Dear Matthew: Is it just me, or does food generally taste better when we’re hungry? I swear I can barbecue for the family at home and the food doesn’t taste special, but then we can …
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Stories by Matthew Alice
Dear Matthew Alice: My mother showed me a trick to do with a big shell she has, and I want to know how it works. When I put the shell on my ear, I can …
Matthew: If we can run our cars on recycled oil from french fries and stuff like that, why can’t we use recycled fat sucked out of people’s guts? Or maybe we already do. How about …
Hey, Matt: Maybe this isn’t a question for the elves, but I’ll ask it anyway. When I shave my beard, my face has always turned red and raw and I can’t find any way to …
Hey, Matt: My son and I were at the beach and he suddenly asked me a question that I couldn’t answer. I figured maybe you could. So, to make my son (and me) a little …
Dear M.A.: When I really have to pee bad, why do I do that little pee dance? I’m squeezing muscles and shifting my weight back and forth on my feet and sometimes bending over. It …
Matt: Can I take my handgun into space when I go, or will I need to defend myself with a laser weapon like everybody else? I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to buy new …
Hey, Matt: How come an orange tastes so weird immediately after brushing my teeth? It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of toothpaste I use or how ripe or unripe the orange is. It always …
Hey, Matt: My son and I were in the park the other day, and we heard this very, very loud peeping noise. We finally decided the peeping was coming from a squirrel. It just kept …
Dear Matthew Alice: I cook a lot, and when I do I always wonder why fat from animals, like butter or lard, are solid, but fat from plants is liquid, like olive oil or canola …
Heymatt: If cats are smart enough to get up a tree, why aren’t they smart enough to get down again? — Cat Fancier, via email Well, actually they can get back down again. They just …
Heymatt: We all know the story of how many Lassies there were covering the collie’s illustrious career in show biz. How many Matthew Alices have there been? I have noticed a dramatic change in the …
Matt: I’ve been laid off from two jobs, and I’m pretty tired of it all. Since I have so much time on my hands, I was sitting around thinking about where I could work that …
Hey, Matt: When I turn on the faucet, the rush of water makes me have a painful urge to urinate, and I mean physically. It feels as if I’m going to wet my pants if …
Hey, Matt: I’m disappointed in current HDTV and 4:3-aspect television. I cannot see any difference between the old and the new, quality wise, except people now appear even fatter. Can I blame AT&T U-Verse, or …
Dear Matt: How good are the elves at figuring out questions that BUG people? Good, I hope, because there are lots of bugs in my brain lately. And around the porch light at my house. …
Matt: How come if a human being drinks seawater he’ll probably get sick and die, but whales, dolphins, and walruses, and penguins can drink ocean water and thrive on it? — Curious Bob, University City …
Heymatt: With all the snow back East, I was wondering if any of the waterfalls freeze when the rivers freeze. Or is moving water not likely to freeze. — No name please, via email Oh, …
Matt: Why can’t I tickle myself? Anybody else can tickle me, but when I try it, nothing happens. — Anonymous, via email Somehow this was also a burning question in Swedish academic circles. Maybe something …
Dear Matt: I have some friends in Denver, and they keep wanting me to come visit. They say you can get drunk there faster and cheaper because of the altitude. I asked them why but …
Hey, Matt: I have a question about cockroaches. You always hear that after we bomb everything else off the earth, all that will be left are cockroaches. Is this true? If it is true, how …
Hey, Matt: Why is it that when I am swimming in the ocean or a pool and I open my eyes underwater it’s all blurry. Fish, birds, and marine mammals seem to be able to …
Heymatt: Why when a guy breaks up with you do people say you have a broken heart? Where did your heart start to be the same as sadness or emotions? How can your heart break? …
Grandma Alice is pretty happy to have Christmas done with. She says we’ve taken all the fun out of it. Shopping for the elves is always a chore. This year they asked Santa for their …
Heymatt: I read recently that mushrooms (commercial mushrooms) are grown in hay and straw that has been used in the stalls of horse barns. So, I presume that they are also grown in horse manure, …
Matt: Why do bug bites itch? And if our reflex is to scratch it, why doesn’t scratching stop itching? Sometimes it seems to make it worse and it just itches forever. — Bitten Barb, via …
Hi, Matt: I’ve never heard of there being tornados in England or Greece or anywhere else except the United States. Is this true? Why would it be true? I can’t figure out why they would …
Hey Matt: And the sign said “Posted, no trespassing.” I could see that it was posted, why does it say that? 2 parter: Talking about parens, what about [ ]? I have seen brackets in …
Howdy, Matt: I’ve always wondered how when I take an aspirin for a headache the aspirin knows to go to my head and not to my foot or my elbow or somewhere else. But if …
Matt: Does San Diego’s hard water cause any problems in a person’s body? Sometimes when I’m forced to drink tap water, it’s like drinking Clorox and rocks. I mean, people aren’t dropping left and right …
Matthew: Somebody gave my eight-year-old son an Xbox for his birthday. I am afraid he will become addicted to playing it and that it will harm him and make him just sit around the house …
Hi, Matt: Do baby monkeys also keep their parents up all night crying and wanting milk and stuff? What’s the deal with crying babies? Wasn’t it bad for cavemen to be super tired during the …
Heymatt! I don’t know what to do. I’m only in high school, but I found a gray hair on the side of my head a few days ago. My hair is turning gray already. What’s …
Matt: My solar-powered calculator. How long will it last? Is it a perpetual-motion machine that will go on calculating into the next millennium? Does it have any parts that will die off like any ordinary …
Hey, Matt: Why does all seafood smell the same, even though it comes from such different kinds of animals (mollusks, arthropods, vertebrates)? Okay, so maybe it doesn’t all smell exactly the same, but similar. The …
Heymatt: Chollas Lake in College Grove has a radio tower that played a big role in WW2, or was the first radio tower of its kind in the U.S., or something fabulous. It’s still operational, …
Matt, please: The other night me and my friends were partying up pretty well, and my girlfriend got kind of hysterical laughing at something and after a while she was staggering around saying she couldn’t …
Matthew Alice: Is all rice for human consumption actually farmed from earth? I find it hard to believe that every grain of rice sitting in stores or being processed for sale throughout the world is …
Hey, Matt: A ship was christened the other day. I believe it was named after the soldier that jumped onto a grenade during combat, saving his troops. The soldier’s mother was breaking the bottle of …
Hey, Matt: My friend’s baby was born with light blue eyes, but they changed to a sort of hazel color as she got older. What makes this happen? And can adults change the color of …
Help, Matt: My friend sings to her plants. She likes to sing anyway, but she says the carbon dioxide she emits when she sings to them helps them grow, since plants absorb carbon dioxide and …
Dear Matthew Alice: I learned in school that the air moves like water. We were studying airplanes and how they stay up in the air and how the air moves over the wing like a …
Hey, Matt: Last year that weatherman on Channel 9 (KUUUUUSI) said that, under the right, very unusual weather conditions, it was possible to see Hawaii from Del Mar. He said it was due to inversions …
Heymatt: I’ve always wondered what happens to the big hole left when we pump oil out of the ground. Considering all the oil taken out of the Middle East, I would think the whole area …
Hello, Matthew: What exactly is your brain doing when you use one of the five senses in a dream? I always figured it was just some outside influence that your brain incorporated into your dream, …
Dear Matt: My parents and aunt and uncle just got back from the Caribbean on vacation. We all got together to look at their pictures, and in the middle of everything, my uncle pipes up …
Matt: I like horseback riding but I’ve been thinking that I’d like to try riding a zebra. They’re related to horses and they look like you could ride them. Actually I’d like to own a …
Hey Matt: Every year at Halloween time I wonder this. Since I have nothing else to do right now I figured I’d write to you to get an answer. Pretty soon it will be jack-o-lantern …
Dear Matthew Alice: When you give somebody mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, you’re blowing air out of your mouth into their lungs. I always thought that when we blew out air, there was no more oxygen in it …
Heymatt: I was on a walk the other day and it suddenly occurred to me that birds are very loud. I mean, considering how small they are. How can something so small make so much …