“I could get into this.” My hubby Patrick sat grinning at the wheel of a 31-foot camper we had borrowed for the family vacation. The Kelly family was touring Southern California, visiting relatives and using …

“Do you hookah?” read the sign on a building as I passed by in the trolley. Not yet, I thought. But as a onetime smoker who enjoyed the ritual of it, I was curious. So …

“Oh, no,” I protested as Patrick unrolled the small, ornate rug he had purchased at an estate sale. “Look at that thing. It’s dingy, and there’s a stain right there in the middle.” “C’mon, it’s …

“‘Don’t you worry there, my honey/ We might not have any money, but we’ve got our love to pay the bills.’” The Ingrid Michaelson song “You and I” purred from my lips, aimed at my …

“What’s different?” asked Patrick. “I didn’t have time for mascara this morning.” “Oh.” He didn’t say any more, but I knew what he was thinking: She really does look better with mascara. “A lot of …

“According to Tim Allen, the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance,” smiled my friend Kate, gazing at our overgrown backyard. “And grilling and serenading wives,” I added, winking at …

Last summer I had a chunk of my eyelid removed, my first skin cancer. Even more fun, I got to go back a second time because the doctor didn’t get it all. Since then I’ve …

I found a single white dog hair in my coffee this morning. Ten minutes later, I was on the phone with Chad Davidson of the Pawlished Paw Mobile Grooming (619-792-7138; pawlishedpaw.com). “When you’re looking for …

Well, the Rapture didn’t happen, but it did get me thinking about firearms. When the tribulation comes, I want to know how to shoot. Marc Halcon, owner of American Shooting Center in Kearny Mesa (858-279-7233; …

“Henna is usually part of joyful occasions,” explained Wardah Halim of HennaTrendz in Chula Vista (858-366-3374; hennatrendz.com). “Marriages, birthdays, graduations, sweet 16s, bar mitzvahs.” A few of those occasions are in the Kelly family’s near …

“Last time you bought hotdogs for a Saturday picnic, I was still tasting them on Monday,” grumped Patrick. “I don’t have the cast-iron plumbing that the kids have. So maybe this time, get some grown-up …

As life has increased, golf has decreased for my man, Patrick. He developed his golf habit as a teenaged caddy at Annandale Country Club in Pasadena. He played three times a week then. Now he’s …

“Paragliding?” I asked. “Like when they pull you behind a boat?” “No,” replied Patrick. “That’s parasailing. Totally different. This is freedom, man.” John Ryan, owner of the Hang Gliding and Paragliding Center in La Mesa …

The chinaberry tree and rock roses are in full bloom. The spring breeze carries the aroma of sage and honeysuckle. Orange-and-yellow western tanagers fly through the yard daily. Spring is in the air, summer on …

“We were sitting around a campfire in 2005,” recalled Michael Hawkins, owner of San Diego Hot Tub Rentals (858-578-8822, sandiegohottubrentals.com), “and we saw an inflatable hot tub in a Popular Science magazine. We thought, That …

The conversation at the annual Kelly spring barbecue turned to spring-cleaning. “Spring what?” laughed Angela. “My spring-cleaning lasts all year,” said Monica. “It should really be called ‘year-cleaning.’” Nancy freshens the paint on the doors …

A sole, fuzzy photo of our miniature schnauzer Nellie is all we have to remember her by. What were we thinking? We weren’t. So when gal-pal Bernice adopted a terrier, I insisted that she get …

The family from the frigid East is coming for Easter, and they want San Diego water fun, no matter how cold the Pacific may be. Kellys don’t surf, but maybe kayaking… “We’re the real deal, …

Last time Patrick’s Grandma Pat was in town, I made some of my yummy shrimp-and-rice bake. It took her one bite to detect the chicken stock — oops! “Just make me a fish stick next …

My husband Patrick is the Dr. Frankenstein of bicycles. He takes a wheel from one, a seat from another, a pedal from a third, and patches together working bikes. He came by these skills early …

My oldest hits high school next year, and my worrywart Aunt Azelda is pestering me about his college plans. I suppose a little planning wouldn’t hurt, so I rang up San Diego’s Lynn O’Shaughnessy of …

Aunt Azelda wants to watch the sunset from the end of the Ocean Beach Pier. She’d like to get a glimpse of the baby hippo at the zoo. Most of all, she wants to graze …

My two middle boys went deep-sea fishing a while back, and a couple of Fridays ago I cooked up some killer fish tacos with their rockfish. But while the insides were awesome, the tortillas proved …

Rain pelted the windows for days in November and December. Snow piled up in the mountains. Hubby Pat bought lift tickets to Mount Baldy, a small ski area in the San Gabriel Mountains about 100 …

A sign you’re getting older: you start hearing your friends worry about their kids’ performance on the SAT. They all knew about the usual large-scale test-prep options, but I was curious about finding something on …

“Can’t we just rent a goat and let it do the weed whacking?” moaned my hubby Pat. He had been cutting the tall grass for an hour and still had an hour’s work to do. …

How have I held off on a video-game console for so long? I have no idea. But for my oldest’s 14th birthday, I’m breaking down, just a little. I’m renting him a game truck. Kathy …

There’s a new baby in the family. Little Jude was born to my niece in December, and his great-aunt Eve is assembling a gift basket for him and his mom. Instead of buying whatever is …

Every year, Patrick resolves to lose that spare tire. Every year, he fails. And then he complains about it. He caught me at a low point last week, and I barked back, “Well, why not …

Thick, curly locks that tend toward frizz + no time for styling = a bad hair day. “Time to get some professional advice,” offered husband Pat. “You’re starting to look like Phyllis Diller.” I resisted …

“Children have no respect for hangovers,” moaned my friend Karen. “Too much eggnog at the office Christmas party on Friday; too many tiny feet pounding on the floor early Saturday morning. I’ll never drink that …

“We wish you a Merry Christmas…so bring us some figgy pudding…we won’t go until we get some…” “Mom, what’s figgy pudding?” asked my youngest. “I haven’t the faintest, dear,” I replied, “but it must have …

The words of A Christmas Carol filled the living room. The fire roared in the potbelly stove, and homemade eggnog warmed our hands. My older brother’s fireside readings are a Christmas tradition I miss dearly …

Every Christmas, fat, multicolored Christmas lights line the rain gutters of the Kelly home. My husband Patrick bought them as a protest against the proliferation of white icicle lights dripping from our neighbor’s eaves. “Santa …

My son walked into the room, and I nearly passed out. The aroma from his Speed Stick deodorant was overpowering ($2.99 for 3.25 ounces at Walgreens). I’d prefer body odor to that heavy, cheap-cologne smell. …

Hallelujah! I’m not cooking for Thanksgiving this year — the Kellys have gotten themselves invited to a monster gathering up north. When I asked what I could bring, they just said, “Wine, and lots of …

You can’t be blasting your fellow man with dragon breath. So, when Patrick complained of the chalkiness of his Dentyne Pure Mint gum ($1.49 for 9 pieces at Ralphs), I knew a replacement was needed. …

My poor son’s face has become a wasteland of angry red bumps. It brings him no end of misery, and nothing I’m bringing home from the drugstore is doing much good. Time to call in …

Every October, when the colors of autumn start to show, my creativity seems to wake from a long summer slumber. I think the seeds of my creativity were sown in my childhood in New England. …

I am in full Earth-mama mode these days, using a natural remedy whenever possible. So when Patrick started moaning from the bathroom about inheriting his father’s bad digestion, I started looking into aloe. Yes, aloe. …

The seasonal section of the grocery stores has been beckoning, particularly the apple butters and pumpkin butters. Last shopping night, I bought every one I could find. A couple of them came from a local …

“What ever happened to home economics class in school?” asked my Aunt Azelda. “So kids don’t learn to sew. Sew what?” I joked. Yeah, she didn’t think it was funny, either. “We have everything from …

The man is blessed with thick calves — voluptuous, meaty calves. He says that’s what attracted me to him. The man likes to see me laugh. The ample gams war against his soccer socks. The …

“Imagine if I could grow tomatoes year-round…” I said as I came in from the garden. “One word,” replied my husband Patrick. “Hydroponics.” John at Mr. Hydro in Solana Beach (858-259-9100; mr-hydro.com) gave me an …

“Can I make room in my heart for a gecko?” joked my hubby Pat. When an overwhelmed Marine-wife friend of ours asked if we’d adopt her family’s pet, a house gecko, how could I say …

Patrick’s nephew is coming in for a visit, right in the middle of this heat. “Let’s do a root-beer-float party,” suggested Uncle Pat. “And let’s get some killer root beer — make it interesting for …

“We always had poor-kid lunches,” I reminisced. “Peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole-wheat bread, wrapped in a bread bag. Sometimes with an apple.” “Friends around me would be unwrapping their plastic- and aluminum-wrapped multi-meat …

The kids have been begging to go to Comic-Con for years. This year I yielded, on the condition that we seek out age-appropriate offerings. After 30 minutes of swimming through an ocean of people decked …

“Are you trying to kill me?” gasped hubby Patrick. He was eyeballing the lineup of 24 bottles of ranch dressing on the counter. Patrick doesn’t even like ranch dressing, but his family does and they’re …

“Late night?” I joked with my friend Kendra. She’s not much of a drinker, but she looked awful. “It’s cramping,” she replied. “I almost couldn’t get out of bed this morning. And I don’t want …