Heymatt: Is it true that snakes won't go where geraniums grow? There has never been a snake anywhere near my geraniums, but I am only one person in a world of flowers. -- Snakeless in …

Matt: Since water supposedly conducts electricity, why aren't people from coast to coast electrocuted when lightning strikes the ocean? We ask this since there is a slurry of revelers below the windows of our apartment …

M.A. Where did we get the stupid expression, "The proof is in the pudding"? It doesn't make any sense to me. -- Wondering, San Diego "Stupid," like, why's the proof in the pudding and not …

To Whom It May Concern: I have enclosed two comics from the Sunday Union, along with the same comics from two other Sunday papers that I read. Please note that the local paper doesn't have …

Yo, Matt: Me and the boys here in Corporate Hell are pondering the Mystery of the Powdered Coffee Creamer. When I sprinkle the sinister powder on top of my hot coffee, it kind of coagulates …

Hi, Matt: My friend has the unique habit on certain beer-drinking occasions and/or golfing events of urinating in public. He says the trees and the flowers, well...they "like it," that human urine is a "positive" …

Dear Matt: Now that I am approaching the big 5-0, there is a question burning in my mind. As a kid growing up in San Diego, I could never get away with sneaking pistachios because …

heya matt... A friend of mine (who's more often right than wrong) claims that Sony Corporation was originally founded by Shell Oil of New York during the occupied-Japan period after WW2. I find it hard …

Hey, Matt: What do the words inside "honeymoon" mean? Busy space bees? -- Best Man, Bay Park Warning: Many ridiculous stories exist about "honeymoon." Please, no e-mails involving Attila the Hun, honey-beer bashes at weddings, …

Sir Alice (whom, according to Bernie Taupin, all the young girls love): Every time I go into a large warehouse-like store, I see and hear birds flitting and twittering about among the rafters. They've never …

Hey, Matt: Why do Porsches have the ignition switch on the left-hand side? -- Nein E. Levin, the net Because Porsches kicked butt on the sports-car circuit back in the day. Lots of stories float …

Matt: I went through a wedding ceremony with witnesses to the vows in California, but no marriage license was ever filed. So there is no record of my marriage anywhere in the county or Sacramento. …

Hey, Matt: Why does Michelangelo's Moses (appear to) have horns? -- A Renaissance Fan, Golden Hill Oh, it's all a big, big misunderstanding. Poor Moses has horns in hundreds of years' worth of paintings and …

Hello, Matt: My wife and I reside on Vancouver Island in British Columbia. We are planning a road trip south sometime around the middle of May to Lake Havasu City, AZ. After years of driving …

Dear Matthew: I am currently a "guest" of the San Diego George Bailey Detention Facility. For those inmates who were unlucky enough to be arrested without money, the jail provides free soap, toothpaste, and deodorant. …

Hello, Matt: When I get up in the morning and I look in the mirror, I resemble someone who went 15 rounds with Apollo Creed. My question is, why are there bags under my eyes? …

Matt: The wetlands intersected by I-5 just south of Via de la Valle, looks like a major construction project is underway. Isn't that environmentally protected real estate? -- Keith W. Turner, Encinitas Hey, Matt: Settle …

Heymatt: Is there any reason why women were ever told to do pushups from the knees? Is it really just a strength issue? My daughter, who is in JROTC, was told that if she did …

Ahem, Matt: The word "mug." It means so many things. Why does it mean a cup and a face and to get robbed? Where did that useful word come from? -- Jeff, Escondido Eight meanings, …

Dear Sirs: Do spiders bite people on a regular basis? In my short time on planet Earth, I must have heard women complain about "spider bites" 400 or 450 times. Now that I am married …

Two thousand six will go down as the year Grandma went on strike for Christmas. Usually she's all wound up planning festive meals, looking for new shiny things to hang on the tree, negotiating bulk …

Hey, Matt: We were all sitting around watching The Apprentice and began wondering, why does Donald Trump say, "You're fired!" Is it like burning at the stake...really fired? -- Pat N. Paul; U.C. library The …

Hey, Matt: Which is a tighter seal, "air tight" or "water tight"? -- Bay Park Jay Even the elves -- not always tuned to the usual human-being wavelength -- were a little perplexed by this …

Dear Matthew: A while ago I was trying to figure out what to do about a huge ant infestation in my house. I got to thinking that when most people have a house full of …

Greetings, Matt: After giving by mail to a couple of good causes, I'm buried with every sort of charity asking for money. I know they have sold my name around, so I always ask them …

Heymatt: I went to a show recently, and the club had this device to check my ID. They swiped my driver's license, and my age and name were displayed. I told them I didn't want …

The Great La Costa Bumper Car Mystery Solved The research elves are out in the solarium toweling off from this marathon caper. They're beat. Grandma Alice is making a batch of Gatorade-tofu-Red Bull smoothies to …

Dear Matthew Alice: While wandering through department stores this weekend, I saw hundreds of ugly articles of clothing on sale that no one would ever buy at any price, no matter how low. With all …

About a minute and a half after last week's Reader hit the streets, the Alice offices were blitzed with bumper car e-mails, including confirmations of sightings: I followed one down Gopher Canyon. It was going …

Dear Matthew Alice: I've often wondered, would it be economically feasible to build an exercise machine that could generate electricity? It seems to me that if all the Exercycles, treadmills, elliptical machines, etc., at our …

Matt: A few weeks ago, while driving along Rancho Santa Fe from San Marcos to La Costa, my wife and I encountered a number of what appeared to be street-legal, licensed bumper cars. There were …

Hey, Matt: Why "the birds and the bees"? Why not the fish and the squirrels or the rhinos and the geckos? -- Danny C., Escondido This cliché is at least a couple of hundred years …

Hey Matt: Why does it seem that my left nostril churns out more products (boogers) than my right? I know that people can be left or right handed, and some people are right-/left-eye dominant. Is …

Hey Matt: I got to do something to postpone my least favorite chore: mowing the damn lawn. And weeding, trimming, watering. And everything else that has to do with all that miserable vegetation around my …

Hey, Matt! Why is it that most service stations around here don't offer free air and water? Isn't it California law that gasoline retailers must offer free air and water? Pissed I have to pay …

Heymatt: This week our local paper had in its sports headline something about the Mets and a New York minute. What is a New York minute? Are there only 58 or 59 seconds in their …

Hey, Matt: I was paying bills and realized that because I had a bad cold, maybe I'd be giving my germs to people on the receiving end. Can my bad germs affect them after a …

TO: Matt Alice: President Clinton and President Bush the Uno, in the TV commercial asking for donations for tsunami relief, I'm sure volunteered their time. But do they receive residuals when the commercial plays? And …

Heymatt: It seems like I just did something that really pissed off my girlfriend. While I try to figure out what it was, I think I need a gift for her. What's the most expensive …

Heymatt: I seem to recall as a child always hearing about citizen's arrests. If someone did something wrong, you could "arrest" them. As an adult now, and more than happy to buy a pair of …

Heymatt: Is it true that you crap your pants when you die? If so, why? And is there any way to avoid it? -- Lisa, the net How pathologically fastidious you are! You will still …

I would assume that most people know that a dog's mouth isn't very clean, considering where its tongue is most of the time. Still, my friend argues that if you were to injure yourself and …

Matthew: Why has the paint job on the San Diego-Coronado bridge been allowed to look like hell for so many years? For a while they were doing the retrofitting, so I understood that was the …

Your Smartness: I'm nearsighted, and when I look in the mirror without my glasses, I can see myself okay but things across the room look blurry. But if the mirror is close enough for me …

Hi, Matt: How do you spell whatever word is shortened to Mrs.? Please tell me it isn't "missus." -- Keith, Antioch, Illinois So this is what's on the minds of you flatlanders. The soybeans are …

Help! In his novel Galapagos, Kurt Vonnegut describes the dining habits of the iguanas in the region. Basically, he says they make their way down the rocky cliffs to the sea, where they eat a …

Hey Matthew Alice: Every time I see a football game, the kickoff guy always pushes on both ends of the ball before he sets it on the kicking tee, squeezes the living daylights out of …

Hey, Matt: In those Lipitor commercials with Dr. Jarvik, he is standing in front of and walking through a stunning piece of architecture. What and where is it? -- Michael Faught, Clairemont Get yourself a …

Hey, Matthew: Why don't owls eat mockingbirds that are singing all night? -- Bob, telephonically We're now past the mockingbird all-night-warbling season, since the new crop of mockers is off the nest and composing next …

Dear Matt: I know Queen Elizabeth has had plenty of family troubles over the years, but the tabloids haven't told me the on crucial bit of information I've always wanted to know about Her Majesty. …