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OK ????
Damn, did I miss another Spammortunity? ;(— June 18, 2010 7:22 a.m.
Love, The Art of Apology, and The Grace of Acceptance.
re: #12: "But they are feeling hurting human beings...you can't change anyone...you can only change yourself." You are a mensch for first of all keeping others' secrets to the grave. Your empathy for them as human is appreciated--we need more of these strengths of character, rather than the prepackaged prejudices offered too frequently. "As far as my Avatar and "Hotness" ...for me, it comes in flashes... ;)" ;) Grant @16: "I guess my point is as I have matured, I pick and choose my battles more wisely. And my choice of husband. Thus the "easy" part of my marriage. I could make it harder. I just don't have any reasons to. We just don't really have much to fight about." You know, Grant, that was exactly me & "the man" for about two years into our relationship. It was sublime. I was on stipend, and didn't have to work-work, and we had no financial concerns. I found out how much less I'd matured OR learned to pick and choose my battles once some chronic--such as financial-- problems hit, and refused to let up. Seven years later, we are still here, but no longer strolling along, enjoying being in the moment. I rather think that if external circumstances were to revert to those simpler times, we'd return to that edenic calm. How long have you been married, Grant, if you don't mind me asking?— June 17, 2010 1:59 p.m.
Love, The Art of Apology, and The Grace of Acceptance.
Dr. Phil? Nah, Dr. Phil's, well...besides the fact that he is NOT a real Dr., let's just say she'd have to develop a few more egregiously mixed metaphors, or start up with all the folksy-isms, around the idea of getting back up on a horse, or a pitchfork, or something. ;) Total agreement about respect, but so much is needed to keep it intact. You know what I have found nearly inexplicable? I had a year plus relationship in my late teens with a thirty-something who always complimented me for my habit of stopping in the middle of some foolish excuse or irritated reply and correcting myself, then apologizing. The thing is, my current partner, with whom I share only a ten-year age difference, and a ten-year run and counting, cannot compliment me as frequently for such magnanimity. No longer in possession of a certain depth and breadth to said magnanimity, I've reflected that perhaps I was trying to impress a much older partner with my oh-so-adult EQ and ability to self-check; then again, perhaps it was that I was just beginning to learn to be in a relationship, and had not yet built up the resentments ten solid years can accrue. Final answer? I think it's a combination of the above, plus the fact that we are different with different people, all of whom bring out varying traits to varying degrees. Of course, we are free to embrace, challenge, reject what's brought out in us or what we've brought out in the other person. It's just that daily negotiations can be easy in some relationships and so damned hard in others. Does it mean the easier relationship such as you describe is somehow more right or destined for better things? Dunno. People are volatile, and things can go south quicker than a horsethief jump back up on his stud and make a run for the border. OOOPS! Paging Dr. Phil... Unrelated confession: I wince at the title of your blog, though it could be meant just to impart your running theme--about ultimately limiting one's gender and social identity with the word "wife?" Dunno. Could also be a touch of jealousy at the sheer hotness of your avatar image--watch out, you might attract a lascivious little panting character called "SurfPuppy." ;)— June 16, 2010 6:04 p.m.
Elusive Salvation
And thanks for understanding my words. It is not only anger, but sorrow, for we are witnessing the longest ending ever for a talented voice... Hey, missin' ya. Learning curve at the job, but will write soon, if not sooner. ;)— June 16, 2010 5:09 p.m.
Elusive Salvation
I suppose, refried. If only there weren't so many casualties, eh?— June 16, 2010 3:13 p.m.
Elusive Salvation
Consequences and penalties? Surely you suffer them as a result of the choices you've made, but perhaps they haven't felt bad enough for you to make different choices? Cocooned in a hospital bed, surrounded by the certain care of nurses and comfortably floating on a cloud of morphine or Dilaudid? Not as bad as one imagines, if one is not in physical pain, …and I imagine you like it quite a lot, as you've chosen it over all of the hands attempting to help pull you up, and over your own reaching towards health and life, again and again. A cruel irony of that choice of self-interest over a life of love shared and finished with others. If this truly is “it,” as Michael Jackson proclaimed (forgive me that, as you’ve—amazingly—alluded to Whitman’s multitudes) and there honestly, truly isn't any choice anymore, then I hope that your alcohol-ravaged body and mind will be soothed by those clouds of morphine, and your soul by the caring hands and hearts of Mercy's nurses--they do exist, as you appear to have found. I hope that the better memories of life “before” alcohol took you, comfort you, too. And if this really isn’t “it,” then I look forward to your next column.— June 16, 2010 2:48 p.m.
Elusive Salvation
What can one say to a familiar announcement of this kind? "...or even of just temporary help to others is of genuine value. I have been told I’ve done a little of this..." …as a byproduct of …what, then? For we tend to know when we have created something of genuine value for others, if we set out to do it in the first place. Whatever the belief system, and whether you think it's going to be the keys to the kingdom or a soul-quenching relief from a life's store of fear and shame, it’s commonly accepted that we can’t expect any kind of 'absolution' if we keep score, and measure what we have done for others against what they have done for us, which leads to more resentment and spite than it does any kind of release. On the other hand, it seems to me that our ability to care for and truly "see" other human beings through those persistent clouds of self-interest is just naturally meant to deepen and mature along with other aspects of our personalities that require flexibility, and commitment, and...love. Love for one's offspring, for example, which leads us to put our children above ourselves, and which seems to teach some people a lesson about relating to humanity that serves them well into the rest of their lives, as those children grow and go off to do what they must do. I don’t have any children, but do remember and feel the lessons of my mother, who tried as she could to instill in me a loving sense of obligation toward others, beyond the basic recognition of the right to live of anyone and anything alive. It isn't always easy, but it can bring a sense of profound relief to have helped another human being, perhaps to then watch him carry on that good work. This is the kind of work it would be great to see more of in organized religion, though it is still out there to be found. "Absolution" can be defined as "release from consequences, obligations, or penalties." You have chosen to release yourself from obligations in the sense of responsibilities to oneself and others, as you have mistreated yourself, and not treated your friends as such in decades—though they have all along continued to support and encourage you—even if forced to give up on receiving anything from you in kind. Perhaps what you call a 'little' has somehow sustained a few enough to support you financially all of these years, or perhaps at some point they simply feel that loving obligation to a fellow human with whom they have laughed and played awhile, and who reminds them of what they enjoyed in their youth. Perhaps you are, in the final analysis, the one who serves to invite and invoke in others that sense of the duty of caring that still eludes you.— June 16, 2010 2:47 p.m.
Letters
Brava and bravo! The authors of posts 1-6 need to bust a move on Mencken's gig :) We also need a new coalition: S-DUM, "San Diegans for Unsatirical Morality" Brief summary of our platform: We ask for MORE moral outrage over ironical spoofing and satirical poking of our citizens, whether fat, ugly, politically dishonest, or otherwise. This is a family-friendly town of conservative values, and the Reader needs to provide the safely unironical pap we have grown accustomed to trusting we will find in our church leaflets and free weeklies. Every man, woman, and child of San Diego deserves happy, self-evident, and unambiguous language. Join our fight, and let editors know there will be consequences for the publication that does not fall in line!— June 10, 2010 11:42 p.m.
How Much is that Doggie at the Shelter? Nada!!!
You are the Robin Hood of shelter and lost animals--nay, the patron saint! Move over St. Francis!— June 10, 2010 11:15 p.m.
Liar Liar Pants On Fire/edit
Did you write this one, nan? Pure genius! ;) annndd, I'll take Clooney, please. For that sense of humor. Same comic gift as Alec Baldwin, who's also a hottie (with a few less lbs), but he's out, due to relation to nitwit bigmouth Stephen Baldwin. ;( Pitt's with Jolie, collecting children at fever pitch. Jolie, whose own father has let on that she is psychiatrically ill and a total narcissist. What does that say about him, hmmmm?— June 10, 2010 11:09 p.m.