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Furry Children
Interpol live on Dave Letterman - The Heinrich Maneuver: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H822ARiopls— January 10, 2010 9:18 p.m.
Furry Children
Buon Natale!, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, from Tim Versace's family to yours. Heres Anita Baker, 'the Detroit Songstress' with 'Noone in the World' live: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7vpowqgLDM— December 25, 2009 8:50 p.m.
Germ Warfare
Ha, thats some funny neoroses going there. Delightful. Its so nice to be fresh and clean. The Arabs take it as an insult when you show them the sole of your shoe. Thats why the one reporter threw that shoe at Bush. Speaking of eye make up, there are parasites that live on our eyelashes. Where I would be worried is if something happened to your lipstick, Diva. That would be cause for major concern. What exactly is going on with your extraordinary lips? They're like the eighth wonder of the world. But I digress. Isn't cheese itself a product of some kind of decomposition? Isn't wine itself a product of some sort of decomposition, or fermentation?" Both wine and cheese never go bad, they just keep, getting more flavorful. I don't fear any germ, because I figure I'm totally immune. What I fear is food poisoning. One time I ate a piece of bad pork in a carnitas taco in TJ at about 9:00pm. I went to bed, and woke up around 1:00am, and my mouth was watering really bad, it was the weirdest thing. Then my eyes began to water, and I thought to myself "I think I'm going to hurl', and darted for the toilet bowl. When I got there, I projectile vomited. If you've heard of the phenomenon, let me assure you that descriptions of it are not in the least bit exaggerated, much like Diva's lips. Anyway, what happens is your mouth opens wider than you ever thought possible, and your stomach spasms as hard as your body does when it sneezes (sneezes go 100 mile per hour, I've heard) and everything comes out in literally one to one and a half seconds. Imagine a fire hose of water flowing through your mouth, replace the water with orange vomit, clip the image to about one second, and you're starting to get the picture. It was gross. There's also the time I ate the bad mushrooms and ended up in the emergency room, but thats another story. Finally, I think that germs and bacteria float around, and have to agree with Diva on the thesis statement, whereas David clearly gets off the best lines in the piece.— December 23, 2009 2:53 p.m.
Furry Children
"I DONT HATE THE MAFIA! I DONT HATE ANYBODY!" screamed Tim Versace, throwing down his glass and shattering it on the floor. "My father had to leave Italy because of a vendetta! Because of the Sicilians! The Versaces work for ours! We don't kill anyone, we don't hurt anyone, we don't fight any one!" yelled Tim Versace. "Don't yell at me, Tim. And get ahold of yourself. You're freaking out when you're about to embark on the most imprtant sales presentation of you life."— December 21, 2009 10:30 p.m.
Furry Children
"Tim, what did you say?" asked Veronica. The thing about Tim Versace was he would say outrageous things. Tim Versace took another slug of the hard stuff and said "Give me the envelope." "Tell me what you did." insisted Veronica. "First give me the envelope, and then I will." Veronica handed him the plain white envelope with secret Santa money in it. Versace withdrew the cash, counted it, put it back, pulled a stack of hundreds from the 25k, licked his finger tips, counted out a number of bills, drained his glass again, stuffed those bills into the envelope with the rest of the money, refilled his glass, took a nice swig, and handed the envelope to Veronica. 'Goodbye, condo' he thought. He said: "There was 32 hunje (hundred). Heres ten k flat. Take it." "Tim, whats wrong with you? Whats got into you? How could you act this way? What is it about this condo?" Tim Versace slugged down what was in his glass, and went to refill. Veronica grabbed the glass out of his hands, and cried "Slow down! What happened with the real estate agent?" Versace whirled, took another glass from his office mini bar, poured a lesser amount into it, drank, turned around, and said "I convinced the youngster I was in the mob." "Oh my God, Tim. You hate the mob." gasped Veronica.— December 21, 2009 10:23 p.m.
Furry Children
Veronica ran into Tim Versaces office. He was sniffling, and rubbing his eyes. On his deak was his briefcase and the manila envelope with travel orders to Copenhagen. He was organizing. "Tim, are you okay?" "Yeah yeah. I'm fine." "Tim, the general manager is hard on you because you're his best salesman. He didn't mean anything personal." "No, he was right. He was absolutely right." Then Tim Versace got more emotional, put his fist to his mouth, and turned around. Veronica quickly closed the door. Versace wiped his eyes and grabbed his fine Italian suitcase. He withdrew a moneybag, unzipped it, and pulled out the $25,000 in cash he'd popped (made in commission) on the Chevy Volt pre-orders. "Tim, what are you doing with all that cash?!" cried Veronica. "I hammered my paycheck (cashed it at the bank of origin) and used it for eye candy when I dealt with the real estate agent. Hes a young suck, a green pea (a rookie). Tim Versace looked at Veronica with pure guilt in his eyes. "Tim, what did you do?" asked Veronica. Tim Versace went to the mini wet bar in his office, grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels and chugged from it like it was water. He wiped his mouth on his hand, looked at it, set the bottle down and rubbed the moisture obsessively. Veronica saw that all of his body language was like Dr. Jekyll turning into Mr. Hyde. Tim Versace turned around, and said "I ran him over (intimidated him into the sale) Veronica. I ran him over so bad he won't be able to hit the ceiling when he comes to." Tim Versace wiped his mouth again, went to his mini wet bar, grabbed a fine Italian glass tumbler, filled it to the brim, suck down half of it, swirled the rest, took another drink, refilled it, and slumped into his office chair, peering into the oblivion of the glass. It was all show. All Johnny Depp meets Alec Baldwin on the Mile of Cars. On the surface. Tim Versace perceived that Veronica was going to ask him whats up. Veronica knew things, she had a sixth sense about people.— December 21, 2009 10:04 p.m.
Furry Children
The general manager shot Veronica a mean look- 'Don't.' Veronica put her hand over her mouth. "Boss, its a huge tax bite I'm avoiding, and I'm buying real quality at the bottom of the market. I worked that real estate agent into the ground, I swear I did. I ground him into powder then blew. The fat down was the lynchpin to the whole deal. And my disposable savings are tied up in a money market account. My broker won't approve anything, he won't even take my calls since I brought up the condo. I don't want to blow him out (fire him) because over the years, hes been a solid performer. Everybody got wiped out late last year. My portfolios been recovering little by little. Its my nest egg. When I got this windfall, with prices being down and all, I said its time to pull the trigger." The general managers eyes bore holes into Tim Versace and he growled venomously "Then you rework that deal, you hear me? Your very own father worked the line for GM his whole life, to give you an opportunity. You with your gab and big language. 'Have heart, have money' you like to say when you pull a good gross. Maybe you need to pour a little water on your own heart, Versace." Tim Versace ducked his head and put his hand over his eyes. "F*** your condo, and your fine clothes, Versace. I'll stand no self servers, do you hear? Over the years, you've always stepped to the plate when someone had an emergency. But I wonder if you did it to look good, or because your hearts in the right place. Thats all." Tim Versace jumped up and almost ran out of the room. Veronica chased after him crying "Tim! Tim!"— December 20, 2009 7:41 p.m.
Furry Children
Veronica walked in, all a titter. The general manager said "Veronicas going with you. You know I never let her out of my sight. I don't want any hanky panky with those Europeans, much less you after a few drinks. Shes going to help you make the presentation." Veronica beamed. She had never been to Europe before. The General Manager rubbed his face, pursed his lips, and opened his desk drawer. He withdrew a plain white envelope and said "Veronica, this is a little something from those of us who work the front desk (general managers) for US Auto here on the Mile (Mile of Cars, National City, Ca.)Its from GM, Ford and Chrysler desks alike. Its a few K cash. Don't lose it." "Who do I give it to?" asked Veronica. "The briefer in Detroit. Its for factory hands who have had an awful tough year. Its holiday money." "Jesus boss, you should have said something. I would have chipped in and passed the hat around. It all adds up." said Tim Versace. "Well, you made a once in a lifetime grand slam on the Volt pre-orders, I imagine you've done your bit for the less fortunate in this season of giving." Tim Versace wiped his mouth and blushed, which he almost never did. He hadn't. Not a dime. "Tim?" "Boss, I did make a grandslam. I made 25 k and I'm putting it down on a condo. I close tomorrow." "Oh, Tim." said Veronica, gasping involuntarily.— December 20, 2009 7:40 p.m.
Furry Children
Tim Versace was released from his reverie by his boss, who stuck his head out of his office and said "Versace, get in here." Tim got up, straightened his tie, and brushed off his suit. Inside the general managers office, the G.M. said "Versace, have you ever won a walk around contest?" A walk around is when the salesman walks around a vehicle and shows it off, explaining its attributes. "Yeah, back home in Detroit." said Tim Versace. 'No wonder' thought the G.M. who said "How come you never compete in our annual walk around contest? Its several hundred bucks to you, if you win." "I like to give the young bloods a chance. I watch them, and really enjoy it, as well as learn from them. I've seen some promising young tigers go at it, and I feel that it adds to my game, while letting them come up. I'm going to make my money anyway." "Cut to the bottom line, Versace." "If I watch the youngsters, I pick up game. If I show the youngsters, I give up game. I coach the young men and women that I feel are real tigers on a more personal level. And you know that. I never let an untrained salesperson on the lot. If it comes down to it, I'll tell them straight up they're not cut out for the job. I keep our crew going, and not just by example. I'm a people person and I know a man or woman's got to make a living." "Versace, you're a wop after my own heart. Detroit HQ wants you to walk around our 2010 lineup." "Where?" "At some mega-giant confab in Copenhagen, Denmark. Tomorrow." "You're kidding me, right?" "I bulls*** you not. You're to leave post haste, stop over in Detroit for your briefing on the presentation, and arrive tomorrow evening. Heres your travel orders." Tim Versace was speechless. Finally, he said "Jesus, boss. What am I going to say?" "Detroit HQ has it all worked out. Its a power point based presentation. My personal instructions to you are explicit: If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Understood?" "Yes, sir." "Versace, your audience is going to be some of the top car pros from around the world."— December 19, 2009 4:13 p.m.
Oxy on the Rise
Oxycontin is synthetic morphine. In my opinion, it would be much better to take the stuff thats grown in Afghanistan, opium poppies, which also make heroin, and use that. Organic is always better than synthetic. Tweaking on crystal meth cost me at least a decade of my life. I wish I had stuck with beer and pot- they're natural. These synthetics will put you in a bad place. But I feel that that recovery is in progress for me, but it won't happen overnight. It takes time. For example, when I used to tweak, I would get so sexually charged up, any young chick was a target for my fantasies. Recently, I was working with a totally beautiful, young seventeen year old. Because I don't tweak now, the more I interacted with her, the more I would act more fatherly. I realized that sex with her would be a flashback to my drug days, and not something I would want to pursue. Organically, I saw her as a young person in need of guidance and direction, and support. And she did too. Going organic, and cutting the BS from your life pays big dividends.— December 19, 2009 3:28 p.m.