One guy showed up in his outfit, complaining about the traffic on the 805. I would love to have seen the other drivers' faces as he went by. Do they take you seriously with that face?
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Stories by Josh Board
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More people speak Klingon
Samoan grabs knife
Hans came into the kitchen and screamed for everyone to be quiet. He then said, "I just found out there was a fight out front. If there's another one. I'm kicking everybody out!"
Jennifer loves nerds
When the band played a Beat Farmers song, Steve said, "Country Dick Montana [the Beat Farmer who died onstage] spilled beer on me once." I replied, "Who hasn't had beer spilled on them by Dick?"
March 25, 2004
Sopranos party
"You better go get your Glock" — a type of gun, I shouted over there, "Are you guys gonna go whack somebody? That would make this a real authentic Sopranos party."
Baby Scatters Chips
When Sean Penn finally won his first Oscar (after three previous nominations), a woman asked, "Is there a seven-second delay?" Penn has been known in the past for cussing, and even punching, reporters
March 11, 2004
Enrages women
I noticed they had sheets with a betting pool. People had their names next to their guesses about whether Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) would stay with her new boyfriend in France or go back to Mr. Big.
March 4, 2004
Food outlaws
One of the guests told me he was surprised that a few of the Jazzercise students were overweight. Maybe it's not as physically demanding as other aerobic workouts. They all seemed to be great dancers.
February 26, 2004
Tipsy joggers
I asked the Cowboys fan if she was from Dallas or if she just jumped on the bandwagon when the team was winning in the '90s. She said she had been a fan since she was a kid.
February 19, 2004
OMBAC pre-Super Bowl party
Paul pulled out a roach clip, which was attached to a car antenna. One guy said, "Cool, you got some weed we can smoke?" Paul said, "No, this is for my cigarettes,"
Dion Rich- supreme party crasher
The hardest event was actually here in San Diego at Planet Hollywood's grand opening. The week before. Junior Seau had a party there. I was actually invited to that. Inside, I cased the joint.
February 5, 2004
Another mocked wedding
I was stoked because I like the Dragons. And when I started writing this "Crasher" column, the first party I went to made me miss Lucy's Fur Coat and Marshall Crenshaw playing at the Casbah.
January 29, 2004
Chubby bunny
The object is to stick a marshmallow into your mouth and say "chubby bunny." The one who can say that with the most marshmallows wins. One guy spit out bits of marshmallow and drooled down his chin.
January 22, 2004
Big brains
I ended up staying so late at this party that Lederer had to subtly hint for me and the last guest to leave his house by saying, "We have to start cleaning this place up.”
January 15, 2004
The Hustler bar
There was an attractive woman in her 40s standing near me. As I was leaving, I heard her say, "It's such an honor to meet you." I turned to see she was talking to Mr. Flynt, not me.
January 8, 2004
Salsa and Brazilian kick dancing
She introduced me to her boyfriend, a 6'3" redhead named Cenoura. She told me, "That means carrot. When they see you, they give you a nickname by looking at you."
January 1, 2004
Neighborhood: small towns of San Diego
I see Asian gang cars some nights, in a long caravan down the Mira Mesa Boulevard. They meet at In-N-Out Burger before heading off for illegal street races on Kearny Villa Road or in Sorrento Valley.
December 24, 2003
Mira Mesa
I’ve lived in Mira Mesa all but 6 of my 34 years. I watched it grow from a community with one gas station, one grocery store, and the main street, Mira Mesa Boulevard, ending at …
December 24, 2003
Drunks and Geeks
“Once you’ve joined a club like this, you don’t want to play kitchen Scrabble with your family. I’m one of the weaker players here. At home, my daughter says she doesn’t like playing with me.”
Blackout Blues
"You wear green if you’re single and available. If you’re wearing yellow, it means you’re in a relationship, but it’s not that serious, and you’re still looking. Red means you’re not available."
December 11, 2003
Mr. Octopus Man
When people danced, a lot were acting goofy. I don’t know if it’s because they were covering up for the fact that they couldn’t dance or pretending that’s how they danced when they went to high school.
December 4, 2003
100 grateful San Diegans
Diane Jones30Marketing DirectorMarriedCollege AreaInterviewed at the Natural History Museum, Balboa Park I’m grateful that my father — he’s 63 — is healthy and happy. He had an accident last year; he had a flesh-eating bacteria …
November 26, 2003
Woods Rock to Whistlestop
Candice got onstage before the next singer and reminded people to keep their cell phones off, “unless your wife is at home pregnant or something.”
November 26, 2003
Two Kinds of Brownies
When I asked about the Chargers using Doug Flutie, we had a conversation about what makes a good NFL quarterback. When he brought up Bobby Hatfield of the Righteous Brothers, we talked about old rock bands.
November 20, 2003
Empty Jacuzzi
They were looking at pictures from when they got to sing backup for Barry Manilow. I asked them if Manilow was gay, and they looked at me as if I asked whether Spike Lee was black.
November 13, 2003
I Went Postal
The men and women of the First Marine Expeditionary Force in Camp Pendleton were being given a welcome-home parade from the war in Iraq. At first, I was hot and miserable, having just gotten over …
November 6, 2003
Weird Reason for a Party
When I got to Vista at around 9:30 p.m. the cops had already made the band, My Middle Finger, stop playing. Somebody told me, “They only played one and a half songs,
October 30, 2003
The Cops Never Showed
When the Biddy Bums got done, somebody asked where the drummer was. The singer said, “He got appendicitis. We’re going to do a benefit for him soon. This was our acoustic set.”
October 23, 2003