Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed
Big Screen — Movie commentary
Blurt — Music's inside track
Booze News — San Diego spirits
Classical Music — Immortal beauty
Classifieds — Free and easy
Cover Stories — Front-page features
Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes
Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts
Feast! — Food & drink reviews
Feature Stories — Local news & stories
Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore
From the Archives — Spotlight on the past
Golden Dreams — Talk of the town
The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it
Letters — Our inbox
Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites
Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans
Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists
Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news
News Ticker — News & politics
Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated
Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna
Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated
Poetry — The old and the new
Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers
Reading — The hunt for intellectuals
Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails
San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds
SD on the QT — Almost factual news
Sheep and Goats — Places of worship
Special Issues — The best of
Street Style — San Diego streets have style
Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves
Theater — On stage in San Diego this week
Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative
Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work
Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego
Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads
Your Week — Daily event picks
Furry Children
"Whats the deal here?" asked Don Wall to Mystery Man. "Kato dont want to obey me." said Mystery Man. "Would you describe him as uncooperative?" asked Don Wall, diplomatically. "Dont you understand English? I just told you, less than fifteen seconds ago, Kato dont want to obey me." said Mystery Man. Don Wall cleared his throat and put his head down a little bit, like as if he was thinking, then said "Would you describe this as a situation that can be resolved, peaceably." "If Kato will do as I say, then yes." "Thats really all I wanted to know. Im going to issue a verbal warning, and then get back on patrol. Are you cool with that?" "No, Fu$% no, I not cool with that. You know what Kato do this morning?" said Mystery Man. "No, what?" replied Don Wall. "He leave my golf clubs at hotel. Every fuc&%ng time he leave my golf clubs at hotel. I say 'Kato, where are my golf clubs?' He know very well where are the golf clubs. They back at hotel. Now what Im supposed to play golf with, my putter?" "So, you detect a pattern of misconduct?" "He dont obey me. He say 'I eco-style, boss. Golf course waste water.' But the truth- Kato very thirsty when he was little boy." "Actually golf courses do use alot of water and resources." said Don Wall. "Thats why I pay alot for golf course. I negotiate on golf course, and do business. It relax me, too. You see, Im smart. You know else Kato do?" said Mystery Man. "No, what else did he do?" asked Don Wall. "He join Army. I tell Kato, 'Kato, you must study and go to school. I pay for everything. I want you be a scholar.' He dont listen. He go join Army, anyway." Don Wall just nodded understandingly.— August 7, 2009 9:12 a.m.
Furry Children
Don Wall led the new Camaro back to the dealership, and into the lot. Kato parked it in the same location. Tim Versace was over at the Ford dealership, bragging and imitating Eric Cartman on South Park, in front of the salesmen and employees. "RESPECT MY AUTHORITY! YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!" He exclaimed. His arch rivals at Ford were just shaking their head. Tim and Veronica strolled off of the lot, leaving the loaner Mustang, and headed back to their place of employment. When Kato was parked, Mystery Man said "Kato! Open the door for me!" Kato emerged from the vehicle, leapt in an angular direction over onto the roof, landed on his butt on the roof, and slid off of it by the passenger door. He opened it for Mystery Man. BLAM! Mystery Man kicked the interior of the door outward from his seated position to make it hit Katos leg, but Kato stepped out of the way. Mystery Man leapt out, furious. "You supposed to walk around the car, Kato! I told you before! You don't know me! I'll put you in the zoo, Kato!"— August 7, 2009 8:23 a.m.
Furry Children
"What the hell is going on here?" asked Don Wall. "Its a long story, officer." said Mystery Man. "Alright, well lets get this vehicle off the road. Is Kato alright to drive?" "Yeah. If he would pay attention, if he would do what I tell him, and not make me angry, I wouldn't make trouble." said Mystery Man. "Okay, well I'll meet you back at the dealership, and we can see whats going on here. Fair enough?" said Don Wall. The Origin of Kato Many years ago, in China, Kato was a small orphan who lived on the streets, less than ten years old. One morning, Mystery Man was getting out of his Mercedes coupe. Mystery Man was a successful business man, the owner of a dojo, and a master of the art of negotiation. He heard yelling. "Bring that back!" yelled a grocery seller, racing after little Kato, who had two vegetables in his hand. The grocer caught Katos collar, but then Kato ducked down and rolled on the sidewalk, allowing the grocer to trip and fall over him. Kato jumped back up, and whizzed by Mystery Man, then skidded to a halt. A policeman, with baton in hand, approached and said "At last, we meet again. Do you remember when you kicked my shin?" Kato whirled, saw the grocer on one side, and the cop on the other. He looked at Mystery Man, with stark fear in his eyes, then darted under Mystery Mans Mercedes, and began chomping hungrily on the food. Nobody cared about Kato, only he cared about himself. Mystery Man peered under his car and looked at the grocer. He averted his eyes when the police officer arrived. He had a decision to make. Save the young waif if he could, or go his own way. In China, the police could be dangerous. It was a delicate situation. Mystery Man said to the grocer "Im so sorry my helper did not pay for the food I asked for. Here, please accept your payment." Mystery Man handed him about a months pay. That mollified the grocer, to say the least. "Come back any time." he told young Kato, and left. The police officer was now intrigued, and disposed to negotiate. Maybe the rich man would take young Kato away. The orphan boy was too fast to catch, and it hurt him to think of punishing a boy so young. "I wish there was something I could do, but when boys begin a life of crime, who knows where it leads?" said the police officer. "I think this may be my grandson, but I don't know. His face is do dirty." said Mystery Man. "Take him home, then." said the police officer. Thats why Kato was scared of cops. And the Grandfather who gave Kato the yin & yang medallion? It was Mystery Man.— August 6, 2009 7:14 a.m.
Furry Children
Kato looked in the rearview mirror. Don Wall had his pistol in hand, but unlevelled. Kato looked to Don Walls off hand. Don Wall signalled. He pointed toward his walkie talkie and opened and closed his index and thumb fingers. 'Talk to me.´ was the signal. Kato removed his modified pòlice scanner from his breast pocket, depressed the transmit button, scratched the microphone lightly, and kept pressing the button. Don Wall heard a little static, then Mystery Man, completely going off. ¨Yes! Yes, Kato! I want you to use the control and transform the car! I want you to make a big robot! But dont smash anything, Kato, or I will f/%& you up! Do it, Kato, or Ill fu(/ you up.¨ Don Wall heard every word through his walike talkie. He reholstered his weapon, stepped back to his Bavarian Motor Works Police Special, and said through the bullhorn ¨PASSENGER. STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE.¨ Mystery Man said ¨Kato!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The cop want to talk to me!! Open the door for me, right now!¨ Kato reached across the front seats of the new Camaro, opened the passenger door, and lightly pushed it. Mystery Man leapt out, more furious than ever before. ¨Kato!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You supposed to open the door for me from the outside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!¨ Mystery Man whirled around in a blur, closed the door with a spinning back kick, whirled around again and with a powerful side kick, broke the passenger window. ¨Im so sick of your s***, Kato! You dont know me! Dont leave. Dont go anywhere, Kato. I be right back. You stay here, Kato. If you leave, I will fu·$ you up. Im not lying to you, Kato, because I dont tell lies. I told you before, Kato.¨ With that, Mystery Man went back to talk to Don Wall.— August 3, 2009 4:27 p.m.
Furry Children
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/qjYgeRbwfSI&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/qjYgeRbwfSI&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>— August 1, 2009 8:13 p.m.
Furry Children
When Mystery Man saw that Don Wall had lit up the new Camaro, he went crazy. ¨Kato!!!!!!! Transform the car!! You must transform the car!!!!¨ he cried. Now then, among Kato´s capabilities was multitasking. He ignored the intel Dilbert, clicked his right turn signal as if he was going to pullover like a good law abiding citizen, and simultaneously dropped his drivers side window. Thne he whipped the car around, and slid it into the right side shoulder of the freeway, slightly nose end out. San Diego motorcycle police officer Don Wall immediately sensed something was wrong, whipped around to in front of the car, and got on his bullhorn. ¨Kato, get out of the car with your hands up.¨ Then Don Wall unsnapped his trigger guard, removed his Colt .45 pistol from the holster, got off of his bike, and approached the new Camaro. Don Wall did not play.— August 1, 2009 7:52 p.m.
Furry Children
R.F. I don´t frequent biker bars, because when I grew up in Arizona, if you weren´t a biker, you didn´t go in there. But nowadays times have changed. Betting the horses is something I think should be recreational, but I´m not a lucky gambler. Anyway, thank you for the kind words. I´m down in Tijuana right now, and plan on going to the Pepe Aguilar concert tonight. I appreciate you guys letting me blog on the reader site. I know I´m something of an eccentric geek, and am still working on controlling my tongue, and keyboard, when I´m buzzed. Thanks again.— July 30, 2009 6:54 p.m.
Furry Children
You are too kind, SD. When Don Wall approached the onramp on his Bavarian Motor Works Police Special, he saw the dirt Kato was spraying as he corrected after Tim Versace sideswiped him, and knew that was no place for a motorcycle to lean into. He hit his lights and siren, braked, and rode straight up the embankment, turned, and began rolling down the hill. Don Wall was not about to slide out, if he could help it. Don Walls Rules of the Road: 1) Let the good times roll 2) Watch the road 3) Signal your intentions 4) Avoid intoxicants while driving 5) Arrive alive 6) Learn to ride on the dirt before riding on the street 7) Wear appropriate riding apparel 8) Kids, don't try this at home 9) Brake evenly with front and rear brakes 10) Remember that I am on patrol— July 29, 2009 10:58 p.m.
Furry Children
R.F: You misspelled genious, but hey, I´m not trippin. And BTW, if Commie Girl loved me half as much as MY homegirl Randi Rhodes does, I´d be a happy camper. The plain fact is, I used to tweak balls, but now I don´t. If my Dad makes me sleep outside for misbehaving, whats it to you? AND, YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO COOK.) ................................................................. Kato and Mystery Man got in the new Camaro. ¨I want you to go fast, Kato!¨ said Mystery Man. Kato turned around and looked at Tim Versace. He raised his hand, and beckoned, ´come here´. Then he started the Camaro, and revved the engine. Tim Versace hurried for the 2010 Mustang. ¨Jump in, Veronica!¨ he said. ¨Really?!¨ exclaimed Veronica, even as she jumped in the passenger side, and clicked her seat belt. Kato took off down the street, absolutely hauling ass. Tim Versace pulled out, kicking the Mustangs rear end hard to the left, back around to the right, and then swinging it into line as he shifted into second. Knowing he would catch Kato, he took a look in the rear view at Don Wall. Don was hopping on his bike when Tim Versace turned his attention back to the road. ´Hes making for the freeway´ thought Tim Versace. Sure enough, Kato wound out the new Camaro, weaving through traffic as he went. ¨Faster, Kato! You embarass me!¨ cried Mystery Man. Tim Versace knew where the freeway onramp was and estimated his speed. When Kato took the rounding right at over 60 mph, Tim Versace put the pedal to the metal, and put his right hand on Veronicas shoulder. ¨Hold on, babe.¨ he said, as he slid the Mustang into the side of the new Camaro in the turn, knocked Kato into the roadside dirt, upshifted, and engaged his turn signal, ready to merge. When Kato hit the dirt, he stomped on the accelerator to gain traction, made a huge rooster tail, and whipped back onto the road. Tim Versace was looking in the rear view mirror and could not believe what he just saw. The race was on.— July 29, 2009 7:40 p.m.
Furry Children
I saw that post. Who runs this blog? Is it SDaniels? Or you? If I needed advice from debutantes I'd ask. If Barbarella doesn't like what I post, she can say so. Instead, I see the furry creatures thread is still going. If either you or SDaniels can match my journalistic credentials, in any way, shape or form, then say so. Otherwise russl, see #17.— July 26, 2009 11:56 p.m.