are just too sweet, and Austin Minis haul ass, but they could be better on gas mileage. On the upper end of the price scale, Euro auto continues to deliver very fine cars- with personality.— June 12, 2009 10 a.m.