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Stories by Matthew Alice

Gimme My Etofenamate; No Make That a Dormapimide

Matt: I always wonder when I see bulletproof glass if that stuff actually works. I don’t think I’d feel safe with just a piece of glass between me and a guy with a gun. — …

October 26, 2011
You Are Hot — on the Inside

Matt: If our temperature is 98.6, why do we feel hot when it’s 85 or 90 outside? — WS, San Diego That 98.6 business isn’t what it appears to be. That’s an average core body …

October 19, 2011
How Much Oil in Earth, Newscaster Quirks

Hey, Matt: There must be an end to the earth’s supply of oil. Has anyone predicted when that will happen? — Just Wondering, via email By now you must recognize the background music to this …

October 12, 2011
Left-Handedness, Rats Eating Car Wiring

Hey Matt: Why are there so many more right-handers than left-handers? — Bicoastal, via email Aw, phooey. Actually, when it comes to handedness, everything you know is wrong — old-wives’-tale division. Anyway, that’s what’s been …

October 5, 2011
Humans as Animal Blood Donors, Women's Birth Control Pill, More on Rats Eating Car Wiring

Hey Matt: Do different mammals have the same or different blood types as humans? I’m thinking dogs, cats, whales, deer, bears, etc. Could I give a blood transfusion to Fido if he needed it? — …

September 21, 2011
Painful Childbirth, Rats Eat Car Wiring

Dear Matthew: I just had my second baby. During the few times I could actually think straight during labor, I began wondering why something as basic to the survival of the species as childbirth is …

September 7, 2011
Space Junk, the One-Word Answer

Hey Matt: I have a great idea to send coffins into Outer Space so they can travel for 1 million to 100 billion years. This way we will donate our bodies to science and let …

August 31, 2011
Twin Kittens, Brownie Points, Green Apple Jolly Ranchers

Hey Matthew: When my cat had kittens two of them looked exactly like each other. Are they twins? Is this common? I don’t remember seeing identical twin cats before. — Crazy Cat Lady, El Cajon …

August 24, 2011
Lose Weight Doing Nothing

Heymatt: This summer I’ve done a lot of just sitting around not doing much. I don’t want to go back to school with a fat butt, so I was wondering how much energy I burn …

August 10, 2011
Dogs' Lifted Legs, Astrological "Facts," Kiwi Fruit

Heymatt: My dog lifts his leg to pee. My cats don’t. I don’t know about other animals. Why does my dog do that, or why don’t my cats do that? Do any other animals lift …

July 20, 2011
Blue Hair, Dumpster Diving

Hey, Matthew: Why can’t we have blue or green hair? We can have blue or green eyes, and isn’t melanin responsible for coloring our hair and our eyes? So why no blue hair? — Anonymous, …

July 13, 2011
Seeing Stars, Voodoo Hit Man, Lottery Odds

Matthew Alice: Why do people see bright lights and funny things when they hit their head? — Wesley, Fourth Grade Hi, Wesley. Matthew Alice’s friends just get younger and younger. Anyway, when we “see stars,” …

July 6, 2011
Maximum Airplane Size, Foreign Worker Permits

Hey, Matthew: Is there any practical limit to how big passenger planes can get? They seem so huge now, I was just wondering if there’s some top size that they can get to before they …

June 15, 2011
Accident Doctors and a Letter From a Storm Chaser

Hello, Matt: My friend in Florida was recently in an accident and she reported to me that her normal doctor would not see her for her accident-related injuries, that she had to see special “accident …

Why Women Scream

Hey, Matt: When we watch scary movies, my mom screams a lot but my dad doesn’t. When we go out to a movie, ladies scream but the men don’t. I think scary movies are pretty …

June 1, 2011
Why are underwear and pants always referred to as a pair? How many e-mails are sent every day? Do goldfish blink?

Hey: Why are underwear and pants always referred to as a pair? Yes, there are two pant legs, but a shirt has two sleeves and nobody calls it a pair of shirts. — Apparelly Challenged, …

May 11, 2011
The Really Real Reason We Celebrate Cinco de Mayo

Please: Please, please. Why do we celebrate Cinco de Mayo? And don’t give me that same-old same-old description of what it is. I know it’s not Mexican Independence Day. It happened so long ago, and …

May 4, 2011
Is Microwave Popcorn Bad for You?

So, Matt: I love popcorn, so, of course, I’m lazy enough to prefer microwave popcorn, since all you have to do is close the door and punch the “Popcorn” button. I have friends who flip …

April 20, 2011
Cattle Herds, Tinnitus

Matthew Alice: Every day on my way to work I pass a dairy farm. All the cows in the herd are always facing the same direction. Is there a reason for this? — Anonymous, via …

April 13, 2011
Want a Government-Issue Laser Gun? Want to Make Moonshine?

Heymatt: Is the military working on a laser gun — a weapon that uses a laser to kill people? Maybe a laser tank or laser cannon? I was just wondering how much science fiction has …

April 6, 2011
The Taste Gene, Birds Aren't Mammals

Heymatt: Everybody in my family hates cabbage. And my dad and sister won’t eat broccoli. That got us wondering if taste is genetic. Did I inherit my cabbage hate from my parents? Broccoli’s not my …

March 30, 2011
Hair/Nail Growth After Death, "Toots" Nickname, Bird Smarts

Dear Matthew Alice: I’ve heard that after you die your hair and fingernails keep growing. How is that possible? Or maybe it’s not true. Straighten me out. — Daniel S., San Diego I couldn’t find …

March 16, 2011
Dear Friends: You’re Really Not Dear

Matt: Can a person who reads lips, like a deaf person, tell if you have an accent, like Southern or French or something? — Windsor Lakes, via email This should round out our lip-reading essays. …

March 9, 2011
Fingerprints/Footprints, Déjà Vu

Matt: I have this friend who decided that burglars should learn to use their feet instead of their hands when they steal things so they won’t leave any fingerprints behind. I think he was kidding …

March 2, 2011
Burnt Toast Odor, Colt 45

Hey Matt: I burned toast. Pretty soon the whole house smelled like burned toast. Stronger than anything I can remember. Tell me why. — Great Gregg Cook, via email Hey, Grandma. Hey. Yo, Grandma. Here’s …

February 23, 2011
Tattoo History, Flushed Bugs

Talofa, Matt: As a tattoo aficionado, I recall reading that before it was destroyed during WWII, there existed a collection of preserved dermagraphics from Japanese yakuza members, and supposedly due to the atrocities in Germany, …

February 16, 2011
Most Common Birthday, O-Rama's Roots, Peeping Tom

Heymatt: A bunch of us were wondering what’s the most common birthday. Is there a day that a lot more people were born? We have two friends who were born on September 30, so is …

February 9, 2011
Gray Hairs, Looking at People, Belly Buttons

Matt: My mom says I’m turning her hair gray from stress. Is that possible? — Bad Boy?, via email Well, ya know, she might be right. Science guys aren’t quite sure if stress hurries up …

February 2, 2011
QWERTY Keyboard, Compact Fluorescent Bulbs

Hello, Matt: Every time I go to text somebody, I look at the keyboard and wonder why the letters are so mixed up. If they were in alphabetical order, it would be easier to find …

January 26, 2011
Knuckle-Cracking, Dog Saliva

Heymatt: I’ve been a proud knuckle-cracker for most of my life. My family hates it, but I love to torment them with it. They’ve tried all kinds of things to get me to stop, but …

January 5, 2011
Lightbulbs, Congressional Fights, Dog Photos

Hey Matt: I’ve been looking at those “energy-saving” lightbulbs and they look pretty complicated to me. A regular lightbulb looks like it’s much easier to make. Just a glass bubble with a filament in it. …

December 29, 2010
Where Does Fat Go?

Dear Matthew: I just lost about 100 pounds. Where exactly did all that fat go? -- Skinny Sheree, via email Wow! Good thing you didn’t have to haul it all out in garbage bags. Lucky …

December 22, 2010
Human Hibernation, Fleas, Mario Bros.

Heymatt: Another cold, gloomy day here at the beach. Winter sucks. I’ve been trying to think of a cure short of moving to the Equator. It occurred to me that I could sleep all winter …

December 1, 2010
Gold, Newspaper Ink

Heymatt: How did gold become the “metal of choice”? Even back in the ancient days it was revered. Why not lead, tin, copper or...? Who or what made gold the precious metal? — Doug Blackstock, …

November 23, 2010
Fingers' Nerves, Old Drinking Water

Hi, Matt: I’m a former San Diegan who now lives in China. The bed here is provided by my employer, and it is a bit more firm than the average bed in America. Strangely, every …

November 10, 2010
Horse Sleep, Flatulent Vapor, Prison Life for Disabled

Hello, Matt: My neighbors have a horse, and they told me that the horse sleeps standing up. After that I tried to see if I could see the horse do that, and I think I …

October 27, 2010
Animals and Mental Illness, Ants Eat Toenail Clippings?

Heymatt: I’ve been watching my crazy cat and was wondering if animals have mental illnesses like people do. We get schizophrenia and paranoia and other things. Are animals vulnerable to them too? Sometimes I wonder …

October 20, 2010
How 3D TV works

Heymatt: I’ve gotten to wondering, how does 3D TV work? I’ve never seen it, but I’m having a hard time figuring out how it would work. — Bob S., Tierrasanta Bob S. has been bathing …

Where the term "carhop" came from

Howdy, Matt: My mom says that when she was a teenager she worked as a carhop. She said she wore roller skates for her job, but she couldn’t tell me why she was called a …

October 13, 2010
Multitasking Myth Dispelled, Recycled Paper

Hey, Matt: I want some information on multitasking. Everybody seems to be able to do it. Sometimes I’m on my computer and texting and doing my homework at the same time. How does my brain …

October 6, 2010
Country-Western Music Brings Sadness? Outhouses with Crescent Moon Windows

Matthew: You’d better help me or I’m in bad shape. My dad absolutely loves old-time country-western music, and he blasts it all over the house all day long. I don’t even know their names, but …

September 29, 2010
Frozen Beer, As Crows Fly, 3D Fireworks

Howdy, Matt: The other day I had a couple of brews that I’d left out and they were warm, so I put them in the freezer to hurry up the cold. These were beers in …

Sleep Recommendations for Children, Sayings that Refer to Animals

Heymatt: My kids like nothing more than sleeping. They can sleep maybe 12 hours a night. On school days they have to go to bed really early, and it’s almost impossible for me to get …

September 8, 2010
The Pill for Men, Human Cannonball

Dear Matt: What’s happening with the birth-control pill for men? I keep hearing about it every once in a while, but then nothing happens. Why is it so difficult to make one? It didn’t take …

September 1, 2010
Handedness, Oxygen's Discovery

Heymatt: If most people are right-handed, I was wondering why. I couldn’t think of a good reason for that, so is there one? I’m sure your science guys can let me know. I’m a leftie, …

August 25, 2010
Vampire Diet, More on Memory

Mattzilla: I’ve looked at a lot of career choices, and it seems to me that being a vampire would suit me pretty well. One thing has me a little confused, though. Could I survive as …

August 18, 2010
Baby Memory, TV Ad Volume

Heymatt: This is a really hard thing for me to believe. My friend says she remembers being born. She says she has dreams about being in a real dark place and then being pushed along …

August 4, 2010
Runners' Velocity with Earth Spin, Wood Rings

Hey, Matt: I do a lot of running, and while I was jogging through Balboa Park the other day, I started to wonder about my speed. I think I was running east, and since the …

July 21, 2010
Life on Earth, Mecca's Direction

Dear Matt: When we went to the desert once, there was a ranger who told us that there were lots of things that could live there, even though it mostly looked like rocks and sand. …

Moon Ownership, Popcorn's Aroma

Heymatt: When we went to the moon and planted the American flag there, did we claim the moon for us? Who owns the moon, or maybe Mars? We’re messing around there, too. Can I buy …

July 7, 2010

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