‘I need a tan — now,” said Tara, flopping on my couch and gazing out at the cool, cloudy afternoon. “No, I need it yesterday. I just found out Jay will be at the wedding …

I had only seen it done in sitcoms — a giant hairy gorilla proposing to a girl standing shocked at the front door — until last week. A friend relayed her proposal story. It wasn’t …

The afternoon nappies are starting to take their toll on my husband Patrick. Coffee has become his drug of choice. I wondered if there might be a gentler solution — a change in diet. Something …

‘Cleanliness and order are not matters of instinct; they are matters of education, and like most great things, you must cultivate a taste for them.” I slumped into my La-Z-Boy as I finished reading this …

Pride goeth... My best gal pal Bernice has a niece, newly engaged and eager to learn the secrets of domestic bliss. Bernice sent her to me for an introduction to the kitchen. I was pleased …

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“If I have to evacuate, will you take my goats?” “I’ll take your goats but not your kids!” I still can’t believe I said that. The goat-lady was my friend Michelle, calling me during the …

My man Patrick will be donning his goggles, taking up his gun, and heading to the field for his first battle. A work colleague has organized a paintball day. “This might just turn into a …

There is something about the combination of longer daylight hours and spring air that brings a hunger for back-yard projects. And it’s been growling in the Kelly household these past few weeks. First, there was …

My jewelry box bears within it the booty of 25 years’ worth of self-adornment, and when I stopped to think about it, I realized that I don’t wear about three-quarters of the stuff. Sure, my …

Spring is here and pal Bernice has soccer on the brain. A layer of dust has descended on her cleats in the closet. Her shoe size is a higher number, as is her jersey size; …

“Mom, do you call Mrs. Phelan a cat lady because she looks like a cat?” Smart kid. Mrs. Phelan, who works as an aide at my boy’s school, does have a feline aspect to her. …

“When I was a child in Mayo,” said my Irish mother as we drove along the Embarcadero, “my aunt used to send me down to the village pub to buy ‘a pint for the washing.’” …

As my mother’s memory gets shorter, the East Coast winters that seep into her bones tend to get longer — especially when she forgets to turn up the thermostat. Mom and Dad are fierce, independent …

The breath of heaven bush encroaches on my garden statuary. In the back yard, the trumpet vine escapes into the neighbor’s yard. And the branches of our rose bushes ramble into the sky and bend …

I’m not too many years shy of 40, and the anchor tattoo on my ankle has been with me since I was 21. The guy and that ship sailed many years ago, and I’ve reached …

My husband Patrick comes down with the home-improvement bug a few times a year. And he’s had it bad lately. He’s tired of the tiny bits of gravel being tracked into the house from the …

‘I give it ten years before water costs as much as gas costs now,” said Patrick as he looked up from his morning Internet browse. “Maybe we should think about ripping out the grass in …

My daughter was thrilled to sew a baby quilt with Aunt Rose during her Thanksgiving vacation. It would be her first quilt — an Ohio Star pattern. “Bring one yard each of two high-contrast colors,” …

The after-Christmas glut of stuff landed hard on the Kelly home — every surface was laden with goodies waiting to find a place on our crowded shelves. Hubby Patrick and I decided it was time …

“One nesting pair of California barn owls could consume as many as 2000 gophers, rats, and mice.”

Uncle Max's lady friends come and go, along with their unsolicited shopping advice and their dubious aid in the lifestyle department. But he always comes to me for counsel on the stuff that really matters …

2008 is almost upon us, and the Kelly household is going to party. And party for many reasons: new babies, new engagements, newlyweds, and new friends. We haven't thrown a New Year's Eve bash in …

My earliest Christmas-tree memories are not of candy canes or twinkling lights, but of cold knuckles and snow boots. Always, in the first week of December, our family would tromp out through the early-winter cold …

A couple of years ago I took up lettering. Once a week I would spend a few hours copying letters, mainly the italic form. I became fairly proficient, but life interfered with learning any other …

My great aunt Edna is the just-so lady -- "A place for everything and everything in its place." Her home in Pasadena might be a historical museum; everything is so perfectly arranged and spotless. Not …

The Kelly household could use some fresh holiday traditions. I want my kids thinking globally during this holiday season. Happily, I have many friends from other countries and faiths from whom to draw ideas. "In …

For years, all I had to do was wince in the presence of my mother-in-law and out came the Advil. Mom was caring for her parents and her in-laws in their declining years; fighting pain …

The fires hit close to home; a few friends were evacuated. "We took nothing with us," said Andra, "which wasn't the smartest. If the fire took our home we would have had nothing left." Helene …

I got curious about reflexology after my sister-in-law convinced me to let a woman at a spa rub hot rocks against my feet for an hour. By the time she was finished, I felt more …

'I'm at the age and size when regular briefs -- or, as I call them, 'tighty whiteys' -- just aren't working for me anymore," my husband Patrick griped as he stood in front of his …

They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible spoon... -- from "The Owl and the Pussycat," by Edward Lear I know that line because my fifth-grader came bouncing through …

My daughter is obsessed with horses. Her room is decorated with equine photos, her bookshelf stocked with classic horse books, and her dream is to raise horses. For her birthday this year, we gave her …

'You ever wonder about the 'high fructose' in 'high fructose corn syrup'?" asked Patrick as he scanned the ingredients of his Rice Krispies. "It sounds like 'high octane.' I mean, what does corn syrup lack …

It's the year of the baby in Kellyville. Four families within our group of friends are expecting babies to arrive around the holidays. And Eve has meals for moms on the brain. Usually, the gals …

'That's it," said my friend Bernice, exhausted and grumpy after what was supposed to be a relaxing afternoon of shopping. "Customer service is officially a thing of the past. I'm shopping online from here on …

Clean notebooks and sharpened pencils, white sneakers and new socks, homework and carpooling -- the school year has begun. This year's hectic schedule of school and sports has made me eager to have one night …

'Tricked out?" I asked Patrick, incredulous. "You want to get the minivan tricked out? Let's get serious. I'm not sure that a Toyota Sienna is the sort of car you trick out. More importantly, I'm …

My sister Meg has a growing brood and an overflowing laundry room. "I can never seem to get on top of the laundry scene," she complained, "even after doing ten loads on Monday." She was …

I strolled out of Nordstrom Rack, my bag heavy with suede pumps, cropped pants, and strappy tops. Just before I got to my car, I stepped on something squishy -- a fat Gucci wallet. I …

The e-mail was titled, "When Wildlife Comes Visiting the Garage." My curiosity was piqued. My friend Austin lives in an exciting world. Her nickname is Lucy — think Lucille Ball — because her calamities are …

'Mom, what's Shabbat?" That was Liam, the 13 year old. He's been invited to his friend Alex's house next Friday and wanted to know what to expect. So Mom headed down to The Place (619-286-6499), …

A few weeks ago, I found sugar-free water for my friend Jennifer who has gestational diabetes. Jen's been a bit down in the dumps about her condition. "I never thought it would be an annoyance …

'I was up in Carlsbad and stopped into a thrift store," chirped my friend Bernice, "and do you know what I found there? A Barracuda pool cleaner for $40 ! In perfect working order! Fitzgerald …

The bottled-water section dizzied me as I searched through the sea of containers for flavored water with no sugar. I was hunting out beverages for Jennifer, a pregnant pal of mine who has gestational diabetes. …

When her third child bolted off to college, my friend Janice thought she was free of her domestic duties. She returned to the workplace -- college is expensive, and a bunch of her friends had …

Summer party season is upon us, and my clan has already attended quite a few potluck barbecues. But I'm sick of my potluck side-dish offering: penne pasta with chopped spinach, golden raisins, tomatoes, and slivered …

My friend Shawn has long endured the nickname "Girlscout," despite the fact that she is over 40. No matter what event she attends, she always comes prepared to provide for herself, her husband, her daughter …

Patrick is a watering fiend. Over years of marriage, I have come to realize that he uses it as a relaxing escape. During early-morning hours and as the sun sets in the evening, I will …

Nine p.m., Thursday. All I want to do is download a couple of episodes of The Office and relax with my husband while he rubs my feet. But just as I'm sending the nine-year-old off …