Dear Matthew: Okay, here's one that keeps me up nights. If you were driving a car traveling at the speed of light and you turned on the headlamps, would any light project ahead of you? …
February 10, 2000
Back to profile
Stories by Matthew Alice
If traveling at the speed of light, would your headlights shine?
Why isn't your column titled "Go Ask Alice?"
Dear Matthew Alice: Why isn't your column titled "Go Ask Alice"? You've never been ten feet tall? -- Chuck W, Oceanside If you pile the elves on top of each other, they'd be about five …
February 10, 2000
Are there "munchkin" houses built in La Jolla?
Matt: My mother-in-law swears that several years ago she went on a tour and saw a street in La Jolla (perhaps in the Mt. Soledad area), or even a block, of "Munchkin" houses. They were …
February 3, 2000
Distinguishing between the new and old Harrison Ford.
As long as we're stumbling down Memory Lane, now's the perfect time to make our biennial phone call to the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, Walk of Fame division, to see whether the brain trust has …
February 3, 2000
Was the bridge at I-8 at Mission Center Rd and Auto Circle designed for flexibility?
Dear Matthew Alice: I work in Mission Valley, and I spend a lot of time waiting at red lights on top of the bridge that crosses Interstate 8 at Mission Center Road and Auto Circle. …
January 27, 2000
Why are endearments placed in letters to complete strangers?
Dear Matt: Why do letters to complete strangers commonly begin with a seemingly intimate term of endearment like "dear"? Are there other terms in current use in the English language for written salutations? Do other …
January 27, 2000
Is there a plant that is a good source of testosterone?
For Matthew Alice: Flax seed is supposed to be a good source of plant estrogen. Is there any such thing as plant testosterone? (Er...not that I need any extra, of course.) -- Kennedy Gammage, Vista …
January 20, 2000
Is it wrong to scoop money from a public fountain?
Dear Matthew Alice: Occasionally while walking about, I may spy a penny or other small coin lying there on the ground. Certainly no one objects if I reach down, retrieve the wayward copper (or silver), …
January 20, 2000
What is Occam's Razor?
Matt: What's the skinny on clean-shaven prisoners? Since they take away shoestrings and belts from them to prevent hanging, I would assume they don't issue razor blades. So how come so many prisoners are clean …
January 20, 2000
Was Sylvester Stallone ever in a movie with Ingrid Bergman?
Dear Matthew Alice: A friend of mine swears that Sylvester Stallone appeared in a movie with Ingrid Bergman. Apparently he made it before he became "Rocky." Of course my friend doesn't know any other details, …
January 6, 2000
Are dentists losing some of their business due to new, improved mouth wash?
Matthew: 1. About 15 years ago, I read a newspaper story about a professor of dentistry at Buffalo University who had invented a mouth rinse that not only arrested decay but actually healed and invigorated …
January 6, 2000
Was President Jimmy Carter ever attacked by a rabbit?
Matt: My dad told me a story about how President Jimmy Carter was attacked by a rabbit. I own one, and I don't think rabbits would attack anybody. Is this story true? My dad said …
January 6, 2000
End of the Year Quiz from MA questions, 1999.
You know the drill -- #2 Ticonderoga, no cheat sheets, no whining, no prizes, so don't even bother to ask. Wisdom is its own reward. This is all stuff you didn't know a year ago. …
December 23, 1999
In a nuclear accident, is it safer to say in your house or skip town?
Dear Matthew: During a nearby nuclear accident (like the ones recently in Japan and Korea), is it safer to stay in your house until the authorities say it's okay to leave, or should one skip …
December 16, 1999
In the event of a disaster like an earthquake, what would happen to legal records, financial records, etc.?
Matt: In the event of a disaster like an earthquake, what would happen to legal records, financial records, etc.? If a bank were destroyed, would records of my balance be destroyed along with it? What …
December 16, 1999
Is there really such a thing as spontaneous human combustion?
Hola: This subject came up in casual conversation. Is there really such a thing as spontaneous human combustion? -- A.V., Golden Hill Like, if we survive Y2K maybe there's still a chance we'll be sitting …
December 16, 1999
Are there dual citizenships for US citizens?
HA, WET CLIMATE (a Matthew Alice anagram): To settle a bet, I called the INS to see if there is such a thing as dual citizenship for a U.S. citizen. Ha ha ha. Hope the …
December 9, 1999
What's new in the art of using critters to fix up injuries?
Yo, Matt! When I was a kid, for $2 we could rent a leech from Gregory Peck's dad, the pharmacist at Ferris & Ferris, Fifth and Market, stick it on your black eye, and voilá, …
December 9, 1999
What happens to dead ants?
Oh, Matthew Alice: My gears turn in wonder when I see ants and one of them has a dead fellow ant in its jaws. Why do they carry away these dead ants? Where do they …
December 2, 1999
What if I am deaf, blind, and in a wheelchair and for some reason I end up getting 10 to 20 at Sing Sing?
Dear Matthew Alice: Please activate your criminal mind to answer this: What if I am deaf, blind, and in a wheelchair and for some reason I end up getting 10 to 20 at Sing Sing. …
December 2, 1999
Why do pawn shops have a three cherry logo?
Yo, Matt: Why do pawn shops have a logo like three cherries? What's the story behind them? And what ailment is Walt Disney waiting for a cure for while frozen? Do you age during your …
November 24, 1999
Why do cats like fish and why hasn't a cat food manufacturer tried rodent based food?
Dear Matthew Alice: I've seen house cats kill and eat birds, so it makes sense that they like cat food made from poultry. I also know cats hunt and consume lots of rodents, but I've …
November 24, 1999
What illiterate computer bozo suddenly decided the @ symbol means "at," when it really means "each?"
Matt: This may come as a surprise to many of you Internet chuckleheads out there, but the symbol @ does not mean "at." It means "each." So what I wanna know is, what illiterate computer …
November 11, 1999
Does San Diego have an official flower?
Dear Matthew Alice: Does San Diego have an official city flower? -- A Gardener, San Diego Of course we do. We don't have a modern library, but we do have a city flower. Back in …
November 4, 1999
There are street names for 7 presidents in San Diego, but why not Jefferson?
Matthew Alice: There are street names for the first seven presidents: Washington (Hillcrest), Adams, Madison, Monroe (Normal Heights), Jackson (San Diego, La Mesa), with the exception of Jefferson. Why no Jefferson? -- Carrie Hart, Normal …
November 4, 1999
What the heck is the difference between Dead End, No Exit, Not a Through Street, No Outlet, No Way Out?
Dear Fountain of Wisdom and Truth: What the heck is the difference between Dead End, No Exit, Not a Through Street, No Outlet, No Way Out, and all the myriad ways to tell drivers that, …
October 28, 1999
Why does the sun bleach things and what are the laws that cops have to follow?
Matthew: Two questions that plagued me on a drive home from LA a couple of days ago. First of all, I have this blue pad of paper on my dashboard, and during one of the …
October 28, 1999
Why are two horns worse than one horn, and what happened to the old vampires?
Matmail: Q#1: Who decided that having two horns (example, a devil) was a Bad Thing, but having only one horn (example, a unicorn) was an okay Good Thing? and Q#2: What happened to all the …
October 21, 1999
Is there a metric unit for time?
Matt: Is there a metric unit of time? -- Matty, San Diego Yesish. That's new elf shorthand for "the answer to your basic question is yes, but as usual nobody could leave well enough alone, …
October 21, 1999
What happened to the death row man that was forbidden to eat chips?
Dear Matthew Alice: Some time ago, I read with interest a story about a condemned prisoner in Washington state (I believe) who was forbidden from eating potato chips on death row because it was discovered …
October 21, 1999
What happened to the idea of pigeon-hole parking?
Dear Matthew Alice: Whatever happened to the idea of "pigeon-hole" parking? Sometime around 1954 there was a hotel in downtown Spokane that had a large framework built up against the side wall on a lot …
October 14, 1999
Will cats get jealous and harm babies, and are violin strings made from cat guts?
Dear Mr. Alice: Are "cat gut" violin strings made from actual cats? Does this explain why a poorly played violin sounds like a puss in pain? -- Lisa, Hillcrest Dear Matthew Alice: I'm about to …
October 14, 1999
What is the penalty for not having an ID and phone number at the top of faxes?
Dear Matthew Alice: I recently got my fax machine (as you can see) and the instruction manual says that under penalty of law that a phone number and identification title be at the top of …
October 7, 1999
What are the Ts for on highrise buildings?
Dear Matt: I work in a highrise downtown and on some of the windows there are these Ts on the outside of the glass. I look out the window to a nearby high rise, and …
October 7, 1999
Why do the wild-animal trackers always use such big tracking devices when there are much smaller ones?
Dear M.A.: Whenever I watch a wild-animal documentary such as those on KPBS or the Discovery Channel, I'm appalled at the huge size and awkwardness of the radio collars they snap around the animals' necks …
October 7, 1999
Why do restaurants serve 5-7 rolls of bread when there are 2 of us?
Stardate 092199.1401 Oh Great All-knowing Guru: My significant other and I eat out twice a week. If we eat in a restaurant that serves bread or rolls, invariably they give us three or five or …
September 30, 1999
Why aren't there any Vietnamese names in the Obituary column of the UT?
Matmail: Why is it there are never any Vietnamese names in the obituary column printed in the San Diego Union? -- Mort Schwartz, Clairemont According to the local Union of Pan Asian Communities, to find …
September 30, 1999
Why do some dogs get along and others don't?
Dear Matthew Alice: I have a question about dogs. Why is it that sometimes all two dogs have to do is look at one another for there to be a fight, while at other times …
September 23, 1999
If everyone were a drop of water, how big a pool are we talking?
Matmail: If each person in the world were a drop of water, how large the swimming pool? If the water level is rising, how big the garden hose? Paint me a word picture. -- Doctrbones, …
September 23, 1999
Where does the Spanish Trail end in San Diego?
Matmail: I was in St. Augustine, Florida, and saw a cement sphere designated as the start of the Old Spanish Trail. It also said that the trail ended in San Diego. Do you know where …
September 16, 1999
When San Diego sewer lines break, how do they know how much was discharged?
To: Matmail: When San Diego sewer lines break and spew their contents into the bay or ocean, how do they always know how much got discharged? Are there meters on all these pipes just in …
September 16, 1999
Was there a First and Second Reich?
Dear Matthew Alice: Everyone knows about Hitler and the Third Reich. Was there a First Reich and a Second Reich? And what's a Reich anyway? -- Steve, the net Reichs, rails, gears, bases, rock from …
September 16, 1999
Do Eskimos' have 20 or more words for snow?
Matthew: The question about Eskimos' surroundings [September 9] being always the same brought from dim memory something pertinent. Years ago I read in several places that Eskimos have 20 or more words for snow, slight …
September 16, 1999
Where did Ungawa come from?
Dear Matman: A few weeks back, a friend of my sons' came into my back yard, and when my black lab came up, he said, "Ungawa!" à la Tarzan. My dog sat. Does this really …
September 9, 1999
What was the whirl tower used for?
Matt the Mystery Man: In Imperial County, not too far from NAS El Centro, is a "whirl tower" rising above the fields and dust. This tower has become a ghost of its former self over …
September 9, 1999
Can you tell us about some of the music used in commercials?
Dear Matt: I was wondering where and who I can inquire about commercial soundtracks. For example, the nice jazz for the Infiniti car commercials or the beautiful operatic piece on the original Bellagio hotel commercial. …
September 2, 1999
Why do clowns scare people?
Matthew, Guru of All Worth Knowing: I have a question that I'm sure most people in this sunny region are wondering themselves. Why do clowns scare the hell out of people? Any folklore or myths …
September 2, 1999
Is there a basic self-defense class for men in San Diego?
Matmail: What ever happened to ordinary, basic self-defense training? What to do when an assailant swings a fist at you, jumps on your back, grabs at your lapels. Is such training available for civilians anywhere …
September 2, 1999
What is the sound made by boxers when there is a punch?
Dear Mr. Alice: My friends and I were watching a boxing match the other night and we came to the collective realization that we are all at odds as to the source of that strange …
September 2, 1999
What do monkfish look like?
Hi, Matthew: What can you tell me about monkfish? I have eaten and enjoyed monkfish in a restaurant or two. I call it the poor man's lobster, since the flesh is akin to that of …
August 19, 1999