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Stories by Matthew Alice

Flavors When Hungry, More Seashell Sounds

Dear Matthew: Is it just me, or does food generally taste better when we’re hungry? I swear I can barbecue for the family at home and the food doesn’t taste special, but then we can …

June 30, 2010
Shell Sounds, Microsoft Notes, Human CO₂

Dear Matthew Alice: My mother showed me a trick to do with a big shell she has, and I want to know how it works. When I put the shell on my ear, I can …

June 23, 2010
Lipodiesel, Pipe Down!, Saltwater Healing

Matthew: If we can run our cars on recycled oil from french fries and stuff like that, why can’t we use recycled fat sucked out of people’s guts? Or maybe we already do. How about …

June 16, 2010
Razor Burn, Baby Pigeons

Hey, Matt: Maybe this isn’t a question for the elves, but I’ll ask it anyway. When I shave my beard, my face has always turned red and raw and I can’t find any way to …

June 9, 2010
Salt in Saltwater, Brain Calories

Hey, Matt: My son and I were at the beach and he suddenly asked me a question that I couldn’t answer. I figured maybe you could. So, to make my son (and me) a little …

May 26, 2010
Pee Dance, Fortune Cookies, Saltwater Heals

Dear M.A.: When I really have to pee bad, why do I do that little pee dance? I’m squeezing muscles and shifting my weight back and forth on my feet and sometimes bending over. It …

May 19, 2010
Lunar Gunshots, Mustard Leaves, Pepper Trees

Matt: Can I take my handgun into space when I go, or will I need to defend myself with a laser weapon like everybody else? I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to buy new …

May 12, 2010
Orange Taste, Street Addresses

Hey, Matt: How come an orange tastes so weird immediately after brushing my teeth? It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of toothpaste I use or how ripe or unripe the orange is. It always …

May 5, 2010
Peeping Noises, Flies, Shuddering Tongues

Hey, Matt: My son and I were in the park the other day, and we heard this very, very loud peeping noise. We finally decided the peeping was coming from a squirrel. It just kept …

April 28, 2010
Animal Fat & Plant Oil, the Tooth Fairy

Dear Matthew Alice: I cook a lot, and when I do I always wonder why fat from animals, like butter or lard, are solid, but fat from plants is liquid, like olive oil or canola …

April 21, 2010
Treed Cats, "Good" Money, Quicksand

Heymatt: If cats are smart enough to get up a tree, why aren’t they smart enough to get down again? — Cat Fancier, via email Well, actually they can get back down again. They just …

April 14, 2010
Who Is Matthew Alice, Gringo?

Heymatt: We all know the story of how many Lassies there were covering the collie’s illustrious career in show biz. How many Matthew Alices have there been? I have noticed a dramatic change in the …

March 31, 2010
Establishing a Bank, License Plate Symbols

Matt: I’ve been laid off from two jobs, and I’m pretty tired of it all. Since I have so much time on my hands, I was sitting around thinking about where I could work that …

March 24, 2010
Faucet-Pee Correlation, Ducks in a Row

Hey, Matt: When I turn on the faucet, the rush of water makes me have a painful urge to urinate, and I mean physically. It feels as if I’m going to wet my pants if …

March 10, 2010
HDTV, Whitemail, Ice Production

Hey, Matt: I’m disappointed in current HDTV and 4:3-aspect television. I cannot see any difference between the old and the new, quality wise, except people now appear even fatter. Can I blame AT&T U-Verse, or …

March 3, 2010
Moths to Light

Dear Matt: How good are the elves at figuring out questions that BUG people? Good, I hope, because there are lots of bugs in my brain lately. And around the porch light at my house. …

February 24, 2010
Do sea animals drink seawater?

Matt: How come if a human being drinks seawater he’ll probably get sick and die, but whales, dolphins, and walruses, and penguins can drink ocean water and thrive on it? — Curious Bob, University City …

February 17, 2010
Do waterfalls freeze?

Heymatt: With all the snow back East, I was wondering if any of the waterfalls freeze when the rivers freeze. Or is moving water not likely to freeze. — No name please, via email Oh, …

February 17, 2010
Tickle Studies, Ice Cream Truck Tunes, Avocado Seeds

Matt: Why can’t I tickle myself? Anybody else can tickle me, but when I try it, nothing happens. — Anonymous, via email Somehow this was also a burning question in Swedish academic circles. Maybe something …

February 3, 2010
Drinks in Denver, New Zeeland

Dear Matt: I have some friends in Denver, and they keep wanting me to come visit. They say you can get drunk there faster and cheaper because of the altitude. I asked them why but …

Radiation & Roaches, Shortening & Oil

Hey, Matt: I have a question about cockroaches. You always hear that after we bomb everything else off the earth, all that will be left are cockroaches. Is this true? If it is true, how …

January 20, 2010
Fish Eyes, More on Mushrooms, Estate Sales

Hey, Matt: Why is it that when I am swimming in the ocean or a pool and I open my eyes underwater it’s all blurry. Fish, birds, and marine mammals seem to be able to …

January 13, 2010
Broken Hearts, Sick Flies

Heymatt: Why when a guy breaks up with you do people say you have a broken heart? Where did your heart start to be the same as sadness or emotions? How can your heart break? …

January 6, 2010
Year-End Quiz

Grandma Alice is pretty happy to have Christmas done with. She says we’ve taken all the fun out of it. Shopping for the elves is always a chore. This year they asked Santa for their …

December 30, 2009
Mushrooms & Manure, Jeez Louise

Heymatt: I read recently that mushrooms (commercial mushrooms) are grown in hay and straw that has been used in the stalls of horse barns. So, I presume that they are also grown in horse manure, …

December 23, 2009
Bug Bites, Pale Lips

Matt: Why do bug bites itch? And if our reflex is to scratch it, why doesn’t scratching stop itching? Sometimes it seems to make it worse and it just itches forever. — Bitten Barb, via …

December 9, 2009
Tornadoes, Orange Decaf, More on Aspirin

Hi, Matt: I’ve never heard of there being tornados in England or Greece or anywhere else except the United States. Is this true? Why would it be true? I can’t figure out why they would …

December 2, 2009
Posted Property, Brackets, Place Stamp Here, Fuzzy Dice

Hey Matt: And the sign said “Posted, no trespassing.” I could see that it was posted, why does it say that? 2 parter: Talking about parens, what about [ ]? I have seen brackets in …

November 24, 2009
Aspirin, Estate Sale, Verbose Women

Howdy, Matt: I’ve always wondered how when I take an aspirin for a headache the aspirin knows to go to my head and not to my foot or my elbow or somewhere else. But if …

November 18, 2009
Hard Water, Question Mark

Matt: Does San Diego’s hard water cause any problems in a person’s body? Sometimes when I’m forced to drink tap water, it’s like drinking Clorox and rocks. I mean, people aren’t dropping left and right …

November 4, 2009
Video Gamers' Health, Miranda Rights, Car Radio Distraction

Matthew: Somebody gave my eight-year-old son an Xbox for his birthday. I am afraid he will become addicted to playing it and that it will harm him and make him just sit around the house …

October 28, 2009
Monkey Babies, Grocery Express Lane, The Clap

Hi, Matt: Do baby monkeys also keep their parents up all night crying and wanting milk and stuff? What’s the deal with crying babies? Wasn’t it bad for cavemen to be super tired during the …

October 14, 2009
Gray Hair, Highlighter Ink

Heymatt! I don’t know what to do. I’m only in high school, but I found a gray hair on the side of my head a few days ago. My hair is turning gray already. What’s …

October 7, 2009
Calculator Batteries, Killer Terms

Matt: My solar-powered calculator. How long will it last? Is it a perpetual-motion machine that will go on calculating into the next millennium? Does it have any parts that will die off like any ordinary …

September 30, 2009
That Fish Smell

Hey, Matt: Why does all seafood smell the same, even though it comes from such different kinds of animals (mollusks, arthropods, vertebrates)? Okay, so maybe it doesn’t all smell exactly the same, but similar. The …

September 23, 2009
Chollas Lake Towers, TSA Confiscations

Heymatt: Chollas Lake in College Grove has a radio tower that played a big role in WW2, or was the first radio tower of its kind in the U.S., or something fabulous. It’s still operational, …

September 16, 2009
Bag-Breathing, Rose Hips, Rainfall Measurement

Matt, please: The other night me and my friends were partying up pretty well, and my girlfriend got kind of hysterical laughing at something and after a while she was staggering around saying she couldn’t …

September 9, 2009
Rice, Belts

Matthew Alice: Is all rice for human consumption actually farmed from earth? I find it hard to believe that every grain of rice sitting in stores or being processed for sale throughout the world is …

September 2, 2009
Ship Christenings, Chocolate Susans

Hey, Matt: A ship was christened the other day. I believe it was named after the soldier that jumped onto a grenade during combat, saving his troops. The soldier’s mother was breaking the bottle of …

August 19, 2009
Eye Color, Corrections

Hey, Matt: My friend’s baby was born with light blue eyes, but they changed to a sort of hazel color as she got older. What makes this happen? And can adults change the color of …

August 12, 2009
Plant Singers, Big Cheese

Help, Matt: My friend sings to her plants. She likes to sing anyway, but she says the carbon dioxide she emits when she sings to them helps them grow, since plants absorb carbon dioxide and …

August 5, 2009
Water Weather, Child Labor

Dear Matthew Alice: I learned in school that the air moves like water. We were studying airplanes and how they stay up in the air and how the air moves over the wing like a …

July 29, 2009
Transoceanic Vision, More Crane Info

Hey, Matt: Last year that weatherman on Channel 9 (KUUUUUSI) said that, under the right, very unusual weather conditions, it was possible to see Hawaii from Del Mar. He said it was due to inversions …

July 22, 2009
Oil Craters, Crane Construction, Sunny D Writes In

Heymatt: I’ve always wondered what happens to the big hole left when we pump oil out of the ground. Considering all the oil taken out of the Middle East, I would think the whole area …

July 15, 2009
Dream Senses, New York Minute

Hello, Matthew: What exactly is your brain doing when you use one of the five senses in a dream? I always figured it was just some outside influence that your brain incorporated into your dream, …

Caribbean Tide, Killer Words

Dear Matt: My parents and aunt and uncle just got back from the Caribbean on vacation. We all got together to look at their pictures, and in the middle of everything, my uncle pipes up …

Zebra Riding, More on Odd Door Closings

Matt: I like horseback riding but I’ve been thinking that I’d like to try riding a zebra. They’re related to horses and they look like you could ride them. Actually I’d like to own a …

June 10, 2009
Pumpkins, Fast Humans, High Tide

Hey Matt: Every year at Halloween time I wonder this. Since I have nothing else to do right now I figured I’d write to you to get an answer. Pretty soon it will be jack-o-lantern …

June 3, 2009
Resuscitation Air, Seasonal House Quirks, Bullfighter's Prize, Prohibition Booze

Dear Matthew Alice: When you give somebody mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, you’re blowing air out of your mouth into their lungs. I always thought that when we blew out air, there was no more oxygen in it …

May 27, 2009
Loud Birds, Checkerboard Lawn

Heymatt: I was on a walk the other day and it suddenly occurred to me that birds are very loud. I mean, considering how small they are. How can something so small make so much …

May 13, 2009

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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