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Stories by Walter Mencken

San Diego Unified removes affirmation from ethnic studies curriculum following divine manifestation

Last year, California became the first state in the country to make ethnic studies a high school graduation requirement (starting in 2026), and San Diego Unified was one the first districts to implement its model …

Encinitas helium balloon ban leads claims life of aged adventurer

Last week, the Encinitas city council gave its unanimous approval to the city’s Environmental Commission’s proposal to ban the sale, use, or distribution of lighter-than-air balloons within city limits, including its airspace. “We need to …

Black Lives Matter issues statement praising effects of omicron variant

BLM Spokeswoman Rachel Justice: “It’s true that covid-19 has, in the past, exhibited racist behavior, hitting black and brown populations much harder than whites. But we have always believed that change is possible for those …

Local living historians mark anniversary of 1/6

A man calling himself the QAnon Shameless frolics in the fountain outside the County Administration Building in commemoration of the January 6 riot at the Capitol. Said Shameless: “Vice President Harris compared 1/6 to 9/11 …

Prebys donation aims to restore California pioneer “to his proper place.”

Last week, the Contrad Prebys Foundation announced that it was donating $330,000 to aid in the restoration of the Junipero Serra Museum, home to the collection of the San Diego History Center. Given the controversy …

From the 1918 Ocean Beach rip current to Matt Baker, Ashley Babbitt, Lester Bangs, Nathan Fletcher, the 2020 drum circle

None of this actually happened. Except, of course, there was that Board of Supervisors meeting back in August… [Intrepid reporter Walter Mencken is enjoying a morning stroll along the strand in Ocean Beach when he …

Hotel Del Coron-ODD-o

The Hotel Del Coronado has many claims to fame — there are those who say that Wallis Simpson met the man who would become England’s King Edward VIII at a ball held there in 1920. …

Summer of Si!

On December 6, San Diego District Attorney became the first DA in the country to take on the anti-fascist organization Antifa, focusing on its role in the violence surrounding at the January 9 Patriot March …

Mula Por Mujeres?

Until recently, abortion was illegal in Mexico. And yet, there were still women who desired abortions. And even if motherhood was not seen as a necessity of pregnancy, necessity remained the mother of invention. An …

The Yoda Code

Protest sign displayed over San Diego freeway in wake of Not Guilty verdict for Kyle Rittenhouse, who was charged with murder after shooting and killing two people in Kenosha, Wisconsin during the riot that followed …

Mayor explains decision to educate commuters by flooding portion of I-5

Last week, thousands of San Diegans endured major traffic delays following the flooding and closure of a portion of I-5 North near the downtown area. At the time, blame was placed on a ruptured water …

Grammys issue statement defending nomination of local activist’s metal rant

“We won’t restrict the people who can submit their material for consideration. We won’t look back at people’s history.” That was Recording Academy CEO Harvey Mason, Jr. last week, defending the Academy’s nomination of both …

SDPD puts out APB for local spellcaster tied to Millete murder case

San Diego Police today issued an All Points Bulletin for Raven Briarpatch, a local witch who may prove to be the key in the case of missing woman Maya Millete. “Up to now,” explained the …

San Diego Zoo Wildlife alliance reports that California condors can reproduce without sex

Last week, Flora Avian, lead researcher for the San Diego Zoo Alliance’s California Condor Preservation Project, announced that two of the birds in her care had been spawned via parthenogenesis, that is, asexually. “We did …

Lincoln High forfeits showdown against Cathedral Catholic for educational reasons

“Racism can no longer be swept under the rug or considered as normal,” said Lincoln High football coach David Dunn, explaining his decision last week to cancel his team’s game against Cathedral Catholic. “What are …

San Diego Convention of the California GOP reveals new strategy

Max Whiteman, addressing the California Republican Convention last week at the unveiling of the organization’s new logo: “If you tilt Texas a little to the right — get it, to the right? — the state …

Portion of Fiesta Island to serve as Colony for the Unvaccinated

“Over 150 years ago, the island nation of Hawaii found itself in a crisis: an outbreak of the horrific, highly contagious, and then-untreatable disease of leprosy,” says San Diego Health Supervisor Winifred Wutan. “The authorities …

Budweiser Zero renews sponsorship in wake of late-season collapse

“Really, we couldn’t be happier,” said Bud Zero brand manager Sid Craven following the Padres disastrous conclusion to their 2020 season. “A full season in the basement would have meant minimal exposure for our brand. …

Black Lives Matter denounces Sea World’s new Sesame Place as White Supremacy

“From Peyton Place to Melrose Place, the P-word has always been code for Protected Private Property,” says Black Lives Matter spokesperson Natasha Trigger-Warning. “And what it’s protected from is the Street — as in, the …

In effort to reach out to vaccine hesitant, County introduces mobile health drones

A fully masked and socially distant county employee reassures an uncooperative Lakeside resident who read on the internet that the vaccine may affect fertility that while President Biden’s patience may be wearing then, he has …

In brilliant capstone to its declarations on racism and vaccine misinformation, Board of Supervisors declares “the twisted darkness that lurks in the depths of every human heart” a public health crisi

“It started with racism, because it had to,” says County Supervisor Nathan Fletcher-Ram as he looks back on his Supreme Council’s ever more complete triumph over evil. “We here in San Diego simply had to …

Mayor says planned handover of Balboa Park’s United States cottage to Afghanistan was “bound to be chaotic.”

“Honestly, this was [ex-Mayor] Faulconer’s mess; I just inherited it,” says Mayor Todd Gloria of the Taliban’s takeover of the United States’ cottage in Balboa Park’s International Cottages section. “He’s the one who made the …

In wake of scrutiny, San Diego Sheriffs offer alternate explanation for deputy’s collapse.

“We had a great story,” says San Diego Sheriff Bill Bore. “We had body cam video — you know, the stuff that’s supposed to clear up confusion about police business — showing Deputy David Faviiae …

Former member of Padres’ Bod Pad Squad may have deep-sixed Dodgers ace.

“Love is blind,” said baseball great Yoga Berry, “but it still knows which team its rooting for.” Which makes it all the more mysterious how Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Trevor Bauer, recipient of maybe the …

Bathhouse Row back in the spotlight following city call for Hillcrest historical landmarks to honor

“Everybody talks about how gay bars are disappearing all over America,” says Dan Butterman, self-appointed historian of Hillcrest’s history as San Diego’s gay district. “But what’s less discussed is the disappearance of an even more …

In previously unheard-of crime, some unvaccinated Californians are dealing in so-called “Fake IDs”

Yesterday, San Diego Mayor Todd Gloria spoke out against a plague of faked vaccination cards that seems to be spreading among the unvaccinated community in San Diego even faster than covid-19. “Even as San Diego’s …

The Falcon Can Hear the Faulconer

Last week, a SurveyUSA poll revealed that more than half of likely voters would vote to recall Governor Gavin Newsom from office, a clear sign that many Californians are unhappy with Toothsome Newsom’s handling of …

Once-dismissed “Lin-Leak Theory” gains traction following covid outbreak among Zoo’s big cats

“When I first suggested that China’s decision to share its pandas with the San Diego Zoo might be a fur-op, everybody said I was crazy,” says local conspiracy theorist Saul Openmind. “That was what, 27 …

Following Serra High controversy, other San Diego High Schools forced to reckon with racist namesakes

Statement from San Diego Unified’s Department of Doing Better: “Junipero Serra was an easy one: no religious figure has any business having their name on a public school, including the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. …

UCSD watermelon-smashing tradition ended after more than 50 years following incident

The UCSD Watermelon Drop, in which the melon is dropped seven stories from Urey Hall in an effort to create the largest possible splat, is the school’s oldest tradition. But not every tradition is worth …

Madman Mencken’s Sports Etiquette Corner

It’s okay to hate someone for rooting for the other team. It’s just not okay to hate them for being a POC.

Coronado School Board comfortable with decision to fire head coach following tortilla-tossing incident

On Saturday, June 19th, Coronado High’s boys basketball team defeated Escondido’s Orange Glen 60-57 in overtime. After the game, at least one spectator began to toss tortillas onto the court. A postgame altercation had already …

Perps and victims unite in call to remove law enforcement from campus

Last week, both students and faculty members from UCSD gathered with local social justice organizations to advocate for the removal of the UCPD, the branch of the police department that patrols the the university’s campus. …

City expands outreach to vaccine-hesitant communities

“When we first started offering San Diegans the Covid-19 vaccine,” says Connie Spiracy, deputy director of media for the city’s Public Health office, “we found that there were two demographics where vaccine-hesitancy was dispiritingly high: …

Public Health Officer/Science God thunders declaration from mountaintop: “THE PANDEMIC IS NOT OVER.”

As coronavirus cases continued to drop and California lifted its manifold restrictions on the life of its citizens, San Diego Public Health Officer Wilma Wooten took the opportunity to remind her people that “Governor Newsom …

Biden dispatches Antifa and other protesters to crisis zone

As the border crisis deepens and wave after wave of hopeful migrants crashes against Trump’s evil wall, President Biden has taken bold action to address the problem. “It’s clear these folks love America, or at …

SDSU prof says that when times get tough, moviegoers want men on screen

According to a new study from San Diego State’s Center for the Study of Women and Television in Film, the percentage of top-grossing films featuring female protagonists dropped from 40% in 2019 to just 29% …

Lincoln High students respond to taunting t-shirt with one of their own

In 1988, the No. 1 Miami Hurricanes football team played No. 4 Notre Dame in a thrilling game that came down to the last second. Prior to the game, a pair of Notre Dame students …

Mayor Gloria under fire for diverting funds from police to so-called “libraries”

San Diegans from all walks of life are calling for both explanation and change from Mayor Todd Gloria following the release of his proposed city budget. At issue is his proposal that the city’s police …

Old Joe and the Border Boys

Press release from Progressive Pictures: “Old Joe and the Border Boys tells the thrilling story of 19,000 kids living in Central America who hear President Biden announce that he’s going to stop deportations for the …

Tatis Jr. suffers “Jacob’s joint” injury as punishment for his anointing as Padres’ savior

Yesterday, God Almighty called a press conference to announce that he was responsible for the shoulder injury suffered by Padres superstar Fernando Tatis, Jr., who tore his labrum at the end of a mighty swing …

City officials beg courts to declare Measure C passed so that Convention Center can expand services to migrant minors.

San Diego’s Measure C, which would have raised the city’s hotel tax in an effort to secure funds for a Convention Center expansion, came tantalizingly close to obtaining the two-thirds majority required for passage. But …

Councilman LaCava calls for redesign

“The current seal of the City of San Diego erases the history of the Indigenous People who occupied this land long before us, and glorifies the people who stole it,” says newly elected councilman Joe …

Homeless residents of Convention Center moved out in favor of Unaccompanied Minor Migrants

“Everybody knows that homelessness is the single greatest humanitarian crisis facing the city of San Diego,” says Mayor Todd Gloria. “But some crises are bigger than just one city. Some crises are national in scope. …

Biden Administration begins Operation Staycation in effort to convince would-be migrants to remain in-country.

“The President of the United States believes that families are the bedrock of a healthy society,” says Sam Turnback, head of the Biden Administration’s Operation Staycation. “That may seem obvious, but when you hear that …

UCSD torches library and its contents in atonement for years spent honoring hateful author

Once, Sylvia Burner was head librarian at UCSD’s Geisel Library — the campus’s signature building, named for La Jolla’s most famous citizen, beloved children’s author Ted Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss. Once, she paused every morning …

San Diego renamed after Mayor in wake of Junipero Serra High renaming

“I believe the children are the future,” says onetime San Diego Mayor Todd Gloria. “They can carry us to a brighter tomorrow, if only we have the courage to let them. So when the students …

Gavin Newsom: A Governer we can all get behind... and push out of office

[Paid political advertisement] Today, Former San Diego Mayor and would-be replacement governor Kevin Faulconer unveiled his first campaign poster, an attack ad on beleaguered governor Gavin Newsom that doesn’t even mention Faulconer’s name. “I have …

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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