Hey Matt:The elves will love this one! After a few hours and many beers in the garage I could not devise a system for measuring the pressure of my burps. We’re talking good, forceful, thundering …
November 28, 2012
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Stories by Matthew Alice
Burp pressure and fart ownership
Topless males vs. topless females
Where it’s OK for females to go shirtless (and bra-less) in public?
November 20, 2012
Calculating Attendance at the I.B. Sandcastle Festival
Hi Matthew:I read that the Sandcastles Festival here in Imperial Beach had over 400,000 visitors during the three-day weekend, more than any previous festival. Any clue how they can possibly calculate that figure and how …
November 20, 2012
The Earthen Berm East of Amboy
Hey Matt:Can you find out why an earthen berm was constructed along the north side of the National Trails Highway/Route 66 for many miles east of Amboy, CA? Does it still serve any purpose? Was …
November 20, 2012
Spider invasion, peculiar freeway foam, scars and tats forever
Heymatt:I’ve been living in my house in University Heights for 65 years and I’ve never had a spider problem like this one. These little buggers are festooning the roof tiles like Christmas tinsel. They’re on …
November 14, 2012
Why we say “bless you” when people sneeze
“Bless you,” San Diego’s crooked 30th Street, horsepower, all explained
November 7, 2012
South Park's crooked 30th Street
Heymatt: Why in the world does 30th Street morph into Fern Street between Juniper and Ash streets? Not only that, 30th doesn’t disappear during its run as Fern but actually continues as an entirely separate …
November 7, 2012
All about horsepower
Heymatt:Why are car engines measured in horsepower? What does horsepower mean and how much horsepower does one horse generate? — Motorhead, Escondido Engines have been measured in horsepower since James Watt, who refined early steam …
November 7, 2012
Highway billboard rules; how fleas breed; the cost of political ads
What happened with Ladybird Johnson’s Highway Beautification Act? How do fleas breed? How much do political ads cost candidates?
October 24, 2012
Where Crows Fly, How Squid Are Caught, and the "Toots" That Rhymes with "Puts"
Heymatt:Last September you said that ravens go “somewhere” at the end of the day to go over the day’s events, or something to that effect. I live in Spring Valley and at sunup I see …
October 10, 2012
Yoga May Be More Swedish Than Indian; and College Area’s Eruv
Heymatt:Massage has been an effective therapy for thousands of years. It started a long time before there was a country called “Sweden.” So, how come it’s called “Swedish massage?” — E. Gregor, University City It’s …
October 3, 2012
Air travel in the jet stream; why your specs can't be glued
Hey Matt:I got my tickets yesterday to fly from Los Angeles to São Paulo, Brazil, at the end of the year. On my way to Brazil it will take 10 hours, 45 minutes on my …
September 26, 2012
Moonshine Whiskey Tales and Fly Stories
How moonshine is made and why we call a zipper a “fly”
September 19, 2012
Wind Power for Cars; the Disempowerment of Drivers with Blinding Lights
Hi Matt:Recently I was gobsmacked by two ideas so obvious that they must be wrong...I mean, since nobody’s using them. First, I thought of wind turbines in electric cars. Propelling the car would run air …
September 12, 2012
Big League Zebras; the Speed of Thought
Referee college and the speed of thought (uncorrelated).
September 5, 2012
Linda, They Hardly Knew Ye
Matthew Alice’s identity stolen for 30, 40, 50, 60, or 70 years.
August 29, 2012
Why Grapes Cost More Than Raisins. What Eats Jellyfish.
Heymatt: A one-ounce box of raisins has about 110 raisins and costs about 25 cents. 110 fresh grapes costs about 98 cents. Since raisins take much more processing to convert them from grapes, which are …
August 22, 2012
Origin of Cats' Purrs and Strange Words
Why/how do cats purr?; what’s the origin of “funny bone”? And “moron,” imbecile,” and “idiot”?; what do the numbers mean on top of high-rise helipads?
August 8, 2012
Flies on Urinals and Their Other Dirty Habits
Yo Matt,Why do so many urinals have stickers of flies in them? Although I don’t see them everywhere, I have been seeing them more frequently over the past couple years. And while we’re sort of …
August 1, 2012
Pornography in a Nutshell
The definition of pornography, and phenomenal food odors explained.
July 18, 2012
Word Origins: "Blackmail," "Nothing to Sneeze At," and "Spitting Image"
Origins of “blackmail,” “nothing to sneeze at,” and “spitting image”...and whereabouts of the Del Mar Fair’s “Fairest of the Fair.”
July 4, 2012
Beijing Duck, Mumbai Gin, and Other Name Changes
Heymatt:Who made the decision that Peking should be called Beijing and that Bombay should be Mumbai? Will we eventually see Beijing duck on a menu, or Mumbai gin in the liquor store? I’m assuming someone …
June 27, 2012
Room to Swing a Cat, Found Marbles on O.B. Pier, Vanishing Arco Stations
“There’s not enough room here to swing a cat.” Who came up with that one? And what’s the story on the mysterious marbles of the Ocean Beach Pier? And why are all the Arco gas stations shutting down?
June 20, 2012
Local TV News is Non-News
Local TV news under the microscope after being declared “non-news” by a letter writer to Matthew Alice.
June 13, 2012
Can’t grow a meth plant. Killer tomatoes, however...
Can you grow a smokable crystal-meth plant by sprinkling the “devil’s dandruff” on an ordinary plant while it grows? Can you, can you?
June 6, 2012
Why the fat lady sings best; how to build a chocolate-covered cherry
Your Mattness: Why are opera singers fat? Maybe they’re not all fat, but some of the old school ones were whales, though they do sound better than whales. Is there some advantage to all that …
May 30, 2012
Chickens, Breasts, and Cancer: Discuss
Gross: Do chickens get breast cancer tumors? Grosser: Can you catch cancer from eating chicken breast tumors? New subject: how about that phantom electricity?
May 16, 2012
More Phone Numbers, More Problems
When your telephone rings at 3:30 a.m., it’s the phone company. They won’t say so, but it’s true.
May 9, 2012
How smart were we back in the Stone Age?
Birds, bees, cave-babies in the Stone Age. Also, answers pertaining to left-handedness and the so-called average American.
May 2, 2012
Where Ants Go When It Rains
Where do ants go when it rains? Can man and woman live on milk and potatoes alone? Why is Antarctica a continent, but the Arctic isn’t?
April 25, 2012
Ancient Crappers, Modern Knife Laws
Matthew Alice answers the question of an enthroned gent wondering if pharaohs were buried with toilets.
April 18, 2012
San Diego's Tsunami Escape Routes
Hey Matt: I had a dream that we had a giant earthquake and the entire coast was under tsunami warning. I had to drive to Point Loma and rescue my dog. We lived on Sunset …
April 11, 2012
On the Diamond, in the Hoosegow
Hey Matt, With baseball season just around the corner I thought you could shed a little light on something that’s been bugging me for years. Why in God’s name do baseball managers dress like the …
March 28, 2012
When two-ply isn’t enough and light bulbs go poof
Hey Matt: Why has toilet paper technology maxed out at a mere 2-ply? Bar soap is constantly reminding us about the percentage of its moisturizer cream and I believe that there are now razors with …
March 14, 2012
Pasteurized History
Hey, Matt: I really enjoy learning about “real” history versus what has been popularly pasteurized. As a (laid-off) 3rd generation aerospace worker I’m of course aware of the accusations of a faked moon landing. While …
March 7, 2012
Murder with Special Circumstances?
Hi Matt! I’ve noticed, since at least the first Gulf War, the flag patches on the uniforms of American soldiers are backwards. To me, that’s weird. What’s the story? Nobody I know can fill me …
February 22, 2012
Who Deserves a Telephonic Wedgie?
Hey Matt: Every day, seven days a week, I get odd, distracting, disruptive phone calls that drive me to drink! No, not the ones from my ex. The phone rings, I answer with my usual …
February 15, 2012
When Is a Sardine a Sardine?
Hey Matt: There has been a question bugging me since I worked at the O.B. Pier bait shop years ago. Is there a breed of fish called a sardine, or are they called that only …
February 8, 2012
I Say Psychopath, You Say Sociopath
Heymatt: I don’t understand the expression, “You can’t teach old dogs new tricks.” Why? Too lazy? — Man’s Best Friend, via email Dogs have gotten this bad rap since the 1530s. Really. This old-dogs-new-tricks stuff …
February 1, 2012
So, you think your boss is a psycho
Hiya Matt: I haven’t actually worked for too many bosses, so maybe this isn’t true for everybody, just for me. Out of three bosses I have had two of them turned out to be crazy. …
January 18, 2012
This Vacation is Really Far Out
Heymatt: I’m saving up vacation days at work so I can go into space. Who’s been up there longest, and does he have any tips for how to enjoy such a vacay? — Rocket Man, …
January 11, 2012
Where Chia Pets Came From
Heymatt: It’s Christmas time again or as I call it Chia season. I finally need to know, what the heck is chia? What would happen if I dumped all my chia seeds in my garden …
December 28, 2011
Why Kids Love Sweets
Heymatt: My kids love candy and anything sweet. If I put sugar on spinach, I’m sure they’d eat it. It seems to be true for most kids. I really had to be careful at Halloween …
December 21, 2011
Efficiency of Teen Multitaskers
Hey Matt: My teenager always seems to be doing ten things at once. I can barely manage one or two. Is there something special about the teenage brain that makes them good multitaskers? — Mom …
December 14, 2011
Earth's Magnetic Field, Beer Bubbles, Silicon/Silicone Boobs
Dear Matthew: I learned that electrical power can be produced using magnets and other things. I know the Earth has a big magnetic field around it. Could this be used to generate power for the …
December 7, 2011
You pee. Then you pee and pee and pee and pee
Matthew: I’ve noticed that when I drink, after a while I have to pee. And maybe I’m imagining this. After a real short time, I have to pee again. That goes on all night. A …
November 30, 2011
The Largest Hole in Earth
Heymatt: As usual, while contemplating my navel I came up with another Matthew Alice question. How big is the biggest hole ever dug in the earth? And please tell us some ridiculous facts about it, …
November 16, 2011
Is there really such a thing as luck?
Matthew Alice: Is there really such a thing as luck? My neighbor seems to keep winning money on scratch-offs all the time and I’ve only won ten dollars every once in a while. I can’t …
November 9, 2011