Yo, Matthew: Since 1978 I've been parting my hair in the center. I'm sensing this may be a bit passe in 2003. What style of hair part is currently most politically correct: center, left, or …

Hey, Matt: Are the elves Catholic? Are elves Catholic? Oh, well. Heard there is a saint (active or defrocked, I'm not sure), that will help sell your home quicker and for a better price if …

Heymatt: Please promote world peace and set my brother-in-law straight. Which is the preferred euphemism, "frickin" or "friggin"? I sent him a email that included "frickin," as in, "You don't know a frickin thing." He …

Matthew Alice: Why is bubble gum pink? -- Bobby, Vista Because the Fleer Co. employee who worked for 10 years-- day after day, gum batch after gum batch-- to develop a chaw that would hold …

Hey, Matt: So over the holidays, I'm back East sitting with my folks and my sister's family (all dr's and rn's) and the topic of graveyard shift comes up. They all say that this term …

Dear Matthew Alice: I am puzzled by my kitty's habit of sloshing his drinking water around with his paw before drinking it. I have tried coloring the water, theorizing that he is unable to see …

Matt: An old Beach Boys song goes, "It happened on the strip where the road is wide/ Two cool sharks sittin' side by side/ My fuel-injected Stingray and a 413/ Revin' up our engines and …

Matt, you snake: What's up with the kids' game Chutes and Ladders? In Mexico it's called Snakes and Ladders. Did they change the name in the U.S. because people here are afraid of snakes and …

To Them That Runs the Ship: A long time ago I had a friend who kept Hubble telescope photos on the walls at work and just generally "knew stuff." Anyway, one day he walks up …

Hey, Matt: I have always wanted to know...why do people leave already chewed gum in public places. It is everywhere! It is disgusting! Could they be fined for littering? -- S.P., Spring Valley Was planning …

Heymatt: What are pool balls made out of? I thought the might be made out of ceramics of some kind. -- Lea Dean, South Africa Before 1910 or so, ivory (from Zimbabwean elephants, in particular) …

Hey Matt: My family and I were picnicking at the beach when my daughter threw some biscuits for the sea gulls to eat. Out of curiosity, I threw some pieces of fried chicken their way …

Dear Matthew Alice: My wife has threatened on several occasions to read me the riot act, but she can't seem to find a copy of it. If she could find a copy of it, what …

According to Grandma Alice, the Christmas theme at our house this year will be Homeland Security. She's registered at the local army surplus store so we'll know exactly what to put in her stocking. The …

Matt: I have some friends who live in the Frozen North. They claim that when they close up all the windows for winter, flies collect on the window sill and lie dormant for the rest …

Senor Mattolio: When a bullfighter has a particularly good fight, and the crowd awards him (or her) the ears and the tail of the bull, what does he do with them? I can't imagine! -- …

Matt and Alice: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? -- Wondering, San Diego Lots. And so, Wondering, how much ground would a groundhog hog if a groundhog could …

Hey, Mr. Alice: So I'm sitting at a stop light and I notice this disturbing trend of human billboards. You see them twirling those sale signs and doing a weird dance. My questions I have …

You know, MA, here's a pretty simple one that I just can't answer for myself. Just how far away is the horizon? Seems pretty simple, right? But all the science books give all the math …

Dear Matthew Alice: Do you know of any movement afoot to get January 4, 2003 designated "National I Love You Day" (1/4/3 = 143 = "I love you"-- get it?) How would one go about …

Dear Matt I was staring out the window the other day at a bunch of birds. Most of the birds were walking around, but a couple of them were hopping. Does this mean something? -- …

Matt: Is there a socially correct or at least a medical term for, uhmm, nose goblins? Sinus boulders? You know. Boogers? We all know the correct terms for most of our body parts, pieces, and …

Hey Matt: I was just doing my own thing when my phone rang this morning. It's my sister with another stupid question. Why is there no canned broccoli? I searched your archives for this but …

Hey, Matt: Why is it that when I'm just beginning to drift off at night and fall asleep, suddenly, BOOM, in my dream I trip or fall or get hit by a bus, causing my …

Matthew Alice: This showed up in our company email. "A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas.... His diet …

The world's largest collection of saddles, a circus calliope, bridles, Native artifacts, branding irons, two Wells Fargo stage coaches, guns, Mexican swords, and a collection of bows and arrows that once belonged to Earle Stanley Gardner.

Matthew: My fiancée recently gave me some vintage Varga[cq] pinups, part of a series of drawings from a calendar, year unknown. For each month there is the expected hottie and a bit of rhyming verse …

Dear Matt: I really like spicy food, but I don't like re-experiencing the spiciness the next day "down there." Could eating spicy food have a lasting damaging effect at my other end? -- matt, Vienna …

Matthew Alice: Someone told me that the song "Don't Worry, Be Happy" actually was written by some Indian guru. Is this true? -- Rita, San Diego The mindless ditty, the musical equivalent of a happy-face …

Hey, Matt: If I wanted to own the moon or Mars or Neptune or some comets or something, who would I have to see to take care of the paperwork? -- JG, San Diego I …

Mr. Alice: Once in jail, one receives issued clothing, to include underwear. What is the average life of that one-issued daily underwear, from one inmate to another, having been washed and worn for each inmate? …

Heymatt: Traveling down the freeway of life, the latest wrinkle on the road are sand and gravel trucks with a sign claiming, "Not responsible for damage to windshields." Huh? Did the truckers' lobby manage to …

To: Heymatt From: Foxman Re: FW: Interesting Trivia! 1. Leonardo DaVinci invented the scissors. 2. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. 3. Shakespeare invented …

Matt: This is probably a really weird question, but when I work up a sweat at the gym, there's always some yellowish stain around the collar of my white T-shirt. Why does the sweat make …

Matt: Who are you? I find no Matthew Alice in the staff listing. A nom de plume? An alias? Are we more than one person-- "Matthew" and "Alice"? I am plagued with doubt and can …

Matt: I have a question for you-- do ants ever sleep? Bill Goehring, San Diego Rust never sleeps, but ants do. At least that's what bug researchers say, and we'll have to take their word …

Hey, Matthew: My friend swears that he heard that all goldfish are born female but some of them eventually turn into males. Could this possibly be true? -- Ron, Santee I hope your pal's quit …

Matthew Alice: As a member of the San Diego press, I hope you will be able to answer this. Why can't the Union-Tribune obtain the correct starting times for many cable channels. All of their …

Matthew Alice: Who created the marriage vows "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till …

My Friend Matt: Why don't I ever see cashews in the shell? Do cashews have shells? Peanuts in the shell are cheaper than peanuts out of the shell, so wouldn't cashews be? Why can't I …

Hi Matt: Halloween is coming up. What's the healthiest kind of candy for me to eat? I like salt water taffy, but I've heard that jelly beans are your best bet. I'd like your opinion. …

Hey: How was the border between Nevada and California determined? Basically, it's an imaginary line drawn in the sand. -- Peter Torrance, San Diego For an imaginary line, it sure caused a ruckus. When Spain …

Hello, Matt: I saw a documentary about kangaroos, and they said the baby kangaroo spends about six months in the mother's pouch before it comes out into the world. The one thing they didn't tell …

Matt: I read somewhere that California has an official state dance, the Western Swing. Can this be possible? -- Wondering, San Diego In Sacramento, all things are possible. But right at the top, to fend …

Hey, Matt: Why is it that "WE" who live in the United States need to know what "THEY" who live in Canada pay on consumer items/goods???? (i.e., greeting cards/flower vases, etc.) And why is it …

Haymatt: Could you tell me why the pilot sits in a cockpit? Why is a cockpit called a cockpit? Did Orville and Wilbur think up the word? Do other countries use this same term? In …

Matthew: I was in high school when the 805 was built and open for business. I seem to remember hearing that the day before it was open to cars, it was open to the public …

Dear Matthew: A friend says that if I paint myself with house paint, I would drown. Could this be true? I wanted to paint myself silver, but now I'm not so sure. -- Cindy, San …

Hey: Other than an occasional victory cigar, we've never seen pictures of our U.S. presidents with a cigarette in their hand. Were there any modern-day presidents that actively inhaled while in office? -- Ken, Cardiff …

Hello, Matt: I was going through that scary area under my bathroom sink the other day and found a bottle of shampoo I had purchased two or three years ago. It got me to wondering, …