“Over 150 years ago, the island nation of Hawaii found itself in a crisis: an outbreak of the horrific, highly contagious, and then-untreatable disease of leprosy,” says San Diego Health Supervisor Winifred Wutan. “The authorities …
October 8, 2021
Almost Factual News
Portion of Fiesta Island to serve as Colony for the Unvaccinated
Budweiser Zero renews sponsorship in wake of late-season collapse
“Really, we couldn’t be happier,” said Bud Zero brand manager Sid Craven following the Padres disastrous conclusion to their 2020 season. “A full season in the basement would have meant minimal exposure for our brand. …
October 8, 2021
Black Lives Matter denounces Sea World’s new Sesame Place as White Supremacy
“From Peyton Place to Melrose Place, the P-word has always been code for Protected Private Property,” says Black Lives Matter spokesperson Natasha Trigger-Warning. “And what it’s protected from is the Street — as in, the …
September 24, 2021
In effort to reach out to vaccine hesitant, County introduces mobile health drones
A fully masked and socially distant county employee reassures an uncooperative Lakeside resident who read on the internet that the vaccine may affect fertility that while President Biden’s patience may be wearing then, he has …
September 24, 2021
In brilliant capstone to its declarations on racism and vaccine misinformation, Board of Supervisors declares “the twisted darkness that lurks in the depths of every human heart” a public health crisi
“It started with racism, because it had to,” says County Supervisor Nathan Fletcher-Ram as he looks back on his Supreme Council’s ever more complete triumph over evil. “We here in San Diego simply had to …
September 24, 2021
Mayor says planned handover of Balboa Park’s United States cottage to Afghanistan was “bound to be chaotic.”
“Honestly, this was [ex-Mayor] Faulconer’s mess; I just inherited it,” says Mayor Todd Gloria of the Taliban’s takeover of the United States’ cottage in Balboa Park’s International Cottages section. “He’s the one who made the …
September 24, 2021
In wake of scrutiny, San Diego Sheriffs offer alternate explanation for deputy’s collapse.
“We had a great story,” says San Diego Sheriff Bill Bore. “We had body cam video — you know, the stuff that’s supposed to clear up confusion about police business — showing Deputy David Faviiae …
August 27, 2021
Former member of Padres’ Bod Pad Squad may have deep-sixed Dodgers ace.
“Love is blind,” said baseball great Yoga Berry, “but it still knows which team its rooting for.” Which makes it all the more mysterious how Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Trevor Bauer, recipient of maybe the …
August 27, 2021
Bathhouse Row back in the spotlight following city call for Hillcrest historical landmarks to honor
“Everybody talks about how gay bars are disappearing all over America,” says Dan Butterman, self-appointed historian of Hillcrest’s history as San Diego’s gay district. “But what’s less discussed is the disappearance of an even more …
August 27, 2021
In previously unheard-of crime, some unvaccinated Californians are dealing in so-called “Fake IDs”
Yesterday, San Diego Mayor Todd Gloria spoke out against a plague of faked vaccination cards that seems to be spreading among the unvaccinated community in San Diego even faster than covid-19. “Even as San Diego’s …
August 13, 2021
The Falcon Can Hear the Faulconer
Last week, a SurveyUSA poll revealed that more than half of likely voters would vote to recall Governor Gavin Newsom from office, a clear sign that many Californians are unhappy with Toothsome Newsom’s handling of …
August 13, 2021