Diary of a Diva
I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. -- Orson Welles I wondered whether or not it mattered that I'd missed the first few episodes and decided …
What is bought is cheaper than a gift. — Portuguese proverb I had told Jen to be ready at 8:15 a.m. At 8 a.m. she was folding laundry in her garage and, from the look …
All weddings, except those with shotguns in evidence, are wonderful. — Liz Smith The first one was periwinkle and the texture of living room drapes. The second was a shiny satin the shade of sea-foam …
When I free my body from its clothes, from all their buttons, belts, and laces, it seems to me that my soul takes a deeper, freer breath. — August Strindberg My arms were trapped above …
User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.” — Dave Barry The initial symptoms of a massive failure, such as a heart attack or stroke — a sore arm, a bit of …
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one. — Bill Gates David’s brother Dana and I stood side by side, surveying the items arranged on his mother’s kitchen table. At one …
Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. — Gloria Naylor Like a good amateur psychologist, when I encounter a hot mess of a woman I immediately look to her father. More often …
Brevity is the soul of lingerie. — Dorothy Parker Most of the “lingerie parties” I’ve attended have featured women arriving in their finest lace or leather thongs and teddies. But the invitation on my desk …
The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. — G.K. Chesterton It was not an invitation — it was a challenge. It didn’t say “Mac and Cheese Party,” it said, “Mac and …
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. — Dorothy Parker When I was six years old I had an imaginary friend named Jesus. Like most children, I attributed nearly everything that happened or …
Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. — Alice Walker Mom had been exercising her pinkie for three days. She told me the exhaustive sets of pinkie-extensions were in preparation for her first …
A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender. — Jim Bishop There are two kinds of women: those who don’t …
If sisters were free to express how they really feel, parents would hear this: “Give me all the attention and all the toys and send Rebecca to live with Grandma.” — Linda Sunshine David staggered …
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. — Woody Allen I led David to the nose of the ferry — it was a gusty day and the sea was choppy, so the ride …
Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other. — Ed Howe The gestation period had only been three months — from the date I conceived my little one to the moment …
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. — Alfred E. Neuman After searching every aisle, I found David squeezing avocados …