"The problem with the Baby Bjorn is it’s a two-man job,” complained my brother Mike. A new dad, he was having trouble finding a comfortable baby carrier. “Someone needs to adjust the back straps for …

‘Remember when all you needed was a coat hanger you could slide over the window?” asked Patrick as he stared into our locked car at his keys dangling in the ignition. “You’d loop it down, …

"What’s the matter with you kids? It’s frozen pizza!” I couldn’t believe it — my own children picking at the cheese on top and regarding me with mournful eyes. And me trying to get out …

This time of year, hordes of flies visit our 1930s-built home. One would think we were in farm country the way the flying pests invade. The real culprit for the invasion is our lack of …

“How’s life in the new house?” I asked my friend Suzy, who recently bought a North Park bungalow. “New?” she answered. “More like old. I’m still charmed, but ever since we decided to have a …

I will not be surprised by 2009’s Mother’s Day. The 2008 observance caught me off guard. I found myself in a crowded mall the day before the holiday, frantically searching for gifts for my mom …

“They told me the freeway would sound like the ocean,” griped Patrick’s friend Jon just after buying his first house. “It doesn’t. It sounds like the freeway.” “A good solution might be our acoustical curtains,” …

Hubby Patrick despises Easter grass. “It’s like the plague!” he complained over our nightcap. “It gets everywhere and clogs up the vacuum. Who created this stuff? This year, no Easter grass will enter the Kelly …

Instead of a handkerchief or tissues, Dad’s pockets always contained a paper towel. Usually used. And if he noticed any of us kids sniffling during a church service, out came the dirty Brawny. I feared …

“Eve, maybe you can help me,” pleaded my Aunt Azelda, slowly shaking her snowy mane. “They finally put in a computer station here at the senior center. I asked your nephew to get me started …

‘I hate being the go-to guy at school,” griped my husband Patrick. It seems he missed a meeting and got himself “volunteered” by some of his fellow teachers to run the activities at this year’s …

"We can move any type of piano except concert grands, the largest-sized pianos,” explained Ron Castiglione, owner and technician at Pitch Perfect Piano in Encinitas (800-205-0076). When moving grand pianos, “You have to protect your …

My efforts to help my stressed friend Barbara prep for her upcoming nuptials continue. Her plea: “I want to arrive in style!” “We have a white wedding trolley, the ‘Felicity,’” said Erica Frost with Old …

My husband Patrick’s grandparents’ wedding photo, taken in 1917, sat on the bookshelf with water damage. The damage got me thinking about photo restoration. Only a handful of heirloom photos have survived on Patrick’s family …

‘Fat girls need love too!” crooned Barbara as she sashayed into my kitchen, waving the ring on her left finger. “Oh, hush — you’re not fat,” I chided her before offering my congratulations on her …

Hubby Patrick is revving up for a banner garden year. His cover crop is in, and now he’s got a hankering for worms. “They say they’re good for composting,” he informed me. I hit the …

Hooray! We’re going to Palm Springs for a weekend at a friend’s place! Boo! My 11-year-old broke his elbow during his first-ever game of pads-free backyard tackle football! “I knew it was a bad idea,” …

Stitches have played a big part in my life — sewing stitches, that is. In college, there was a wrap cocktail dress I whipped up for the spring dance. After our first baby’s birth, homemade …

“I could break a Mack truck’s windshield with some of these grocery-store tomatoes,” griped my gardener friend Shawn. “I hate buying produce at the grocery store. This is San Diego; I should be able to …

Colored pencils evaporate in the Kelly household — here one day, gone the next. When my son sat down to work on a drawing last week, three pencils sat in front of him. Can’t do …

Post-Christmas blahs have set in. Children are lolling about the house, and I got a couple of nice checks for Christmas. Time for a jump start. Steve Wymore is manager of Backyard Adventures in San …

O Christmas tree! O Christmas tree!Thy leaves are so unchanging...Not only green when summer’s here,But also when ’tis cold and drear... Hubby Patrick heckled me with his singing because our Christmas tree’s leaves were anything …

We don’t argue politics at Kelly family gatherings; we argue menus. I want something exotic for Christmas dinner, something fancy. Ma Kelly insists on something traditional. Husband Patrick just wants something that tastes good, “and …

Our street is aglow with candy cane lights, snow globe Santas, and icicle lights. The chilly nights bring the smell of wood fires in the fireplace. The Kelly family is beginning its holiday traditions. With …

Girlfriend Jill wanted to hit the malls, but she needed help. She’s pregnant and has a couple of little ones besides. I called around to see what was out there. Sonia at Mission Valley Center …

The Kelly family needs an injection of charity. The thought was sparked by my son presenting me with a long gift list for Christmas. “We need to curtail this materialism and teach a bit of …

Casa Kelly has been getting loosey-goosey with the Thanksgiving menu in recent years — lobster, sirloin cap, even lasagna. Not this year — Patrick’s Nana is flying out to visit, and everything’s got to be …

My love Patrick is a man of many talents: handyman, gardener, chef, athlete, and baker. Goodness, he even sings opera. Last week he added another skill to his list of accomplishments: hairstylist. The economy’s squeezing …

‘This recession is taking a toll on my love life,” sighed my friend Tara. “My husband and I used to go out every Friday night. Now it’s just too expensive — especially when you factor …

Had the kids taken an expedition to the Sahara desert? Their lips looked as if they had — white, peeling, cracking, and bleeding. My daughter had ripped off a chunk of lip, and a bloody …

“I’ve had crud in my sinus cavity for three days,” griped my husband Patrick. “When I blow my nose, I’m seeing colors that I normally associate with zombies.” “Well, thanks for sharing,” I replied. “Maybe …

“Sometimes a man gets a hankering,” my husband Patrick said last week, “a hankering for food of a color rarely found in nature, a hunger for crunchy snacks that leave greasy, gritty residue along your …

“Maybe I should just shave my head like that Sinéad woman did,” complained Aunt Azelda, dropping a rare pop-culture reference. Azelda was staring at her reflection in the vanity mirror, lamenting time’s gradual ruination of …

Halloween-costume planning around here starts before the previous Halloween’s candy has been eaten. Detailed conversations, elaborate sketches, and shopping lists are tossed about among the kids in preparation for the next year’s holiday. This past …

It’s been a while since I’ve seen my husband Patrick’s impulsive side. But last week was our anniversary, and he surprised me with a trip to Italy. “Last-minute deal on the package — tremendous bargain,” …

My nephew Tom needs to sweep his woman off her feet. It seems there was a lovers’ quarrel and feelings were hurt. “What about sending her a sky message, you know, one of those banners …

“I thought only new parents looked like that,” I said to my friend Cherie, worrying over her glazed eyes and exhausted stare. “It’s been like this for months. I’ll wake up after two hours of …

The kids rolled and patted. Celia sautéed onions and ground beef. I watched and learned. We were having an Argentinean day in our home. Hot empanadas were to be served for dinner. My friend Celia …

“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know,” grumbled my nephew Walt over the phone last week. Two years out of college with a tech job, Walt had just seen his first major project …

At the family reunion swim party last week, there was an accident. Cousin Hugh jumped off the diving board into the water, and on his return to the surface another cousin dove headfirst on top …

'Porta-potties?" asked Patrick, eyebrows raised in disbelief. "You're going to write about porta-potties? Just tell me you aren't going to open with a story about what Uncle Harold did to our downstairs bathroom at last …

Restlessness grows daily in the Kelly home. Midsummer boredom is percolating in my kids and threatening to boil over. Some new hobbies are needed. Pal Bernice suggested square dancing. “We danced a lot of summer …

‘It’s like my body flipped a switch and started storing fat,” lamented my husband Patrick as he stood in front of the mirror. “Ever since I turned 35, the battle of the bulge has turned …

I’ve fought a decade-long battle to keep hairbrushes in the Kelly home. I’ll snatch a few into custody at the store, but once home, they go underground, never to be found again. The time has …

“When my husband was young and on a swim team, they didn’t have goggles,” recalled Regina Paradowski of Paradowski’s Swim & Sports in Kearny Mesa (858-569-6946; paradowskisswim.com). “They used to put milk in their eyes …

“If you want to run, run a mile. If you want to experience a different life, run a marathon.” — Emil Zatopek Hubby Patrick is heading down the road to experiencing a different life as …

I treasure the stability of my childhood years, but my clearest memories are of the breaks from routine — family vacations, the time Dad let us go to a midnight movie opening on a school …

"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope." — Bill Cosby Insert tie for soap-on-a-rope in the Kelly household. Another boring Father’s Day rolled by. Hubby Patrick got the tie; the man doesn’t …

My folks have been retired for five years, and they’re spending their golden years on the road. There have been trips to China and Peru and a train tour of Canada. This year, they’re sticking …

Hubby Patrick’s brother Kevin has been a small-time rock musician since he was 18. When he turned 38 this year and the band — Youth Movement — still hadn’t made it, he came to the …