Diary of a Diva
Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, from The Devil's Dictionary The blaring phone interrupted my intense struggle with the latches …
If Uncle Gerry can help you in any way, you know the number. -- Uncle Gerry I think it's stupid to assign so much significance to last words, those final utterances of a dying man. …
An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was poured on his lips to revive him. "Pauillac, 1873," he murmured and died. -- Ambrose Bierce I t was the first time …
Children are a house's enemy. They don't mean to be -- they just can't help it. It's their enthusiasm, their energy, their naturally destructive tendencies. -- Delia Ephron David's sister, Michelle, relayed the usual sentiments …
If I'd belched, I'd have cleared the table, and some people would have passed out. -- My father It was decided months ago that if they wanted to jump into the deep end of the …
Strength of mind rests in sobriety; for this keeps your reason unclouded by passion. -- Pythagoras I melted into David's side and craned my neck to see his face. "Kiss me," I prodded. It sounded …
Sanity is a small price to pay for happiness. -- Marabeth Madsen It had only been a clump of clay, a pebble-sized bit of hardened scraggy earth the color of cement; but once wedged in …
Friends are generally of the same sex, for when men and women agree, it is only in the conclusions; their reasons are always different. -- George Santayana I knew they'd say yes. No woman in …
If you lay down, the baby will never come out! -- Native American saying I didn't think she'd take me seriously. Then again, I was pretty sure she was physically incapable of granting my request. …
"Do-so" is more important than "say-so." -- Pete Seeger After introducing myself to a few people at a recent event, one guy said, "I know you -- you write that diary advice column for the …
The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down." -- Rita Rudner T hin mats …
The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. -- Sydney J. Harris When we first met, David thought my neurosis was "cute." He toyed with my anxiety-induced OCD as if it …
There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out. -- Mae West Jen and I sat on the bench in the entryway to the theater. We rested our backs against a poster …
Thy food is such as hath been belched on by infected lungs. -- William Shakespeare I don't know what I found more disturbing: the words, "It can be difficult to keep the live octopus in …
Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it. -- Haim Ginott Rosa was replenishing her glass with red wine when she announced, "I hate children." After …
Picasso said once when being interviewed that one should not be one's own connoisseur. -- Kenneth Koch I rested the pen against my chin and contemplated the list before me. Below "Interests," I'd written, "dining, …