Trying to find love...

Some sweet imagery there, LPR, and I could totally relate to your dilemna at one point or another in my life. re: #2: Ha! There's that site again! www.plentyoffish.com I cracked up so hard the first time I saw that, I nearly fell outta my chair. "Plenty offish" doesn't exactly recommend itself for dating services, now, does it? ;) Remember, folks, LPR is looking for LOVE, not just companionship-- something that could develop into a romantic relationship. Therefore, I opine: Instead of the $200 for a kit kat, I say find the $30/month for a few months on a cheaper dating site--of course, first thoroughly researching its success rates as well as how the best sites work.
— March 19, 2010 3:45 a.m.

We Filipinos eat with our hands, drive crazy on the road, point with our lips

...Of course, the reception of those English-speaking skills is directly proportional to the size of the wallet and bank account of the speaker. Money speaks really good English, and Tagalog, and Spanish, etc. etc. ;) So. refried, I’m not sure why you would answer the way you did, and I more than suspect this breakdown was completely unnecessary, as I don't often have this much new to teach you, but you asked. It seems that we may have vastly different lexicons and ideas when it comes to culture and interpretation of the reception of cultural practices in the U.S., as well as how cultural power and the language of bigotry affect remaining racial tensions here. However it may be, I do hope that our exchanges may be useful for others, or provoke some more discussion on these issues :)
— March 19, 2010 2:50 a.m.

We Filipinos eat with our hands, drive crazy on the road, point with our lips

“point with our lips” Honestly, this one throws me for a loop. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that this one, which stereotypes both gesture and physical attribute, belittles through the idea that instead of communicating with words, one is doing something more primitive in pointing with the lips. The shape of the lips are perhaps being made fun of as well, though I have not noticed any particular shape of lip in any Filipino person I’ve known. Perhaps Filipinos tend to have fuller lips than everyone else—in racist “sciences” of physiognomy perpetrated upon Africans between roughly the 17th and 19th centuries, the larger lips of Africans were seen as of a “brutishly” “sensual” nature, and indicative of a crude obsession with sexuality as well as a lower IQ. It would be great if someone were to write in and let us know if there is anything else to be known about a stereotyping of Filipino lip shape or size. (Ironically, anyone with narrow lips in the Los Angeles film industry has surely considered injections). “have fathers in the Navy and mothers who are nurses” Speaking of the military, Maecel reveals the stereotype of Filipino fathers in the military and mothers in nursing. Here, in times not imbued with patriotic fervor, the military is more viewed as a career choice of the desperately poor with no other choice and no college aspirations, due to lack of funds and/or unsuitability for college. I’m sure the plight of the military wife, who receives less and less upon which to sustain a family, has much to do with this perception. The mother in nursing: nurses are perhaps somewhat more respected, but again, it is a job requiring much hard physical work and very long hours. The perception of the blue-collar as lower class is still functioning. And either way, there is an assumption that like the Chinese medical student or the Japanese business major, there is a lack of individualism (read: smarts, ingenuity) in the predominance of one race or ethnicity in the jobs of a single field. both speaking with broken English." Refried, let me ask you this, and I know you will answer honestly: Have you had the sense that your—let’s call them ‘developing’—Spanish skills have earned you more jeers or more respect from Mexicans? Would you say you’ve met with more impatience and disdain, and people telling you “Learn to speak Spanish or go back where you came from!” or with more surprise at your mastery thus far, and genuine delight that you would take the time to learn the language? I’ll leave you to guess which attitudes Filipinos might encounter here—they will be similar to the attitudes encountered by Mexicans in the U.S., whose lack of skills in English may invoke hostility, ridicule, and a lecture about who ‘deserves’ to be in the U.S.
— March 19, 2010 2:43 a.m.

We Filipinos eat with our hands, drive crazy on the road, point with our lips

“drive crazy on the road” The accusation of bad driving is one that I have personally seen leveled at many different groups—whatever group was considered to be the ‘minority’ of that region—not in number but in terms of power; where I grew up in Southern California, it varied town to town. In one part of Orange County, it was Vietnamese people, and all Asians by extension. In another it was Mexicans. In northern Canada it was South Asians (Indians) and Chinese. And so it goes. The accusation of bad driving appears to function as an easy and quick way to stereotype a people as capable or not capable. Driving is an activity that demands physical and mental acuity, namely a quickness of reflex; there is an underlying question of whether the crazy driver may not be mentally sound or able. If we consider how rage and power play out on our roads—dissertations could and probably are written on the subject—the way this mode of stereotyping functions becomes clearer. For example, it is interesting that “crazy” driving differs from offensive (in the sense of vs. “defensive”) driving; while “crazy” drivers are seen to be oblivious of (too stupid to understand) the rules of the road, it is understood that offensive drivers know the rules, and break them in slick, arrogant ways, while taking territorial control over the road. The anatomy of this stereotype breaks down to reveal a young white male (teens to early thirties), quite often in the military (most often Marines) driving an SUV-style car that may be jacked up to give the impression that this driver has the best vision, and so may lord it over everyone else from his throne, which is a foot or more higher than everyone else. As for road rage, no one is immune, but the offensive driver makes sure that the object of his rage understands his objection to their driving. Again, it is not likely that you would be able to complain that your race and cultural affiliations have been slighted through stereotyping of your driving habits.
— March 19, 2010 2:42 a.m.

We Filipinos eat with our hands, drive crazy on the road, point with our lips

I don’t think we fully know the difference between what’s harmful with stereotypes and what’s playful about them. If we did, well, let’s just say that a lot of tensions over expressions of culture and race in this country would resolve quite easily, and we’d live in the perfect “melting pot” fairytale we’ve all grown accustomed to seeing played out in our kids’ television programming. Unfortunately, that is just not the case, and the passage you quoted from the story is a perfect example of the extremely complex ambiguities and ambivalences that coalesce around uses of cultural or racial stereotyping in America. Let’s break it down: "But I am also a Filipino.” The author first claims her Filipino identity, something she spends most of the story disavowing, and then she lists a few ideas why she might disavow it or be unhappy with it. “We eat with our hands” Eating with your hands, presumably at table, is considered crude and primitive in the U.S. refried, in order to validate a comparison/contrast with your own habits at table, you would need to relate it to your current status as a gringo, as a minority in the culture you live in. You would need to be able to relate that in this culture, you are stereotyped as lazy and crude and primitive for using your hands to eat, rather than using the Western eating implements of knife, fork, and spoon. Something tells me that is not the case. Moreover, you do live in a border town, where the values of the dominant culture on the other side may have leaked over, and a gringo—along with values accruing to ‘whiteness’—might garner a little more respect for being gringo than he might deep within another region of Mexico. Let me know what you think of this idea? You have mentioned this before with the example of telenovelas, in which whiteness is seen to be favored in the form of a higher respect for lighter skin.
— March 19, 2010 2:41 a.m.

We Filipinos eat with our hands, drive crazy on the road, point with our lips

Refried: You pose two issues: 1. The title: I felt the editor’s choice of title was apt, considering the way yes, the content pivots on the idea of the Filipino father’s “rules.” I also agree with the posters who said the concept of these “rules” was a little muddy. Aesthetically, it would have been better to structure the story more cohesively on the rules mentioned early on, and I think the editor’s choice of title was an attempt to pull the story together under the aegis of the “rules,” to help mask the internal narrative problems. Of course, without totally getting into it, the structure overall suffers greatly from the non-ending—as one poster pointed out, it is much more like a blog entry than a cover story. 2. refried wrote: “I found this endearing. The author was playfully pointing out…” As you’ve witnessed, clearly “endearing” is not the word used by many of the Fil-Ams writing in. “Racist,” “shameful” and “self-hating” are probably more accurate descriptors. “Playful” might be something I’d agree with in the author’s attitude at times, but unfortunately, the incendiary content just isn’t going to let my brand of critical breakdown and enjoyment of a narrative work here. The kind of distance it takes to analyze an aesthetic is not going to be ok, and I understand that. I think you do, too. “…that she realizes that her culture in the U.S. has been marginalized and stereotyped. All cultures in the U.S. are marginalized and stereotyped. All cultures everywhere are marginalized and stereotyped. In the P.I., there is no way that Americans are not marginalized and stereotyped.” “All cultures in the U.S. are marginalized and stereotyped?” Are you quite sure you understand what “marginalized” means here? We are talking about a serious issue. African-Americans were ‘marginalized’ through a denial of many basic human rights, as well as civic rights. I think I’ll wait to comment further on that one, until I understand your definition of the word. I will say that I am a bit confused at these statements coming from you, and the attempts at false cultural analogies—the sheer relativism of it. Americans in the P.I. are bringing with them the legacy of cultural domination of the West. Of course they are marginalized and stereotyped as Westerners and as fat, lazy tourists, but they are also recognized as carriers of great deals of money, so they will also be catered to. There is little relation of comparison/contrast here that can be valid. Refried wrote: “But I think we know the difference between what's harmful with such stereotypes and what's playful about them. At least, I also eat with my hands, drove quite crazy on the road when I was younger, had a father in the Navy, and my Spanish could always use some improvement.”
— March 19, 2010 2:39 a.m.

We Filipinos eat with our hands, drive crazy on the road, point with our lips

SD here: Maecel's frustrations are abundantly evident, if not totally clear, and I think we can read some along with deux some issues of struggling with conflicting identities that result from being a child of immigrant parents whose cultural values conflict with those their children encounter in their country of birth. There is a kind of cultural disconnect that deux is invoking here, one that involves difficulties of translation of values: the child has experienced parental values as inherited, perhaps she has never even set foot in the Philippines, while the parents struggle to translate--sometimes even in a language new to them-- values that are in some ways meaningless to the child, and the translations fail. The child yearns to somehow belong where is she IS, and doesn't want to hear about her belonging elsewhere. This is why so many people who grew up here as second generation write about their experiences from a child's perspective; this is where the struggle with identity begins, though I don't know if it is the hardest--I haven't had this experience, so it is for those who can to tell it. I think Maecel's boyfriend perhaps represents to her what it means to cross a particular line culturally and to take a fall; he now inhabits all of the negative stereotypes in the dominant culture he failed to conquer and learn to live in, the most cliche being the Fil-Am kid who steals cars and belongs to a gang. Gang life is a planet away from mainstream culture--he is lost to it unless he can do more than just dress the part of a responsible kid for her parents. Her narrative is full of these ideas of 'acting' or dressing for the part, which again shows her frustration over identity. I hope people can see how much more constructive it is to just discuss the story as honestly as we can, from our different view points, rather than just condemn it out of hand, and ignite controversy and namecalling that go nowhere. We can look at the subtext of this story and read the problems it is communicating, and talk about them. Frustration and anger should be expressed, but then there is a next step toward understanding--many posters here have taken that step, but there is always more to do and more to be said...
— March 18, 2010 10:47 p.m.

We Filipinos eat with our hands, drive crazy on the road, point with our lips

refried wrote @44: "I'm honestly surprised that anyone would see bad in an article about a young lady coming to terms in a culture her parents grew up in, trying to relate it to one that she's faced with having to live with. I thought it was pretty brave." refried, I do agree with you, but I also agree with those who are posting in dismay over this story. For your answer, I urge you to reread some of my posts on this thread. As you know, representations of culture are always more complex than we give credit, and when you are talking about a negative representation of a culture that doesn't get much exposure in the media, there are real dangers to consider. The short answer is to be found in the quotation I have excerpted below, from jfrmsd's excellent post, which makes the same points I made in post #35, but perhaps more clearly: jfrmsd wrote @56: "Considering how influential stereotypes are for people of color, why bring up these harmful stereotypes? Is it too much to ask to minimize the amount of negative exposure until the media is ready to show our positive qualities at the same time?" jfrmsd makes it clear: It is potentially harmful to present a culture that hasn't had enough positive representation (or much of any representation at all) in a negative light. When that culture does receive enough representation, the negative can emerge, and a balance can be struck, because now, that culture has enough exposure that it is 'naturalized;' we are far less likely to form harmful stereotypes that could lead to dangerous backlash against that culture's people, whether it be in the form of violence on the street, or failure to trust its people with employment or educational opportunities, etc. Bigger things are at stake, and it isn't a matter of suppressing truths; it is about responsible and sensitive reporting and public relations. However, I think we should also consider again, deux's point made at post #40: deux @ #40: "Filipino parents are often unaware their American born children are raised with multiple identities. American ideals of independence and privacy conflict with Filipino values of collectivity and openness so representing your culture or heritage in America in any way is subject to disputing your social standing. Children have no other outlet to discuss these cultural frustrations and may sometimes subject to mischievous behaviors, as Maecel described." [end quote] (cont)
— March 18, 2010 10:47 p.m.

What Men Like, according to Cosmo - Huh?

"elevator eyes" ... ?
— March 18, 2010 2:55 p.m.

Update: Beautiful Jessie has come home! And: What we learned about lost/found animals

Gringo speculated @32: "It's like the Ghostbusters thing, the better you do your job, the poorer you get!" I don't agree, dear. Unfort, there are lost pets aplenty, always work to do. Grant @31: I completely agree. AG, have been considering the possibilities, and they seem boundless--this seems like an amazing opportunity, and a way to reestablish yourself in San Diego--or the city of your choice...
— March 17, 2010 6:12 p.m.