Matt: I bashed my head on an open kitchen cabinet the other day. I saw "stars," those little flashes of light. Where do they come from? -- Michelle, San Diego They're an invention of your …
December 6, 2001
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Stories by Matthew Alice
Why do I see stars when I hit my head?
What is the predecessor of the music video?
Hey, Matt: I'm trying to convince my son that his generation did not invent music videos. I remember in the 1960s going to bars in New York that had juke boxes with video screens. It …
December 6, 2001
What's the deal with iridescent ham?
Matthew Alice: My girlfriend is freaked out by the iridescence you see on ham. What is that iridescence? Maybe if I can explain to her what it is, then maybe she will eat it. -- …
December 6, 2001
Can we nuke every computer in the country with one well-placed bomb?
Matt: Is it true that a well placed nuclear bomb detonated over the central United States would erase the hard drive of every computer in the country? I guess no one would really care whether …
November 29, 2001
Where is Old Zealand?
Old Matt: I know where Old England is, I know where Old York is. I know where to find Old Hampshire, Old Mexico, Old Orleans. But where is Old Zealand? --Clueless, the Net New Zealand …
November 29, 2001
Why does Mickey Mouse only have three fingers?
Hey: Why do Disney characters like Mickey Mouse, Pluto, and Goofy have only three fingers instead of four? I know Donald Duck has a wing, so that can be drawn with as many fingers as …
November 29, 2001
Why does a mint make a drink of water seem colder?
Matt: Why does water seem colder when you drink it after eating mints? -- Fern, somewhere unspecified So you've been spending a lot of time sitting around the family room, sucking Wint-O-Greens with a Sparkletts …
November 29, 2001
Where exactly are the boonies?
Hey, Mr. Matt: Where are you from if you're from the boonies? -- My Hometown, the Boonies Nobody was from the boonies before the mid-1960s or so. That's when the word "boondocks" was shortened to …
November 29, 2001
Why do some birds tweet and some birds screech?
Matt: Why do some birds make song, where others hoot (owls), caw (crows), or coo (pigeons)? What is the explanation for such a range of sounds from similar species? -- GC in LJ What's the …
November 21, 2001
How do you get out of a sinking car?
Dear Matt: My friends and I were talking and started wondering how to escape a sinking car. In the movie stunt people seem to escape with ease, yet in newspaper articles it seems that many …
November 21, 2001
Can a big meal temporarily affect your hearing?
Dear Matthew Alice: I recently heard that eating a big meal can affect a person's hearing. After a person has eaten, he cannot hear as well. Is this true? -- P.S., San Diego Can you …
November 21, 2001
How did six feet become the standard burial depth?
Hey, Matt: How did six feet become the standard burial depth? -- LB, Poway Was it ever? Don't think so. S'mattera fact, there's no law in California or in most other states that says a …
November 15, 2001
Dogs can smell better than people, but exactly how much better?
M: While sipping on a cocktail, my Uncle Crazy was babbling scores of unproven facts, when out came the claim that our best friend, the dog, as a sense of smell 200,000 times better than …
November 15, 2001
Why do we eat chickens and not, say, seagulls?
Matt: How did humans come to their regular raising and consumption of chickens? Why not pigeons, seagulls, or crows? How long has man been eating chicken, and why is this particular type of fowl so …
November 8, 2001
Who decides what songs are played on oldies stations?
Heymatt: By now the role of "independent promoters" in funneling record company money to radio stations in exchange for a coveted spot on their extremely limited play lists is pretty well known. But what's the …
November 8, 2001
What's the deal with girls' bikes?
Dear Matthew Alice: Why are there men's and women's bikes? If the center bar was originally placed to accommodate "ladies wear," then what gives? I saw a newer design this week, and it was not …
November 1, 2001
Why are some envelopes marked "Place Stamp Here"?
Dear Matthew Alice: I was paying my bills when a question occurred to me that only you could answer. Why is it that envelopes that come with bills are always marked "Place Stamp Here" or …
November 1, 2001
Did Dr. Laura lie to me?
Dear Matt-Al, Knower of Any and All Stuff Profound and Minute: A couple of months ago I watched Dr. Laura on a cable news commentary program. She stated to her hosts that her TV show …
November 1, 2001
Why do fish jump out of Mission Bay?
Dear Matt: My boyfriend and I recently had a post-sunset picnic at Mission Bay. We observed fish jumping out of the water (really!). I thought they were jumping out and flipping down to scratch themselves. …
October 18, 2001
What does the YKK stand for on my zipper?
Yo Matt: What does the YKK on my zipper tab stand for? Company logo, material, brand...what? -- A concerned fly-opener (and -closer), San Diego Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha. Roughly:Yoshida Company, Inc. Tadao Yoshida started making zippers …
October 18, 2001
Why doesn't the dirt in my flowerpots disappear?
Dear Matthew Alice: Plants grow because you give the good soil and water them, right? So why doesn't the level of soil in the houseplants that I've had for years gradually subside? Aren't the minerals …
October 18, 2001
Are there any exceptions to the law that a person can't be tried twice for a crime?
Hey, Matt: I know we have a rule of double jeopardy saying a person can’t be tried twice for the same crime. But are there any exceptions? What if someday O.J. Simpson breaks down and …
October 11, 2001
Why does the Reader print six consecutive pages of body-scultpting ads, microdermabrasion ads, laser eye correction ads, etc.?
Dig this, answer guy: The Reader now prints six consecutive pages of body-sculpting ads, microdermabrasion ads, laser eye correction ads, varicose vein removal ads, and have-a-youth-obsessed-brain-leech-grafted-to-your-skull ads, with half a page of actual text squeezed …
October 11, 2001
Can you help me dress in drag for Halloween?
Dear Matt: After seeing Hedwig and the Angry Inch, I’m inspired to go full drag this Halloween. The problem is, I have no idea how to start! As a straight male who’s never dressed up …
October 11, 2001
Why do clock and watch dials use a quadruple "I" as the Roman numeral for 4?
This is for Matthew Alice: Why do clock and watch dials always use a quadruple "I" as the Roman numeral for 4, but everywhere else the Roman numeral for 4 is "IV"? -- Befuddled Bob, …
September 27, 2001
Where did they come up with the amount $271 for traffic tickets?
Oh, Ma-a-a-att: There is a $271 fine for driving in the carpool lane on my local freeway. I believe that figure is posted as the fine for varied other infractions of traffic law. Um -- …
September 27, 2001
Who invented fuzzy dice?
Mattster: Who invented fuzzy dice? -- Fonzie, El Cajon Criminetly, Fonzie! I don't know! Maybe the same guy who sold wax lips and joy buzzers and sea monkeys on the back page of Popular Mechanics. …
September 27, 2001
Regarding the national debt, who does the government owe money to?
Hey matt: Regarding the national debt, just who does the federal government owe this money to? I never loaned them any money, and I can't think of anyone I know who did either. --Sean Marie, …
September 13, 2001
In the song, "Money for Nothing," are the lyrics "chicks" or "checks" for free?
Heymatt: In that song "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits, are the lyrics "money for nothing, and your CHICKS for free," or is it "...and your CHECKS for free"? -- Randolph Boggs, email-land As laughable …
September 13, 2001
What is so special about the ferns on Palomar Mountain?
Dear Matt: After 30 years as a San Diego resident, I finally visited the telescope on Palomar Mountain (man, that thing is HUGE). Anyway, as you enter the observatory grounds, there are all these signs …
September 13, 2001
Why do airlines encourage you to stay overnight on Saturday?
Dear Matt: Why do airlines encourage, even require that no matter where you go, you stay overnight on Saturday? What do they care? It's almost like they don't want any planes in the air on …
September 13, 2001
Were cigarettes at one time good for your health?
Dear Mister Alice: Were cigarettes at one time actually good for your health? In a lot of old movies they do a lot of smoking and they seem to be in perfect health. Nowadays I …
September 13, 2001
Is hypnotism forever?
Dear Matthew Alice: Is hypnotism forever? Could I hypnotize my neighbor to mow my lawn every Saturday? Would it be more logical to make my suggestion in the manner of "Mow my yard. You'll think …
September 6, 2001
Is it harmful to inhale helium, and where does helium come from?
Matt: Where does helium come from? -- Harry Roberson, Oak Park Dear Matt: Is it harmful to inhale helium? The party balloon kit I got from Costco says it's dangerous, but I've been doing it …
September 6, 2001
Why do they call it "capital punishment" when referring to the death penalty?
Dear Judge Matthew: Why do they call it "capital punishment" when referring to the death penalty? And also, what is the way to be executed that causes the least suffering -- hanging, firing squad, guillotine, …
September 6, 2001
When a man is dressed as a woman, why do they say he is "in drag?"
Hey, Matt: When a man is dressed as a woman, why do they say he is "in drag"? -- Christie, Lemon Grove The term popped up in the 1860s, 1870s, thereabouts, in England. It actually …
August 30, 2001
What are Slurpees made of?
Hey, Matt: What exactly are Slurpees made of? I know heavily sugared things aren't particularly thirst quenching, but somehow you'd think even lots of sugar couldn't make ground-up ice not thirst quenching. But it does. …
August 30, 2001
What is the history/origin of the dreaded unity candle?
Dearest Matt: I finally decided to do it and tie the knot. In planning the wedding ceremony, the subject of the unity candle came up. It seems really asinine to me, and I'm trying to …
August 30, 2001
Why do they call the stock market a "bull" market when rising, and a "bear" market when down?
Stockbroker Matt: When the stock market is rising, they call it a "bull" market, right? And when it falls, it's a "bear" market, is it not? WHY? I can see maybe that a bull is …
August 23, 2001
Do you know of any newspaper columnists who have risen to fame using a fake name?
Mr. Alice: It is my dream to one day become a famous newspaper columnist, only, get this, I don't plan on using my real name. My reading public will know me only by my nom …
August 23, 2001
Does a shower help rehydrate you when you are hung over?
O Great Imbiber: Does a shower help rehydrate you when you're hung over, or does it just wash the stink off? -- Greg in OB It's like this, Greg. Ya gotta get that agua inside …
August 23, 2001
Do foreign companies use American actors in their commercials?
Hey, Matt: I've noticed that a large number of companies use actors in their TV commercials with English, French, or other foreign accents. I suppose that companies feel that an articulate accented spokesperson lends more …
August 16, 2001
What happened to the h's on page 138 of the Reader on August 2nd?
Dear Matthew Alice: On page 138 of the San Diego Reader dated August 2, nearly everywhere there's supposed to be an h in the text, there's a blank space instead. At first I thought it …
August 16, 2001
How steep does a road have to be to qualify for a ticket for not having your tires turned in towards the curb?
Hey, Matt: A friend of mine got a ticket on Third Avenue, between Juniper and Ivy [downtown], for not having her tires turned in toward the curb. She was legally parked at a meter, had …
August 9, 2001
Where did the word "binky" come from?
Hey, Matt: Was the apparently universal word "binky" just some anonymous, orally fixated infant's cute term for a pacifier or a trade name cooked up by some anonymous, orally fixated ad executive? -- Mark in …
August 9, 2001
Where did the necktie come from?
Hi, Matt: Where does the necktie come from? -- Tieless Tim Cotes, Shelter Island They came from hell, I tell you! HELL! Well, actually, France. The same country that gave us high heels. In the …
August 9, 2001
Why do golfers carry so many clubs?
Hey, Golf-Pro Matthew! Why do those golfer guys carry around so many clubs? Seems to me just one good club in the hands of a skilled golfer oughta do the trick! -- Grant Frederickson, the …
August 2, 2001
Why do golfers carry so many clubs?
Hey, Golf-Pro Matthew! Why do those golfer guys carry around so many clubs? Seems to me just one good club in the hands of a skilled golfer oughta do the trick! -- Grant Frederickson, the …
August 2, 2001
Why does California's CRV tax require each individual to pay five or ten cents for each plastic or aluminum container bought in markets?
Hey, Matt: I am interested in the rip-off scams our local and federal governments use to line their secret account pockets with millions by skimming nickels and dimes from American citizens. WE DO NOTICE! California's …
August 2, 2001
Why does California's CRV tax require each individual to pay five or ten cents for each plastic or aluminum container bought in markets?
Hey, Matt: I am interested in the rip-off scams our local and federal governments use to line their secret account pockets with millions by skimming nickels and dimes from American citizens. WE DO NOTICE! California's …
August 2, 2001