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GIN and Ironic
For choosing a biblical name, thus shall your hearts be undone. For it is not in the naming, but in the doing. FINIS— July 14, 2010 10:59 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
Names are common, Hearts are few, Words are verbal, Convincing you? A look askance, Does not the heart, advance. A choice for many, Counts as a penny. Seek unto love, As you should, The Lord above. Seek unto truth, before Chewing the Baby Ruth. -Richard Warke— July 14, 2010 10:26 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
Johannesburg, South Africa - Present Day Evan Will was as happy go lucky a man as you would ever want to meet. He made friends, not enemies, but if someone got in his face, or upset him unduly, he took care of business right away. He knew that Tino had been drunk, and that he himself had been set up. But man, was Evan pissed. Bingo and Evan cruised through Soweto township in Bingo's Jeep at low speed. They were there to drop off a few care packages, before packing up and heading home. They took in the scenery, the terrain, the people, and the ambiance. You only go around once after all, and poor people, supposedly poor people anyway, had alot to teach to supposedly wealthier individuals. Finally Bingo broke the ice: "So what do you think about that guy?" he said. "G**damn, I thought Raiders fans were bad." said Evan. "What's your plan?" asked Bingo. "Find out what his problem is, and take it from there." Evan's super cell phone rang, and he checked the indicator. It was Pierre, a cool fool that had boarded ships for GreenPeace. Pierre now worked for Joy Mercy, the heiress to the Mercy fortune, Evan's heart and soul. Pierre insisted on the title 'Aide de Camp' Evan answered: "What?" "Evan Will, you rherarttdd. I would not feed you, not even to my dog. Do you hear?" "What do you want?" asked Evan, thinking that obviously word had gotten around. "I want you for fishbait, no? If you messi with me, you end up in someone's fish taco. True or false, eh?" "Very funny, Pierre." snapped Evan. "What choo gonna do? Eh, rapper wiz ze rapier, eh? What choo gonna do?" taunted Pierre. "I'm going to hang up on you." said Evan, plainly. "Not so fast. Joy wish to speak with you." "Then pass me to 'mon blabe' and make it fast." snapped Evan. Joy got on the phone and said something. "Bitch, are you out of your f***ing mind?" snapped Evan, and hung up his super cell, breathing deeply, trying to keep control of himself. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-KPGh3wysw— July 13, 2010 4:55 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
The Soccer Mom's Diary - En Route to Argentina My son Kenworth, and Amy have really begun to cotton to Tino. Last night, the World Cup of 2010 ended. Mando and Tino cheered and embraced when Spain gained the championship. Tino broke out a batch of Soweto Beer, a home brew, aka in the US a designer beer, poured it into a wine sack, began drinking and got drunk. Mando, Bingo and Evan did not partake. Tino was in his own little world. Tino pulled out a pair of handcuffs, and began twirling them on his index fingers. Then he began making fun of Evan Will: "Room service! May I have room service?" he said, belittling Evan's supposed ability to raid a room by surprise. Evan got mad, then looked at Bingo, and shut his friggin' mouth. "Don't trip on the carpet!" said Tino, scratching his pubic hairs. "But I must say one thing about you, Evan. You do have pluck." said Tino, pulling on his testicles. "Remember to look both ways before crossing the street, eh? You could get hit by a bus!" The kids flipped and laughed uproariously at that one. "You want to get on the short bus with me, eh?" Asked Tino, now spinning the handcuffs on his small finger. "The Buzu Tactico are real police, and we make our rounds. SI O NO!!!!!?????!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4NBD3SqBwg— July 12, 2010 9:44 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
The Soccer Mom's Diary - En Route To Buenos Aires, Argentina My son Kenworth, and Amy, have really begun to cotton to Tino. Last night, the World Cup of 2010 ended. Tino played this song in dedication of South Africa, and all of Africa for such a grand World Cup, perhaps the greatest ever played: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2Ta0qCG8No— July 12, 2010 9:22 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
Johannesburg, South Africa -World Cup - Yesterday In the hotel room, everyone cheered as they watched the tv monitor of ground control cheering. Andrew had pulled off the jump. Tinos cell phone rang - the face of it said ´Buenos Aires calling.¨ Tino knew what meant- Argentine Army Special Forces Lancers. He dashed into the bathroom, closed and secured the door, then answered the call, while brushingv his fingertips against the microphone of the phone, like a guitarist, like a thousand roses. ¨Here!" he snapped into the receiver, while giving the static a little extra graze. "Complete report." Tino breathed a sigh of relief . They were not that mad. He removed his other hand from the phone and said "The Tanzanians must have an A-Team circling the perimeter of Kilimanjaro. I trust you saw the airdive?" "What airdive?" "An Air Force rescue commando has just completed a Superman projectile landing into a deep snow drift on the face of Kilimanjaro." "What do you think he will do?" "Climb nearly to the crest, take up an encirclement position, then await the report the airman, who has probably already crested and is in observance of Schneiders camp. He will more than likely make a near approach during the soccer game, and take up an optimal position." "You want a toothpick in your mouth?" "No." replied Tino. "Behave properly. What else?" "We got called off. Tanzania A-Team and the airman are going to handle it." Come to Buenos Aires after the finsl. Bring your compliment. Arrive directly.}} The transmission ended. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t63Pu2k66gY— July 8, 2010 7:45 p.m.
GIN and Ironic
In the modified bay of a Sikorsky Sr-71 BlackBird, an intel techie was reviewing imagery, approaching Kilimanjaro. Andrew, who was not a sassy guy, but anyway, back to the story, lowered himself into a sort of projectile vomiter. "Good luck and God Speed." said the TECHSTER. Andy sighed, and saluted. In he went. He was dressed in operational attire that looked exactly like what Schneider's crew was wearing in the viral videos. The mack department had made it for him. Who wants to jump bad? Andrew was ejected from the aircraft at a supersonic speed, in projectile position, which is to say, like a bullet. Head first, arms to the side, palms smack dab to the thighs, Andrew began flexing his stomach muscles, and flowing up and down in the air, skidding into the atmosphere to slow his speed. The slower he went, the more he rollercoastered his body, until sub sonic speed was reached. "MARK!" cried the intel technician. Andrew threw his arms forward, broke the atmosphere and further slowed his speed, tucked in his legs, grabbed his shins, rolled over once forward in the air, brought his legs out and pointed his toes forward, threw his arms back and up, his open gloved hands cupping the atmosphere as he lowered his arms against the intense pressure of the friction of the air dive. He didn't so much land on the world's largest free standing mountain, so much as enter it, into a thick, nice and crusty snow form, burrowing a hole almost thirty feet deep in the process. "Paycheck, paycheck, read back!" "Hole in one." said Andrew breathlessly. Looking up at the snow cavern he was going to climb out of, very carefully. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GAKOLOnfV4— July 7, 2010 11:40 a.m.
GIN and Ironic
Soccer Mom - Part III - 'Commando, Blue' Evan and Tino walked back to the hotel room, and went inside. Kenny and Amy cried in unison "Tino!" The Soccer Mom looked at the two men, then turned back to packing a suitcase. She was nervous. Mando was on the phone, and Bingo was on another phone. Both were pacing back and forth. Bingo looked up and said Well, well, well, if it isn't Flossy and Glossy." Kenworth Clifton laughed, and kicked an authentic Jubilani Adidas World Cup of South Africa 2010 soccer ball to Tino, lofting it softly. Tino snapped a mid-level hook kick at the ball, at blurring speed. It smashed into the suitcase the Soccer Mom was filling, ricocheted in it, and came to rest. "Caso cerrado." said Tino to Mando, who gave him a particularly venomous look in return. If you ain't got the fare, don't get on the bus. The kids just could not believe what they just saw. Mando got back on the phone, then looked toward Bingo, and said "Houston, we may not have a problem." The Lyrics of the Theme to Soccer Mom, and video: 'Which of the Two Shall it Be?' I'm ready to explode, I'm thinking only of her, My soul wants to let it rest, But my pride just won't let it. Pain I must withstand, Because I didn't want to keep her with me, No! No, I don't know which of us two it will be, Who might give up finally, So history moves on, Without rancor......... I don't know which of us two it'll be, That dies of anxiety, to return to the glory, Of our love........... I could not resolve, But this couple is the problem, And I don't know who'll say their sorry, To extract from of us this guilt, No! No! No! I don't know which of us it will be, Who will die of anxiety, To return to the glory, Of our love, Sad without her I am, And the pain kills me, And I don't want to, no, I don't want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!! No, no, no, oh, oh, I don't which of the two it will be, Who dies from anxiety, To return to the glory, Of our love. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJIWENtRXOk— July 7, 2010 9:47 a.m.
GIN and Ironic
Johannesburg, South Africa - World Cup - Present Day Tino sent a diplomatic note to Evan Will. Easy E opened it, and read it: You have a trumpet for a heart and a very small vuvuzuela. Call me. Evan laughed and got on his super cell: "Hello?" said Tino. "It's Evan. What's up?" "I'm alright. How are you?" "Taking it easy." said Evan Will. "Evan, do you still drink?" "Only on occasion. Why?" "Let's have a few beers together and no more hard feelings. I'm sorry about what's happened." said Tino. "Are you negotiating with me or just maneuvering?" asked Evan Will. "I'm being sincere." "Right on, then. I'll be over in a few minutes." Evan Will and Tino enjoyed several Samuel Adams beers together, and loosened up. The two men relaxed. Tino said "This beer is very delicious." "Yeah, it's tasty." repled Evan. "What do you think will happen to Schneider?" asked Tino. "I don't know. When someone freaks out like that, it's tough to say." "You think we will receive orders to rescue him and his cohorts?" asked Tino. "We're on stand by- probably." said the Ease. "We going to have to parachute." "Yup." "It will be dangerous." "Yeah, but it's a good mission." said Evan Will, taking a swig of beer, pensively. Evan thought to himself 'I hope I make it home in one piece, to get back to the love of my life, Joy Mercy. But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.' "Hey, Tino." "Yes?" "I think you're to be commended for finding that debris field." Tino exhaled loudly, and said "Oh, it almost find me, eh? But Stephanie, she swim very hard. She a very courageous woman, actually." They sat quietly, drinking their beers and relaxing. Finally, Tino said "Hey, Evan." "Yeah." "I think Stephanie deserve a nickname. We give her a nickname? What do you think?" "I'm down for that, absolutely." said Evan Will. "But what should it be?" Evan Will thought for a moment and said "How about 'Soccer Mom'?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIdKdQEQ0pw— July 6, 2010 9:35 a.m.
GIN and Ironic
Johannesburg, South Africa - Present Day Tino was in a hotel room in Johannesburg. Oh man, was he upset. His cell phone rang. "Yes?" he said into the cellphone. "Update your status." said his up line man in Buenos Aires. "I'm in a hotel room in Johannesburg. I've left the others because my blood was boiling, and I didn't want to get into a fight." "Correct. What else?" "Schneider remains atop Kilimanjaro. It's obvious that he's dug a redoubt, and has pre-placed provisions." "How long do you think he can last?" "Until his provisions run out, or he's removed from the mountain." replied Tino, thinking to himself, 'Why am I being asked such a foolish question?' "Send a diplomatic note to the group you were assigned to. Then pat yourself twice on the head, once on the back, then on either buttcheek. We have sent overtures to San Diego. We don't want to overdo it. How do you feel?" "Terrible." "Would you like your tongue to be cut out and replaced with the skin of a pig?" "No, Sir." said Tino. "Then do not address me in that fashion." Tino felt a little bit humiliated, but then, that is life, a regular roller coaster of ups and downs. In any event, it wasn't looking so much like a suicide mission. Retrieving Schneider would be a piece of cake, for Tino was a world class mountaineer. Life, after all, is a process of climbing a mountain, and Tino had climbed the Andes mountains, a mountain range so large that if it were superimposed in the northern hemisphere and placed laterally, would stretch from Los Angeles, California to London, England. So don't f*** with Buzos boys, because the Buzos don't play.— July 5, 2010 8:45 p.m.