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Furry Children
Kato approached the immense bouncer at the door of the strip club. "Pull over for a quick pat down." said the bouncer. Kato stopped, and raised his arms. The bouncer patted him down, and said "You're clean. You do martial arts?" "Yeah." said Kato. "What kind?" asked the bouncer. "We call it 'Whoop a Fool.'" said Kato, smiling. The bouncer laughed and said "Welcome." Kato closed his eyes as he walked in the darkened strip joint. It would help him adjust his eyes to a low light level. Inside, the music was throbbing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIu-CatuO0Q— September 18, 2009 12:55 p.m.
Furry Children
"I have electric golf cart." said Mystery Man. "This is a little snazzier. Check out this video." said Tim Versace. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVk_j7dqcCY— September 18, 2009 9:31 a.m.
Furry Children
Kato pulled the stretch limo into a strip joint in San Diego with the windows down, jamming Led Zeppelin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svR3iXKTJvc A valet approached the limo. "Where I park?" asked Kato. "Right over theres fine." "Okay. My boss want to see your place." said Kato. "Great." Kato wheeled the limo in extra slow, and turned down his music gradually. The idea was to lull observers. When he was parked and the windows were going up, Kato leapt into the back of the limousine and changed from his chauffeur's uniform into a business suit, all in about one minute. Then he removed ten $100 bills from the rear glove box, and emerged from the back of the limousine. He looked exactly like a rich businessman. Back at the dealership, Veronica was consoling Mystery Man, while Tim Versace showed him brochures. "This is our new Spark. Have a look."said Tim Versace http://spark.chevrolet.com/geneva-v1/en_US/index.… "It look real small." said Mystery Man. "You bet. Green is in. Check this out. It's the new Chevrolet Volt, and you can pre-order as many as you like: http://spark.chevrolet.com/geneva-v1/en_US/index.…— September 18, 2009 9:28 a.m.
Furry Children
As Tim Versace and Veronica walked on to the lot to greet Mystery Man, Tim Versace was stoked. Anyone with a chauffeur like Kato and a Mercedes limo specially painted in Dusseldorf was obviously loaded. Time to get some down payment money together for the comfort condo. Versace's plan was to take his paycheck to the liquor store and cash it there. That way Kyle the stock broker couldn't tie up his money. WIIIUUUU!! Tim Versace whirled around and there was Don Wall, on his motorcycle, hitting his siren. Don Wall parked the bike, got off, got out his ticket book, and approached Tim Versace. "Hi, Don." said Veronica, flashing her most radiant smile. Kato was watching everything from inside the limo. "Yes, officer! He hit and run! He a wrong way driver menace to society!" cried Mystery Man. Just then, when everyone was distracted, Kato checked his rearview and eased smoothly into traffic. Noone saw the limo leave. "This is for leaving the scene of an accident, Versace, but I want you to appreciate that I'm giving you a break here." said Don Wall, handing the ticket book and pen to Tim Versace. Versace nodded. How could he complain? Right in front of him was the up (potential customer) of a lifetime. He signed the ticket, and handed the ticket book back to Don Wall. Don Wall removed the pink copy of the traffic citation, and handed it to Versace, saying "And another thing, Versace. No getting into pissing matches with anyone for the rest of the day. Especially not with Kato." Tim Versace looked over toward the limo. 'Holy Shazbot, its gone. It was just there two seconds ago' thought Tim Versace. "Where is Kato?" asked Tim Versace. Don Wall turned around, saw the limo was gone then turned to Mystery Man, who ran out to where the limo was parked and looked up the street, yelling "Kato!!!!" He stomped angrily and said "Everytime he do this. Everytime." Mystery Man got on his cell phone, rubbing his face as he walked back onto the lot. "Kato!... Where have you gone?...TO GET GAS!!??!!" Mystery Man launched into a furious tirade in Chinese, gesticulating wildly. Don Wall could practically translate just by looking at Mystery Man. 'Come back here....right away....no, come back here now... 'Uh huh' thought Don Wall. Mystery Man hung up, looked down, put his hand to his temple and composed himself. "Is there a problem?" asked Veronica. "You see, Veronica, Kato do this all the time. He leave me stranded." said Mystery Man wearily. "I'm sure he'll be right back." said Tim Versace with suitable empathy. "He be gone two hours, maybe more. I just know it." said Mystery Man. "Where do you think he went?" asked Don Wall. "Where do you think? He go look for American white girls."— September 16, 2009 10:34 a.m.
Furry Children
Back at the Chevy dealership, SDPD motorcycle cop Don Wall was adopting a bemused expression, as Mystery man continued to berate Kato: "I not going to buy you a transformer car, now, Kato. You know why? You piss me off. Thats why. You know what I got in this briefcase? You want to guess?" Mystery Man actually had the briefcase stuffed with cash. He estimated enough to buy the establishment, kit and kaboodle, if negotiations led in that direction. It was a lubricant to commerce, and Mystery Man knew how to use it. "You in the dog house now, Kato. That mean you in trouble. Because I told you before, make sure you bring my golf clubs. You my chauffeur, you supposed to remember things like that" said Mystery Man. Kato was positioned by the front door of the stretch limo. He shuffled his feet a couple times, looked down, crossed his arms, and leaned back up onto the door. He figured the car salesman would be back, eventually. Everything works if you let it. Kato scanned the area. Sure enough, there was Tim Versace, walking up the boulevard with Veronica. "Boss, look." said Kato, pointing behind Mystery Man. Mystery Man whirled, saw Versace, and whirled back around on Kato, jabbing a finger, saying: "Don't go nowhere, Kato. I got to talk to the car salesman, you wait for me, right here. You understand, Kato? If you go somewhere, I will not buy you nothing, okay? Right here Kato, I want you to wait right here."— September 13, 2009 12:47 p.m.
Furry Children
Our fearsome foursome was just standing around, except for Cujo, who was still sitting in Toy's office chair, out front of the Toyota showroom. It had just come to light that Cujo, in addition to being a John Travolta on the dance floor, was an economist. Tim Versace pursed his lips for a moment and glanced at Toy. She had an unmistakable 'Well that settles that, doesn't it?' look on her face. Then she looked down at Tim Versace's immaculate Italian loafers. Versace turned to Veronica and said "Sidebar." The two walked into the showroom and conferred in private. "You are a real streudel, you know that?" said Tim. Veronica just looked at him and shrugged. "Give me the phone." Veronica gave it to him. "Watch carefully... Google.com.....economic terms.....Hallelujah, Veronica, economic vocabulary that could have kept me from just being humiliated in front of my arch rival. You see this?" Before Veronica could say anything, Tim marched back out in a huff. Tim Versace was a pro. Veronica pulled a compact from her purse, and applied a little lipstick, then smiled winningly into her mirror, clapped the compact shut, and sashayed outside like an attorney that had just won a Supreme Court case. It was her lawyer stroll, and it bespoke confidence. Outside, Cujo was seated under a comforter, sipping tea delicately. 'Oh, Jesus' thought Versace. "Cujo, do you think I should buy gold, or get a condo?" "I don't know Tim, I haven't seen your portfolio. It usually depends on what your goals are." Versace stole a glance at his Blackberry. "Would you describe the economy as inflationary?" "No, price points are low across the board" "So is it deflationary?" "Not at all. Price point flexibility to arrive at market clearing prices is helping our economy recuperate from a severe dislocation in credit markets." "But if its not inflationary and its not deflationary, then what is it?" asked Tim Versace. "Fluid and dynamic." said Cujo, sipping tea like a Kung Fu master. "You know Cujo, one of the reasons I want a condo is because I think I can get in one for a decent price if I move now. And I really don't care to own gold, because it just sits there. I wouldn't know what to do with it." "Gold is a hedge against inflation, Tim." "What about real estate?" "No, not in a volatile market, but its a good investment overall." said Cujo. "So, if I buy this condo, then I'll have your blessing?" asked Tim Versace. "Sure, Tim Versace. Buy the condo. You have my blessing."— September 11, 2009 9 a.m.
Furry Children
"Kyle.........Kyle........Kyle!" Versace pulled his Blackberry away from his ear and gave Veronica a 'nice going' look. Everyone could hear Tim Versace's stock broker screaming into the telephone. Finally the tirade stopped, and Versace put the phone back to his ear, saying "Are you quite finished?.........No, look Kyle, I'm buying a condo whether you like it or not......Because I want a condo....How can the check not clear? The check had better clear.....You think you're smarter than me, don't you Kyle?....No, thats not a rhetorical question....Kyle? Kyle?" Tim Versace hit his end call button. What a fiasco. Kyle had hung up on him. Of course Kyle was smarter than Tim Versace, that's why Tim Versace entrusted him with his investment portfolio. And Versace liked for Kyle to be a little territorial, but this was ridiculous. "Versace, you never went to college, did you?" said Cujo. That caused the women to fidget and play with their hair. "No." "You know how I know?" asked Cujo. "How?" "The way you strut about in your $300 Italian loafers, trying to compensate." "Did you go to college?" asked Tim Versace. "Of course. I graduated summa cum laude from Stanford University." "What did you study?" "Economics."— September 10, 2009 12:36 p.m.
Furry Children
"Wheel me out for Dragon Breath." said Cujo to Toy. She pushed him outside on her office chair, and he lit a cigarette, but just went through the motions of smoking, looking for all the world like a wheel chair bound retiree. Versace had slipped Veronica his Blackberry, and then accompanied Cujo outside. "I know you're up to something, Versace." said Cujo. "Why, because I'm Italian that means I've got to be up to something?" Two could play the race card, and Versace was not above doing so, especially when someone started getting suspicious. Veronica cleared her throat, and took a chance, saying "Tim, you've got a call from your broker." Tim Versace gave her a 'what the hell is this? look', as he took the phone. His broker, never ever called, or returned calls. Veronica had to have called him. But Tim Versace trusted his stock broker, because he was Jewish, and as everyone knew, Jewish people are very shrewd with money. "Kyle?" said Versace into the phone. He noticed Cujo's eye brow arch minutely. 'Here goes.' thought Tim Versace. "Did you buy the gold last year like I asked you to?.....So now I'm fu*%ed....Wheres this market going, Kyle?....Your insane, this markets- inflationary."— September 10, 2009 9:57 a.m.
Furry Children
Cujo was slumped in Toy's reception area desk chair. He was a total wreck. One phone call from the Toyota factory was all it took. "Mousse me, Toy, quick!" cried Cujo. He was afraid his hair would fall out. CCCCHHHHHHH! CCCCHHHH! Toy applied hair mousse to Cujo's scalp extra liberally. Then she worked it in, saying "Cujo. Roawerr! Roawwerr! Cujo!" Veronica had her arms crossed. She walked back towards Tim Versace when he appeared from behind the Tundra truck. Tim whispered to her "When I throw you the phone, google me some stuff on economics. Get me some key words or something, so I can fake it. Act like your texting, capische?" Veronica nodded. "VERSACE! What are you doing?!" cried Cujo. "Nothing. What is this, Cujo? You're a very heavy hitter, and the factory needs you." said Tim Versace. "You don't understand, Versace. You don't know how much pressure I'm under to move inventory. It's constant. It never stops. If it's not my family's expectations, it's the factory. They hate my guts, Versace. They hate me!"— September 7, 2009 12:53 p.m.
Furry Children
Cujo came dashing out of his office in a full panic, and Tim Versace whirled around just as Cujo was about to run into him. "What's the matter?" asked Versace, slipping his Blackberry into his pocket innocuously. "Where's Toy?!" Versace turned around, looking for Toy and Veronica. He turned around again to tell Cujo he didn't know but Cujo was already gone. 'Huh' thought Tim Versace. He ambled toward the showroom, thinking the ladies were over by reception, and as he turned a corner from the office hallway, there was Cujo, sticking coins in a coffee machine like a fu*&ing maniac. Cujo pounded on the machine as he waited for coffee. "Hurry up!" yelled Cujo. He grabbed the coffee cup from the dispenser, his cellphone rang, and Cujo literally sprang into the air with a start. Hot coffee spilled on his hand. "AGGHHH!" cried Cujo dropping the cup and clutching his hand. The showroom intercom sounded: "Cujo to the reception area, please. Cujo to the reception area." Cujo took off like a shot for reception, and Versace followed at a discreet distance, peering around a loaded Tundra truck. Cujo had Toy by both arms, and was jostling her, saying "I said slap me! I need to sober up! The factory called! Slap me!" Cujo let her go. POW. Toy slapped him, and said "Sit your ass down, JoJo!"— September 7, 2009 8 a.m.