The strawberry fields are calling again, and the family is answering the call. This time, though, we're not going to cram strawberries into our mouths until we swear we'll never look at another one again. …

Bernice's furniture has had a hard year. Half of her dining room chairs collapsed. "I think it's because of my hubby's beer belly," she jested. A few months later, the dining room table lost a …

I thought I was going to get off easy. This year's family reunion is slated for mid-June. There should be about 150 of us, but unlike years past, which have seen me cooking up a …

I yearn for the country, for the smell of grass, horses, and fresh produce. I worry that my kids are becoming urbanites. The sight of a horse or a cow is like a UFO sighting …

"It's no use," said my friend Connie on Easter Monday. "When it comes to the in-laws, there are certain things that brand you a Bad Mom, and this is one of them." The day before, …

My friend Sarah spent a year in Rome learning the language and soaking in the culture. She came back a lover of all things Italian, especially the food. She whips up savory Italian meals with …

My pop loves his pan-fried bacon. Microwave bacon will not do. "It never gets that crunchy texture," says Pop. It's been his guilty pleasure for years, and it got guiltier when the doc told him …

My sister Meg lives without most common kitchen utensils. You won't find a Pyrex measuring cup, a wooden spatula, or even a teakettle in her kitchen. On one family visit to her house, my husband …

When Uncle Max comes to town, it's like Mardi Gras, St. Paddy's, and Halloween all rolled into one. Max is an eclectic gentleman, fond of the exotic. For last summer's family gathering, a Hawaiian-themed barbecue …

My gal pal Bernice turns 40 this summer. Her hubby Frank is taking her to Cancún to celebrate. Bernice has been preparing for the trip -- working out, dieting, and shopping for new outfits. "But …

My chum Bernice is not an animal person, but she has given in to getting a low-impact pet. She's thinking about a rabbit and asked me to drum up some info on rabbit hutches. My …

Helena is from the old country -- Czechoslovakia, back when there was a Czechoslovakia. Helena does things her way, and has done so for over 70 years; she could out-stubborn a mule. When she left …

Every mom seems to have a marker catastrophe at some point in her mothering career. It's natural that childhood curiosity should seek to explore different mediums and uses for the coloring utensil. "Why draw on …

Yes, I have an Uncle Buck, and yes, he's into "the ham," as he calls it. He's been messing about with amateur radio for about a year now and is forever peppering my husband Patrick …

My love Patrick is receiving a nose hair trimmer for Valentine's Day. Though I know he will appreciate the thought, I figured I better throw a little romance into his gift as well. He's a …

I crave beauty, particularly the floral variety. The garden's been going through a rough patch for the past year -- neglect, thy name is Eve -- and so I've been looking for something more permanent …

'Very nice. But are they real?" My friend Kate was interrogating another friend, Sasha, about the glittering row of diamonds on her ring, a present from Sasha's husband on their 10th anniversary. It wasn't the …

She was dancing a mean tango with a rose in her teeth. She and her partner then displayed the decisive steps of the cha-cha. An hour later, when the party broke from ballroom dancing into …

Poor Longshanks. It's always hard to be a fat dog, but when you're a fat dachshund, it can get to the point where your long belly is dragging on the ground. Poor Rosencranz. He's a …

The kids' grandma's birthday is in January, and I'm thinking bulbs for a gift. She's getting a little achy for digging in the garden. "The knees don't bend the way they used to," she says. …

My husband Patrick is a teacher, and it's holiday time at his school. The teachers are drawing each other's names and exchanging gifts this year, and in an effort to keep everyone's feathers unruffled, people …

'It's a Marshmallow World" was the family favorite Christmas song of my childhood. Two of my brothers, each with a glass of eggnog in their hand, schmoozed out the lyrics. That was from our swinging …

The game is afoot. Every year, my husband Patrick and I try to outdo one another's Christmas gifts. Not for their perfection or beauty, but for their goofy fittingness. Last year, he won, giving me …

The Kelly household owns an abundance of inherited holiday decorations. When hubby Patrick's parents downsized into their beachfront condo, the box marked "Holiday Cheer" was placed in our care. For the past ten years, on …

"No turkey," said Patrick. "What?" "No turkey. I've never really liked it. And as long as there isn't going to be any big family shindig this year, why don't we do our own Thanksgiving feast?" …

"I put on too many pounds this October," moaned longtime pal Bernice. "Most of the calories were from beer, I'm afraid," she added. "The Oktoberfests killed me." Bernice and her husband Frank are avid Oktoberfest …

I was attending a gardening workshop, plotting my vegetable placement. The woman next to me gave me a hesitant tap on the shoulder. "Could you help me write a thank-you card for the instructor?" We'd …

Sheep run uncounted in my mom's mind. She gave up on that sleep aid long ago. Mom's probably been awake for three-quarters of her life. Most mornings of my childhood, she would inform me over …

"I've worked for the bees long enough," said my buddy Bernice. "Now, it's time for the bees to work for me. It's time for me to capitalize on my status as The Bee Lady." Bernice …

For as long as I can remember, my Irish Nanna knit. Perched atop four or five pillows on the living room couch, "So I can get a good look at you," she would work away. …

My husband Patrick and I are bickering more these days. It may be the heat -- around October 1st, we both start thinking that the autumn cool should set in, and then we get blasted. …

My family's costume shows were renowned in my small hometown. The neighbors would call our house Halloween morning to make sure my family would show up on their steps trick-or-treating. Every year we had a …

Oh, the things a child brings home from school. My son, a third-grader, came home yesterday begging for "royal meat" on his birthday. He insisted that sirloin meant Sir Loin, that it had been knighted …

Husband Patrick sings all day long -- in the shower, in the car, in the front yard on the way to the mailbox. He even bursts into song in the middle of stores and restaurants. …

"We've got ants in the kitchen again," I told my husband Patrick. "Hmph. That's nothing. My computer is buggy," he grumped in reply. "It's sluggish, and it just isn't working the way I want it …

Two of my brothers-in-law are superstars in karaoke world. Carl and Leon are both tall, handsome, wannabe Vegas singers. Leon, whose curly hair earned him the nickname David Hasselhoff, favors cheesy '80s rock ballads: Journey, …

One thing I know that Mom never said to Pop: "Dear, don't you think you need a hobby?" The old man has been a hobby nut ever since I can remember. When I was a …

"I 'm so cheap," moaned my dear friend Kathleen, who has been nursing for ten years. "I wear whatever scrubs I can find in a thrift store, usually the classic grey-green or dark blue. Once, …

My husband Patrick is a terrible book snob. Not a literary snob, mind you -- he'll read anything that catches his wandering attention, regardless of pedigree -- but a book snob. Most of the time, …

"Where are people buying these decals?" After ten dead-end calls, Patrick slumped over the telephone, exhausted by his futile hunt. He was trying to buy stick-figure family decals for his sister's car. She has 13 …

'When I moved here from Boston years ago," says Elizabeth Huller-Eisemann, "I brought ten goldfish with me on the plane. Or rather, they were supposed to be in cargo. They actually missed the flight, and …

Patrick has joined the NRA. A couple years ago he bought a shotgun. He said the gun was for "home defense." Thankfully, it hasn't been used in that capacity, though he has used it to …

Are there worlds all around me that I can't see?" asked my nine-year-old son. He had just finished reading Dr. Seuss's Horton Hears a Who, in which the big-eared elephant Horton hears the cries of …

The daily splashing in the pool at our household is a sure sign that we're in the heat of high summer. The pool keeps the kids cool and happy, and happy kids make for a …

'I know a gold-digger when I see one," huffed my Aunt Azelda. "And I'm not about to let her bluff her way through me to Frankie. I'm going to do some digging of my own, …

'Instant oatmeal is no good," said my dad during our Father's Day chat. "It's like wallpaper paste, gooey, yuck," he said. He is an expert on oatmeal. For most of his 80 years, he has …

My niece Bridget is fashion-conscious. Though she lives in a small town in rural New Mexico, she is, thanks to catalogs and the Internet, always bedecked in the latest fabulous must-haves. But there is still …

My hubby Patrick made his first visit to the dermatologist last week. A brown spot on the back of his neck had him worried about skin cancer. But the doctor relieved his fears. "It's a …

I make a mean cream cheese-and-crab wonton; high school Home Ec did that much for me. The sewing was another matter. It took only one dress in which the waistline crossed my torso some three …

My friend Sasha is type A; she always has her ducks in a row. She's been married for several years now and is thinking of starting a family. She's read a slew of books on …