Blog World
Sleep Monster As a traditional guardsman, I have to live a dual life and with the consequences of doing so. Going from a normal work week to drill weekend is not so bad, but coming …
The Long war Times are frustrating. We are trying to work with the Iraqi people. My position affords me opportunities to see this on various levels. I often ride or walk through the streets in …
Play Nice We are staying in a quad of ten-man tents. There are four rows of ten tents. Between each tent is either a concrete barrier wall or a concrete mortar bunker. The ground outside …
We had a long flight and went right into training to confirm the sight alignment on our weapons; we watched two mandatory training videos and then waited on logistics -- all after two hours' sleep …
Death of a cynic I'm happy. And it makes me feel pathetic on a very fundamental level. I'm a cynic, okay? I don't know what emotional or accessorized state you base your self-image on, but …
Add To Cart As I clicked on the "Place Your Order" button, having once again spent more money on Amazon than I make in a week, I realized I didn't care. Because I am getting …
Wet Dragon Cloudblaster If you'll just take a minute to read over my brief profile on the left-hand side of my online blog, you'll discover that "malfunctioning technology" is listed under "Peeves." That's because my …
Manga-Eyed Terror My boss is a crime lord. I don't want to talk about why it is that a couple of weeks ago I was online at 5:20 in the morning, except to make myself …
Although I was inclined to frantic groin grabbing, inarticulate moaning, and random curling into balls, the last day of the holiday was a good one by any standards. The itinerary had me trying a body-conditioning …
Misery, thy name is the two-headed serpent of cystitis and thrush. Ill in a foreign country — curses! I'd been awake for hours, drinking water and moaning softly in the loo as lava wee escaped …
I'm hard pressed to remember a day when I have thrown up my breakfast and lunch yet remained happy. The Red Sea is salty. I should know; I swallowed four or five pints of it. …
I was sitting in the heat crying. A holiday to Egypt was supposed to be an answer, but it illustrated the added difficulties of removing me from a shit situation I knew to a shit …
Does the wilderness call your name? I often hear my name. Today I am answering the call and feeling fortunate to be looking at a packed safari vehicle with open air seats and a canvas …
It's late August, seven o'clock in the morning. I am standing on the bank of the Thamalakane River, ten kilometers upstream from Maun, waiting for my captain to pick me up in a ten-foot punt. …
Our camp the second night is more beautiful than the first. We stop midafternoon where there is a small seasonal pond in front of us. Life is all about water. Elephants, giraffe, kudu, impala, baboon, …
Maun is in the north of Botswana and is the capital of Ngamiland. The last 500 kilometers of tarred road arrived in the early 1990s. It has a reputation of a frontier town and a …
Botswana is a land-locked country in Southern Africa, famous for the big game animals that roam large fenced reserves. The population of about 1.5 million is spread around the edges of the Kalahari Desert. In …
Ball Foot "So what is this ball foot you are talking about then? Is it some kind of game? We don't have any games where we're from." Was this man kidding? I looked over at …
Hallelujah, it's hammer time What a wonderful, unusual experience I had last night. Our Belizean babysitter is a preacher's daughter, and together with her parents she has been following some kind of Bible study for …
Funny Aliens My husband Andy and I had only recently arrived from the UK to Belize, Central America, and were trying to figure out how to make friends here. Inviting one or two local cowboys …
Jungle Love "So why did you move to Belize?" It's the question that everybody asks when they come to our jungle lodge. The strange thing is that we haven't got a straight answer to that. …
Me So Kooky First, the office is really big on this pupil-dilation thing. I know, preventive care blah blah, but it's just never convenient and I hate it, so I declined this time around. And …
Urban Encounters This morning I was walking up the subway stairs right behind one of those girls . You know, with the hair? And the fingernails? And the ass pants? Her ass was pretty much …
Box of Munchkins I went out drinking last night, and while it was fun and social and a nice change of pace from my evening routine of wholesome dinner, playing on the rug, and Elmo's …
Parade of Weirdness The Set-up: Although I usually profess to hate humanity, the truth is that I am a dedicated observer of human quirks and oddities, particularly the collection of human quirks and oddities that …
Let There Be Light You must have seen the MasterCard ads: "a bottle of champagne, 100 dollars; a bouquet of red roses, 25 dollars; a soft toy, 15 dollars; the smile on her face when …
Sweet Tea The air hostess didn't ask him if he'd like his tea remade. He was reclined in his seat, eyes closed, iPod playing; the teacup held by both his palms and a smug smile …
Cannon's Mouth Julius Caesar said, "In war, events of importance are the result of trivial causes." I guess in life, too, the biggest of events could result from the most innocuous of incidents. You wouldn't …
That's Holi for You We've all seen kids color elephants red, color the sky pink, and color water yellow. Such iconoclastic color schemes are usually the results of lack of adequate colors or indifference to …
Arbitrary tales from east and west Never mind the title. All tales here are going to be based in the singular location on Earth called Bangalore. No, wait. The East refers to the eastern part …
Birdland and the Banana Belt I worked for 16 hours at San Francisco General Hospital yesterday. The final 8 hours was spent on 6B, where I worked with Trent. Trent is an erstwhile Marinite-turned-realtor who …
Shopocalypse I went to see Reverend Billy in Petaluma. At the start of the day, I was going to go to an antiwar march in San Francisco, but then when I saw that Reverend Billy …
Down The Street from the Death House The last time I had to look for a place to live, I looked outside of Marin County, where I've lived for 30 years. I moved to Marin …
Darning Socks I came across an odd piece of rounded wood on a stick, and for the life of me, I couldn't remember its purpose. Looks like a hardboiled egg on a Popsicle stick. It's …
Where We Are Going It's 5:39 a.m. on the day of the rehearsal dinner. I'm sitting here typing what will be my last blog before my wedding and subsequent honeymoon. I'm tired. My feet are …
Vow Incited The serrated blade squeezed through the bread and slid into my skin. My heart leapt. I jumped up in pain, dropped the knife, and clasped my finger with the opposite hand. A single …
Matrimony Eve First, it was more than a year away. And then it was months and then weeks. Now it is days away, and soon it will be hours, minutes, seconds.... "It" is the moment …
Bachelor's Rant The wedding is nearing. As the bachelor and groom to be, let me testify that people believe its novel to joke about me getting married. Those who consider themselves funny spread crude remarks …
Are You Still There, God? I am not getting married in a church. I guess that is fitting seeing that I have not practiced formalized religion in over a decade. I was raised attending a …
The Best Men Before I moved to Providence a friend quizzed me on my plan to move 1,000 miles away. "Well I guess it will be me, a U-haul, and a car trailer." "Do you …
At the Queen's Table My grandmother once told me, "Through 59 years of marriage, Jeremy, I never once considered leaving your grandfather." She shrugged her shoulders, folded her hands, and added, "I did consider murder …
Dog and Pony Show On a dreary Saturday with rain in the forecast and nowhere to go, Rhiana and I decided to practice dancing for our wedding. I queued up the music files in the …
Cornfield Playgrounds The cornfield I grew up playing in is gone. On a recent visit to my hometown, I looked into the early morning sunrise over a street of designer brick ranches. While walking through …
Swing Low Tonight is melancholy, but I can't imagine why. I am coming home from a party and I smell like second-hand smoke and, in the cool air, it's not so bad, an almost comforting …
Don't Call Me Muffinhead I got a call from my old friend Julia the other night. She was on her way to a triathlon swimming class and, after a short aquatics-themed chat, we lapsed onto …
It's a Wrap It is one of the first sunny days in this godforsaken town. I roll up my sleeves, glance into the empty expanse of the U-Haul, and think, Finally, I am a real …
The Producer It's 2 p.m. and I'm back in bed, computer propped on my blanket-covered knees, one hand on the keyboard and the other hand on the phone. I am wearing my customary morning costume …
Tucked In And Terrified Surprise, surprise. I can't sleep. I made a valiant effort, though. I went to bed at 11:30 to the sounds of my computer playing cheery sitcoms on loop and my ocean-waves, …
The Granddaughters Nanny is dead. It is Karen who calls to tell me this. It is Thursday, and I hear the phone and know, ducking out of class in what I hope is a discreet …
Bad with Girls One evening in Brooklyn, feeling enterprising, I wandered into the kitchen and sat down on the chaise lounge opposite my father, who was parked in his favorite reading chair. "Dad?" I said. …
Nasty Old Bird It was my aunt's truncated e-speak -- in which she disregards all conventions of grammar -- that informed me my maternal grandmother was dying, and I suppose that made it...blander, less impacting. …
Dispatch from Beantown I don't like Boston. I don't like this crummy pickle I got at the convenience store downstairs, and I don't like this town. It has taken me four years, but I have …