Name: Dakota Lives: Ocean Beach Surfing: Dog Beach Despite the ripping winds and freezing water, 30-year-old Dakota is out at Dog Beach looking for surf. The cold isn’t new to him; he recently moved back …

There’s no outfit so fantastically ridiculous as the too-tight, brazenly colored, and obnoxiously patterned ensemble for riding a long distance on a bicycle. It’s too much. Ostensibly the outfits are colored and patterned wildly to …

My Personal Ad on an Internet Dating Site: This isn’t for dating. I’m not making this profile to get dates. This profile is to audition for a nemesis or nemesises (nemesi?). As it stands, I …

Name: Antonio Azambuja Lives: Bahia, Brazil Surfing: Thomas Street, Pacific Beach For ten years, Antonio Azambuja has traveled from Brazil to San Diego each winter to surf. “I like the people of San Diego very …

Album: 40 oz. Dreams on a Champagne Budget (2007) Artist: Hesh One Label: self-released Where available/price: Available as a download from heshone.com Songs: 1) Put ’em Up 2) L.A. Narcocorrido 3) Bleed, Spit & Shit …

Artist: The Frantic Romantic Song: “Why Do We Punish the Ones We Love” (from the CD Say What You Wanted to Say) Heard By: Harrod Suarez, North Park I thought it was good. I thought …

“I needed a job that would pay me to travel and surf,” Chuck Bragg says about his decision to join the Navy. He’s surfed Hawaii, Baja, the east and west coasts of Australia…but as a …

I Interview the Billboard Down the Street Me: Hey, how’s it going? Billboard: Not bad. It’s been rainy, but I usually get good sun, just sort of standing here. Me: Yeah, that’s not bad. You …

Album: Wired (2007) Artist: Retrolust Label: Nethertune Records Where available/price: CDBaby.com for $11.50 or iTunes for 99 cents per song Songs: 1) In My Head 2) Superstarrr 3) RX 4) In Vein 5) Faith for …

Name: Mark Thompson Lives: Ocean Beach Surfing: South of the pier in Imperial Beach “It’s a known fact that I.B. has some of the dirtiest water, but I mean, I don’t hear of people getting …

All anybody really wants is to be naked. Well, there are other things that one might want, but “nude” sits — on a towel, one hopes — proudly at the top of the list. Watch …

They may not do it this way down here, but in my little town in the hills, kids slept outside when the weather was right. In the summer, it was cooler to sleep outside. I …

Album: A Lighthouse for the Sun (2007) Artist: Solarminds Label: Mind Altering Records Where available/price: Lou’s Records in Encinitas ($10.99), Cow Records in Ocean Beach ($8.98), Mojo Sounds/Thrift Trader ($8.99), Taang! Records ($9.99), M-Theory in …

Name: Caroline Minkowski Home: Hillcrest Surfing: Tourmaline “It was about three years ago,” says Caroline. “There were Santa Ana winds, and while we were out there, there was this huge swarm of butterflies. I think …

Hungarian plumbers are all great fans of M.C. Escher, I’ve deduced. They don’t just see the artist’s creative works as pleasing concepts but more as hard-fact schematics and blueprints for their own work. In the …

Name: Marty Cowles Lives: Ocean Beach Surfing: Avalanche Jetty, Ocean Beach “Go home, Barney,” Marty Cowles says is the worst insult he’s heard from locals. The most he’s been hassled is at Oceanside. “They get …

Man, can Jenn Grinels sing! Her sultry voice growls at the hot, slow parts in song one, “Misery,” and it rings out like gold in the quick-paced and heartfelt track three, “No Better.” The album …

Nothing can be said of track 5, “Lazy Naked Sundays,” except it is downright irritating. The other songs reach the ear somewhere in the range of “slightly talented beach jam-band pabulum” and “overwrought pretentiousness.” Agave …

Wow. 2008 can choke on it. First day, I was shot in the butt with a BB gun. I’m not kidding. Some little terrorist with a pump-action Daisy and a swift bicycle lay in wait …

Name: Lyn Siem and Lisa Carulli Live: Ocean Beach Surfing: Black’s Beach Black’s Beach, famous for being “clothing optional,” is also a favorite of surfers because of its ability to hold a large swell. While …

Ron and I were eating a sugary scone and talking about our plans to pork up over the coming holidays. I had decidedly given up, and I planned to get a good amount of bloat …

Album: Keep Your Head (2007) Artist: Mike Press Label: self-released Where available/price: M-Theory in Mission Hills for $10. Online at iTunes, CDBaby.com, mikepress.com for $10. Songs: 1) Teams 2) Short Supplies 3) Taboo 4) Barista …

Abraham Lincoln was born on May 6, 1954, to a poor family of Central California date farmers. Baby Abraham came out bald as a spoon except for a full beard. His first photographs, grainy black-and-whites, …

Album: What Say You (2007) Artist: Blue Sky Blonde Label: Olive Drive Records Where available/price: http://www.cdBaby.com, http://myspace.com/blueskyblondeband for $12. iTunes for 99 cents per downloaded song. Songs: 1) Hell If I Know 2) Beside Myself …

Two years ago, around this time, I built a time machine from a Dynamo clothes dryer and sent an orange housecat to the past. To allay any of your concerns, the cat was not seriously …

Album: Hi-Altitude (2007) Artist: The Hi-Lites Label: self-released Where available/price: Online at hilitesgoska.comfor $10. Songs: 1) Time Has Come 2) Best of Your Abilities 3) Where I'm Coming From 4) Folk Tune 5) Nefertiti 6) …

At ten years old I was in a serious Lawrence of Arabia phase. For Christmas I drew out what I wanted in crayon and left the illustrations around the house: me, in long flowing robes …

Christmas gargles mule, and let me tell you why. It's not religion or my lack of it. Everyone has a deal. Your deal is what gets you through the long, cold night. If in the …

Album: SDIB (2007) Artist: SDIB Label: Aku Roots Where available/price: Online at akuroots.com for $13.99 and cdbaby.com for $14. Songs: 1) Midnight Hour 2) Sugar 3) Runnin 4) Sweet Anela 5) Wrapped Up 6) Where's …

Startling me from sleep, my clunky phone lit up and buzzed on the nightstand. Ding ding! Brrrr! I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, fumbled with the phone's blue backlit controls, and read the text …

Album: Cathouse Thumpers (2007) Artist: Cathouse Thumpers Label: self-released Where available/price: At live shows for $10. Online at cdbaby.com for $11.99. Songs: 1) Our Neck of the Woods 2) Cool 18 3) Chicken Legs ·4) …

A red-eye flight, six miles above the black icy Atlantic, winging toward Greenland is the quintessential setting to make a pillow fort and work on creative projects, I've found. Think of it. You have free …

Album: Stay Awhile (2007) Artist: The Isam Band Label: self-released Where available/price: Lou's Records in Encinitas for $9.99. Online at isamband.com for $12. Songs: 1) Gypsy Girl 2) You Stole Their Hearts 3) Stay Awhile …

Album: This and That (2007) Artist: Meld Label: self-released Where available/price: At live shows for $5 Songs: 1) Quickly 2) The Gambling Song 3) Sarah's Lullaby 4) Bad Ass 5) Manumana 6) Marbles 7) And …

"Here," my girlfriend said and handed me a sheet of paper. "Read this." "All right." I cleared my throat and snapped the paper twice for theatrical effect. "Number one," I read. "You're too theatrical." "It's …

There are few things as vile as a thrift-shop lady. They're drawn to the mothball air like a mummy to its crypt, and they exist only to offer people a glimpse of what an evil …

Pandalike, I remain uninterested in much except rolling on my large furry back, grappling with my own feet, and gnawing on things. There existed a time when I modeled productivity by the American standard. Worked …

There's a type of person who likes veiny blue cheese. Hunks of it, with raucous funky ribbons that smell like abandoned gym socks and taste like postage stamps, dish soap, and couch. That type of …

Austria is not Mexico. That's the slogan Ron and I devised after our third day in Vienna. The whole slogan goes, "Hey, settle down, man. This isn't Mexico," which means: There are rules you aren't …

The girl, whom I had never met before, shoved a black, oblong box at me, hard into my stomach, and I wheezed when it crammed my breadbasket halfway up my throat. "Listen, you," she said, …

Oh, they love to tell you they're in a wheelchair, don't they? This one screamed it. "I see you're in a wheelchair, sir." I said, exasperated with his shenanigans. "Then why the hell did you …

There's a trick to those stinky nicotine patches. You've got to attach them to the tender flesh at the zenith of the ribcage curve to get the good zang! flush of chemicals. The informational packet …

My dentist looked at me as though he knew a secret, as if he knew something about my underpants and extra-virgin olive oil. He twisted his face and covered his mouth and whispered to the …

That woman in Howard the Duck did it with him, and he was a duck, and that's weird and sad, but it's not why the movie is glorious and hysterical. Nor is it because Howard …

Mean people's rice pilaf is a terrible disgrace. At Kaiser Vanduzer's Brathaus and World War One Memorial, get the wiener sandwich and wheat beer, but tell the bright-eyed frau in lederhosen to keep that damn …

Tiki people are a disgusting, wild, terrified group. This weekend at the tiki convention I witnessed the grossest of base, amoral misbehavior by adults. It was in the tiki and sushi bar that I saw …

Busy Fingers Are Happy Fingers — Joe Deegan Mother Reader — Barbarella Build Your Writing Muscles — Ollie Let the Tape Recorder Do the Work — Matthew Lickona Faith — Abe Opincar Make Something Better …

"Writing is like a muscle, honey." Judith always called me honey, and her voice was warm like cinnamon tea. "The more you use the muscle, the stronger you get; the more you can write. Write …

As a loose rule, whenever you hear "question authority," you can replace it with "be a lazy ass." When a hippie in an organic oats and horse apples store says, "The government doesn't want you …

You probably don't know this. I mean, how could you? Unless you hang out in vampire bars, that is. But I'll tell you something -- it's not a secret, but it's not broadcast, either -- …